Dear Sarah,
**Gift Grift:**
Every December, our small office receives holiday gifts from clients—wine, cookies, gift baskets—clearly meant for the whole team. But our boss always takes them home or hoards them in his office. The only time we get to enjoy anything is if it’s something he doesn’t like (shoutout to last year’s fancy pears).
Is there anything we can say to get him to share?
**Answer:**
Your boss is being a jerk—but whether he’s a clueless one or a vindictive one matters.
If he’s the type to retaliate, it might not be worth the fight. But if he’s just socially oblivious, someone with a good rapport (or seniority) should speak up. Try saying: *“Hey, it’s kind of a bummer when gifts meant for the whole team disappear. Can we put them in the kitchen this year so we can all enjoy them?”*
Say it in front of others—peer pressure works.
**Have My Own Family Holidays:**
My office goes overboard with holiday events. We have multiple parties, some during work hours, and we’re required to earn comp time (by working extra hours) to attend. I love Christmas, but this feels like forced fun. I’m seen as a grinch if I opt out. Any advice?
**Answer:**
Requiring comp time to attend a *mandatory* holiday party is not just weird—it’s likely illegal. If it’s required, it’s work, and you should be paid.
Start by pushing back on that. If you’re nonexempt, the Fair Labor Standards Act is on your side.
As for the rest, you’re probably not the only one exhausted by the holiday overload. Find allies and normalize opting out of some events. If you’re solo in your dissent, participate minimally—store-bought cookies for the bake-off, a paper snowflake for décor. Save your energy for your real family.
**Stuck in Gift Limbo:**
Our boss gives us generous gift cards every year, but somehow I’ve become the person who organizes a group gift *for* him. It feels inappropriate, and he always says he doesn’t want anything. How do I stop this without making it awkward?
**Answer:**
Stop it. Just stop.
Gifts at work should flow *down*, not up. You’re not being gracious—you’re reinforcing a weird, pressure-filled tradition.
This year, skip the collection. If someone asks, say: *“Bob’s always said he doesn’t want anything, and I think we should finally listen. Let’s just sign a card.”*
Your coworkers will thank you.
**No Appetite:**
I’m a vegetarian, and this year’s team lunch is at a poorly reviewed, overpriced Chinese restaurant where we have to agree on shared dishes. I suggested a food hall where everyone could order their own meal, but it was shot down. Should I just suck it up?
**Answer:**
If it’s a workday team event and you *can* eat there, go. You don’t have to love the food—it’s about showing up for your team.
But if there were *no* vegetarian options, it would be fair to skip. In this case, your discomfort is more about inconvenience than exclusion. Bring a good attitude (and maybe a snack), and consider it a win if you bond with your coworkers—even over mediocre lo mein.
**Concerned:**
A team member loudly wishes everyone “Merry Christmas” after every meeting, starting right after Thanksgiving. We have a diverse team, and some don’t celebrate. Should I step in?
**Answer:**
It’s annoying, but not necessarily actionable—unless it’s part of a broader pattern of exclusion or proselytizing.
Feel free to respond with, *“And happy Hanukkah to those who celebrate,”* or *“Happy winter break!”*
If you’re her manager, keep an eye on whether she’s crossing lines—like decorating shared spaces with religious symbols or pressuring others. If so, it’s time for a direct conversation.
**No Gifts Please:**
Last year, I gave my team small gifts. They surprised me with a much more expensive group gift. I was uncomfortable but didn’t want to reject it. What do I do this year?
**Answer:**
Head it off early. Tell them—ideally, the person who organized last year’s gift—*“I really appreciated the gesture, but I don’t want anyone spending money on me. Please skip the gift this year.”*
If you’re not sure who’s planning it, address the whole team: *“Your work is the only gift I need. Please save your money for yourselves.”*
Don’t suggest handmade gifts—that just shifts the pressure. A simple, clear boundary is the kindest thing you can do.