Has Anyone Else Fallen Out of Love with Their Tech Career?

Hey everyone,
Just looking for some career insights and advice from my fellow software devs, or anyone really.
I recently turned 30 and have been working as a web/software developer for a long while now, but lately I’ve been feeling increasingly disconnected from it. As I’ve gotten older, my outlook has shifted, I’m less motivated by income and more by the idea of doing something meaningful.
Over time, a few things have started to wear me down:
The profit-driven culture, always chasing the next big thing
A lack of purpose or real contribution to society
Job security concerns as AI continues to reshape the field
Discomfort with the overall direction the internet and tech industry are heading
And of course, there’s the classic imposter syndrome that never quite goes away. I’m realistic, I don’t expect to reinvent myself overnight but I’d really like to find a path that feels more purposeful, rewarding, and still financially sustainable.
For anyone who’s felt a similar disconnect, did you manage to find more meaning by staying within tech and shifting focus, or did you find it by moving into something completely different? I’d love to hear how others have navigated this kind of crossroads.
Thanks in advance.

Jobadvisor
It sounds like you're at a really significant crossroads, and it's incredibly common for people, especially in their late 20s and early 30s, to start re-evaluating their career in these ways. The shift from income motivation to a desire for meaning and purpose is a hallmark of this stage of life, often called a "quarter-life crisis" or a similar period of introspection. Your feelings are definitely shared by many in the tech industry right now.
Let's break down your points and explore potential paths:
Why This Disconnect is Happening (and why it's valid):
Profit-Driven Culture & Lack of Purpose: Tech, especially web/software development, can feel like you're constantly building widgets for companies whose primary goal is monetization, not necessarily societal benefit. The "move fast and break things" mentality often prioritizes growth over ethics or genuine user well-being.¹
AI and Job Security: This is a very real and pressing concern across many industries, but particularly in tech. While AI is unlikely to replace all developers, it will certainly change the nature of the work, potentially automating repetitive tasks and requiring new skill sets. This uncertainty can fuel the feeling of being on a treadmill.
Direction of the Internet/Tech Industry: Many feel a growing unease with data privacy issues, the spread of misinformation, the addictive nature of platforms, and the increasing centralization of power in a few tech giants. If you're ethically sensitive, this can be deeply unsettling.
Imposter Syndrome: This is endemic in tech. The constant pressure to learn new technologies, the rapid pace of change, and often a culture of perfectionism can make anyone feel like they're not good enough, no matter their experience.
Paths to Consider:
Option 1: Staying in Tech, but Shifting Focus (Leveraging Your Skills Differently)
This is often the most practical first step, as it uses your existing, valuable skills.
Move to "Tech for Good" / Non-Profits / Social Impact: Many non-profits, NGOs, and B-Corps (Benefit Corporations) need skilled developers.² You could work on projects related to environmental sustainability, education, healthcare accessibility, human rights, or civic tech. The pay might be slightly less than big tech, but the sense of purpose can be immensely higher. Look for organizations like Code for America, Tech for Social Impact, or companies specifically focused on ethical AI or sustainable technology.
Education/Mentoring: Become a coding instructor, mentor junior developers, or create educational content. Helping others learn can be incredibly rewarding.
Ethical AI/Responsible Tech Roles: As AI becomes more prevalent, there's a growing need for developers who understand and can implement ethical AI principles, data privacy, and responsible design.³ This is an emerging field where your tech skills are essential but aligned with a greater purpose.
Healthcare/Biotech: Tech is revolutionizing healthcare.⁴ Working on medical devices, health platforms, or bioinformatics can provide a direct link to improving lives.⁵
Government/Public Sector Tech: While often slow-moving, working for government agencies can have a huge impact on public services and infrastructure.
Internal Tools/Efficiency: Sometimes, working on internal tools that genuinely make a company's operations smoother or help employees do their jobs better can provide a subtle sense of purpose, even if the company isn't directly "saving the world."
Technical Writing/Developer Relations: If you enjoy explaining complex concepts, these roles bridge the gap between development and communication, helping other developers or users succeed.⁶
Option 2: Moving into Something Completely Different (A Career Pivot)
This requires more planning and potential retraining but can lead to profound satisfaction.
Skilled Trades: As discussed in a previous prompt, there's a growing appreciation for trades like carpentry, plumbing, electrical work, welding.⁷ These are hands-on, tangible, and often deeply satisfying. AI isn't fixing a leaky faucet! (This might be a larger financial step down initially.)
Healthcare Professions (e.g., Nursing, Allied Health): These require significant retraining but offer direct human connection and a clear sense of purpose.
Education (Teacher, Professor): Another path to direct impact, requiring further degrees or certifications.
Environmental/Conservation Work: Roles in environmental science, conservation, or sustainable agriculture.⁸
Craftsmanship/Artisan: Pursuing a passion like pottery, woodworking, brewing, or baking as a full-time endeavor. This could start as a side hustle.
Social Work/Counseling: Directly helping individuals and communities, requiring specific educational pathways.
Project Management/Product Management (non-tech focus): Leveraging your organizational and problem-solving skills in industries like construction, event planning, or creative fields.
How to Navigate This Crossroads:
Self-Reflection (Deep Dive):
What activities truly energize you?
What problems do you genuinely care about solving?
What impact do you want to have?
What aspects of tech do you still enjoy (e.g., problem-solving, learning, building)?
What are your non-negotiables for a career (e.g., specific income floor, work-life balance)?
Experiment (Small Bets):
Side Projects: Start a small, passion-driven project. It could be open-source, for a charity, or just something you're curious about.
Volunteer: Volunteer your tech skills for a cause you care about. This is low-risk and can give you a taste of "meaningful tech."
Take a Class/Workshop: Explore a completely new skill, whether it's coding for a different domain (e.g., data science for environmental research) or something entirely non-tech (e.g., pottery, gardening).⁹
Informational Interviews: Talk to people who have jobs you find interesting, both within and outside tech. Ask them about their day-to-day, what they love, what they find challenging.
Network Differently: Connect with people in industries or roles you're curious about. Look beyond your current tech bubble.
Financial Planning: You've done an amazing job saving! This gives you a huge advantage. Understand how much runway you have if you decide to take a pay cut or go back to school. This financial security is your leverage for making a meaningful change.
Therapy/Career Coaching: A professional can help you sort through these complex feelings, identify your values, and create a structured plan for exploring new paths.
Your feelings are not a sign of failure but a sign of growth. You're maturing, and your values are shifting, which is a wonderful thing. This is an opportunity to design a life and career that truly aligns with who you are becoming.

