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Brand new to remote work. Is this normal?
I started a remote senior proposal specialist role at a large civil engineering firm 8 weeks ago after years in industrial construction where I had complete autonomy. I managed my own deadlines, deliverables, and sanity. I intentionally took a pay cut because remote work was sold as flexibility.
My manager was on medical leave when I started, so I trained with a colleague in another region. It was great. Short purposeful calls, clear direction, actual time to work. I genuinely thought I hit the jackpot.
Then my manager returned.
Since then I’ve averaged 3 to 5 hours of calls with her daily between Teams and phone calls. Some days have pushed nearly 7 hours. I started tracking it because I honestly thought I might be exaggerating. Over the last two weeks alone I’ve spent about 27 hours on calls with her. Not meetings. Not proposal reviews. Just calls.
Most of these involve me sharing my screen while she watches me work and provides a running commentary on her life. A lot of it revolves around her carpal tunnel release surgery from 2.5 months ago, which she maintains has left her completely unable to use her hand. She talks constantly about how badly she wants to work while simultaneously refusing to actually do work because of her hand. At this point coworkers have started gently suggesting pain management options, which feels less like concern and more like collective exhaustion with the conversation.
Ironically, she also complains nonstop that she “can’t get anything done because of all the calls,” apparently unaware she initiates every single one while actively destroying my productivity and will to live.
The truly surreal part is that I spend half these calls teaching my own manager basic technical skills. This week alone I walked her through the snipping tool, keyboard shortcuts, embedding hyperlinks in emails, searching in our project management software, and the general concept of OneDrive. She also struggles with our primary design software. And before anyone assumes she’s 78 years old fighting for her life against modern technology, she’s in her early 40s.
At this point I genuinely do not know if I’m experiencing spectacularly poor management or if remote work is just secretly an elaborate psychological experiment conducted through Teams. Or maybe it’s all normal and I’m the problem. Maybe I’m not cut out for remote work. Idk anymore.
Remote workers: is this normal? Did your onboarding involve this level of constant access and supervision? Did it taper off? Someone me some hope because I am hanging on by a thread trying not to buy out the rest of my contract and/or walk into traffic.
TLDR: I took a pay cut for the “flexibility” of remote work and accidentally enrolled in a full time surveillance internship.
Jobadvisor
No, this is not normal remote work. This is a dysfunctional manager relationship happening over remote tools.
A few things stand out:
3–7 hours/day of ad hoc manager calls is wildly outside the norm for a senior-level knowledge worker.
Screen-sharing while someone watches you work in real time is not standard onboarding after the first few days unless:
you’re in a highly regulated environment,
you’re on a formal performance plan,
or the manager has severe control/anxiety issues.
Using you as live tech support for basic computer literacy is a separate problem entirely.
The “I can’t get anything done because of meetings” while personally causing the meetings is textbook low self-awareness management.
The key distinction: you had a normal experience during onboarding with the colleague. That’s your control sample. The system itself is not the issue. The manager is.
What you’re describing sounds like some combination of:
dependency,
insecurity,
loneliness/isolation,
poor management boundaries,
and possibly reduced capability after medical leave.
But regardless of the cause, the impact is the same: your role has effectively become “constant availability companion/operator” instead of “senior proposal specialist.”
And importantly: remote work tends to amplify management pathologies. Good managers become great because communication is intentional. Bad managers become exhausting because there are no physical friction points preventing constant access.
A healthy remote senior-level environment usually looks more like:
scheduled check-ins,
asynchronous communication,
clear deliverables,
autonomy over execution,
occasional collaboration calls,
maybe 1–2 hours/day of meetings on heavier days,
long uninterrupted work blocks.
Especially for proposal work, where deep focus matters.
The fact that you’re tracking call hours after only 8 weeks is also meaningful. People usually start tracking behavior when their nervous system is already telling them something is unsustainable.
The good news:
This does not mean you’re bad at remote work.
This does not mean all remote jobs are like this.
This probably will not magically self-correct unless boundaries change.
The risky part is that you’re new. New hires often tolerate behavior longer because they assume:
“maybe this is onboarding,”
“maybe this is company culture,”
“maybe I’m misunderstanding expectations.”
Predatory or chaotic managers benefit from that uncertainty.
What I would watch for next:
Does she respect boundaries if you start introducing structure?
Or does she escalate emotionally/access-wise when availability decreases?
That tells you whether this is temporary disorganization or a chronic management issue.
