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Lunch Interview
So I'm heading to round two of interviews for a technical job
They're flying me out for a panel interview in a few days, and then lunch with the team
The panel interview is straight forward
I'm wondering though, how has your experience been when they wanted to go to lunch after that. I feel like that's probably more important than the panel interview if I'm being honest, because if the vibe doesn't match its game over
Any help is appreciated
Jobadvisor
First off, congratulations on making it to round two! Flying you out means they are already seriously investing in you.
You hit the nail on the head: the lunch interview is absolutely critical. While the panel interview proves you can do the job, the lunch interview determines if they actually want to work with you for 40+ hours a week. It is a cultural fit and "airport test" rolled into one.
Here is a breakdown of how these typically play out, what they are actually looking for, and how to ace it without losing your mind.
1. The Mindset Shift: The Interview Never Stopped
The biggest trap candidates fall into is thinking lunch is "break time." It’s not. It is an extension of the interview, just in a casual setting.
They are observing: How you treat the waitstaff, how you handle a relaxed environment, and if you can talk about things other than just code or architecture.
You are observing: How the team interacts with each other. Do they seem genuinely friendly? Is there weird tension? Do they talk over one another? This is your best chance to see the real company culture.
2. Navigating the Conversation
The vibe should feel like lunch with future peers, not an interrogation. Keep the conversation balanced between professional interest and casual human interaction.
Safe & Engaging Topics
The Neighborhood: Ask about the local area, good food spots, or what commutes are like. It shows you’re genuinely visualizing yourself living/working there.
Team Dynamics: Ask how the team handles celebrating wins, or what a typical Friday looks like.
Interests: Sports, movies, hobbies, travel. If someone mentions they love hiking, ask about local trails.
What to Avoid
Deep Politics/Religion: Standard rule of thumb, keep it safe.
Complaining: Avoid trashing your current employer, the flight over, the weather, or the restaurant. Energy is contagious; keep it positive.
Monopolizing the Conversation: Make sure you're asking questions and letting others speak. It shows you're a collaborator, not a soloist.
3. The Logistics (The Unspoken Rules)
Since you’re flying out, you might be tired, but try to keep your wits about you for these specific restaurant dynamics:
| Scenario | The Golden Rule | Why it Matters |
| Ordering Food | Mid-priced, easy to eat. Avoid messy foods (ribs, spaghetti, giant burgers). | You can't talk effectively if you're wrestling with your food or wiping sauce off your face. |
| Alcohol | Default to no. Only order a drink if the hiring manager explicitly orders one first, and even then, limit it to exactly one. | You need to stay sharp. It's always safer to play it cool. |
| The Bill | Put your wallet away. The company is paying. | Trying to split the bill or argue over paying creates awkward friction. Just say, "Thank you so much for lunch, I really appreciate it." |
4. Flipping the Script
Since this is a two-way street, use this time to ask questions you couldn't naturally ask in a formal panel.
Great lunch questions to ask them:
"What’s the most unexpected thing you’ve come to love about working here?"
"How does the team usually wind down after a massive, stressful sprint or project delivery?"
"What do you all usually do for lunch? Do people eat together, or is it more of a 'grab and go' culture?"
Don't overthink it to the point of being robotic. They already like your resume. Be polite, match their energy level, eat some good food, and let them see the person behind the technical skills.
Scolded for ordering a normal dinner
I had a $5 GH coupon so I ordered myself some sushi for dinner. It came to $22 including tax and service fee before the discount, and I tipped 15% on that post-tax post-fee amount which came to $3.30
I requested no contact delivery but the driver rang my bell anyway, which happens half the time no big deal. When I opened the door he said:
"No delivery to your building anymore. $3.30 for 40 minutes not enough"
He was going to keep talking but I gave a thumbs up and shut the door on him, then reported to GH support what happened. No idea where he's even getting 40min, the restaurant was 1.2 miles away. I can walk there in less than 40, it should be 10min max by bike or car.