Colleague (32M) became condescending about my (25F) age after I declined dating him. How to professionally reset the dynamic?

Hi everyone,

I'm hoping to get some perspective, especially from those of you who are 30 and above, as I think you might better understand where my colleague is coming from.

I'm a 25-year-old woman on a small team with a male colleague (32) and another female colleague (30). A short while ago, my male colleague asked me out. I was taken aback but wanted to be kind and professional, so I politely declined, mentioning my preference to keep work and personal life separate.

Since that conversation, the atmosphere has changed significantly. Before, things were professionally fine, but now I'm facing a new and hurtful behavior: he has started making consistent comments about my age in a way that feels designed to diminish me.

He'll make remarks like:

· "You're still so young, you wouldn't understand the real world yet." · "We had to work much harder at your age, you all have it so easy." · Making generalizations about "your generation" when dismissing my suggestions in casual talk.

It feels like a narrative is being built where I'm naive and inexperienced, not based on my work, but purely on my age. This shift only happened after I said no, which makes it feel retaliatory and particularly hard to navigate.

I wanted to share it's affecting my mental peace at work . You might have a better understanding of what might be driving his need to act this way towards a younger female colleague after being rejected. Is this about insecurity? A specific generational pressure I'm not seeing? My main questions are:

What are some strategies to assert my professionalism and reset this dynamic? 2.How do you build and maintain a "professional bubble" to prevent this kind of negativity from impacting your concentration and self-worth? How do you make it feel less personal?

I'm feeling a bit disheartened and would appreciate any insights from your own experiences. Thank you for listening.

Jobadvisor

This situation is incredibly frustrating and completely unacceptable. Your colleague's behavior is unprofessional, retaliatory, and borders on harassment. It's not about "generational pressure" or understanding "where he's coming from" in a way that excuses his actions; it's about his inability to handle rejection maturely and professionally. His condescending comments are a power play, an attempt to diminish you after you asserted your boundaries.

You handled the initial situation perfectly, maintaining professionalism despite an awkward request. Now, you need strategies to protect yourself and your professional standing.

