25M wasted my life, might be laid off soon, betrayed my parents, what would you focus on?
I’m 25, living with my aging parents in a high-cost area, we have a lot of debt, only about $200 to save between income and expenses, and I’m struggling with a level of shame and embarrassment that I don’t really know how to handle.
I graduated with an IT degree in 2023. My coursework was mostly software/programming-related, but I never built strong practical skills or got an internship. I spent much of high school and college procrastinating and avoiding difficult work. For the past couple of years, I’ve known I need to turn things around, but I’ve spent far too much time worrying about how far behind I am instead of actually building skills.
Right now, I work a fully onsite IT job that pays around $20/hour. The work is very niche and mostly consists of basic troubleshooting and inventory, and there isn’t much work left for our team. I’m worried I may be laid off soon. I also have very little confidence in my technical abilities.
The biggest source of shame right now is my family situation.
My parents immigrated to the US decades ago and worked extremely hard to give their children opportunities. They are getting older now. My mother is exhausted and has been talking about wanting to retire, while my father is also aging and should be retired but I am not stable enough for him to do so with peace of mind. I should be stepping up financially and helping them, but instead I’m making close to minimum wage and still trying to figure out what I’m even qualified to do.
My younger brother recently got a much better-paying engineering job. He is responsible, has developed useful skills, and is now in a position to help our parents financially. He is also moving back home, which should be a good thing for our family, but honestly I’m terrified and deeply embarrassed about it.
There is an unspoken tension I can’t really describe. I’m the older brother, but I’m making dramatically less money, I don’t have a strong career, and I’m still trying to figure out what I’m doing with my life. I feel like I’m supposed to be the one who is established and helping the family by now. Instead, my younger brother is in many ways much further ahead than me. i feel the contempt he has for me being a pathetic minimum wage employee of an unknown company.
My mother asks me regularly what skills I have and when I’m going to get a better job. She is exhausted and wants to stop working, and I know I need to become more financially useful to the family. I don’t resent her for asking; she has every reason to be worried. But I often feel ashamed because I don’t have a good answer.
I also feel like I wasted the opportunities my parents gave me. They repeatedly told me to study, develop skills, and prepare for the future. I kept telling myself I would start tomorrow. Years went by.
For the last 1–2 years, I’ve been stuck in a cycle of worrying about my future, researching career paths, using my phone too much, watching YouTube Shorts, and procrastinating instead of developing actual skills. I have also developed a serious porn/compulsive-entertainment problem that has made my attention span and discipline much worse.
Now I’m at the point where I don’t know which direction to take.
Should I continue in IT support and work toward a better position? Should I try to transition toward networking/cloud/systems? Should I attempt to rebuild my programming skills and pursue software engineering despite being several years out of school and having essentially no professional software experience? Or am I being unrealistic about trying to make that transition?
I’m especially worried about wasting another year choosing the wrong path.
I know I can’t go back and recover the years I wasted. I also know that comparing myself to my younger brother isn’t productive, but it is difficult when I see him succeeding in exactly the area where I feel I failed.
I’m not looking for someone to tell me that I’m secretly going to become a millionaire or that everything will magically work out. I’m looking for practical advice from people who have been in a similar situation.
If you were 25, had an IT degree but weak practical skills, about 1.5 years of basic IT work experience, little savings, aging parents who needed more financial support, and a younger sibling who was already much further ahead professionally, what would you do over the next 1–3 years?
How would you choose a career path, rebuild your skills, and start becoming financially useful to your family without spending another year stuck in analysis paralysis? I want to get into big tech solely just to make my mom and dad proud. Everytime I get an interview I am ashamed to tell parents becuase its not big tech.
I also needed to use AI to make this post. Otherwise, I would probably spend another 5+ hours struggling to write something half as clear, while alternating between YouTube and typing this out. I have been putting off asking for help for the past 1.5 years because I wanted to write the “perfect” post first. There is so much context, so many details, and so many different struggles that I kept getting overwhelmed trying to figure out what to include and how to explain everything. I know using AI to write this is somewhat ironic given that one of my biggest problems is my dependence on AI, but I realized that if I insisted on writing this perfectly myself, I might never actually ask for help.
Jobadvisor
You have not wasted your life. You are 25 years old, you hold a bachelor’s degree in IT, and you have 1.5 years of real-world tech experience. That is a foundational springboard, not a dead end.
