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Why should I continue to tip when you are earning $21.30 an hour?
My rule of thumb has been I only tip at sit down restaurants and ONLY for good service: I don't tip for take out. I also tip delivery drivers. But I got to thinking: WHY am I still tipping at sit down restaurants when the staff is making at least $21.30 an hour?
I live in the Seattle area and that's what the minimum wage is. WHY am I giving you a tip to take my order and bring my food when you are already getting paid to do that? Make it make sense!
I know that there are still servers who earn below their state's minimum wage and I also realize that not all areas have as high as a minimum wage as Seattle does but again, why should I tip you for doing your job? I don't get tips for doing MY job.
Jobadvisor
You’ve hit on the exact conflict that is causing a massive cultural shift in how people view tipping, especially on the West Coast. Your math and facts are spot on: in Seattle, the minimum wage is $21.30 an hour, and Washington state strictly bans "tip credits."
The short answer to your question—why should you tip when they are already making a full wage?—is that socially and contractually, you don't have to. The economic landscape has fundamentally changed, and the original justification for tipping no longer applies in Seattle.
If you are trying to "make it make sense," it helps to break down the arguments for why some people still choose to tip in high-minimum-wage areas, versus why your logic is entirely valid.
The Reality: Why the "Old Rules" Don't Apply in Seattle
Tipping in America was originally designed to bridge a legal gap.
In Seattle, that gap doesn't exist.
A Peer Comparison: A server making $21.30 an hour is legally in the exact same financial bucket as a local retail cashier, a fast-food worker, or an entry-level bank teller.
The Inconsistency: As you noted, we do not tip the person who rings up our groceries, nor the person who fixes our plumbing, even though they are also "doing their job."
Why the Expectation of Tipping Still Lingers
Despite the high base wage, the 15–20% tip screen still pops up. Here is why the restaurant industry and servers argue it should stay, even at $21.30 an hour:
The Cost of Living: While $21.30 sounds high compared to the federal minimum, Seattle is one of the most expensive cities in the country. For a full-time worker, $21.30 an hour equates to roughly $44,000 a year before taxes—which is incredibly difficult to live on solo in the metro area.
Tip Pooling (The Kitchen Staff): In Washington state, restaurants are legally allowed to mandate tip pools that include the "back of house" (the cooks, dishwashers, and food preparers).
When you tip your server in Seattle, a significant chunk of that money often goes to supplement the income of the kitchen staff who aren't interacting with you. The "Premium Labor" Argument: Restaurant service is physically demanding, fast-paced, and requires working nights, weekends, and holidays. Proponents argue that without the premium top-off of tips, top-tier hospitality talent would leave the industry for standard 9-to-5 jobs, lowering the overall quality of sit-down dining.
What You Can Do
Because you live in a high-wage zone, you have total agency to adjust your "rule of thumb." Many West Coast diners are shifting their habits in one of three ways:
The "True Service" Model: Only tipping for genuinely exceptional, above-and-beyond service, rather than treating a 15–20% tip as a mandatory tax for standard service.
The Scaled-Down Tip: Lowering your baseline tip percentage (e.g., tipping 10% instead of 20%) to acknowledge that the server is already receiving a robust base wage.
The "No-Tip" Stance: Treating the sit-down meal the same way you treat retail. If the food is expensive because the restaurant has to pay $21.30/hour, you pay the menu price and omit the tip.
A Quick Warning: Keep an eye out for Mandatory Service Charges (often 18–20%) on Seattle menus.
By Washington law, restaurants must explicitly disclose if these fees go to the staff or if the house keeps them. If a mandatory fee is already tacked onto your bill, you are under no obligation to add a traditional tip on top.
Your logic isn't flawed—the system is in an awkward transition state where businesses are paying higher wages but still clinging to an old compensation model. You are entirely justified in matching your tipping habits to the economic reality of your specific city.
I am unable to get a job bc of interviews. I'm close to just crying.
I had an interview with Pfizer for bench scientist 1. I'm struggling with anxiety and my inability to remember details. I've put so much effort into getting my degrees, and I'm now unable to get any career. The fact they didn't give me a direct answer of when they will get back to me and the next steps basically means I'm not getting an offer. I did review and practice. None of that even matter. I'm tired of just failing and failing. I really try, but it'll never be good enough. All because of my anxiety and my shitty memory. I feel so sad and like a failure. I'll never succeed in life. What am I supposed to do?
Jobadvisor
This sounds exhausting, and I'm sorry you're carrying all of this right now. Wanting to cry after pouring yourself into something and coming out unsure — that reaction makes sense.