Let's address your questions directly:

1. Strategies to Assert Your Professionalism and Reset This Dynamic:

Document Everything: This is your most critical tool. Keep a private log of every incident.
- Date and Time: When did it happen?
- Specific Comment: What exactly did he say?
- Context: What was the discussion about?
- Your Reaction/Response: How did you respond (or not respond)?
- Witnesses: Was anyone else present?
  This documentation provides concrete evidence if you need to escalate.
Direct, Calm Confrontation (Choose Carefully): Sometimes, a direct but calm statement can stop behavior in its tracks, especially if he thinks he's being subtle.
- In the moment: The next time he makes an ageist or condescending comment about your "generation," you can respond with:
  - "John, my age isn't relevant to this discussion. Let's focus on the project."
  - "I appreciate your perspective, but I'd prefer to keep our conversations professional and focused on our work, not my age."
  - "Those kinds of generalizations aren't helpful for our team's collaboration."
- A Private Word (Use with Caution): If you feel safe and comfortable, you could briefly pull him aside. "John, I've noticed a change in our professional interactions since I declined your invitation. I'm finding the comments about my age and generation unproductive and unprofessional, and I need them to stop. My focus is on our work, and I expect our interactions to be strictly professional."
  The key here is to sound assertive, not emotional, and to directly link it to professional conduct.
Redirect and Elevate: When he dismisses your ideas with ageist remarks, pivot immediately back to the substance of your contribution.
- Him: "You're too young to understand the complexities of this." You: "My understanding of [specific project detail] leads me to suggest [your idea]. What are your specific concerns about that approach?"
- Him: "Your generation just doesn't get it." You: "My proposal for [solution] addresses [problem]. Can we discuss the merits of the solution itself?"
Seek Support from Your Female Colleague: Your 30F colleague might be an ally. You could discreetly ask her, "Have you noticed John's recent comments about my age? It's making our team dynamic challenging." She might corroborate your experience or offer support.
Escalate to Management/HR: If his behavior continues after you've tried to address it, or if it makes you genuinely uncomfortable to confront him, you must escalate.
- Go to your manager first if they are supportive and competent. Frame it as his unprofessional conduct creating a difficult work environment that impacts your ability to perform your job effectively, and that it started after you politely declined a non-work invitation.
- If your manager isn't an option or is unhelpful, go to HR. Use your documentation. HR's role is to protect the company, and allowing this kind of behavior (which is a form of harassment) is a liability.

2. Building and Maintaining a "Professional Bubble" and Making It Feel Less Personal:

Radical Depersonalization: His behavior has nothing to do with your actual worth, intelligence, or capability. It is 100% about his own insecurity, wounded ego, and lack of professional maturity. He is projecting his issues onto you. Remind yourself constantly: "His comments are a reflection of him, not me."
Focus on Your Performance: Channel your energy into excelling at your job. Let your work speak for itself. The stronger your performance, the more ridiculous and unfounded his ageist comments will appear to anyone observing.
Create Mental Boundaries:
- Visualize a Shield: Imagine a clear, impenetrable barrier around you at work. His negative comments hit the shield and bounce off, unable to penetrate your personal space or affect your self-worth.
- "Not My Circus, Not My Monkey": When he says something condescending, mentally label it as his problem, not yours. You are not responsible for managing his emotional reactions.
Limit Interaction to Purely Professional: Keep your conversations with him strictly about work tasks. Avoid any casual or personal banter that might give him an opening for these types of comments. Be polite but brief and task-focused.
Affirm Your Self-Worth (Externally and Internally):
- Outside Work: Lean on friends, family, or mentors who genuinely value and respect you. Their affirmation can counteract the negativity you experience at work.
- Internally: Practice positive self-talk. Remind yourself of your achievements, skills, and value. Don't let his narrative become your internal one.
Mindfulness and Stress Management: This situation is a significant stressor. Engage in activities outside of work that help you relax and recenter (e.g., exercise, hobbies, meditation, spending time in nature). Don't let his negativity invade your personal time.
Consult a Mentor/Coach: If you have a trusted mentor, especially an older woman who has navigated similar workplace dynamics, their advice can be invaluable for strategies and maintaining perspective.

His behavior is a form of workplace bullying and discrimination (age and potentially gender). You have every right to a respectful and professional work environment. Don't minimize what's happening or feel you have to just "put up with it."

Feeling empty and listless in life

I'm turning 32 soon. Not married. No gf either. I have a stable job, own property, have about 250k saved.

I put away approximately 1500 a month into investment and put another 500 or so into my company 401k.

But I feel like I'm just going thru the motions. I still live like a broke college student. I wear cheap Walmart thermals and 30 dollar skechers until they rip and fall apart. I eat the same meals most days and I still play the same video games I did in high-school.

I see people my age or younger who are married with kids, yet objectively have less money or lesser paying jobs than me, and I don't understand it. I get anxious thinking about having kids and it seems other people just don't think and just do it.

I don't get alot about this world. I barely recognize it. In my mind, it's still 2012. I use windows 7 still and use a tracfone for work and for occasionally calling my parents. I have no social media and I've never made a dating app profile.

This all seems disorganized, but I wanted to type it all out.

