Is it really that hard for recruiters to give just one sentence of feedback?
I recently went through an interview for a CS role. The interview was scheduled for 45 minutes, but the interviewer wrapped things up in just 20 minutes. I felt like the session was cut short, so at the end, I politely asked: 'Do you have any tips or feedback for me to improve for future opportunities?'
The interviewer just gave a generic 'I need to discuss with the team' and pushed me out. Predictably, I got a rejection email today.
I know rejection is part of the game, but it’s so frustrating that giving even one sentence of constructive feedback is treated like it's a huge burden. I’ve had other companies provide genuine, helpful feedback before, so I know it’s possible. Is it really that hard for recruiters to be a bit more human? Or am I just overthinking it?
Jobadvisor
Ugh, I feel your pain. Getting the 20-minute wrap-up on a 45-minute slot is already a gut punch, but getting the corporate shield thrown up when you ask a vulnerable, constructive question? That just adds insult to injury.
To answer your question directly: No, you are not overthinking it. It feels cold, robotic, and frankly, lazy.
But while it is possible for companies to be human (as you've luckily experienced before), there is a massive, frustrating machinery behind why recruiters and interviewers clamp down. It’s rarely about you, and almost always about the company protecting itself.
Here is the unfiltered breakdown of why they treat one sentence of feedback like a state secret:
1. The Legal Ghost (The Biggest Reason)
In the corporate world, HR departments live in absolute terror of lawsuits. If an interviewer says, "We felt your communication style wasn't a fit," or "We are looking for someone with a more traditional CS background," a candidate could potentially twist that into a discrimination or bias lawsuit.
The Corporate Policy: To mitigate this risk, many companies have strict, zero-tolerance policies: Zero verbal or written feedback to external candidates.
The safe play for them is a completely sterile, automated rejection email. It's frustratingly robotic, but it keeps their legal team happy.
2. The "Negotiation" Trap
Interviewers are terrified of getting trapped in a debate. If they give you one piece of feedback, say: "We noticed you struggled with the runtime complexity on the second coding problem," a lot of candidates won't say "Thank you." They will say: "Oh, but wait! I actually knew how to optimize that, let me explain it now..."
Once an interview is over, the decision is usually made. Recruiters want to avoid an awkward, defensive negotiation that they don't have the time or authority to engage in.
3. The Interviewer vs. The Recruiter Divide
It sounds like your interviewer was a software engineer or team lead, not the recruiter.
The Interviewer often genuinely doesn't have the authority to deliver a rejection or feedback on the spot. If they say "You did great!" and then the hiring committee rejects you later, it creates a massive mess. So, they use the ultimate safe phrase: "I need to discuss with the team."
The Recruiter (the one who sent the email) is usually handling dozens of candidates across multiple roles. Sadly, to them, ghosting or copy-pasting a template is a time-saver.
A Better Way to Ask
Since asking in the moment puts people on the defensive, you might have better luck changing the angle in the future. Instead of asking for a critique of your performance, try asking about their standards:
"Looking back at the engineers who really thrive and excel on your team, what is one technical or soft skill they possess that sets them apart?"
This shifts the question from "What did I do wrong?" to "What does success look like here?" It bypasses their legal defense shields because you're asking for advice, not a performance review.
It sucks that the tech hiring process has become so transactional and sterile. Hold onto the fact that you know good companies exist out there—the ones that treat you like a human are usually the ones actually worth working for.
I don't see any reason to even make job applications
My grip on reality is slipping. I've been unemployed for almost two yrs after college. I'll be homeless in two weeks. I have nothing but the clothes on my back, my worn out bike, an empty pizza box and a lock for the bike. No savings. No job.
I'm falling into despair. I look at job applications and can't even bring myself to click the apply button anymore. I won't be hearing back. Better to never have tried. That sums up my life.
I have to abandon my student loans.
I burned it all down. I can't turn this around.