A few things I want to gently push back on, because I think they're adding pain that isn't warranted:
Not getting an immediate answer about next steps is genuinely normal. It's very common for interviewers, especially at large companies like Pfizer, to not give a timeline on the spot — HR processes, other candidates, internal scheduling all factor in. That ambiguity is not a hidden rejection. You're taking uncertainty and filling it with the worst possible story, which is an understandable thing anxiety does, but it isn't evidence.
Second, I'd slow down on the jump from "this interview felt hard" to "I'll never succeed in life." Those are very different sized claims. One interview, even several, doesn't establish a pattern for your whole future — it establishes that interviews are hard for you right now, which is a specific, workable problem, not a life verdict.
On the memory and anxiety piece specifically — it sounds like anxiety is interfering with your recall in the moment, not that you actually lack the knowledge. Those are different things, and worth treating differently. A few concrete options:
- Practicing recall under mild pressure, not just reviewing content. Reviewing calmly is different from retrieving it while nervous — you can simulate that gap by quizzing yourself out loud, timed, or in front of someone.
- Having a couple of anchor phrases ready for "give me a moment" so a blank doesn't feel like collapse — it buys your brain a second to catch up.
- Talking to a doctor or therapist about the anxiety itself, if you haven't. If it's showing up strongly enough to affect memory retrieval under pressure, that's a treatable thing, not a character flaw.
How many interviews have you had so far, and is it mainly the recall-under-pressure moment that's tripping you up, or is anxiety showing up earlier too, like before you even walk in?
What it's like to be 58 and 17 months unemployed
Tl;dr: Unemployment sucks and I’m over it. I’m still trying to keep my head up. I’m just no longer pretending this is all grit, mindset, and hustle.
---
The collection calls are a lot nicer now.
Back in 1989 or 1990, when I was behind on my bills, I would get calls from people who were mean, dismissive, judgmental or downright rude, all but telling me what a deadbeat I was.
I get calls now, because the only one of my bills I’m paying is my house payment. But these calls are almost apologetic, once you explain your situation. I pretty much always end these calls with, “If you’re hiring, I’m listening.”
I’ve been unemployed for 17 months. I’ve put in serious, well-thought-out, cover-letter-and-tailored-resume applications for nearly 100 jobs. I’ve had exactly one interview. It bore no fruit, other than some nice feedback about my experience and my personality. It was a job for which I was personally referred, was comparable in title and salary to my previous position, but … no.
I’ve been offered exactly one position: A job that pays $14 an hour, which is what I was being paid in 1993. Not in inflation-adjusted dollars; in real dollars. Today’s $14 is 1993’s $6.02. I couldn’t have lived on that then either. Fourteen dollars an hour in a part-time gig will almost replace the unemployment that ran out six months ago.
At this point I’m simply grateful that this inquiry, unlike every other service-industry application I’ve filed, didn’t go straight to the bin. I can't say I'd blame them if they binned it. It would be way smarter to hire a young person with fewer expectations than some 50-something whose last job title was “senior vice president.”
So, I’ll be starting the $14-an-hour gig soon.
I’ve spent my severance, which was generous by today’s standards. I’ve spent my savings. I’ve spent my 401(k), in an effort to keep current on everything because a new job was just around the corner. Turns out that was a mistake.
I was laid off on a Friday. I was offered my job back the same day. I took the weekend to think about it, then said, “no,” because the company and industry is not growing and I’m still young enough to want to grow. Turns out that might have been a mistake. But, that company just had another round of layoffs a few weeks ago, so, keeping the gig would have delayed the inevitable.
I’m keeping the house paid with the one freelance gig I have. I don’t have a huge house payment; we couldn’t rent anywhere for what my mortgage payment is. Underbuying our house was the best financial decision I’ve made in the last 40 years, and it might be the thing that saves us from real homelessness.
My girlfriend is carrying more than her share now, including the groceries, while dealing with her own bills and health concerns.
I’ve been very proud of how I’ve not whined on social media or LinkedIn about the situation. I’ve tried to stay optimistic, and I’ve tried to believe I can build a consultancy business. I’m still using the language “make a bet on myself,” even though I’ve lost that bet more times in the last 16 months than I have in the last 40 years.
I guess I say all of that to say this to those of you whose situations still feel stable:
If you have a job, think very, very carefully before quitting without another one lined up. I don’t care how terrible or soul-sucking it is. If you’re underpaid, remember that whatever you’re making is greater than zero, and zero changes the math fast.
