My manager just canceled my vacation the day before I'm supposed to leave. Should I finally quit?
About six months ago I gave notice that I'd need roughly two weeks off starting late August, cleared it well in advance, got it confirmed as approved. Planned everything months out around it, flights, bookings, a trip with friends. I've been at this company since last July, standard IT role, something I've genuinely wanted to do sinceI was a kid and I actually love the work itself. The problem was never the job, it's the company. Just got a message from my manager, vacation's canceled, need to be at work tomorrow. Flights are non-refundable, same for my friends, accommodation's already paid for. This isn't even the first time a planned vacation of mine got pulled, it's just the first time it's happened the day before I'm supposed to leave
What's really getting to me is that I've been running a small project of my own on the side, something I could've been building full time by now if I wasn't holding onto this job purely out of love for the field. And now I'm sitting here thinking, if the company treats even a vacation that was approved months in advance like this, and this isn't the first time, maybe it's finally time to admit they don't actually value me here.
Friends leave tomorrow without me.
Haven't responded to my manager yet. Do I just cut my losses and quit, or try to fight this one more time?
Jobadvisor
Step 1: Push Back Firmly (Do NOT Quit Yet)
"Hi [Manager Name], I received your message. As discussed and officially approved six months ago, I am starting my pre-planned, non-refundable leave tomorrow. All of my travel and accommodations are fully booked and non-changeable. I am unavailable to work during this window and will return as scheduled on [Date]."
- You are not asking for permission (it was already granted).
- You state clear physical/financial impossibility.
- You force their hand to either back down, offer massive financial compensation for non-refundable losses, or escalate.
Step 2: Evaluate the Response
| If your manager... | Your immediate move: |
| Backs down | Go on your trip, enjoy your time off, and start quietly job hunting or planning your side project transition the moment you return. |
| Offers to cover full trip costs | Only accept if you actually want to work instead, and require the reimbursement commitment in writing from HR today. |
| Threatens termination | Do not resign. Let them fire you (or try to). That opens the door for severance, unemployment claims, and HR intervention over revoked pre-approved leave. |
Step 3: Your Long-Term Career Play
- This company environment is toxic. Pulling approved PTO once is a red flag; doing it twice is a pattern of structural disrespect. Your intuition is correct: they do not value your boundary between work and life.
- Transition strategically. If you decide to leave, do it on your terms with a financial buffer or your side project validated, not on an adrenaline spike the night before a flight.
How do you actually get into the networks that senior people seem to have?
I'm still pretty early in my career but recently I've started getting invited to meetings and dinners with people much more senior than me
One thing I've noticed is that the way they network is completely different from what I expected
I thought it would be LinkedIn connections and exchanging business cards. Instead it's mostly introductions through people they already trust. Someone knows an investor, who knows a founder, who introduces you to someone else. I've even seen people exchange connections on this invite only app instead of phone numbers and then just move on like that's completely normal.
Meanwhile I'm standing there wondering how you're supposed to ever build a network like that when you're starting from zero lol
For people further into their careers, does it eventually happen naturally as you meet more people, or do you have to deliberately work your way into these circles?
Jobadvisor
This is a genuinely good observation, and the answer is: both, but more the second one than people like to admit.
A few things about how these networks actually work:
Trust is the currency, not contacts. The reason it's warm introductions instead of LinkedIn is that a senior person's reputation is on the line every time they connect two people. "I know someone who knows someone" only works because each link in the chain is vouching for the next. That's why cold outreach mostly fails at that level — you're asking someone to spend social capital on a stranger.
It compounds, so starting early matters more than starting big. You don't need to know investors right now. You need to be the kind of person that one or two people would happily introduce to others — reliable, adds value, doesn't waste people's time. That reputation is what gets passed along later. Someone who's a good connector when you're junior becomes a much better connector when you're senior, because the trust has had time to build.
The "invite only app" thing is mostly about filtering, not exclusivity for its own sake. Groups like that (Bloomberg terminals with chat, private Slack/Discord communities, alumni networks, YC-style batches) exist because open networks get noisy — too many people asking for too much. Membership functions as a pre-vouch: if you're in the room, someone already trusted you enough to let you in.
