Leadership

Apprentice - My boss is horrible, what can I do?

For context I’m 18m and started an IT apprenticeship a few months ago, I have wanted a career in IT since I was 13 and was buzzing to have finally landed an apprenticeship. But only a few months down the line and I’m already looking at career changes or maybe just a change of scenery.

It’s a small company with my boss being the main director, i was hired as an IT consultant yet spend most of my time doing things completely out of my job role that I have no idea how to do and doing things my boss can’t be bothered to do (I understand that’s typically how apprentices work) but then if I make a mistake or am unsure how to do something exactly to his liking that isn’t part of being an IT consultant I get ridiculed and belittled by my boss. If I forget 1 of the steps of fixing an issue, once again I get belittled and told im stupid and have a terrible memory. When he gets stressed and annoyed I become the punching bag and it just completely ruins my day. I don’t ask for help anymore as I know it’ll end up in being shouted at or belittled for being so stupid. He’ll ask me to do something and tell me how he wants it done, I’ll do it exactly as asked and then I get shouted at for doing it wrong or not doing it properly, he’ll mutter under his breath and say things like ‘give me strength’.

I‘d like to think I’m quite a thick skinned person but honestly the last few months have been vile, I dread going to work everyday because of him. And it’s not just me he treats like this, the other employee gets spoken to like crap aswell. He can’t keep employees for longer than a year without them bailing on him and moving jobs.

He has an insane god complex and believes that the world would stop turning if he asked it to.. What I was told in the interview about the company and what I would be doing has been nothing but lies and after a few months I’ve realised he lies to everyone to get his own way. I don’t know where to go from here and could keep going on the other things that have happened and continue to happen but i dont want to make this too long as I genuinely need advise from people.

PLEASE HELP 🙏

Jobadvisor

It is completely understandable that you are feeling exhausted and dreading work each day. What you are describing goes far beyond typical "paying your dues" or standard apprentice duties. Being subjected to verbal abuse, ridicule, moving goalposts, and public belittling is a toxic work environment, and your reaction to it is completely normal.

The high turnover rate you mentioned proves that the problem is him, not you. You do not need to abandon your dream of an IT career—you just need to change the environment you are pursuing it in.

Here is a practical, step-by-step approach to protect yourself and plan your next move:

1. Protect Your Sanity and Safety (Immediate Actions)

• Document Everything: Keep a private log (on your personal phone or a physical notebook, never on company devices). Note down dates, times, specific comments, and task instructions. If he changes his instructions after the fact, your log will remind you that you aren't losing your mind.
  
  
• Get Instructions in Writing: Whenever possible, confirm tasks via email or team chat (e.g., "Just to confirm, you'd like me to follow steps A, B, and C for this server reboot?"). If he gives verbal instructions, send a quick follow-up message summarizing what was agreed upon.
  
  
• Gray Chair / Gray Rock Method: Keep your interactions with him strictly professional, neutral, and brief. Don't offer personal details or emotional reactions when he tries to provoke you; toxic personalities lose interest when they don't get an emotional rise out of you.
  
  
• Separate Your Self-Worth from His Moods: Remember that his outbursts are a reflection of his own stress and poor management, not your competence as an IT technician.
  
  

2. Contact Your Apprenticeship Provider

Because you are in an officially recognized apprenticeship, you are not trapped in this specific company.

• Reach out to your Training Provider / College Liaison: Contact your mentor, assessor, or training manager immediately. Explain that you are experiencing severe verbal belittling and that the day-to-day duties do not match the apprenticeship framework or job description you signed up for.
  
  
• Request a Transfer: Apprenticeship providers deal with bad employers regularly. They often have established pathways to transfer your existing credits and learning progress to a new employer without you having to start your qualification from scratch.
  
  

3. Build Your Exit Strategy

• Update Your Resume & LinkedIn: Frame your current role around the technical skills you have learned and the tasks relevant to IT support or consultancy.
  
  
• Keep Looking for Entry-Level IT Roles: Apply for Level 1 Helpdesk, IT Support Technician, or Junior Admin roles outside of the apprenticeship scheme if necessary. Having a few months of real-world IT experience (even in a difficult environment) makes you much more marketable than when you first started.
  
  
• Maintain Confidentiality: Don't tell anyone at work that you are looking elsewhere, and don't use company time or computers to apply for jobs.
  
  

Do you have an assigned training provider or college assessor you can contact, or are you employed directly without an external training scheme?

I trained the new guy. He makes $14k more than me. My manager is the only reason I still have a job. Wat do?