Anyway that's my stupid tipping story for this evening. Good thing the bag was stapled shut at the restaurant so I know he couldn't tamper with it.
Jobadvisor
Wow. I don’t blame you at all for shutting the door and reporting that. Talk about an absolute mood-killer right before you’re trying to enjoy some sushi.
First of all, good on you for the quick reflexes with the thumbs-up and door-shut combo. Standard-level boundary setting right there.
Here is why his "40-minute" math is completely on him, not you:
The Distance: 1.2 miles is nothing. Even with traffic, a pickup, and drop-off, that is a 10 to 15-minute job max.
The "40 Minutes": If it actually took him 40 minutes, it’s likely because he was "multi-apping" (running orders on DoorDash or UberEats at the same time) or the restaurant was backed up. Neither of those things is your fault, nor should you be taxed extra for them.
The Tip: You tipped 15% on the post-tax, post-fee amount for a short-distance delivery. In what universe is that worth confronting a customer at their door?
If drivers feel Grubhub’s base pay is too low for a specific run, they have the right to decline the offer before accepting it. Accepting the job just to lecture the customer at their doorstep is incredibly unprofessional.
At least the stapled bag gave you some peace of mind. Hopefully, Grubhub support actually does something about it, and you got to enjoy your sushi in peace after that bizarre encounter!
[NJ] should I take family leave or PTO and how does it work?
Currently helping care for my elderly dad with cancer and he recently fell and had to get surgery which made things even worse. I am considering taking either intermittent time off or like 1-2 weeks off to help care for him more but not sure how family leave works? I’ve been at my job over 4 years so I qualify. But I also am scared of job security since it’s layoffs all around and stuff. Should I just use PTO since I have 2-3 weeks accrued or should I try to take family leave? What’s the FMLA process, I go through HR or the NJ state site thanks for any help
Jobadvisor
I am so incredibly sorry you are dealing with this. Navigating a parent’s cancer diagnosis is already exhausting, but managing a recent fall, surgery, and the stress of corporate layoffs on top of it is an immense weight to carry. It makes total sense that you are feeling anxious about your job security.
You should not rely solely on your 2–3 weeks of standard PTO if you need ongoing or intermittent time off. You have access to powerful state and federal rights that are designed to protect your job and replace your income.
Here is exactly how family leave works in New Jersey and how it protects you.
1. Job Protection: The Shield for Your Anxiety
Your instinct to worry about layoffs is valid, but using unprotected PTO actually leaves you more vulnerable to attendance-based issues if you need to unexpectedly extend your time off. Formal family leave gives you legal protections.
Because you have been at your company for over four years, you likely qualify for job-protected leave under two laws that run at the same time:
Federal FMLA (Family and Medical Leave Act)
NJFLA (New Jersey Family Leave Act)
Both laws grant you up to 12 weeks of job-protected leave to care for a parent with a serious health condition. Your employer is legally required to hold your job (or an equivalent one) and maintain your health insurance while you are out.
Critical Legal Protection: It is highly illegal for an employer to retaliate against you, target you for layoffs, or count your absence against you because you requested or took FMLA/NJFLA leave.
2. Income Replacement: How You Get Paid
FMLA and NJFLA protect your job, but they are technically unpaid.
The state provides cash benefits to replace your wages while you care for your dad.
The Benefit: You can receive up to 85% of your average weekly wage (up to a state-regulated cap of over $1,000+ per week).
Duration: You can take this as a solid block of up to 12 weeks, or you can take it intermittently (day-by-day) for up to 56 separate days over a 12-month period.
Should you use PTO or Family Leave?
You can actually do a combination of both. Under New Jersey rules, you have the right to choose how you sequence your leave. You might choose to use 1 week of your fully-paid accrued PTO first to get 100% of your pay, and then transition to NJ FLI benefits for the rest of your time off. Your employer cannot force you to exhaust all your PTO before letting you access state benefits.
3. Step-by-Step: How to Apply
The application process is a dual-track system. You must notify your employer to protect your job, and you must apply with the state to get paid.