The weight you are carrying isn't just about your job; it is the immense cultural and emotional guilt of being the oldest child of immigrant parents. But worrying about your past and chasing "Big Tech" just to erase your shame is keeping you trapped in analysis paralysis.
Here is how to break the cycle, build real skills, and become financially impactful over the next 1–3 years.
Step 1: Realignment & Reality Check
Drop the "Big Tech" Obsessive Standard: Trying to jump straight into Google or Meta right now is setting yourself up for burnout. Big tech isn't the only place that pays well, and an IT support job at a solid mid-sized company or local enterprise pays real money, helps your parents, and builds your resume. Celebrate every interview.
Your Brother is an Ally, Not a Competitor: The unspoken tension is largely inside your own head, fueled by your shame. He is moving back home and taking financial pressure off your parents. That gives you breathing room to build your career. Stop viewing his success as your failure.
Fix the Brain Drain: Compulsive phone use, Shorts, and porn destroy the dopamine baseline required to do hard, slow things like learning tech skills. Use free tools like Cold Turkey (desktop block) or One Sec (phone) to forcibly block these apps. You cannot out-plan a shattered attention span.
Step 2: Choose Your Career Path
Do not try to break into Software Engineering right now. The entry-level SE market is hyper-competitive, and going from zero portfolio to job-ready will take 6–12 months of intensive study.
Instead, leverage your current experience and pivot to Systems Admin / Cloud / Networking.
Your 1.5 years of basic IT support gives you a massive head start here. This path has a clear certification roadmap, higher entry-level hiring rates than software engineering, and strong salary growth ($70k–$95k within 1–2 years).
Step 3: The 12-Month Tactical Roadmap
| Phase | Duration | Core Focus | Actionable Deliverable |
| Phase 1 | Months 1–3 | Foundations & Layoff Proofing | Get the CompTIA Network+ or Cisco CCNA. Build a basic resume targeting "Helpdesk Tier 2" or "Junior SysAdmin". Apply aggressively. |
| Phase 2 | Months 4–7 | Cloud & Automation | Learn AWS (Solutions Architect Associate) or Microsoft Azure (AZ-104). Learn basic Python or PowerShell scripting to automate tasks. |
| Phase 3 | Months 8–12 | Practical Home Lab Projects | Build 2 hands-on projects (e.g., host a cloud environment, configure an Active Directory domain, write automation scripts). Document them on GitHub/LinkedIn. |
Step 4: Daily Execution Rule
To beat analysis paralysis, you need a strict, small, non-negotiable routine. Do not try to study 4 hours a day immediately.
The 1-Hour Rule: Dedicate 60 minutes every single morning before work (or immediately after) to studying for your target certification/skill. No phone, no tabs open except study material.
Apply Before You Feel "Ready": If you get laid off, apply for Tier 2 Helpdesk, Desktop Support, or Junior Admin roles immediately. Moving from $20/hr to $26–$30/hr at a dynamic company is a massive win that directly helps your parents.
Be Honest with Your Parents: Tell your mom once: "I have a 12-month plan to upgrade my IT skills into Cloud/Systems administration so I can earn enough to support the family. I am studying every day." Then let your actions speak.
You don't need a perfect post, a perfect plan, or a Big Tech badge to make your family proud. You just need to execute 1 hour of focused work today.
Got a pay raise, earn less now
I'm gonna rewrite this, as it seems more like an error than an actual paid less sort of deal here. The finance department has made an error in the past when it comes to taxes, so I'll ask this. Should they have changed, or should they have remained roughly the same as they were previously, with a slight change to them. Looking at my stub it's a $20 change for Federal, Medicare, and Social security. Followed by I did notice that the state tax doubled which I can tell isn't right at all. For reference I am earning $300 more now, but with the current check I am receiving it's $4 lower than my prior checks.
Is there somewhere I can go to try and figure this out better so that when I contact finance I can be prepared?
Jobadvisor
No, getting a $300 gross raise should never reduce your net take-home pay by $4.
What you are experiencing is almost certainly a payroll withholding calculation error (or a system setting misfire), specifically with your state tax withholding.