Jobadvisor
I hear you, and I am so sorry you are carrying a weight this heavy right now. When you are looking down a two-week clock until homelessness, facing an empty room, and feeling the crushing weight of a two-year job hunt, it makes complete sense that your brain is short-circuiting. The paralysis you are feeling—that total inability to click "apply"—is a normal human reaction to prolonged rejection and extreme stress. You haven't "burned it all down"; you are just completely out of fuel.
When you are in survival mode, looking at long-term career goals or worrying about student loans is useless. We need to shrink your world down from "the rest of my life" to just the next 14 days.
Let’s take the pressure off the job hunt entirely for a moment and focus purely on your immediate safety and stability.
1. Secure Immediate Shelter (The Priority)
Do not wait until day 14 to figure out where you are going. Taking control of this piece right now will ease some of the panic.
Call 211 Immediately: If you are in the US or Canada, dial 211 or go to
211.org Locate Shelters: Look up local shelters. Some have waitlists, which is why you need to contact them today. Your bike is your lifeline right now for mobility—make sure to ask if shelters have secure storage for it.
Lean on Any Network: If there is anyone—an old college acquaintance, a distant relative, a friend you haven't spoken to in months because of shame—reach out. A simple, "Hey, I'm falling on incredibly hard times and facing homelessness. Can I crash on your couch for a week or two while I get on my feet?" People can be surprisingly grace-filled when things are dire.
2. Freeze the Student Loans
Put the student loans completely out of your mind. They do not matter right now.
If they are federal loans, look into an Income-Driven Repayment (IDR) plan or request an unemployment deferment/forbearance. If your income is $0, your monthly payment will be calculated at $0, and it keeps you in good standing automatically.
If you don't have the mental bandwidth to call them right now, just let them sit. Your physical safety, a roof, and food come first.
3. Immediate Income (Skip the Corporations)
Traditional job applications are exhausting because they feel like shouting into a void. Skip them for now. You need fast cash or immediate hiring, not a corporate interview process.
Day Labor & Temp Agencies: Companies like PeopleReady, Labor Finders, or local temp agencies often hire people the same day or week for manual labor, event setup, or warehouse work. They often pay daily or weekly.
Plasma Donation: If you are healthy, donating plasma can put $50–$100 on a debit card the very same day. It’s a fast way to get grocery money.
The Bike is an Asset: If you can manage to get a cheap or used smartphone (or if you still have one), apps like DoorDash, UberEats, or Instacart allow you to do delivery via bicycle. It gets you cash quickly without a boss interviewing you.
4. Feed Yourself
Never spend a single penny of what little cash you have on food right now.
Find local food pantries or soup kitchens.
Look up "Little Free Pantries" or community fridges in your city.
Apply for SNAP benefits (food stamps) immediately online. Emergency SNAP can often be approved within days if you have zero income.
A note on your mindset right now: You feel like a failure because you are viewing your life through the lens of a conventional timeline. You graduated, and it didn't work out the way it was "supposed" to. But right now, survival is the only metric that matters.
You still have a bike. You have a lock to keep it safe. You have a degree that will count for something later, even if it feels like a useless piece of paper today. You have a clean slate, even if it feels like ashes right now.
Take a deep breath. Don't look at the job boards today. Just make one phone call—either to 211 or to a local shelter. Focus on today. You can survive this pivot.
Weird experience with a job offer
I just saw a job post on a coding group. It's actually one of the biggest tech community groups in Ethiopia. I have gotten a couple of random jobs there, just like freelancing.
I applied for this job and the guy asked me for an interview after a day. He interviewed me about past projects, my tech stacks, my availability, and stuff. I told him I'm available for the summer. For some reason, I told him I'm going to quit my current contract just for personal reasons. This all happened at the beginning of last month.
Since then, the guy just calls or texts me about planning to meet, but he has postponed multiple times and now it's been a month. After the interview, he called and told me about the available current projects and asked what my interest would be. From the projects he mentioned, I was very fascinated by one of them, so I showed him interest in that.
