The real reason companies don't want to employ older people
It just dawned on me. Why would all the employers pass on all the experience they dwell on in job ads? Because the older employees arent so naive and mostly already lost all illusions. While younger people are still naive, optimistic and delulu about career ladders and getting somewhere, us older workers, 40+, we know full fucking well we work only to pay rent, so we can live somewhere so we can go to the work, and thats the whole circle. You can exploit and abuse the young people much easier as an employer, because they think giving you free favors and going above and beyond is gonna pay off. Us old bitter fucks know it wont. Thats it, off my chest. Love you all!
Jobadvisor
- Strict, healthy boundaries: You know your exact job description, you know employment norms, and your phone goes on Do Not Disturb the second your shift ends.
- Zero corporate romanticism: You view employment for what it actually is—a direct, transactional exchange of labor for money, not a "family" or a sacred calling.
- Managerial intimidation: A 28-year-old team lead often panics at the thought of managing someone who has two decades of industry experience. They know they can't bluff their way through bad decisions without getting called out.
- Cost vs. placation: Older workers cost more in salary and benefits, and you can't offset that compensation gap with ping-pong tables, free beer Thursdays, or "fun" office culture.
I’m ashamed that I’m going from HR to receptionist at 35
I never thought I’d be writing this, but I’m feeling really embarrassed about where my career has ended up.
I’m 35, and after years of working in HR/admin, I’m now going back to a receptionist role. Objectively, I know there is nothing wrong with the job. I’m grateful that I have an opportunity to work and support myself, especially in this economy. But emotionally, it feels like I’m going backwards.
When I graduated, I had hoped I would eventually build a successful career in finance. That never happened. Where I live, networking and knowing the right people can play a huge role in getting opportunities, and I never really had that network. I ended up going into HR/admin instead, and over the years I kept hoping I would eventually reach the level I imagined for myself.
Instead, I burned out.
I’ve struggled to maintain jobs, questioned myself constantly, and watched my career take turns I never expected. Now I’m accepting a receptionist position, and part of me feels ashamed that at 35 I’m moving backwards rather than progressing.
At the same time, another part of me knows that I’m doing what I need to do. I need to provide for myself. I need an income. I’m lucky to have been given an opportunity when finding a job has been so difficult.
I think what hurts most isn't actually the receptionist job. It’s grieving the version of myself who thought that by 35, I would have achieved so much more.
I’m trying to remind myself that taking a step sideways or backwards on paper doesn't mean my life is over or that I’ve failed. But honestly, I’m still sad.
Has anyone else experienced this feeling of being disappointed in where their career ended up, even while knowing that you’re doing the best you can?
Jobadvisor
What Is Actually Happening Right Now
- You chose survival over destruction: HR is an absolute pressure cooker, especially in recent years. Staying in a field that drains your mental health to satisfy a ego-driven career timeline isn't "success"—it's self-sabotage. Stepping back to protect your sanity is a rational, brave choice.
- A job is a tool, not an identity: In your twenties, a job title feels like a rank in society. In your thirties, you realize a job is simply a commercial transaction: you supply hours, they supply money. Taking a role that pays your bills without taking a massive toll on your nervous system is a completely valid economic decision.
- The "network trap" isn't your fault: You mentioned how much leverage networking plays where you live. Recognizing that structural barriers and burnout redirected your path—rather than a lack of effort or talent—is critical. You didn't fail the system; the system operates on access you weren't given.
Reframing the Shift
| What the inner voice says | What is actually happening |
| "I'm moving backwards." | You are resetting your baseline. You cannot build anything stable on top of severe burnout. |
| "I should be further ahead at 35." | You are letting go of an arbitrary timeline. Life isn't a linear ladder; it's a series of chapters and survival strategies. |
| "People will judge my title." | You are securing stable income. The people who matter will respect you for doing what it takes to support yourself. |
Moving Forward
Tired of getting jobs where I have to be asked to do dishes or take out trash.
I am in my 30s. Yeah I have no skills and decided to go to community college but I have a 4.0 GPA though. Throughout all of my life I only got jobs at fast food, gas stations and in hospitality rwhere I get the less desirable jobs with less tips. Never a promotion. I live in Los Angeles so most people in hospitality are aspiring actors or models. They get the 'good' positions and they are never asked to do much of extra work or asked to help with dishes.