Throwaway because coworkers know my main.

I'm 31, and I've been working for six years at a mid-size logistics company. I started in dispatch at $41k, and now I'm an operations coordinator at $63k. I've never missed a deadline.

Three months ago we hired a new guy for the same role as me. Why trained him? Why, me, of course. In trying to do a good job, I taught him all the weird workarounds in our systems and policies that aren't written down anywhere. Nice guy, honestly. No beef with him.

Last week he left his offer letter on the shared printer and I saw what he was making. I went to my manager. She didn't deny it. Said the market changed, they had to pay to fill the seat, and she'd "get you an adjustment in Q1 next year."

Here's where it gets hard. Two years ago my dad was dying and I was basically useless for four months. Late, distracted, gone half the week. HR wanted me on a PIP. My manager went to bat for me, moved my shifts around, and covered my work herself sometimes. I'm pretty sure she put her own neck out and that I wouldn't have a job without her.

Yesterday a recruiter I'd been half ignoring came back with an offer. $81k, hybrid, similar work. They want an answer by Friday.

Part of me says I should take it because it's just business and I'm not really enjoying having trained someone the company values more than me. But the angel on my shoulder is telling me I'm walking out on the one person who didn't let me fall when I could have. Negotiating doesn't feel like I'm honoring that effort either.

Has anyone been in my shoes? What did you do, and did you regret how it turned out?

Tl;dr trained a new hire who makes $14k more than me. Manager saved my job when my dad was dying. Have an $81k offer that expires Friday. Loyalty or money?

Jobadvisor

You do not owe your manager your career as a permanent debt of gratitude.

She helped you when you were going through a human tragedy two years ago, and that makes her a compassionate manager. But you have paid that grace back with two years of solid, reliable work, taking on new responsibilities, and training her new hires. She didn't save your job so you could be permanently underpaid—she saved your job because you were a valuable employee worth fighting for.

Here is the cold, hard reality of your current situation and how to handle it before Friday.

The Reality of Your Situation

• The Loyalty Asymmetry: Your manager may genuinely care about you, but she operates within a company that is currently underpaying you by $18,000 compared to the open market (and $14,000 compared to the person sitting next to you doing the exact same job).
  
  
• "Q1 Next Year" Is a Delaying Tactic: Corporate promises about future quarters mean nothing until they are on paper in an official compensation update. Even if she gets you a raise in Q1, it is almost certainly not going to be an $18,000 bump to bring you to $81k.
  
  
• Training Your Replacement Value: By teaching him all the unwritten workarounds and internal systems, you effectively rendered yourself redundant in terms of single-point-of-failure risk. The department won't collapse if you leave because you made sure he knows how to do the work.
  
  

Your Playbook Before Friday

You do not have to choose between being loyal or taking the offer—you can test your current company's true valuation of you before you make your final move.

Step 1: Go to Your Manager with the Offer

Request a quick, private 1-on-1 meeting. Frame it with absolute respect and gratitude for her leadership, but be crystal clear on the numbers.

"I want to be completely open with you because I respect you deeply, and I’m so grateful for how you stood by me during the hardest time in my life. I love working with you, but I’ve received a written job offer for $81,000 a year with a hybrid schedule. Given the current market and the recent pay adjustments in our team, this is an amount that would significantly impact my family's financial future. They need an answer by Friday. Is there any way the company can match this $81,000 salary immediately?"

Step 2: Evaluate Her Response

• Scenario A: She matches it (or gets very close) immediately. If she goes to HR and secures an official, written raise to match or closely approach $81k starting on your next pay period, you can stay with peace of mind.
  
  
• Scenario B: She gives excuses, references Q1 again, or expresses disappointment. If she tries to guilt-trip you using your past or tells you her hands are tied, take the new job.
  
  

Why You Shouldn't Feel Guilty for Leaving

If you choose to accept the $81k offer, a good manager will be sad to lose you, but ultimately proud and supportive of your professional growth.

If she gets angry or expects you to sacrifice $18,000 a year indefinitely as "repayment" for kindness extended two years ago, then she wasn't as good a manager as you thought—she was capitalizing on your obligation.

Take the $81k offer if they won't match it. Give your full two weeks' notice, document your handoff thoroughly so her team isn't left in a bind, and write her a heartfelt, personal thank-you card on your last day. That is how you honor her past support while doing right by your future.

Would you like help drafting a formal resignation letter or a specific script for the 1-on-1 meeting with your manager?

Quitting right after PTO?

