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Nearly half of U.S. adults say dating is hard right now. But for a growing number of young men, the problem isn't just the lack of options, the endless apps, or the ghosting — it's the all-consuming grind of startup life.
Business Insider's Amanda Yen, who interviewed several young founders who all said dating has taken a back seat to their work, calls it the rise of a new breakup line: "It's not you, it's my startup."
"I'm investing so much, burning so much every month in my business. It's just not economically sensible to go invest in dating," said Lee Beckman, the 30-year-old founder of an ed-tech startup.
Archish Arun, 21, dropped out of Stanford to go full-time on his Y Combinator-backed video production startup — and his relationship paid the price. He grew so accustomed to moving at breakneck speed that he became impatient when his girlfriend needed time to process a disagreement. Living on "startup time," he says, "brought out a lot of the issues" between them "in a much quicker way."
Yen experienced the phenomenon firsthand when her now-ex — convinced the AI boom would propel early movers into wealth — decided to relocate to San Francisco to scale his media startup.
"I feel like I owe it to myself to chase this dream that I've had since I was a kid," he told her. "And if we stay together, I'll just spend every free minute trying to get back to New York to see you."
It's a painful realization for some, but these founders may be missing out on far more than just companionship.
What They're Missing Out On
While financial reasoning may lead these discouraged daters to devalue the pursuit of a relationship, marriage comes with serious financial upside — and the numbers back it up.
Married households under 35 have 3.1 times the net worth of their single male peers and 9.2 times more than unmarried female householders, according to the U.S. Census Bureau's 2022 Survey of Income and Program Participation. That gap doesn't happen by accident.
Some of it is simple math: two people sharing a one-bedroom apartment instead of renting separately can save hundreds of dollars a month. Married couples also pay 8% less for car insurance, on average. And if one partner has employer-sponsored health coverage, the other can be added — eliminating the cost of a separate plan entirely.
Tax filing is another factor. Married couples filing jointly often land in a lower tax bracket and may qualify for more credits. There's also the health savings account boost: married couples can contribute up to **4,400 individual limit.
Then there are the less tangible but no less real benefits: having someone to help you make financial decisions, a partner's income as a safety net that lets you hold out for a better job or risk asking for that raise, and the stability that comes from weathering a financial storm with two potential earners instead of one.
What Does This Mean for Gen Z?
Marriage isn't for everyone — and a growing number of women, in particular, are deciding it's not right for them.
But there are both emotional and financial benefits to partnership worth considering. Here's how to navigate dating if you're hyper-focused on your career — or if you're considering dating someone who is.
Be upfront and honest
There's nothing inherently wrong with prioritizing your career or your startup. Just be upfront about it. Dating someone under false pretenses — implying you have more bandwidth than you actually do — wastes everyone's time and usually ends badly.
Amy Andersen, a Silicon Valley matchmaker quoted in Yen's Business Insider piece, says founders who are truly ready for serious relationships tend to be in their mid-to-late 30s. If you're not there yet, it's worth being honest — with yourself and with the people you're dating — about what you can realistically offer.
Put a time limit on the grind
Many founders are feeling a kind of "now or never" pressure fueled by the AI boom, leading them to shelve relationships indefinitely.
If you're treating love as something you'll revisit "later," it helps to define what later actually means. Setting a personal horizon — whether that's hitting a funding milestone or reaching a certain age — can keep you from drifting into your later years without ever making space for a partner.
Try to find a balance
Not every founder has to choose. Dmitri Mirakyan, another founder in Yen's story, makes his relationship work because his girlfriend understands the demands of startup life and meets him where he is.
The couples who navigate this well tend to have explicit conversations about expectations early on. If your partner knows what they're signing up for — and you're genuinely present when you do show up — a relationship and a startup aren't mutually exclusive.
If marriage isn't for you, the startup grind probably won't impact your future much. But if you do want a partnership — even just someday — don't let your career become an excuse to avoid making intentional choices.