You can start testing boundaries professionally without going nuclear. For example:
“I need a few uninterrupted blocks today to finish X deliverable.”
“Can we consolidate these into one afternoon touchpoint?”
“I’m going heads-down for the next two hours; message me if something is urgent.”
“I work best when I can batch revisions and feedback.”
A competent manager hears:
“I’m optimizing productivity.”
A dysfunctional manager hears:
“You are withdrawing emotional support.”
That reaction will tell you a lot.
Also: excessive synchronous oversight in remote environments often correlates with organizations that don’t actually trust remote work. Sometimes one manager embodies that culture; sometimes the entire company does. You should quietly observe whether peers experience the same thing.
But based on your description, this does not sound like “normal remote work onboarding.” It sounds like you accidentally inherited a manager who returned from leave underprepared, overwhelmed, technologically weak, and overcompensating through constant access.
And yes, the “surveillance internship” line was accurate.
How does laundry pickup service work when you are barely home?
I travel a lot for work, usually gone monday through thursday and only home friday through sunday. My laundry cycle was eating my entire saturday between work clothes, gym stuff, and everything else from four days away. Started using poplin about 6 weeks ago. $1/lb in my city with a $30 minimum. Friday night i drop the bag at my door, saturday evening it comes back folded. Got my weekend back which was the whole point.
Few things i am still trying to figure out for anyone who uses pickup services regularly. Is the friday drop saturday return rhythm pretty standard across providers or does it vary a lot by city? And has anyone tried scheduling a pickup at a hotel address while traveling for the really gross weeks where you do not want to drag dirty clothes home? Curious if front desks actually deal with the bag exchange or if that gets messy.
Jobadvisor
What you’re doing is pretty close to the “ideal use case” for laundry pickup services: high travel frequency, compressed home time, and enough volume that reclaiming the weekend matters more than optimizing every dollar.
Your Friday-night / Saturday-return cadence is common, but it varies a lot by:
city density,
whether the provider uses gig workers vs centralized facilities,
and whether they market themselves as “same-day convenience” or “traditional wash-and-fold with delivery.”
Services like Poplin tend to optimize for fast residential turnover, so your schedule is pretty normal. In larger metros, some providers even do:
same-day turnaround,
overnight,
or recurring weekly subscription windows.
Smaller cities often shift to:
24–48 hour return,
fixed pickup days,
or outsourced local laundromat operations.
The “leave bag at door / return at door” model is also now fairly standard because most providers are built around low-contact logistics. A lot of frequent travelers specifically use them to avoid spending the only free day at home doing domestic catch-up.
Hotel pickups are where things get inconsistent.
Technically, many services will pick up from hotels. Operationally, success depends almost entirely on the hotel front desk and how organized the handoff is.
What usually works:
business hotels with experienced concierge/front desk staff,
longer stays,
hotels accustomed to delivery apps and luggage storage,
clearly labeled bags with room number + guest name.
What gets messy:
limited-service hotels,
late-night pickups,
frequent room changes,
checking out before return delivery,
or relying on front desk staff who were never informed.
A lot of travelers who do this successfully use one of these approaches:
Front desk hold method
You leave the bag with the desk.
Laundry service picks it up.
Clean bag returns to front desk.
You retrieve it later.
This is the cleanest operationally if the hotel agrees in advance.
Bell desk / concierge coordination
More reliable at upscale business hotels. Concierge teams are already managing dry cleaning, luggage, and deliveries.“Deliver before checkout” timing
Risky unless the turnaround guarantee is extremely reliable.
The biggest issue is not pickup — it’s return timing. Delayed return when you’re flying out Thursday morning becomes a disaster very quickly.
Also worth knowing:
many hotels already have internal same-day laundry service, but it’s usually brutally expensive for anything beyond a shirt or two. Third-party wash-and-fold becomes economically attractive once you have:
gym clothes,
multiple work outfits,
or extended trips.
One thing frequent travelers eventually figure out:
having two separate laundry systems helps psychologically:
“travel rotation” clothes,
and “home life” clothes.
That reduces the pressure of needing every single item cleaned every weekend.
Another practical trick:
if your provider allows recurring scheduling, locking a permanent Friday pickup can remove the mental overhead entirely. The people happiest with these services usually stop “deciding” each week and automate it.
Overall, what you’re doing sounds pretty normal for someone optimizing limited non-work hours. You basically converted half a Saturday into recovered personal time for maybe $30–50/week, which is often a very rational trade once travel-heavy work starts eating your life.