Hi all,

I’m currently working a terrible job where the entire team has either quit or been fired, leaving me as the only worker. Luckily I found a new job that I start soon that my manager knows nothing about, as far as she is concerned, I’m going to be working here for forever. I have PTO planned for all of next week and am supposed to be back the following Monday, which is the day I start my new job.

I’m thinking of taking my PTO and then the Monday I’m supposed to come back to my current job, text my current manager about an hour after my shift is supposed to begin that I quit effective immediately, and start my new job.

I’ve asked some friends and family and they say I should be paid for my PTO, but just wanted to double check on here that that’s legal and all good. Appreciate any advice you guys have, and apologies for any awkwardness or whatnot, this is my first time posting on here.

Edit: wanted to include that

1. i live in NYC

2. no, my company doesn’t pay out for PTO so it would go to waste

. It also has nothing on if I have to work the day after my PTO in order to be paid for it

1. I don’t care if I burn this bridge

2. yes, my new job is locked in already

Jobadvisor

Since you are in New York City, do not send that text on Monday morning. If you wait until Monday after taking the week off, your employer can legally claw back or refuse to pay your entire week of PTO.

Here is the exact legal risk under New York law and how to handle this safely so you actually get your money.

1. The Trap: NY Labor Law Section 195.3 & Company Policy

In New York, employers are required to follow their written PTO/vacation policy.

• The Catch: While NY law requires employers to notify employees of PTO policies, employers are permitted to enforce "earned PTO" rules. Many companies have standard payroll policies stating that if an employee takes PTO immediately before quitting or failing to return, those days are reclassified as unpaid leave or unearned advance time.
  
  
• The Monday Morning Disaster: If you text your manager an hour after your shift starts on Monday that you resign effective immediately, the company can flag you as a "no-call, no-show" or job abandonment for that Monday morning. They can then retroactively adjust your previous week's timesheet from "Paid PTO" to "Unpaid Leave" or withhold that final paycheck, forcing you into a long, painful Department of Labor wage claim fight to try to get it back.
  
  

2. The Safer Strategy (How to Get Paid & Get Out)

Since your company does not pay out unused PTO upon separation, you do want to take the time off—you just need to time the resignation notice correctly so your PTO pay is locked in.

Option A: Resign on the Last Day of PTO (Best Balance)

Submit your written resignation via email on Friday afternoon of your PTO week, stating your resignation is effective immediately (or effective end-of-day Friday).

• Why this works: You have already taken the days off, and you are resigning during approved time off rather than failing to show up on Monday. It prevents them from claiming you abandoned your job on Monday morning.
  
  
• Payroll protection: Payroll for that PTO week is already processed or being finalized. They have no legal basis to say you abandoned a shift on Monday because you resigned prior to the start of the next work week.
  
  

Option B: Work One Short Shift on Monday (Safest for the Paycheck)

If you want to be 100% bulletproof against payroll tampering:

1. Show up on Monday morning for your start time.
   
   
2. Hand in your equipment/keys and a written letter: "Please accept this letter as notification that I am resigning from my position effective immediately."
   
   
3. Walk out and head to your new job.
   
   

• Why this works: You officially fulfilled the requirement of returning after PTO. Once you physically show up, the previous week's PTO is legally settled as taken/completed.
  
  

3. Essential Checklist Before Your PTO Begins

Since you don't care about burning this bridge, do these things before your last day before PTO:

• Gather Your Proof: Download or screenshot all approved PTO requests, your current paystubs, and your final timesheet showing the PTO hours logged and approved.
  
  
• Clear Personal Belongings: Clean out your desk, locker, or work vehicle completely before you leave for PTO.
  
  
• Wipe Personal Info: Clear browser histories, personal accounts, or files from any work devices.
  
  
• Prepare Equipment Return: Put your laptop, keys, badges, or company assets in a bag so you (or a courier) can return them promptly. Withholding company property gives them an excuse to freeze your final check.
  
  

The Bottom Line

Enjoy your week off—you earned it, especially after running a team alone. Just do not wait until 1 hour past your shift start on Monday to text them. Send your "effective immediately" resignation on Friday afternoon of your PTO week to lock in your pay and walk into your new job on Monday morning stress-free.

Is it worth going back to school at 27?

