Has anyone had any success with their job hunt by just... being friendly?

I'm stupidly extroverted (which I guess you wouldn't expect from an autistic girl lol). I love making friends and I love learning about people. I always try my best to do it through kindness and thoughtfulness. In short: I really like people.

I live by like two office parks and a couple more office buildings and between all that there's probably about 40 small businesses. I was thinking about walking over there and just kind of checking out which ones look cool or nice and maybe just trying to strike up a conversation and ask if they're hiring part time. I'm also pretty and always well-dressed, I feel like that gives me a not-insignificant advantage.

This approach worked for me a few weeks ago, but it fell through. She's a lovely woman who runs a cute little boutique in town but she just didn't have the funds to support bringing on someone else, and what I was going to help her with was a bit superfluous to her current needs, admittedly.

I don't know. I go against the grain, it's kind of my thing. I've never had any luck on Indeed. I've applied to hundreds of jobs on there over the years and have heard back, grand total, from about 35 of them. But I'd be way happier and would feel better about things if I got a job my way.

Has anyone gotten jobs just from being kind and being themselves?

Jobadvisor

Yes — absolutely. What you’re describing is real networking, not the stiff “professional” version people imagine. And it absolutely works, especially for small businesses and places where culture fit matters more than a sterile résumé keyword match.

The thing is: most jobs aren’t filled through Indeed or LinkedIn. Most jobs — especially part-time work, front-of-house, boutique, admin, receptionist, marketing assistant, etc. — are filled by:

1. Someone knowing someone
2. Someone walking in
3. Someone leaving a good impression when the business wasn’t even hiring yet

You are doing exactly that.

Why your approach works

Small businesses don't have HR departments. They don’t want to spend:

• 3 weeks making a job listing,

• then sorting 200 applications,

• then interviewing random strangers.

If someone friendly, thoughtful, well-presented, and genuinely interested walks in?
That’s a relief. That’s one less problem for them to solve later.

You’re offering a known quantity rather than a gamble.

But here’s the tweak that makes your approach even more effective:

Instead of asking "Are you hiring?"
Use this:

“Hi! I live nearby and I love the vibe here. If you ever need part-time help — either steady or just extra hands for busy times — I’d love to be considered. Who should I leave my name with?”

This:

• Doesn’t put pressure on them to say yes right now

• Acknowledges that needs can change

• Makes you memorable as a resource, not a request

Also — leave something behind.

Not a full résumé (that's too formal for casual drop-ins).

Make a tiny “calling card”:

• Your name

• Phone

• One line of what you’re good at (e.g., “Organized, friendly, fast learner” or “Retail & customer-facing experience”)

Even handwritten on a cute stationary card works.
It’s human. It’s warm. It’s you.

A note on your personality:

Your extroversion and genuine curiosity are a huge strength.
Not everyone is like that, especially not today.

People remember:

• How you made them feel

• That you smiled

• That you cared enough to engage

That sticks.

And yes — people get jobs this way all the time.

Especially:

• Baristas

• Boutique staff

• Receptionists

• Assistants

• Flower shops

• Libraries

• Bookstores

• Community centers

• Independent cafes

• Pet shops

• Wellness studios

• Art/creative spaces

• Law or accounting offices that need admin help

Places where being pleasant is literally part of the job.

---

Your intuition is correct.

There is nothing wrong with wanting to get a job your way — in fact, your way is more human and more strategic than Indeed’s algorithm lottery. The person who walks in and gets hired is often not the “most qualified.” They’re the person who felt right.

You’re not naive.
You’re relational.
And that’s a type of intelligence people underestimate.

Keep doing what you're doing — just add the calling card and the “if you ever need someone” phrasing.

You’re likely closer to your next job than you think.

Colleague (32M) became condescending about my (25F) age after I declined dating him. How to professionally reset the dynamic?

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping to get some perspective, especially from those of you who are 30 and above, as I think you might better understand where my colleague is coming from.

I'm a 25-year-old woman on a small team with a male colleague (32) and another female colleague (30). A short while ago, my male colleague asked me out. I was taken aback but wanted to be kind and professional, so I politely declined, mentioning my preference to keep work and personal life separate.

Since that conversation, the atmosphere has changed significantly. Before, things were professionally fine, but now I'm facing a new and hurtful behavior: he has started making consistent comments about my age in a way that feels designed to diminish me.

He'll make remarks like:

· "You're still so young, you wouldn't understand the real world yet." · "We had to work much harder at your age, you all have it so easy." · Making generalizations about "your generation" when dismissing my suggestions in casual talk.

It feels like a narrative is being built where I'm naive and inexperienced, not based on my work, but purely on my age. This shift only happened after I said no, which makes it feel retaliatory and particularly hard to navigate.