Moving halfway through year tax question
I’m moving from east coast to west coast. There is no salary difference. I’m moving August first but my work thinks I’m moving June 1. On June 1, I will use my friend’s address but I will physically be located on the East Coast. It is too late to not change my work location for June 1 so the only thing I could do is have a discrepancy between my address and my work location for two months, but I don’t want my company to take back my relocation assignment.
So basically, my plan is to say that I am located on the West Coast starting June 1 and file my taxes accordingly based on that move date. My question is if I will get in trouble with irs for taxes if I file my taxes in the new location starting June 1, but I didn’t move until August 1.
Jobadvisor
This is less an IRS problem and more a state residency/payroll withholding problem.
The IRS generally does not care what state you lived in on June 1 versus August 1 unless it affects something federally reportable. The real issue is that states care a lot about:
where you physically performed the work,
when you became a resident,
and where payroll taxes were withheld.
And employers care because payroll tax compliance is tied to employee work location.
If you are physically on the East Coast from June through July while telling your employer you already moved West, you are creating a mismatch between:
your actual work location,
your payroll withholding,
and potentially your residency facts.
That does not automatically mean “you’ll get in trouble,” but it can create administrative and tax complications.
A few important distinctions:
Residence address ≠ work location
Intent to move ≠ actual residency change
Payroll withholding ≠ final tax liability
What usually matters for state taxes is where you actually lived and worked during those months.
For example, if:
you physically lived/worked in New York until August 1,
but payroll switched to California withholding on June 1,
then at tax time you may still owe New York tax for June/July income because you were physically there, while also dealing with California withholding starting early.
Often this just becomes:
filing part-year resident returns,
allocating income correctly,
and possibly getting refunds/credits.
The bigger risk is not usually the IRS auditing a two-month timing discrepancy. The bigger risk is:
your employer discovering the location mismatch,
state payroll compliance issues,
workers’ compensation / nexus rules,
or company policy violations tied to relocation benefits.
Some companies are extremely relaxed about temporary transitions. Others are not.
Also, using a friend’s address does not necessarily establish residency by itself. States look at a constellation of facts:
where you physically were,
lease dates,
driver’s license,
voter registration,
utility records,
travel patterns,
etc.
Two practical realities:
Millions of people have messy move timelines.
Problems usually arise when documentation becomes inconsistent across systems.
The cleanest/legalistic approach would be:
employer address changes June 1,
but you file taxes based on actual residency/work dates,
and be prepared for payroll withholding mismatches you reconcile at filing.
That is very different from intentionally filing a false move date.
Another thing to consider: if your employer already approved the relocation and the move delay is only two months, this may be operationally insignificant unless there are explicit policy deadlines tied to reimbursement or location-based compliance.
If the states involved are high-scrutiny states like California or New York, residency allocation gets more sensitive because those states aggressively enforce tax residency rules.
You may want to spend an hour with a CPA before year-end rather than trying to “make the story consistent” later. This is exactly the kind of situation where a professional can tell you:
what residency date is defensible,
how to allocate wages,
and whether the payroll mismatch even matters materially.
Previous ADA to WFH, now brought back to office after condition worsened, seeking advice
Hi
My job normally is hybrid remote but I went through a myriad of chronic health issues following the death of my fiancé. I have PTSD, POTS, autonomic issues, developed a thyroid disorder, mental health disorders and my job was very accommodating with letting me first do 2 months fmla then I tried to return but was really struggling so they allowed me to do an ADA to work from home that got approved for most of the last year. My performance was great, I got a stellar review, my manager is fine with it (I work in HR), but then the ADA date end came up the same week my drs found a brain tumor on me that is likely and finally the root cause of all my issues, it’s a rare metabolic condition that really does affect energy levels and functioning, making in office work so much harder than it used to be.
Long story short, I was told to come in the next day or take 30 days unpaid leave. I did ask why they wouldn’t consider new medical information ie brain tumor and they didn’t have an answer and said they weren’t aware of it. They apologized and said internally due to our benefits director quitting forms were misplaced, no communication was done correctly, and in their words he mentally checked out and they tried to blame him though I alerted multiple people of all this to stay on top of it. I went in office next day as told, was doing ok then basically was told I needed to leave because the updated documentation actually states that I’m not fit to work at all (my drs mistake, she meant in office at all but didn’t specify properly). Outside legal for my job told them to send me home basically. My own manager said hey that didn’t seem interactive and alerts his manager who reopen the process realizing it was not fair or interactive so they allow my dr to fix and update the ADA form..