27 years old and I am union carpenter. Been in the trade for 10 years now since after highschool. I’m realizing that this construction work is a grind. Up at 2 am, driving 50 miles to a jobsite, no respect really for the dudes doing the work. Physical labor was cool when I was in my 20s but I feel like going into my 30’s maybe going back to school for a civil/structural engineering degree could be good with my construction background. I love construction but I just want to start leveling up and getting out of the grunt work and jobsite madness. I want to have some decency in my life, use a clean bathroom, be around like minded dudes who don’t hate life and go home to drink the rest of the day🤣 I already workout and have a life outside of work, I don’t need my job to be my physical outlet.. I need some advice please from fellow trades men and structural engineers! Thank you!!

Jobadvisor

It is absolutely worth it, and 27 is actually an ideal age to make this move.

You are not starting from scratch—you are taking 10 years of real-world site experience and building a professional credential on top of it. In civil and structural engineering, a former carpenter who actually knows how concrete forms, rebar layouts, and timber connections work in the dirt is infinitely more valuable than a 22-year-old graduate who has only ever seen a jobsite on a PDF set.

Here is an honest breakdown of what this transition looks like, how your background sets you up, and the smartest strategy to do it without going broke.

Why Your Trade Background Is a Cheat Code

1. You speak both languages: The biggest friction point in construction is the gap between the design office and the field. Engineers who have never swung a hammer often design details that are impossible or dangerous to build. You will immediately stand out to engineering firms because you understand constructability.
   
   
2. Instant credibility: On-site sub-contractors and superintendents respect engineers who used to be tradesmen. You won't be "the kid with the laptop" who gets ignored; you'll be the engineer who actually understands site conditions.
   
   
3. High career ceiling: Structural and civil engineering offices love hiring former carpenters for roles like Project Engineer, Field Engineer, Structural Inspector, or Construction Manager. Your trajectory to senior engineering management will be much faster than average.
   
   

The Reality of Going Back at 27

• The Math Barrier: Engineering degrees (especially Structural) are math and physics heavy—calculus, linear algebra, statics, dynamics, and fluid mechanics. If you haven't done algebra since high school, the initial math sequence will be your biggest hurdle, not the engineering concepts.
  
  
• The Lifestyle Reset: You are trading physical exhaustion for mental exhaustion. Trading a 2:00 AM alarm and a port-a-potty for an office with air conditioning, clean restrooms, and standard 8:00 AM to 5:00 PM hours will feel like a massive upgrade in quality of life.
  
  

The Smartest Strategy to Transition

Step 1: Start at a Local Community College (1–2 Years)

Do not jump straight into a expensive 4-year university.

• Enroll in an accredited community college for an Associate in Engineering / Science.
  
  
• Take night or online classes for your general education and math prerequisites (Pre-Calculus, Calculus I, General Physics) while keeping your union carpenter job or taking part-time site work.
  
  
• Verify that every single credit transfers directly to a local university with an ABET-accredited Civil Engineering program.
  
  

Step 2: Transfer to a 4-Year ABET-Accredited Program

• Once math and general education are locked in, transfer to complete your Bachelor of Science in Civil/Structural Engineering.
  
  
• ABET accreditation is mandatory if you want to sit for your FE (Fundamentals of Engineering) and eventually your PE (Professional Engineer) license.
  
  

Step 3: Leverage Your Union / Trade Background

• Internships & Part-Time Roles: After your sophomore/junior engineering year, apply for internships with civil/structural design firms or heavy civil contractors. Your 10-year union resume will put you at the top of every applicant pile.
  
  
• Earn While You Learn: Look into estimating or junior drafting roles for subcontractors during school—these pay significantly better than typical college jobs and keep your resume active.
  
  

Alternative Routes (Faster Exit Options)

If 4–5 years of intensive math and engineering theory feels like too long of a stretch right now, consider these adjacent paths that also get you off the tools:

• Construction Management (BS in CM): Less math-intensive than structural engineering, faster to complete, and heavily leverages your 10 years of site knowledge. Leads directly to Assistant Project Manager (APM), Superintendent, or Estimator roles ($80k–$120k+ starting).
  
  
• Civil Engineering Technology (BS CET): More applied and hands-on than a traditional engineering degree, focusing heavily on CAD, inspection, and site planning rather than advanced theoretical calculus.
  
  

Take a math placement test at a local community college to see where you stand. Starting at 27 means you'll be graduating in your early 30s with a 30-year engineering career ahead of you—instead of spending those same 30 years destroying your back and knees on the jobsite.

Got fired from my first job, early career, how will it affect me?