Inform your HR department in writing that you need to take FMLA / NJFLA leave to care for your father. If you want to take it day-by-day, explicitly request intermittent leave. HR will hand you a medical certification form.
Your dad's oncologist or surgeon will need to fill out the medical certification confirming he has a serious health condition and requires your care. Give this back to HR. They have 5 days to formally approve your job-protected FMLA.
Go to the NJ Department of Labor (myleavebenefits.nj.gov) and file a claim for Family Leave Insurance (FLI). You will upload the same medical documentation here so the state can approve your weekly paychecks.
A Quick Piece of Advice
Given your dad's recent surgery and changing condition, intermittent leave is likely your best option. It allows you to work standard days when he is stable, but legally protects you if you suddenly need to take off a Tuesday or Thursday to take him to follow-up appointments or handle an emergency.
Take a deep breath. The laws in New Jersey are among the strongest in the country for working caregivers. You qualify, your job is protected, and you do not have to burn through all your vacation time to be there for your dad.
Previous internship at a mid-sized company’s hiring/payroll details handled by third-party staffing agency. What to put on HireRight background check?
Is internship payroll/hiring details being handled by a third-party staffing company normal?
If this is a common/normal thing, then oops.
Anyway, last year I applied directly to a company’s intern role on their website (it’s a decently sized company, not a start-up or family business or anything). When I got the offer, it turned out that the company was using a third-party staffing agency (Randstad USA) to handle all of the payroll and hiring details for the interns. I haven’t really thought about this until now, but I have a full-time grad offer elsewhere and I have to do the background check. I saw some advice to check The Work Number by Equifax to see what my work history is recorded as. It turns out that only the staffing company is listed instead of the company the interns directly applied to, and the title listed is also very generic (it doesn’t even say I was an intern). Even my W-2’s all say the staffing agency with no mention of the actual company.
My concern is that with this current HireRight background check, if they go with what’s listed on that resource then it’s exact but it doesn’t actually say much about what I claim to have as work experience. On the other hand, I think that if I put the actual company and my role it’ll automatically come up as a mismatch with what’s on the work number and it’ll cause delays/issues. Basically everyone I knew from the internship just had the actual company name and their role on their resumes/Linkedin accounts.
Basically, I’m wondering if my case is the norm and it wouldn’t cause an issue and/or if anyone has dealt with something like this (if so, what did you do for future background checks)?
Jobadvisor
First off, take a deep breath. What you are experiencing is incredibly common, and you haven't messed anything up.
Many mid-sized and large corporations use third-party staffing agencies (like Randstad, Aerotek, or Kelly Services) to employer-of-record (EOR) their internship programs. It shifts the payroll liability, tax paperwork, and onboarding administrative burden off their internal HR teams.
Because the staffing agency cut your paychecks, they are legally your employer on paper. That's why your W-2s and The Work Number only show Randstad. It's completely standard practice, and background check companies like HireRight see this literally every single day.
Here is exactly how to handle the HireRight form to prevent automated mismatches and speed up your verification.
How to Fill Out the HireRight Form
The biggest trap with background checks is causing an automated mismatch. If you put only the parent company, HireRight's automated system will ping the Work Number, find nothing, and flag it. If you put only Randstad, it won't match the resume you gave your future employer.
To bridge the gap, format your employer name and title like this on the HireRight form:
Company Name:
Randstad USA (co-employed at [Actual Company Name])or[Actual Company Name] via Randstad USAJob Title:
[Your Actual Intern Title] (Payroll handled by Randstad)
This tells the human reviewer at HireRight exactly what happened: "Look for tax/payroll records under Randstad, but know that the day-to-day work happened at Company X."
Proactive Steps to Prevent Delays
Because automated systems can still be finicky, you should assume HireRight might ask you to prove your employment manually. You can speed up the process by gathering your documentation right now.
Locate your W-2 from last year and your first and last paystubs from Randstad. These prove your dates of employment and that you were legally paid.