Jobadvisor

It's completely understandable that you're feeling this way, and it takes a lot of courage to articulate these feelings so honestly. What you're describing is not uncommon, especially among highly analytical and financially responsible individuals. You've built an incredibly strong foundation for yourself financially, which is a huge accomplishment, but it sounds like you're realizing that financial security, while important, doesn't automatically translate to emotional fulfillment or a sense of purpose.

Let's break down some of what you've shared:

The Core Feeling: Emptiness and Listlessness

This often comes from a disconnect between external achievements (stable job, savings, property) and internal experiences (joy, connection, meaning). You've been extremely disciplined, which is fantastic, but perhaps that discipline has overshadowed other areas of life that bring vibrancy.

Comparing Yourself to Others:

It's natural to compare, especially when societal narratives often push marriage and kids as milestones. However, their choices (marriage, kids) might bring them different kinds of fulfillment, but also different kinds of stress and challenges that you don't see. Your path doesn't have to mirror theirs. The anxiety around kids is also very common – not everyone feels a natural pull towards it, and that's okay. People often "just do it" because of societal pressure, biological urges, or simply not overthinking it, which has its own pros and cons.

Living Like a Broke College Student:

This is a key insight. You've retained the habits of scarcity even though you've achieved abundance. This frugality was a strength that got you where you are, but now it might be holding you back from experiencing the joys that your financial stability could afford you. Your money is a tool to create experiences and comfort, not just an end goal in itself.

Feeling Stuck in 2012 / Disconnect from the Modern World:

This "time warp" feeling is interesting. It suggests a comfort in the familiar and a resistance to, or perhaps an overwhelm by, the rapid changes in technology and social norms. No social media, no dating apps, Windows 7 – these are choices that prioritize simplicity and avoid the often-stressful aspects of modern connectivity. While there are benefits to this, it can also lead to isolation and a feeling of being left behind.

Possible Underlying Factors:

Lack of Purpose/Meaning: Beyond financial goals, what drives you? What passions do you have?
Social Isolation/Lack of Connection: Humans are social creatures. While you might be an introvert, meaningful connections are vital for well-being.
Fear of the Unknown/Change: Sticking with what's familiar (old video games, Windows 7) is safe, but it can prevent new experiences.
Burnout from Discipline: Achieving what you have requires immense discipline. You might be "burnt out" on always optimizing and saving, without enjoying the fruits of your labor.
Anhedonia: A psychological term for the inability to feel pleasure. While you're not explicitly stating this, the "going through the motions" and "listless" feelings can be related.

What Can You Do?

Acknowledge and Validate: What you're feeling is real and important. Don't dismiss it.
Start Small with "Upgrades": You've earned the right to some comforts.
- Clothes: Buy a few nicer, well-fitting outfits. Not expensive, just a step up from Walmart thermals.
- Food: Explore new recipes, try a new restaurant, or order takeout from a place you've always wanted to try.
- Experiences: Instead of just saving, allocate a small portion of your monthly income (maybe $100-$200) to an "experience fund." Use it for a concert, a museum, a short trip, a workshop, or anything that sparks even a tiny bit of curiosity.
Explore New Hobbies/Interests: What did you enjoy as a kid that you've forgotten? What's something you've always vaguely wanted to try? (e.g., photography, hiking, learning an instrument, cooking class, woodworking). This is about exploration, not mastery.
Re-evaluate Your Relationship with Money: You're excellent at saving. Now, consider what you want your money to do for you beyond just accumulating. Is it to buy freedom? Experiences? Comfort? Start using it as a tool for a richer life now, not just in some distant future.
Small Steps Towards Connection:
- Social: Even without social media or dating apps, there are ways. Join a local club (book club, hiking group, gaming club, volunteer organization). Meetup.com can be a good resource.
- Friends/Family: Reach out to old friends. Schedule regular calls with your parents.
Consider Professional Support: A therapist or counselor can be incredibly helpful in navigating these feelings of emptiness, understanding potential underlying causes, and developing strategies for connecting with your emotions and finding meaning. They can also help with the anxiety you feel about certain life choices.
Digital "Catch Up" (Optional & Gradual): You don't have to dive into all social media, but maybe upgrade your phone to something more current for better communication with others, or try a newer operating system. This could slowly ease you into the current world without overwhelming you.
Define Your Own "Success": Forget what others are doing. What would a fulfilling life look like for you? It doesn't have to involve marriage or kids if that's not what you genuinely desire. It could involve travel, creative pursuits, deep friendships, learning, or contributing to a cause.

This journey is about re-discovering yourself and what truly makes you feel alive. It's a process, not a quick fix, so be patient and kind to yourself. You've clearly got the discipline and intelligence to tackle this.