Every job I get whether thats 'breakfast attendant' or 'in-room dining server' I am always being asked to wash dishes, take heavy trash out, even though there are people for these duties. As a first-generation immigrant, I feel that has been partially a reason.
Like today. I work as a breakfast server at a small hotel. I have a coworker who is constantly does no show no call, comes in late as much as an hour, gets an equal portion of the tips. Management decided to send him home today, on one of the busiest days because he came in late. They didn't send him home on a Tuesday that's less busy. Now it's Saturday morning and management didnt order coffee, prep cooks didn't prepare enough stuff for me to display and just having guests being rude. Chef said he will help and has dissappeared.
I was so hoping to get an internship but seems community college students don't get anything.
Jobadvisor
Why This Happens (And Why It’s Not Your Worth)
- The "Reliable Worker" Penalty: Because you are responsible, show up, and get things done, management defaults to giving you the extra burden. In toxic workplaces, competence is punished with more work, while unreliable workers are managed with soft gloves because it's "too much hassle" to discipline them properly.
- Marginalization in Hospitality: Immigrant workers and older workers in entry-level hospitality are frequently funneled into back-of-house or heavy-support duties while younger, native-born, or "aspiring actor" types get protected from grunt work.
- Structural Exploitation: Managers know who relies on the paycheck the most and who is least likely to make a scene. They leverage that dependency to cover their own operational failures (like forgetting to order coffee or understaffing kitchen prep).
Breaking Out of the Cycle
| Strategic Move | Action Plan |
| Leverage Campus Resources | Community colleges often have specialized career centers, work-study programs, or direct pipelines to local corporate/administrative internships that bypass standard online portals. Visit your college's career center directly. |
| Shift Out of Public Service | Move away from customer/hospitality jobs where tip-pooling and manager bias dictate your work. Target entry-level office/admin roles (data entry, registrar assistant, campus department aid) where duties are defined by written job descriptions, not manager whim. |
| Document & Define Boundaries | In your current role, practice neutral boundary enforcement. If asked to do tasks outside your domain while understaffed, ask management to prioritize: "I am currently serving guests and prepping the floor. Should I stop serving guests to handle the kitchen dishes, or would you prefer I stay on the floor?" Force them to make the operational call. |
Is it that bad to not give two weeks notice?
If/when I quit my current job to start a new one, is it really unprofessional to not give a two weeks notice? I’ve had enough there in which my mental health has been affected by many things and I know I won’t have the energy to fulfill a two weeks notice. The environment and experience has been so bad that I’ve looked into employment lawsuits. I also need to visit family members before I start this new job that I have not been able to visit since working at this place. So, it’s familial-related things along with personal issues. If I spell this out in my resignation letter and also verbally, is that better? I would probably only give one week’s notice rather than two. I also plan on not using these people for references or future connections, so is it that big of a deal?
Jobadvisor
This is a pretty reasonable situation, honestly — let me give you a straight answer.
Is it "bad" not to give two weeks? Two weeks is a workplace norm, not a legal requirement (unless your contract or offer letter specifies it, which is worth double-checking). Employers can and do let people go without notice all the time — the obligation has never been perfectly one-sided. Given what you're describing — a toxic-enough environment that you're looking into legal action, real mental health impact, and a hard deadline because you're starting a new job — one week is a completely defensible choice, not a moral failing.
Does it matter that you won't need references from them? Yes, practically speaking, a lot. Most of the "give two weeks or you'll burn bridges" advice exists specifically to protect references and future networking. If you don't need either from this employer, the main leverage they'd have over you is gone. The remaining reason people still do it is just to leave a clean paper trail in case something unexpected comes up later (a background check that verifies employment dates, an unlikely future overlap in your industry) — worth a quick gut-check, but it doesn't sound like it should override everything else here.
Should you explain the reasons in writing and verbally? Here I'd actually push back a little. In a resignation letter, less is more — you don't owe them a justification, and over-explaining (mental health struggles, the lawsuit consideration, family stuff) can invite pushback, awkward questions, or just isn't information you want sitting in an HR file at a place you don't trust. A resignation letter can simply say something like: "I'm resigning from my position, effective [date, one week out]. Thank you for the opportunity." Clean, professional, done.