Step-by-Step Breakdown of What Went Wrong
To understand your pay stub, it helps to break down how taxes react to a small income increase:
Federal Income Tax (FIT), Social Security, & Medicare:
Social Security & Medicare (FICA): These are flat rates (6.2% for Social Security, 1.45% for Medicare). On a $300 gross raise, FICA should increase by $22.95 total.
Federal Tax: Increases incrementally based on your marginal tax bracket.
Verdict: A total $20 increase across Federal, Social Security, and Medicare combined is completely normal and accurate for a $300 boost.
State Tax (The Root Cause):
State income taxes are either flat rates (e.g., 3%–5%) or progressive brackets similar to federal taxes.
A $300 increase in gross pay cannot double your state tax withholding under normal marginal tax math.
Why it doubled: Payroll software likely misclassified your pay frequency (e.g., treating a single bonus or retro-pay check as your new permanent pay cycle), accidentally changed your state filing status, or applied a localized flat withholding rule in error.
Key Calculations: Before vs. After Raise
Here is how a $300 gross increase typically flows through payroll versus what happened on your specific pay stub:
| Tax Category | Typical Impact on a +$300 Raise | What Happened on Your Stub | Status |
| FICA (Soc Sec + Medicare) | Increases by ~$23.00 (7.65% flat) | Combined with FIT: +$20.00 | Correct |
| Federal Income Tax (FIT) | Small marginal increase | Combined with FICA: +$20.00 | Correct |
| State Income Tax (SIT) | Small marginal increase (a few dollars) | Doubled (ate the entire raise + $4) | Payroll Error |
| Net Take-Home Pay | Should INCREASE by ~$200–$230 | DECREASED by $4.00 | Payroll Error |
How to Prepare Before Contacting Payroll
Before reaching out to your HR or Finance department, pull up your previous pay stub and your new pay stub side-by-side:
Calculate the State Withholding Percentage:
Divide the State Tax Amount by the Gross Pay on both stubs:
$$\text{Effective State Tax Rate} = \frac{\text{State Tax Withheld}}{\text{Gross Pay}}$$
If your effective rate jumped drastically (for example, from 3% to 7%), bring this exact percentage jump to Payroll.
Verify Your State W-4 / Withholding Allowance Form:
Check for One-Time Retroactive Adjustments:
If your raise included back-pay from previous weeks, the system might have calculated taxes as if you make that higher total every single pay period, which artificially spikes the tax bracket calculation for just that one check.
What to Tell Finance
Send a brief, clear note to your payroll contact:
"Hi [Payroll Name], I noticed that on my latest paycheck reflecting my $300 pay raise, my net take-home pay actually decreased by $4. Looking at the line items, my Federal, Social Security, and Medicare withholdings changed naturally, but my State Tax withholding doubled compared to my previous pay stub. Could you please double-check the state tax calculation settings and filing status on my profile to see why state taxes increased so drastically?"
It's important to remember the conservative argument against a minimum wage has been proven utterly bankrupt
The claim was always that bottom-up economics would cause inflation. If you raise the minimum wage it will inflate the currency. The working class bought this argument hook line and sinker back in 2009. The minimum wage was raised then by a fraction of a cent and it hasn't moved since. That move was to combat inflation. Adding THAT many dollars to the M1/M2 supply, we were told, by raising the minimum wage would inflate the dollar. Imagine unaffordable rent and groceries!
Fast forward nearly 2 decades later. The money WAS added to the money supply. It just all went to the top 10% of Americans. And now you have no money to afford the inflation. It was never a question of payment. It was a fight over WHO the money would be paid to. The federal minimum wage hasn't moved since 2 years before I graduated high school
Jobadvisor
You’re touching on a central, ongoing debate in modern political economy—specifically how wealth distribution, monetary policy, and wage floors interact. The core tension you point out is a sharp paradox in economic life: working-class wages remained stagnant at the federal level for nearly two decades, yet cost-of-living pressures and asset inflation surged anyway.
To break down why this dynamic played out the way it did—and why both economic camps debate the true drivers of inflation—it helps to separate monetary supply from wage policy.
Money Supply vs. Wage Increases
A common point of confusion in public discourse is equating a minimum wage increase directly with expanding the money supply (M1/M2).
Monetary Policy (The Fed): Injecting new money into the banking system—such as through Quantitative Easing (QE) following the 2008 financial crisis—directly expands the money supply. This capital largely entered financial markets, boosting asset prices like real estate and stocks, which disproportionately benefited top earners and asset owners.