Then he said he would let me know, we would meet, and he would introduce me to the team. He said lots of things about how they operate and stuff. Then he gave me his company email. I mean, in my name. I checked the site and there is no location in Ethiopia. The address just says a random location in the US. After that, he called multiple times. I think he is diaspora because his Telegram number starts with +1.
Idk if this is me being too introverted or what, but the guy tells me so many unnecessary things. Like he was having meetings with people from the US. He randomly says things like "ohhh where am I gonna park my car." It might be normal, but my mind just tells me he is bragging. One day when he said let's meet next week, I said I can come to your office and he said no, I can come to you wherever you are. Then I said fine.
Y'all keep in mind I'm a 22-year-old female, next year to graduate.
Then he called the other day and said let's meet. We decided to meet for tomorrow. He said he will come to my location if I know a quiet place. We will discuss about your projects. Another sus thing like I told him what I worked on already. I don't have that many projects, so I said to him I already sent you my GitHub. Then he said okay, we will discuss about them in a quiet place. We will go to a place you know or I know. I am worried to go and meet him alone. what shall i do?
Jobadvisor
First and foremost: Trust your gut. You are not being "too introverted" or paranoid. Your instincts are picking up on some major red flags, and your safety is a thousand times more important than any job offer.
The behavior you are describing is highly unprofessional at best, and potentially unsafe or a scam at worst. A legitimate employer does not drag you along for a month, talk about their parking situation, create a company email before you've even signed a contract, or insist on meeting a young female applicant in a "quiet place" instead of an office or a standard public café.
Here is a breakdown of what is likely happening and exactly how you should handle this meeting tomorrow.
🚩 The Red Flags You Need to Note
The "Quiet Place" Insistence: Redefining a professional meeting to a "quiet place" of his choosing or yours, while refusing to let you come to his office, is a massive boundary cross.
The Power Dynamics & Bragging: He is a diaspora member with a US number, throwing around "status symbols" (US meetings, parking a car, etc.). This is a common tactic used to dazzle young grads so they overlook sketchy behavior because they are excited about a "US-linked tech opportunity."
No Contract, But You Have an Email? Giving you a company email before you’ve signed an offer letter or onboarding documents is completely backward. It creates a false sense of obligation and belonging.
Moving the Goalposts: He already interviewed you and has your GitHub. There is no legitimate professional reason he needs to grill you about your projects again in a secluded setting.
🛡️ What to Do About Tomorrow's Meeting
You should absolutely not meet this man alone in a secluded place. You have a few options on how to handle tomorrow, depending on your comfort level.
Option 1: Move it to a Highly Public, Specific Place (Recommended)
Do not let him choose the venue, and do not leave it vague. Take control of the location.
The Script: Text him today: "Hi [Name], for tomorrow, let's meet at [Name of a very busy, popular, well-lit café/hotel lobby in a central area] at [Time]. I have another commitment right afterward, so this location works best for me."
If he refuses or tries to change it to somewhere "quieter," that is your cue to cancel immediately. A real employer will respect a public café.
Option 2: Bring a Safety Net (The "Plus One")
If you do go to the public café, do not go alone.
Bring a trusted friend, a brother, or a classmate.
They don't have to sit at the table with you. Have them sit at a nearby table within eyesight.
Before you go, tell them: "If I give you this specific text/signal, or if the meeting goes past 45 minutes, come over and interrupt us saying we have to leave."
Option 3: Cancel and Pivot to Virtual
If your anxiety is through the roof (which is completely valid), you are allowed to pull the plug on an in-person meeting.
The Script: "Hi [Name], something has come up and I won't be able to meet in person tomorrow. Since we already discussed my GitHub and tech stack, let's do a quick 15-minute Zoom/Google Meet call instead to finalize the project details."