Use a black marker or a digital PDF editor to completely block out your Social Security Number, bank routing numbers, and net pay amounts. Leave your name, the staffing agency's name, and the dates visible.
If HireRight's portal allows you to attach supporting documents when submitting, upload your redacted W-2/paystubs right away. If it doesn't, keep them ready on your desktop so you can upload them the second they send a "Request for Information" email.
A Quick Reassurance: Your peers aren't lying on LinkedIn or their resumes by listing just the main company name. On a resume, employers care about where you sat and what you built, not who ran the payroll software. You did the right thing on your resume. The background check form is the only place where you have to get hyper-literal about the legal entities involved.
You've got this. Keep your documents handy, fill out the form transparently, and it will clear just fine. Good luck with the new grad role!
I interviewed an FBI hostage negotiator who built his whole career around something he saw on TV at age 8. His story changed how I think about following the pull.
I recently sat down with Gary Noesner, who spent 30 years as an FBI hostage negotiator and ended up running the unit. I asked him what made him.
He said when he was eight he watched a TV show about the FBI, came home, told his mother that is what he wanted to be, and many years later it worked out. He cannot fully explain why it resonated, but it did, and he kept moving toward it.
The thing that struck me about his story is not the singular focus. It is that he allowed himself to follow it without overthinking. No career plan, no networking strategy, no second-guessing whether it was a good fit. He kept going in that direction.
Once he was in, he discovered something he had not known existed. Hostage negotiation. He said it complemented his personality and his interests, and that line keeps coming back to me. He had followed the initial pull all the way into the institution and then found the specific thing inside it that was actually for him.
The other piece worth sharing was his advice to younger people who feel intimidated by senior people in their organisations. Speak up. He told a story about Waco where the most inexperienced negotiator in the room offered an idea during a meeting that turned out to be brilliant. He said good ideas do not come from one place, and any leader who makes you feel you cannot contribute is one to leave behind.
What I took from the whole interview is that finding your path might be less about figuring it out cleverly and more about following something that pulls at you, then paying close attention to what you discover once you are inside.
Anyone else have an experience like this? Followed something obvious and then found the actual thing later?
Jobadvisor
This is an incredible takeaway. There is a profound difference between trying to engineer a perfect career on paper and simply letting a genuine spark of curiosity pull you forward. Gary’s experience perfectly illustrates that you don't need to see the entire staircase; you just need to step onto the first landing.
By honoring that initial, almost childlike intuition, he placed himself in the exact environment where his actual calling could reveal itself.
To help open this up to a broader discussion, here is a polished, highly engaging version of your post, formatted specifically to capture attention and invite meaningful comments on platforms like LinkedIn or Substack.
The Danger of Over-Engineering Your Career
I recently sat down with Gary Noesner, a man who spent 30 years as an FBI hostage negotiator and ultimately ran the entire unit. I asked him what sparked that journey.
His answer surprised me.
When he was eight years old, he watched a TV show about the FBI. He told his mother right then and there that it was what he wanted to do with his life. Decades later, he did exactly that. He couldn't fully explain why it resonated so deeply, but he just kept moving toward it.
1. Follow the "Pull" Without Overthinking
What struck me most wasn't his singular focus. It was his lack of overthinking.
No 10-year career roadmap.
No aggressive networking strategy.
No constant second-guessing about whether it was a "perfect fit."
He simply allowed himself to follow an obvious pull.
2. Find the "Thing Inside the Thing"
Once Gary was inside the FBI, he discovered something he didn't even know existed: hostage negotiation.
It perfectly complemented his personality and interests. This is the part I can't stop thinking about: He followed a broad, initial interest all the way into the institution, and then discovered the specific niche that was truly meant for him.
Finding your path might be less about cleverly figuring it out upfront, and more about following a general curiosity, then paying close attention to what you discover once you're inside.
3. Good Ideas Don't Care About Seniority
I also asked Gary what advice he has for younger professionals who feel intimidated by senior leaders. His response? Speak up.