Relatedly, if you are offered a severance package that is anything other than insulting, take it seriously. Do not assume the next offer will be better. Then figure out next steps as quickly as possible, and start gaming out scenarios for how you’ll live at various salary tiers below your current one.
If you’re in the same rickety boat I’m in, and a lot of people are, remember two things: 1/you are not alone, and it says nothing about your worth or your work ethic, and 2/you will find a way. I’m still willing to make that bet on myself, and you should do the same for yourself.
There might come a point where, no matter how much you saved, you still end up back at zero. That doesn’t mean you didn’t do enough. And don’t save yourself into being someone who has no fun, because you never know what’s around the next corner. Spend a prudent amount while you have it. While everything else about my situation sucks, it is nice that we basically have everything we need right now.
Conversely, be careful about selling your stuff. Unless it’s actually going to make a material difference or end one creditor’s calls, when you’re down to nothing, chances are good you’d rather have the thing than not have the thing.
Tomorrow is, after all, another day.
Jobadvisor
Thanks for sharing this. There's a lot in here that reads like it might be echoing back at your own situation right now — the exhaustion of trying and trying, the way uncertainty gets filled in with worst-case stories, the frustration of feeling like effort isn't translating into results.
A couple of things stand out to me from what this person wrote. One is how they'd put serious effort into nearly 100 applications and only landed one interview that led nowhere, and yet they don't conclude they're a failure — they conclude the market is brutal and slow, and that says nothing about their worth. That's a really different internal story than the one you were telling yourself after one Pfizer interview. Same kind of uncertain, discouraging outcome; very different meaning attached to it.
The other thing that stands out is the honesty about how much this wears a person down over time — losing that "bet on myself" more times in recent months than in the previous decades combined — while still choosing to keep making the bet. Not because optimism is easy, but because the alternative is worse.
I want to check in with you directly: how are you doing right now, reading this? Did it make you feel less alone in it, or did it stir up more of the "I'll never succeed" feeling from before?
When are we going to stop asking female candidates about their “family plans” in interviews?!
Rant on the kind of questions asked to a female:
I have given multiple interviews in the past few months and even before that. And unfortunately there’s been more than one instance where the interviewer has asked personal questions like “Are you planning to have a kid soon?”. I mean WTF?! And one interviewer even went ahead and actually asked me not to do any family planning at least for a year because they need people to work, like what??!!
While I do understand that businesses may need to fill in someone in case of things like Maternity leaves, but asking this question specifically to a married female candidate who is not even currently pregnant is completely absurd and inappropriate, and that the fact is that it is not even that uncommon!
We are moving towards Women’s Rights and Human Rights but still feel the need to differentiate women based on our bodies and things which could be out of our control. Who gives the recruiters the right to ask such personal questions?! If I am sitting at an interview then of course, I am physically well to take up the job.
And I do not want to mention this, but I have faced this issue particularly with certain nationalities only (not going to mention which). So I don’t know if it’s a cultural issue or a mindset issue or both. But it needs to change!
Jobadvisor
Ugh, WTF indeed. Let’s just call a spade a spade: that is incredibly unprofessional, deeply frustrating, and in many places, flat-out illegal.
It is completely valid that you are furious. You are showing up as a professional to discuss your skills, your experience, and what you can bring to the table. Instead, you're being treated like a liability based on hypothetical biological timelines.
To answer your question about who gives them the right: absolutely no one.
Here is a breakdown of why this keeps happening, the cultural layer you noticed, and how you can handle these boundary-crossing moments.
The Reality Check: Why is this still happening?
While the world is progressing toward better human rights and workplace equality, the corporate execution of those values is painfully uneven.
Risk Aversion vs. Ethics: Some managers are so terrified of the logistical headache of parental leave that they let their anxiety override basic professional boundaries (and employment laws).
The "Culture" Factor: You mentioned noticing this with specific nationalities, and your intuition is spot on. Workplace regulations and cultural norms vary wildly across the globe. In some regions, asking about marriage, kids, or religion is standard small talk or considered "pragmatic" hiring. When managers from those cultures relocate or interview globally, they often bring those outdated or illegal habits with them, completely oblivious to (or ignoring) local labor laws.
Audacity Overload: The interviewer who told you not to family plan for a year? That isn’t just a cultural gap; that is pure, unadulterated audacity.
How to Handle the "Family Plan" Trap
When you are blindsided by these questions, it’s hard to know how to respond without sounding combative or jeopardizing the job. Here are three ways to handle it, depending on how much you want to push back:
1. The Professional Pivot (Redirect to Commitment)
You don't answer the personal question; you answer the underlying business concern (which is usually: "Are you going to disappear on us?").