What actually gets you in, deliberately:
- Be genuinely useful to someone senior before you need anything — most people remember who helped them
- Say yes to being introduced and then follow through well, since how you handle an intro is what determines whether that person opens their network to you again
- Pick one or two things you're actually good at and become the person people think of for that specific thing
- Join communities (even non-fancy ones — alumni groups, industry Slacks, professional associations) since networks nest inside each other; you rarely jump straight to the top tier
It doesn't happen purely "naturally" from just meeting people. People who have those networks were usually deliberate about it, even if it doesn't feel that way in the moment — showing up consistently, following up, remembering details, making intros for others first. The natural-feeling part is mostly just: after enough of that, the invitations start coming to you instead of you chasing them, which sounds like where you're at right now, actually. Getting invited to those dinners already means someone decided you were worth including.
How do I balance career and menstrual flow?
I 27f have painful cramps. Not painful enough to go to the hospital but painful enough to distract me at work. So I have been applying for leave days to align with my period days.
I feel bad because these are days I should be using for a reset or for growth but forced to take time off to nurse my belly. It is not the pain alone. My luteal phase is so cruel that I sometimes feel su**idal at least 2 days prior to the flow. I have noticed that this affects my interaction with my Co workers and it is taking a toll on me as I want to be reliable at work. it is hard to work with someone who can't talk back because you caught them in the very moment that they are questioning their entire life. Then once the flow is over, I go back to being chatty and warm and even heading the banters.
I feel sad because I am still young in my career and would want to grow but afraid that the bosses might overlook me since my energy and productivity can be unpredictable during my luteal and period phase. What do I do to ensure that I grow professionally without relying on medication month in month out?
Jobadvisor
What you're describing — cramps distracting you at work, and then something much heavier in the days before your flow — sounds genuinely exhausting to carry, especially while also trying to build a career and stay warm with colleagues on the days you can manage it.
I want to gently flag one part of what you wrote: feeling suicidal for a couple of days each month, tied to your cycle, is not something to normalize or just work around. That's a significant symptom, even if it's predictable and even if it passes once your flow starts. If those feelings ever intensify, or feel unsafe to sit with alone, please reach out to a crisis line — in Romania, you can call 112 for emergency services, or 0800 801 200 (Telefonul de încredere). If you're elsewhere, a quick search for your country's crisis line will get you there. I'm not saying this because I think you're in danger right now — just because that symptom deserves real support, not just career-management strategies.
On the medical side: cyclical mood changes this severe — especially ones that show up reliably in the luteal phase and lift once bleeding starts — are something a gynecologist or a doctor familiar with hormonal health can actually help evaluate. You said you want to avoid relying on medication, and that's a reasonable preference to bring to that conversation, but there are non-medication approaches too (lifestyle adjustments, therapy, tracking to find patterns, sometimes supplements) — a doctor can walk through the full range with you rather than you having to guess. Please don't let the fear of "needing meds" keep you from getting seen. What you're describing is a health question first, and a career question second.
On the career side, a few thoughts:
Predictable isn't the same as unreliable. If you can track your cycle, you can often plan around the worst 2-3 days rather than reacting to them. That's actually a strength, not a weakness — a lot of people have unpredictable bad days for all kinds of reasons and can't plan at all.
Front-load your hardest or most visible work into your good weeks. If you know roughly when your high-energy, high-clarity days are, that's when to volunteer for the stuff bosses notice — presentations, proposals, stepping up in meetings. Save routine, lower-stakes tasks for your harder days where possible.
You don't have to explain the specifics to be taken seriously. You can request flexibility (remote days, adjusted meeting schedules, or PTO) without disclosing symptoms if you're not comfortable with that. Something like "I have a predictable health pattern I'm managing with my doctor" is enough for most workplaces.
Reliability is built over time, not by any single week. Being warm, sharp, and present most of the month is what people remember — not the 2-3 days you're quieter. If you're worried this is being held against you specifically, that's worth checking rather than assuming; sometimes we're harder on ourselves in that window than anyone else is being.