💡 Moving Forward with the "Job"
Honestly? This "job" has a high probability of being either a ghost entrepreneur (someone with an idea but no real money/company, just trying to look big) or something worse. Since you mentioned you are quitting your current contract soon, please do not officially quit until you have a signed, legally binding contract from a verified employer.
Look at it this way: You are a talented 22-year-old developer about to graduate. Your skills have value. Legitimate companies will treat you with professional respect, interview you through proper channels, and won't make you feel unsafe.
Put your safety first tomorrow. How are you feeling about sending him a text to lock down a public café, or would you feel more comfortable canceling entirely?
Can't adapt to the job market fast enough
Growing up I thought anyone making less than 60k was a bum. Yet here I am making under half that. Maybe I'm the bum. Can't get an office job. Can't get a blue collar job.
I find it hard to believe opportunity was once abundant. With how things are today. I get excited whenever I find a job posting outside of indeed/LinkedIn, only to not hear back from it. It's disheartening.
I definitely don't have $500k to burn on endless college degrees. If I did, I'd just put that in a savings account and fuck off to a low cost of living country where I could live off the interest indefinitely.
Jobadvisor
Oof. That is a heavy, frustrating place to be, and I want to validate that what you’re feeling isn't a personal failure—it’s a completely reasonable reaction to a brutal economic landscape.
First, let's clear the air: You are not a bum.
The "anyone making under $60k is a bum" mindset is a ghost from an era where wages actually matched the cost of living. Today, the job market is a completely different beast. The fact that you're applying everywhere, looking outside the main job boards, and trying to pivot between white-collar and blue-collar work proves you're trying. The system is just incredibly clogged right now.
When you're stuck in the "too qualified for entry-level retail, not connected enough for the office, not experienced enough for the trades" limbo, you have to change the game plan.
Here is a blunt, practical look at how to navigate this without spending a dime on useless degrees.
1. Bypass the "Black Hole" ATS
Applying online (even outside of Indeed and LinkedIn) often means your resume is being chewed up and spit out by an Applicant Tracking System (ATS) before a human ever sees it.
The Hyper-Local Approach: For both office and blue-collar roles, look for small, local businesses that don't have an HR department. If it's a local plumbing supplier, an independent logistics firm, or a small local law firm needing a clerk, go to their actual office or call them.
The "Unfiltered" Job Boards: Look at government job boards (city, county, state). They are painfully slow to hire, but they have to look at applications, the benefits are usually solid, and they don't expect you to have a master's degree for an entry-level clerk role.
2. Breaking the "Blue Collar" Barrier
You mentioned you can't get a blue-collar job. Usually, the barrier here isn't a lack of degrees; it's either a lack of certifications or looking at the wrong entry points.
| Path | How to Entry | The Reality |
| Paid Apprenticeships | Look up local unions (IBEW for electrical, UA for plumbing). | They pay you to learn. The waitlist can be long, but it bypasses the "experience" paradox. |
| The "Foot in the Door" Certs | Get an OSHA 10, a Forklift Certification, or a Commercial Driver's License (CDL). | Some states have grants (like WIOA funds) that will pay for your CDL training for free because truck/bus drivers are always in demand. |
| Manufacturing/Warehousing | Look for "Material Handler" or "Assembly" roles at local plants. | High turnover means they are almost always hiring, and they value reliability over a resume. |
3. The Reality of the $500k "Escape Plan"
Your math on the $500k escape plan is actually pretty grounded—people do exactly that (it's called the FIRE movement—Financial Independence, Retire Early). But since you don't have that cash right now, don't let the lack of it paralyze you.
You don't need a degree to reset. If you want to get out of your current environment, look into working holidays (if you're under 30/35, countries like Australia and New Zealand offer visas to work and live there for a year), or look into teaching English abroad (some countries only require a TEFL certificate, not a 4-year degree, though options are broader with one).
A quick reality check:
When you are making under $30k, survival mode kicks in and fries your dopamine receptors. Every ignored application feels like a personal rejection. It's not. It's a broken, automated corporate landscape.