I wanted to share it's affecting my mental peace at work . You might have a better understanding of what might be driving his need to act this way towards a younger female colleague after being rejected. Is this about insecurity? A specific generational pressure I'm not seeing? My main questions are:

1. What are some strategies to assert my professionalism and reset this dynamic? 2.How do you build and maintain a "professional bubble" to prevent this kind of negativity from impacting your concentration and self-worth? How do you make it feel less personal?

I'm feeling a bit disheartened and would appreciate any insights from your own experiences. Thank you for listening.

Jobadvisor

This is a tough situation, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling disheartened. His behavior is unprofessional and, frankly, a form of harassment, regardless of his motivations. It's a common tactic for some men to try and diminish or belittle women after rejection, often rooted in insecurity, a sense of entitlement, or a misguided attempt to regain a feeling of power or control. His age or "generational pressure" doesn't excuse this kind of condescending and retaliatory behavior.

Let's address your questions with some strategies:

1. Strategies to Assert Your Professionalism and Reset the Dynamic:

• Direct, Professional Confrontation (with boundaries): This can be tricky, but sometimes a clear, calm, and professional statement can be effective.

  • In the moment: The next time he makes an age-related, condescending comment, you can say something like:

    • "John, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep comments about my age out of our professional discussions. It's not relevant to my work."

    • "I've noticed a change in our dynamic since I declined your invitation, and I'd like to ensure we maintain a respectful and professional working relationship going forward."

    • "I'm here to contribute to the team, and I expect my professional input to be judged on its merit, not my age."

  • One-on-one (if you feel safe and comfortable): You could ask to speak with him privately for a moment. "John, I wanted to address something. I've noticed a pattern of comments about my age lately, especially when we're discussing work. It's making our professional interactions difficult, and I need it to stop. I value our team's collaboration, and I want to ensure we can work together respectfully."

• Documentation: Start keeping a log. Note the date, time, specific comment, and any witnesses. This is crucial if you need to escalate.

• Redirect and Reframe: When he makes a dismissive comment about your age or generation, immediately bring it back to the work at hand.

  • Him: "You're too young to understand this." You: "Actually, I've researched X, Y, Z, and my proposal is focused on [specific work aspect]."

  • Him: "Your generation has it easy." You: "My focus right now is on [project goal]. What are your thoughts on [specific task]?"

• Seek Allies/Witnesses: If your other female colleague (30F) is approachable, you could discreetly mention what's happening. She might have experienced similar things or could serve as a witness to his behavior. Just having someone else aware can make a difference.

• Escalate (if necessary): If his behavior doesn't change, or if it escalates, you need to be prepared to talk to your manager or HR. This is why documentation is so important. Frame it as his unprofessional behavior creating a hostile work environment and impacting your ability to do your job effectively, rather than just "he was mean to me."

2. Building and Maintaining a "Professional Bubble" and Making it Less Personal:

• Detachment: This is key. His comments are not a reflection of your worth or capability. They are a reflection of his insecurity, immaturity, and poor coping mechanisms. Repeat that to yourself. "This isn't about me; it's about him."

• Focus on Your Performance: Channel your energy into excelling at your job. Let your work speak for itself. The more competent and professional you are, the more his ageist comments look petty and unfounded.

• Limit Non-Essential Interaction: Keep your conversations with him strictly professional and work-related. Don't engage in casual banter or personal discussions that might give him an opening for these comments. Be polite but firm.

• Visualize a Barrier: Seriously, this can help. Imagine a clear, invisible shield around you that deflects his negativity. His words hit the shield and bounce off, never reaching you.

• Mindfulness and Self-Care: What he's doing is stressful. Make sure you have outlets outside of work to decompress. Exercise, hobbies, friends, mindfulness practices – whatever helps you recharge and maintain your mental well-being.

• Seek Support Outside Work: Talk to friends, family, or a mentor about what you're experiencing. Venting can be incredibly helpful, and getting external validation that his behavior is unacceptable can reinforce your "professional bubble."

• Reframe the Narrative (in your head): When he tries to paint you as naive, mentally counter with your actual strengths: "He thinks I'm naive, but I'm actually adaptable, quick to learn, and bring fresh perspectives."

• Understand the "Why" (for your own peace, not to excuse him): You asked about his motivations. It's often insecurity – feeling rejected, perhaps feeling his own age or career path isn't as he'd hoped, and taking it out on someone he perceives as "lesser" after she said no. It's a power play, trying to regain control when he felt a loss of control by your rejection. Knowing this doesn't make it okay, but it can help you depersonalize it slightly, understanding it's about his issues, not yours.

You are not responsible for managing his emotions or ego. Your responsibility is to do your job professionally and maintain a respectful work environment for yourself. Good luck, and remember you have every right to work without enduring this kind of behavior.