My dr says she will fix the note and my job gives no option to work from home due to that until the note is amended. I have to use my own PTO and FMLA. I wait about a week as my dr wants to request full remote work again however my job informally said not to request this saying they can no longer continue that. I did do great, I’m early each day work late, get great feedback daily while remote with no issue.
I do the same level of great work in office but end up almost collapsing physically each time from commuting, more walking, up and down stairs, orthostatic issues, being far from the bathroom, and people stopping in every few minutes to talk, etc. my condition is driven by high cortisol as well- the office environment genuinely heightens mine which causes me to get adrenaline dumps and crashes all day. I’m awaiting treatment and in active care with multiple specialists. I do have anxiety and suspected autism but my condition is Cushings
Anyway, my dr gets upset that I’m asking her not to request full remote again as my job internally verbally said it’ll just get rejected since ADA is managed in house by my own dept. I feel pressured and scared I’ll get fired if she puts that though. So she puts gradual return to office (my dept also made everyone return 4 days suddenly now the same week I was called back in.. after not telling me it was no longer 50% until the day I was in). She asked for extra breaks, schedule flexibility especially during flares, etc.
It’s an interactive process so my job approves a gradual return and extra breaks, I’m very thankful. I’ve been going in but half the days having to leave early due to my health issues flaring at random. I now used up all of my PTO, don’t have a ton of FMLA left and don’t know what to do.
They said if my accommodation isn’t working to have my dr fill out another form, but it could become disciplinary soon since I’m out of PTO if I can’t stick to the in office schedule.. I’m just not sure what will come of it since my dr will push for full remote since I was successful with it before and it would really help me recover until treatment, but I’ll try it.
Otherwise I can try to ask for reduced hours, or even if there are any jobs company wide remote for much less pay I can try to switch to, which would really be difficult as my pay is already low for my area of living and medical expenses. I can ask for the month long unpaid leave but pretty sure they will use that time to replace me. I don’t know what to do, I’m genuinely ill, I want to work and love my company and job, this is really hard.
My company has not explained the undue hardship of why working from home would be rejected other than saying they’ve never approved other employees that long and want to be fair and consistent since I’m HR as to not seem they are giving me special treatment. I know they may claim company culture which is beyond my dept. I also had no job description at all, so my manager used one I made a few years ago to submit for them formally, nothing in it requires me to be in office except things that are no longer part of my job from years ago.
Informal things I didn’t mention is this condition caused rapid weight gain. My first day back in office multiple people commented on this to the point I had to close my door and cry on break. Almost every day I’m in office, someone brings up my fiancé being dead also, and it triggers PTSD attacks, however it’s usually my own dept.. so I don’t provide names to not get them in trouble with each other. 4 people had nervous break downs in the last year in my dept of 12 people alone due to how high stress in office is.
Any advice is so welcomed.
Jobadvisor
What you’re describing raises several ADA/FMLA process concerns, and you are not overreacting by feeling cornered. The key issue is not whether your employer must automatically grant permanent remote work. The key issue is whether they are engaging in a legally adequate, good-faith interactive process and whether they can justify denying an accommodation that previously worked successfully.
A few things stand out immediately:
You already performed the job successfully remotely for a long period.
You have documented medical changes, including a brain tumor/Cushing’s diagnosis.
Your manager supports remote work.
Your performance was strong while remote.
Your written job duties apparently do not require physical presence.
The employer initially mishandled paperwork and communication.
They appear to be relying heavily on “fairness/consistency” rather than documented operational hardship.
Under the ADA, “we want everyone treated the same” is generally not, by itself, a sufficient reason to deny accommodation. Accommodations are inherently individualized.
That does not mean full remote is guaranteed legally. Courts vary on remote-work cases, especially after employers reasserted return-to-office policies. But your facts are considerably stronger than many employees’ because:
the arrangement already existed,
it apparently worked well,
and the employer benefited from it.
The fact pattern matters.
A few practical observations:
The “doctor checked not fit for work at all” issue likely hurt momentum, but it is fixable.
Your employer was not entirely unreasonable to pause work after receiving documentation saying you were medically unfit to work. Outside counsel often advises employers conservatively there. The important thing is that they reopened the process after recognizing the communication problem.
Your doctor probably should request what is medically appropriate, not what HR informally hinted would be easier.