If a manager asks why it's only a week, you get to decide how much to share verbally — but you don't have to justify it in detail there either. "I have some personal matters I need to attend to before starting my next role" is enough.
One practical flag: if you're considering legal action against them, it's worth being extra careful about what you put in writing or say to them in the meantime — that's a conversation for an employment lawyer, not something I can fully weigh in on, but it's a reason to keep your resignation letter especially neutral and short rather than detailed.
Feeling trapped & low on motivation
Long time lurker asking for…. Idk help? Advice? Something, I’m not sure who else to turn to. Or this is even the right subreddit.
I work in higher ed. Right now, my state is one where DEI under attack. I’m trans masc, and it’s been rough especially because now I’ve begun my transition journey (a little over my first year now!) and my work has been hell. Interestingly enough, it’s only been a small portion of what’s making work hell. Let me give you some background:
I started this live-in position in Feb ‘24, and I broke my leg on the job Aug ‘24. I was told I was given proper accommodations to recover, when my apartment was not ADA compliant, and there was no real way for me to get inside the bathroom to shower. I was unable to fully shower for a whole month, and I was told to call Campus Security….. to help me get inside and out of the shower….. since that was their job…… needless to say, they were not called.
I was finally able to recover (had to leave campus to do so), came back to the job Jan ‘25 (I was remote before), only to fall during a bad winter storm. Tore my MCL but the doctor didn’t tell me about it because it wasn’t seen as a “serious enough tear for surgery”. I still would have liked to know, it would have made me feel less crazy with how long it took for me for get back on my feet.
Anyways, during all this I’m doing the job of my associate director (two levels above me) without realizing it, and my director at the time and AD are telling HR two separate things, with my AD trying to get me to return to campus quicker. Found that out later once my director was forced to leave the position.
Now it’s Aug ‘26, I have chronic pain I’m dealing with because of the first injury, and I feel stuck at my job. I hate it here, I’m back in the dorm apartment where I was rotting away for a solid month, and nobody in leadership cares. Or seems to care, I dunno. I just dont want to do my job anymore, but everywhere I apply I’m rejected, and the ones where I do get an interview I only get first rounds and then I’m ghosted. I dunno what’s wrong with me, even during COVID I was getting a ton more interviews than I am now.
My last interview was last night at 6:30 PM. And the interviewer told me straight up that she can see I’m burnt, and she doesn’t need more burnt out team members. I apologized for that, and we ended the call with her saying she’d be willing to revisit the job interview after the weekend. She even pulled job applications to discuss during the job interview.
Now I’m stuck. I want to leave my job. I don’t want to live on campus anymore. I am now in charge of 2 housing areas instead of 1, so I’m at like 26 student workers when I’m used to 12. I don’t even want to think about how many residents that’s gonna be. And I can feel myself starting to just not care about anything. The interview is right, I’m beyond exhausted and I don’t have support for my role (or not as strong of support, we just got a new director but she’s playing catch up).
What do I do? How do I find hope when all I want to do is leave? I understand unemployment is not an option I should take lightly, I just,,,, don’t know what else to do. I have tried selling y crochet in the past, but I’m not the best at maintaining that long term. I’m struggling to see the light at the end of the tunnel, so if anyone has any type of advice or words of encouragement, I would really appreciate it.
Thanks for your time.
Jobadvisor
You've been carrying a lot, and it makes complete sense that you're running on empty. Two serious injuries, inadequate accommodations, doing a job two levels above your pay grade while leadership gave conflicting stories, now double the workload, all while living on the same campus where some of this happened — that's not "something's wrong with you." That's a body and mind responding normally to a genuinely unsustainable situation.
A few things I want to name directly:
The interviewer wasn't rejecting you, she was being honest with you — and honest in a way that actually helps. Burnout is visible in interviews (flatter affect, slower responses, less energy in your answers) even when someone is highly qualified on paper. That's likely a real factor in why other interviews have gone quiet too, not because you're suddenly less capable than you were during COVID. It's frustrating because it's a bit of a trap: you're burnt out because of the job, and the burnout is now making it harder to leave the job. That's not a personal failing, that's just how burnout works.
On the job search itself:
- If you can, don't apply for a bit, or apply to fewer places with more energy each. Scattergun applications while exhausted often show, and rejection after rejection while depleted just deepens the depletion.