I just got fired today. It was unexpected in terms of waking up today and going to work and joining the meeting and told I’m getting terminated and then 15 mins later I’m crying in my car

I guess the worst part is I know it’s my fault, and it was only a matter of time. My performance started dipping a few months ago and they gave me a second chance, I wasn’t able to turn things around so I took a month of medical leave

I came back from that leave last week and thought I was doing better, although my progress was slow as I was coming back into the job

It was my first job out of college. I’m just extremely disappointed in myself that I let it get to this point. If anyone knew the type of student I was, they’d be absolutely shocked that I got fired from my job due to performance issues.

My worry now is future employers asking on the job application if I’ve been terminated from any job for any reason. I don’t know how much it’ll affect my chances at getting future jobs (I’m a software engineer) and I don’t know how much info I’d have to legally disclose about my termination (like could I just say I resigned?? Idk)

Anyway, I just wanted to get this off my chest and i guess read any advice anyone might have. I’m early in my career, I’ve only been working at this one company for 1.5 years until today

Super disappointed and embarrassed, and just don’t know what to do with myself now.

Thanks for reading 🥲

Jobadvisor

Getting fired from your first job after college feels like a complete catastrophe, but in the tech industry, it is a bump in the road, not a career ender.

Almost every senior software engineer has a performance improvement plan (PIP), a layoff, or a fired story in their past. The transition from college to a full-time software engineering role—where you deal with production codebases, office politics, burnout, and mental health challenges—is notoriously hard. The fact that you were a great student proves you have the intelligence to do this; you just hit a rough patch in a specific environment that wasn't working for you.

Here is the exact playbook on how to handle background checks, applications, interviews, and your next steps as a software engineer.

1. The Legal & Job Application Reality: Can You Say You Resigned?

• Do NOT lie on written forms or background checks: If a job application specifically asks "Have you ever been terminated or asked to resign?", checking "No" can be grounds for immediate firing later if they run a check.
  
  
• What background checks actually show: The vast majority of background check companies (like Checkr or HireRight) only verify job title, start date, and end date. In the US and many countries, most corporate HR departments will only confirm those three facts to avoid lawsuits—they almost never disclose "fired for performance."
  
  
• How to list it on your resume: Simply list the company name, your title (Software Engineer), and the dates (e.g., June 2023 – October 2024). You do not put the reason for leaving on a resume.
  
  

2. How to Explain the Gap/Termination in Interviews

In interviews, never frame it as a disaster, and never badmouth the company. You want to give a brief, honest, and forward-looking answer that frames your exit as a mutual realization that the fit wasn't right.

The Script to Use if Asked "Why Did You Leave Your Last Role?"

"I was at [Company] for 1.5 years, which was a great learning experience coming out of college. Over the last few months, my personal health hit a rough patch, which affected my momentum, and ultimately the team needed someone operating at full speed right away. We agreed it was best to part ways. I took some time off to fully reset, and now I'm 100% healthy, focused, and excited to bring my 1.5 years of experience in [tech stack/languages] to a new team."

Why this works:

1. It acknowledges a brief struggle without over-sharing private medical details.
   
   
2. It highlights that you gained 1.5 years of real engineering experience.
   
   
3. It clearly establishes that you are now recovered, ready, and proactive.
   
   

3. Immediate Action Plan (First 7 Days)

1. Apply for Unemployment Immediately: Do not let pride stop you. In many jurisdictions, being terminated for inability to meet performance standards (as opposed to gross misconduct like theft or harassment) still qualifies you for unemployment benefits. File today.
   
   
2. Secure References from Friendly Coworkers: You don't need your direct manager to be your reference. Reach out to mid-level or senior engineers on your team who liked you or worked well with you. Ask if they’d be willing to serve as a peer reference for your technical skills.
   
   
3. Take 3–4 Days to Rest: You just went through a high-stress medical leave and a termination. Give yourself a couple of days to cry, process, and decompress before opening IDEs or job boards.
   
   

4. Rebuilding Your Momentum as a Software Engineer

Having 1.5 years of professional engineering experience puts you WAY ahead of fresh grads competing for entry-level roles. You know how git workflows, code reviews, sprint planning, and production deployments work in the real world.

• Brush up on core fundamentals: Spend a week getting back into LeetCode/DSA and reviewing system design basics for junior/mid-level interviews.
  
  
• Tighten your tech story: Update your resume with concrete accomplishments from your 1.5 years ("Built X endpoint using Y framework, reduced latency by Z%"). Focus on what you did accomplish before your performance dipped.
  
  
• Treat job hunting as your 9-to-5: Set daily goals for applications, networking, and technical prep.
  
  

Give yourself some grace. You are 1.5 years into a 35-year career. This single chapter does not define your trajectory—how you bounce back now is what matters.