This is important.
If your physician truly believes full remote work is medically necessary or substantially more effective, documentation should reflect that honestly and specifically. A vague or watered-down accommodation request can backfire later because the employer may argue:
“We provided exactly what was requested.”
“The employee never medically required full remote.”
What often matters is the specificity of the medical nexus:
commuting worsens orthostatic symptoms,
prolonged standing/walking triggers episodes,
restroom access issues,
stress/cortisol triggers,
unpredictable flares,
fatigue from endocrine dysfunction,
reduced ability to sustain attendance in-office versus remotely.
The stronger framing is usually:
“Employee can perform all essential job functions remotely but experiences substantial symptom exacerbation from on-site attendance.”
That is much stronger than:
“Employee prefers remote because it’s easier.”
Their “undue hardship” explanation sounds underdeveloped so far.
If they formally deny remote work, employers are generally expected to articulate why the accommodation is not workable operationally.
Possible arguments they may eventually use:
companywide RTO policy,
HR staff need in-person presence,
collaboration/culture,
consistency across employees,
precedent concerns,
availability for walk-ins,
confidentiality,
team supervision needs.
But the fact you already did the role remotely with excellent performance weakens some of those arguments.
You should document everything now.
Very important.
Keep:
all accommodation forms,
emails,
Teams/Slack messages,
performance reviews,
attendance discussions,
notes about verbal statements,
dates you informed people,
copies of job descriptions,
evidence of successful remote performance,
comments about rejecting remote “because we don’t do that anymore.”
After verbal conversations, send neutral recap emails:
“Thank you for meeting today. My understanding is…”
That creates a contemporaneous record.
Consider asking for accommodations in layered alternatives.
This can help show cooperation and flexibility.
For example:
Primary request:
temporary full remote during treatment/stabilization period.
Alternative requests:
hybrid with capped in-office days,
reduced schedule temporarily,
intermittent leave,
flexible start/end times,
reserved nearby parking,
elevator-only access,
office near restroom,
reduced walking requirements,
remote participation in meetings,
work-from-home during flare days,
protected rest periods.
Employers often respond better when they see multiple medically grounded options instead of a single all-or-nothing demand.
The comments about your weight and fiancé are concerning.
Especially repeated grief-triggering comments after people know your history.
Not every insensitive comment is illegal harassment, but:
repeated conduct,
disability-related comments,
or conduct exacerbating known medical conditions
can become relevant contextually.
You do not need to formally accuse coworkers right now if you do not want to. But privately documenting dates, comments, witnesses, and impacts is wise.
You should seriously consider consulting an employment attorney.
Not necessarily to sue. Early guidance matters most here.
You have overlapping issues involving:
ADA accommodations,
interactive process obligations,
FMLA exhaustion,
potential disability discrimination,
attendance discipline risk,
medical leave strategy,
documentation wording,
possible constructive pressure.
An attorney can help you:
frame accommodation requests correctly,
avoid accidental resignation traps,
assess whether the employer’s process is legally deficient,
determine whether short-term disability or extended leave is smarter,
prepare if discipline begins.
Many plaintiff-side employment attorneys do low-cost or free consultations.
From a strategic standpoint, your strongest argument is probably:
“I can perform the essential functions of my role successfully remotely, as demonstrated over the past year, and remote work materially reduces medically documented symptom exacerbation while treatment is ongoing.”
That is cleaner and stronger than arguing office culture is unhealthy or coworkers are stressful, even if true.
Be careful about running yourself into medical collapse trying to “prove” commitment.
Your writing suggests you are pushing extremely hard to preserve employment despite serious physiological symptoms. That is understandable, but repeated crash cycles can worsen both medical functioning and the employment record if attendance deteriorates anyway.
If your doctors believe reduced hours, remote work, or medical leave are medically necessary, it is usually better to pursue those proactively than wait for discipline.
One more thing: if your company has short-term disability benefits, explore them immediately.
Especially with:
brain tumor diagnosis,
endocrine disorder,
autonomic dysfunction,
documented functional limitations,
specialist involvement.
Even if you ultimately return remotely or hybrid, STD can sometimes stabilize the immediate attendance/discipline pressure while treatment plans are established.
You are in a complicated intersection of genuine medical impairment, administrative mishandling, and organizational return-to-office pressure. Your situation is not frivolous, and based on what you described, your accommodation request appears substantially stronger than many generic remote-work requests.