- Take that interviewer up on revisiting after the weekend, but only if you can show up with a bit more in the tank. If you can't, it's okay to be honest with her too: "I appreciate you saying that — I've been dealing with a genuinely rough stretch and I'd like the chance to show up better."
- Consider whether you have any PTO, sick leave, or FMLA-eligible leave you could take even briefly, specifically to reset before more interviews rather than doing them all while running on fumes.
On the workload/accommodations history: what you're describing — the shower situation, the undisclosed injury, doing an AD's job without acknowledgment, the conflicting reports to HR — is worth documenting in writing now, dates and all, even if you're not sure yet whether you'll pursue anything formally. It protects you either way, and it also gets it out of your head and onto paper, which sometimes helps it feel less like something you're carrying alone in your body.
On leadership "not caring": it might also just be true that this institution, especially in the current political climate around DEI and higher ed generally, doesn't have the bandwidth or will to actually support you right now. That's not the same as you having done anything wrong.
One gentle thing — you mentioned starting to "just not care about anything." That phrase, alongside everything else you've described, sounds like it's worth talking through with a therapist or doctor if you have any access to one, even a single session through an EAP if your job offers one. Not because anything is wrong with you, but because carrying this much alone for this long has a cost, and you deserve support that isn't just internet strangers, however well-meaning.
You're not failing at this. You're exhausted by circumstances that would exhaust almost anyone.
Well it Finally Happened!Contracting Job Interview was Canceled by HR, Because of my Social Media
Well I knew it would happen eventually. An HR department saw one of my videos and canceled a contract job interview. Thats all I know. But really to be honest, Iam not upset at all about it. It is what it is. If anything it gives me some context about it, to discuss.
I don't know what the exact video was. My videos about ADHD and Corporate America, which are to the point, but for awareness. My videos of me doing silly voices with my cat Beau possibly, My videos about Spirituality and stuff. I talk about alot of stuff.
Again I have no Idea what video it was.
But the real question is the "Why" or what was their "fear?". This is the positive spin, learning the reason behind the reason. Liability I assume.
Its one example only, that masking and unmasking (revealing your true self) was a solid line in this case.
For me I want it to be Blurry. I want to be in that middle area between the mask and my true self. Drawing from both for creativity, and putting on the mask only when I need too. Yeah Iam Chaotic Good for sure lol, if you know DnD alignments.
But hey! atleast they found me on Social Media! 😂
I wish them the best and I hope they follow.
Thanks for Listening!
Jason
Jobadvisor
Hey Jason — thanks for sharing this. I like that you're choosing to mine it for insight rather than just stewing in it.
On the "why" — you're probably right that it comes down to liability, but I'd break it into two different things employers actually worry about, because they lead to different lessons:
Risk-aversion, not fit-aversion. A lot of HR screening isn't "we don't like this person," it's "we can't evaluate the legal/reputational risk of this person's online presence, so we default to no." That's a pretty blunt instrument — it doesn't distinguish between someone posting something genuinely reckless and someone posting authentic, thoughtful content about ADHD or spirituality that just doesn't read as "corporate neutral" at a glance. You got caught in the blunt instrument, not necessarily judged on the actual content.
The specific fear with ADHD/corporate content especially — even when what you're saying is fair and well-intentioned, "employee who publicly critiques corporate culture" can trigger a pattern-match to "future liability/PR risk" in a risk-averse HR brain, regardless of whether the content itself was reasonable. That's worth knowing not because it means you should stop, but because it tells you what kind of employer this filters out — probably a more rigid, image-conscious one.
Your "blurry middle" framing is honestly a pretty healthy place to land on this, rather than swinging to full-mask-always or full-unmasked-always. A few practical thoughts if you want them, though feel free to just take this as "yeah, I hear you" if that's what you're after:
- Some contract/gig-economy employers are genuinely more chill about this than corporate FTE roles — the mismatch might be as much about the type of role as it is about you.
- If this becomes a recurring pattern and it matters to you, some people keep a slightly more locked-down or pseudonymous account for the "unmasked" content while keeping a public presence cleaner — not because you should have to, but because it lets you control who gets to see the fuller picture rather than an HR scan deciding for you.
- Worth remembering: you also dodged working somewhere that would've made you feel like you had to fully mask to survive. That's not nothing.
Sounds like you're doing okay with this one, Jason. Chaotic good checks out.