He shared a story from the Waco siege, where the most inexperienced negotiator in the room pitched an idea that turned out to be brilliant. Leaders who silence junior voices are leaders worth leaving behind. Good ideas don't have a hierarchy.
Lost my "why" at 32, anyone relate?
32m, from England.
For most of my 20s everything revolved around fitness and travelling. The gym stuff was probably ego driven if I'm honest, wanting to look good. Now I've got a girlfriend, the hair's going, joints are playing up, back's not great and the gym just feels like a chore. Can't find the motivation anymore.
Same with travelling. Thailand at 18 and 19, cycled through the Balkans at 24, proper formative stuff. These days it's a week in Europe with my girlfriend, lying by a pool, and it just doesn't do it for me like it used to.
Financially I'm doing alright but that almost makes it worse because I don't know what I'd even spend money on. Nothing feels worth it because I don't know what actually brings me joy anymore.
Anyone come out the other side of this? How did you work out what you actually wanted?
Jobadvisor
Mate, you are right on schedule.
First off, yes—countless people can relate to this. You’ve hit the classic "Early 30s Identity Shift." It’s a feature of getting older, not a bug, though it absolutely feels like a system crash when you’re in the thick of it.
In your 20s, life gives you default, high-octane drivers: ego, novelty, status, and exploration. Getting ripped, backpacking across continents, and chasing the next dopamine hit work beautifully for a decade. But around 30 to 32, those drivers naturally run out of fuel. Your body changes, your relationship status changes, and suddenly, lying by a pool in Spain feels more like a waiting room than an adventure.
You haven't lost your capacity for joy; you've just outgrown the things that used to provide it. You're transitioning from external validation (looking good, collecting passport stamps) to a need for internal fulfillment.
Here is how people typically navigate this and find their way out the other side:
1. Shift from "Fitness" to "Function & Longevity"
When your motivation was "look jacked at the beach," and your joints now hurt, the gym feels like a punishment.
The Fix: Redefine the goal. It’s no longer about ego; it’s about capability. Instead of standard bodybuilding, look into mobility work, swimming, bouldering, or even calisthenics.
The Mindset: You aren't training to look good for strangers anymore; you're training so your back doesn't hurt when you're 40. It’s less glamorous, but oddly liberating when you let the ego go.
2. Shift from "Tourism" to "Challenge"
A week by a pool with the girlfriend is a holiday, but it isn't an adventure. You miss the version of you that cycled the Balkans because that guy had to solve problems and face discomfort.
The Fix: You can still travel with your partner, but change the blueprint. Swap the resort for a challenging hike-and-stay, a food-cooking tour, or learning a language together.
The Mindset: If travel doesn't involve a bit of grit or learning, it's just a change of scenery. You need engagement, not just relaxation.
3. The "Disposable Income" Trap
Having money but no desire to spend it is a weirdly depressing feeling because society tells us consumption equals happiness.
The Fix: Stop trying to buy things or status. Use that financial stability to buy time or experimentation.
Buy high-quality gear for a completely new hobby you suck at.
Use it to take a course in something random (woodworking, sailing, coding, pottery).
Use it to fund a passion project where making a profit doesn't matter.
4. Create Instead of Consume
In your 20s, you consume the world (traveling, eating, partying). In your 30s, the "why" usually comes from creation or contribution.
The Fix: Look outside yourself. Can you mentor someone? Can you coach a local youth sports team? Can you build something with your hands?
The Mindset: Joy in your 30s is rarely found in what you can get from the world, but rather what you can put into it.
A final thought: Give yourself some grace. You are grieving the loss of your 20s self, and that's allowed. But the 32-year-old version of you has the potential to be much more grounded, resilient, and content—you just have to build him from scratch.
To help figure out the next step, when you think back to cycling the Balkans or your early gym days, what was the exact feeling you miss the most? Was it the independence, the physical challenge, or just feeling like you were progressing toward something?