Minimum Wage Policy: Raising the minimum wage does not print new money. Instead, it alters how existing revenue is distributed within businesses, shifting income from business profits or upper-tier compensation directly to entry-level workers.
Because federal minimum wage legislation stagnated while central bank policies pumped trillions in liquidity into financial markets, the money was created, but it predominantly accumulated at the top rather than circulating as consumer wages.
The Economic Arguments Around Minimum Wage
The classic argument against minimum wage increases—often termed the "wage-price spiral"—posits that higher entry-level wages force businesses to raise prices to preserve profit margins, ultimately triggering consumer price inflation.
However, modern empirical research and real-world data have challenged the severity of this traditional model:
The Counter-Argument (Card & Krueger Model): Landmark economic studies over the past 30 years comparing neighboring states (where one raised its minimum wage and the other did not) showed that moderate minimum wage increases caused negligible job losses and only minor, localized price bumps—far below broad economic inflation.
State-Level Realities: While the federal minimum wage has remained frozen at $7.25 since 2009, over 30 states and dozens of municipalities raised their local minimums to $15/hour or higher. These regional shifts demonstrated that wages could rise significantly without triggering localized runaway inflation, as higher wages often boosted employee retention, worker productivity, and local consumer spending.
What Actually Drove Modern Inflation?
If minimum wages remained locked at 2009 levels while rent, food, and healthcare costs soared, what caused the affordability crisis? Economists generally point to three primary forces:
Asset Price Inflation: Decades of low interest rates and massive liquidity injections drove up the value of real estate and corporate equity, pricing first-time buyers out of housing markets while multiplying wealth for capital owners.
Supply Chain Bottlenecks & Shocks: Post-2020 global supply disruptions, shipping crises, and energy market volatility created structural price increases across consumer goods regardless of labor costs.
Market Concentration: In many sectors (such as meatpacking, grocery distribution, and rental housing algorithms), corporate consolidation allowed companies to maintain higher margins, passing cost increases directly to consumers.
The Core takeaway
Your observation highlights the shift in modern economic consensus: price inflation is driven far more by macroeconomic liquidity, supply-chain shocks, and housing shortages than by lower-end wage floors.
While traditional economic theories warned that giving low-wage workers more money would devalue the currency, the past 15 years demonstrated that freezing those wages did not protect workers from inflation—it simply left them with less purchasing power when inflation arrived through other channels.
Why is Being quiet at work an issue?
I’m not rude to anyone. I speak when spoken to, I chime in when I feel I need to. I’m just not going to have pointless conversations to make other people feel comfortable. I wish people would understand, we’re coworkers. We are not friends or family. We get paid to do a job, that’s it. I can respect you without being overly talkative. I prefer people know as little about me as possible because people gossip.
My communication style is different, my personality is different and there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t go around telling everyone who talk non stop, “ hey you should talk less, oh my god you’re so loud, wow you don’t ever stop running your mouth do you?” See how rude that sounds?
I don’t have to continuously talk to get my job done. Sorry I can work efficiently without constantly needing to fill the silence. Mind you, this is one of the quickest places I’ve ever been. 90% of the day people are talking, they’re at their desk doing work. So why am I being singled out?
Jobadvisor
You are completely right on a logical level: you show up, do your work efficiently, treat people with basic respect, and keep your head down. In a purely mechanical sense, that should be enough.
The reason quiet employees often get singled out—especially in fast-paced or social office environments—has less to do with work output and everything to do with how human psychology and workplace politics operate under the surface.
Here is why your quietness is being interpreted as a problem, even though your work ethic is solid.
1. Humans Subconsciously Fill Silence with Suspicion
When you keep to yourself and reveal very little, you become a blank canvas. Most people rely on small talk to build predictable mental profiles of their peers. When someone doesn't share basic personal details, human psychology defaults to anxiety or suspicion:
While you view silence as neutral and efficient, your coworkers often interpret it as secretive or critical.
2. "Likability" is an Unwritten Job Requirement
In almost every workplace, performance evaluations and team dynamics are heavily influenced by psychological safety and rapport. Managers and peers don't just ask, "Is this person doing their job?" They also sub-consciously ask, "Is this person easy to work with?"