You're not failing at this by needing to manage it. You're doing something a lot of people don't do — noticing the pattern and trying to work with it instead of against it. That's a good sign for how you'll handle your career long-term, once you have some real support in place.
I have 8+ years of experience and received a $100k+ job offer, but my felony record may cost me the job. How do I rebuild my career?
I'm in my early 30s and have spent more than 8 years building a career in software engineering. I've worked for both large technology companies and startups and progressed into senior engineering and technical leadership responsibilities.
For the last couple of years, however, my life and career have been extremely difficult to rebuild.
I have a criminal record consisting of 2 felonies and 2 misdemeanors related to violent offenses. I'm currently on probation.
I'm not looking to minimize what happened or avoid responsibility for it. I made serious mistakes, and I understand that my actions have consequences.
Since then, I've put a substantial amount of work into changing my life. I've completed treatment and educational programs, taken fatherhood classes, spent several years in therapy and personal development, remained compliant with my legal requirements, continued working, and continued developing professionally.
I'm also a father.
Providing stability for my child is one of my biggest motivations for rebuilding my career. Unfortunately, my record has created barriers in both employment and housing, which makes creating that stability significantly harder.
I currently work outside of my professional field because I need income and have responsibilities that don't disappear while I'm searching for another engineering position.
Recently, I finally thought things were changing.
I interviewed for a Backend Software Engineer contract-to-hire position. I went through the interview process, performed very well, and received an offer paying more than $100,000 annually.
Then came the background check.
My criminal record was flagged and the opportunity is now uncertain.
I was also offered another position at a startup as corp-to-coep which i learned they also require a background check.
To make matters worse, I discovered that the background report contains inaccurate information. It says that my probation was extended and/or revoked and reinstated. My probation officer personally reviewed the report and confirmed that neither of those things ever happened.
I'm disputing those specific inaccuracies. I'm not disputing the convictions themselves.
This experience has left me with a difficult career question.
What is the smartest way to rebuild a professional career when employers are interested in hiring you, but your criminal record becomes the barrier after you receive an offer?
I don't appear to have a traditional employability problem. I'm getting interviews. I'm passing technical interviews. Recruiters are interested in my experience. I've now demonstrated that I can still get an employer to make a six-figure offer.
The problem is converting that opportunity into employment after the background check.
I'm trying to figure out whether I should change industries, target smaller companies, pursue startups, focus on contract/consulting work, find explicitly fair-chance employers, or take some completely different approach.
I'm especially interested in hearing from people who work in HR, recruiting, management, professional services, technology, or anyone who has rebuilt a professional career after a felony conviction.
A few things I'm trying to understand:
At what point in the hiring process should someone in my position disclose their record?
How can I demonstrate rehabilitation without oversharing deeply personal information?
Are smaller companies or startups generally more capable of making individualized decisions?
Are there industries where I would be wasting my time because the background requirements make approval extremely unlikely?
Are there reputable organizations that connect professionals with felony records to fair-chance employers?
Would consulting, contracting, self-employment, or building a small business be a more realistic long-term strategy?
How do you explain a situation like this professionally without minimizing what happened or allowing your worst period to define your entire career?
I'm willing to work hard. I'm willing to start somewhat below where my experience would normally put me if that's what it takes to rebuild. I'm open to contract work and unconventional paths.
What I don't want to do is give up on a career I've spent most of my adult life building without understanding what options actually exist.
I'm also trying to balance all of this with being a parent and maintaining enough income to provide for my child.
Repeatedly going through lengthy hiring processes, missing work for interviews, receiving an offer, and then potentially losing it during the background check isn't financially sustainable.
If you've successfully rebuilt a professional career after a felony conviction, I'd really like to hear your story.
If you're an employer, recruiter, or manager, I'd also appreciate hearing what would make you comfortable giving someone in my position an opportunity.
And if anyone knows of fair-chance employers, programs, recruiters, career resources, or companies that genuinely consider applicants individually, please share them or DM me.
I'm not asking anyone to erase my past.
I'm trying to figure out how to build a future despite it.