To help narrow this down: What specific types of jobs have you been targeting lately, and what does your work background look like? (We can figure out how to reframe your resume so it stops getting ghosted).
What would you do?
I got laid off about 5 months ago, applied to over 100 jobs and had a couple of interviews but nothing solid until last week. I got an offer for a job. The pay is 30k less than my previous salary but everything else would be the same (benefits, car and car expenses).
The biggest issue is the commute being a minimum of 3-5 hours a days round trip (1.5-2hrs in the AM and 2-3hrs in the PM).
I have to give them an answer by tomorrow but not sure what to do. I’ve asked everyone close to me for advice and everyone has mixed reviews.
What would you do If you were in my position?
And please keep in mind I am grateful for getting the opportunity but I used commute about 2-3hr round trip at my previous job until they moved me to the corporate office which was only about 30mins away with traffic and I know what a big commute did to me previously mentally physically and emotionally.
Jobadvisor
Oof, that is an incredibly heavy situation, and I completely understand why you're torn. First off, congratulations on getting the offer after 5 months of grinding through over 100 applications. That is exhausting, and landing an offer proves your skills are valued.
But a 3 to 5-hour daily commute is not just a drive; it's practically a second, unpaid job that steals your life, energy, and peace of mind. Since you've already experienced a 2 to 3-hour commute, you know the exact toll it takes on your body and mind. You aren't guessing here—you have data on your own well-being.
If I were in your position, I would take a strategic "Accept but Keep Looking" approach, but not before trying one critical move today.
Here is exactly how I would handle this before tomorrow's deadline:
1. The "Hail Mary" Counter-Offer (Do this today)
Since you already know this commute is unsustainable long-term, you have very little to lose by negotiating for lifestyle flexibility. Reach out to the hiring manager today and ask for a hybrid schedule.
What to say: "I am so excited about this opportunity and ready to bring value to the team. Given the distance, the daily 4-hour commute will heavily impact my productivity and longevity in the role. Would you be open to a hybrid schedule where I work from home 2–3 days a week, or compressed hours (four 10-hour days)?"
If they say yes, the job instantly becomes vastly more manageable. If they say a flat no, you have your answer on how flexible they are.
2. The Financial & Personal Reality Check
If they say no to hybrid work, compare the two paths ahead of you.
| Path A: Turn it Down | Path B: Accept and Pivot |
| Pros: Zero commute burnout; 100% of your energy is preserved to hunt for a better job. | Pros: Income starts immediately; pauses the 5-month financial bleed; gives you a "bridge" job. |
| Cons: Financial stress continues; the job market remains unpredictable; gap on resume grows. | Cons: 3–5 hours a day in traffic; massive physical/mental toll; leaves very little time to interview elsewhere. |
3. What I Would Ultimately Do
If they refuse to allow remote days, I would still accept the job—but only as a temporary safety net.
Unemployment carries its own massive mental and financial toll that compounds every month. Taking this job stops the bleeding, takes the immediate panic away, and gives you a paycheck.
However, you must change your mindset: You are not committing to this job for the next five years. You are committing to it until you find its replacement.
Here is how you survive it:
Put a hard expiration date on it: Tell yourself, "I will do this for 3 to 6 months max while I aggressively hunt for a 40-minute-commute job."
Reclaim the commute time: Since you are trapped in the car, aggressively use that time to protect your mental health. Listen to audiobooks, podcasts, or call friends/family so the time doesn't feel entirely stolen from you.
Automate your job search: Use your weekends to set up automated job alerts and apply to 2–3 targeted roles. When you get interviews, use sick days or personal days from the new job to attend them.
It is much easier to find a job when you have a job, and it’s much easier to negotiate when you aren’t worried about how you'll pay next month's bills. Protect your peace, use this company for the financial stability they offer, and keep your eyes firmly fixed on the exit door from day one.