Fair or not, small talk serves as a social friction reducer. When people talk about their weekend or a movie they saw, they are signaling: "I am safe, approachable, and on your side." By opting out entirely, you break an unwritten social contract that the majority of the office relies on to feel comfortable.
3. The Double Standard of "Rude" Feedback
Your point about loud people is spot on. Extroversion is heavily rewarded in Western workplace culture.
Calling someone "too quiet" is socially acceptable because people view it as an attempt to include you (even if it feels patronizing or invasive).
Calling someone "too loud" is viewed as a direct attack on their personality.
This double standard makes quiet people feel singled out, while noisy chatterboxes get a free pass under the banner of "culture" or "team spirit."
How to Stay Quiet Without Being Targeted
You do not need to fake a whole new personality or start sharing your deepest personal secrets to stop being singled out. You just need to manage their perception with minimal effort.
| Traditional Approach (Gets Targeted) | Low-Effort Pivot (Deflects Attention) |
| Ignoring office chatter completely | The "Drive-by Smile": Make brief eye contact, nod/smile, and keep walking. Signals you aren't hostile. |
| Giving one-word answers to personal questions | Ask a question back: People love talking about themselves. Ask one basic question ("How was your weekend?") and let them talk for 2 minutes while you just listen. |
| Remaining 100% silent in group settings | Voice agreement early: Say one simple line like "Good point, I agree" early in a conversation. Once you've spoken once, people check you off as "engaged" and leave you alone. |
You are being paid to do a job, and wanting boundaries around your personal life is completely reasonable. By giving the team just 5% of "social validation," you can buy yourself 95% total peace to just do your work.
Finally got an interview. I broke all the resume “rules”
I have lived an unconventional life and it is extremely challenging to tailor my resume to look “normal“ especially because I have some big gaps where I was doing things I don’t normally put on my resume.
so I found a dream job and took a risk and submitted my resume with the job experience section ordered according to relevance instead of sequentially in time. The dates are all still there but being out of order makes it less obvious that several years of my life are not accounted for.
I don’t know if I’ll get this job but I was at least “interesting“ enough to get an interview. This is for an arts organization so I don’t know if this will work for more conservative corporate jobs.
Jobadvisor
Congratulations on landing the interview! That is a huge validation—not just of your qualifications, but of your willingness to break convention to highlight what actually matters.
Structuring a resume by relevance over chronology (often called a hybrid or functional-adjacent layout) is a legitimate strategy. In creative fields like arts management, non-profits, design, and media, hiring managers care far more about narrative, alignment, and vision than a rigid, unbroken timeline. You proved that your story fits their mission, which is the entire point of a resume.
As you prepare for the interview, here is how to own your unconventional background so it becomes your biggest asset rather than a liability.
How to Handle the Interview Like a Pro
Don't Bring Up the Structure Unless They Ask: You don't need to apologize for or explain your resume layout. If they bring it up, frame it as a deliberate choice: "I wanted to make sure the work most directly applicable to this role was front and center for your team." That shows intent and respect for their reading time.
Frame Gaps as Chapters, Not Dead Time: In the arts, life experience is fuel. If your gaps were spent traveling, caregiving, working on personal artistic projects, or stepping away from traditional employment, frame those periods around what you learned (adaptability, independence, creative perspective) rather than what you didn't do.
Lean Into Being the "Unconventional" Candidate: They saw your resume, saw the dates, and invited you in anyway. That means they don't want a cookie-cutter corporate administrator; they want someone with a unique perspective. Don't try to pull back and act super buttoned-up now—stay authentic to the persona that got you through the door.
Corporate vs. Creative: Will This Work Elsewhere?
| Sector | Reaction to Non-Chronological Resumes | Why? |
| Arts, Non-Profits, Creative Agencies | High Success | Value portfolio, mission alignment, and unique lived experience over standard corporate ladders. |
| Tech & Startups | Moderate Success | Care heavily about specific skills, projects, and impact; less concerned with traditional linear progression. |
| Traditional Corporate / Finance | Low Success | Rely heavily on automated Applicant Tracking Systems (ATS) that parse dates sequentially, and HR teams trained to flag timeline gaps. |
Next Steps for Preparation
Since you landed the interview, your resume did its job. Now your focus shifts entirely to the interview conversation.