Jobadvisor
First — the fact that you're getting to offer stage repeatedly, at $100k+, with 8 years of solid engineering experience, tells you something real: your skills and interview performance aren't the problem. The bottleneck is specifically the background check step. That's actually useful information, because it means the fix is narrower than "fix your whole career" — it's "get better at navigating one specific stage."
A few things worth knowing, and I'll flag upfront I'm not a lawyer, so for anything specific to your situation a consultation with an employment attorney or a reentry-focused legal aid org is worth the money if you can swing it.
On the inaccurate background check first, because this is urgent: Under the Fair Credit Reporting Act, you have the right to dispute inaccurate information with the background check company directly (not just your PO confirming it internally), and they're required to investigate and correct it, usually within 30 days. Get your PO's confirmation in writing if you haven't already, file a formal dispute with the reporting agency, and ask the employer for more time before they make a final decision, since FCRA also requires them to give you a copy of the report and a chance to respond before rescinding an offer. This alone might save the current offer.
On when to disclose: Federal Fair Chance Act rules prohibit federal agencies and federal contractors from asking about criminal history before a conditional offer is made, and many states and cities have similar "ban the box" laws that require employers to wait until later in the process, sometimes after a conditional offer, before considering criminal history. Practically, this means: don't volunteer it in early interviews unless directly asked or the application explicitly requires it before that stage. Let your technical skills carry the early rounds, since that's clearly working. Where it gets strategic is after a conditional offer but before the background check runs — some candidates in your position choose to proactively disclose at that point, briefly and factually, rather than let HR discover it cold. It's a judgment call, but proactive disclosure often reads as more trustworthy than a report doing the talking for you.
On demonstrating rehabilitation without oversharing: You don't need to share the nature of the offenses in detail. A short, prepared statement works better than an emotional one: what happened (briefly, without minimizing), what you did about it (treatment, therapy, compliance, parenting classes), and what's different now (years of stability, continued employment, education). One or two sentences per part. Practice saying it out loud until it's not shaky — that matters more than the content.
On company size: Companies that have signed the Fair Chance Pledge, a 2016 initiative aimed at reducing barriers to employment for formerly incarcerated people, tend to be more structured about individualized review — Google is one that publicly states it considers qualified applicants regardless of criminal history. Larger companies with formal fair-chance policies can actually be more predictable than small startups, where the decision often comes down to one founder's gut reaction on a random Tuesday. Startups can go either way — sometimes more flexible because there's no rigid HR policy, sometimes worse because there's no policy to protect you either. It's less about company size and more about whether they have a stated, structured fair-chance practice.
Resources worth looking into directly:
- 70 Million Jobs and Honest Jobs — job boards built specifically around fair-chance employers
- Fair Chance Pledge signatories — a list of companies (including large tech firms) that have publicly committed to individualized review
- Your local reentry program or legal aid clinic — some, like Cornell's Criminal Justice and Employment Initiative, have built tools like the "Restorative Record," a confidential platform designed to give employers fuller context on justice-impacted job seekers beyond the bare record
- Check whether your state has ban-the-box or fair-chance legislation, since that changes what employers can legally ask and when
On contracting/consulting: This is genuinely worth serious consideration, not as a fallback but as a real strategy. Many corp-to-corp and 1099 contracting arrangements have lighter or no background check requirements compared to direct employment, especially at smaller shops or through staffing agencies that specialize in placing contractors. It also sidesteps the "conditional offer rescinded" problem entirely in a lot of cases. Building a track record as a reliable contractor for a couple years could put you in a much stronger position to negotiate full-time roles later, where you have direct relationships vouching for you instead of a cold background check being the first thing anyone learns about you.
Industries to be realistic about: Anything requiring federal security clearance, financial services roles with fiduciary licensing, healthcare roles with patient access, and education/childcare are going to be very hard or impossible depending on your specific convictions. Straight software engineering at product companies is generally more workable than those.
One thing that stood out reading this: you're not actually stuck. You've already proven you can pass technical bars and get real offers. What's left is a logistics and legal-navigation problem, and that's solvable — it's just going to take a few more cycles than you'd like, and probably a lawyer's help on the disputed report specifically.