The Script: "If you’re asking about my long-term commitment to this role, I can assure you I am fully focused on growing my career right now and am highly motivated to succeed in this position."
2. The Direct Boundary (Polite but Firm)
If they push, or if someone makes a ridiculous demand like asking you to promise not to get pregnant, you can draw a hard line.
The Script: "I prefer to keep the focus of our conversation on my professional qualifications and how my skills align with what the team needs."
3. The Reverse Question (Make Them Explain Themselves)
Sometimes, throwing the ball back into their court forces them to realize how inappropriate they are being.
The Script: "I’m curious, how does that factor into the daily responsibilities or performance expectations of this role?"
The Ultimate Red Flag
Look at it this way: an interview is a two-way street. When a company shows you that they view female employees as a "flight risk" or try to police your personal life before you even sign a contract, they are telling you exactly who they are.
If a manager is willing to say something that inappropriate during the "honeymoon phase" of hiring, imagine how they will treat you when you actually work there—whether you take a sick day, need flexibility, or yes, eventually decide to have a family.
You deserve to be evaluated on your brain, your drive, and your portfolio—not your ultrasound status. Keep your head high, shut down the invasive questions, and remember that rejecting a toxic company is a massive win for your career.
Job hunting pushed me into depression
So long story short i have been job hunting since 4 -5 months and it isn't going really well
At first i used to get some interview calls and some rejections
Now i dont even get any calls anymore
And i went into depression and started getting random panic attacks which nobody knows.
Since i lost my job i started living with my parents
They treat me so well, and never said about job or anything but i feel like im burdening them
Is it normal to feel that way or am i over thinking?
I just wanted to share my thoughts here, nothing much
Jobadvisor
This is for informational purposes only. For medical advice or diagnosis, consult a professional.
I am so sorry you are going through this. First, I want you to take a deep breath and hear this clearly: Yes, it is completely normal to feel this way, but no, you are not a burden.
What you are experiencing right now is incredibly common, but that doesn't make it any less painful. Job hunting is brutal. It is not just about looking for work; it is a constant cycle of hope and rejection that directly attacks your sense of identity, security, and self-worth. When the interview calls dry up, it feels like falling into a void.
It makes total sense that your brain has translated this prolonged stress into depression and panic attacks. You are under an immense psychological load.
You Are Not a Burden to Your Parents
You mentioned that your parents treat you well and never bring up the job hunt. Please trust their behavior over the anxious thoughts in your head.
The Brain's Stress Trap: When we are depressed and anxious, our brains lie to us. They twist good things (like loving, supportive parents) into a source of guilt. You feel like a burden because you feel heavy right now, not because they find you heavy.
A Parent's Perspective: To your parents, you aren't a financial math problem or a freelance project. You are their child. Having you home, safe, where they can support you during a rough patch is exactly what they want to do. If they wanted you gone or felt burdened, their behavior would reflect it. Let them love you right now.
Navigating the Panic and Depression
Because you are keeping this entirely to yourself, the weight is multiplying. When panic attacks and depression go unshared, they thrive in the dark.
Break the Silence: Since your parents are supportive, consider opening up to them—even just a little bit. You don't have to break down every detail, but saying, "Hey, the job hunt has been really rough lately, and it’s making me feel pretty down and anxious. I'm so grateful I can stay here," can release a massive amount of pressure.
Separate Your Worth from Your Inbox: Your value as a human being is not tied to how many automated rejection emails you get or how long a hiring manager takes to look at your resume. The job market right now is notoriously broken and slow. A lack of calls is a reflection of a flawed system, not a flawed you.
Changing the Daily Routine
When you don't have a job, the days bleed together, which feeds depression. To regain a sense of control, try to shift your focus away from the job hunt being your entire identity:
Implement a "Cut-Off" Time: Treat job hunting like a shift. Do it from 9 AM to 12 PM, and then stop. Close the laptop. The remaining hours won't magically produce more jobs, but they will produce more anxiety if you keep staring at the screen.
Protect Your Biology: Panic attacks are physical reactions to neurological overload. Keep your caffeine intake low (caffeine mimics panic symptoms), try to get outside for a walk every single day to burn off excess cortisol, and focus on slow, deep exhales when you feel a wave of anxiety coming on.
You are in a valley right now, but valleys are temporary terrain. You will get through this, and the fact that you are feeling this deeply just means you care about your future. Be as kind to yourself today as your parents are being to you.