I'm on the West Coast of USA where cannabis is legal. Hello, I have issues with my 2 managers and not sure to report to HR

Hi. I was offered a position and then they gave it the new guy. (Ive been here 7mo, he's been here 4) Ill call him Pete 30m

I'm a 34F working at a dispensary. I am at the front desk position. After my first month my GM said he loved the way I work and would love me to move up. Of course I was thrilled. I said of course! So since January every 2 weeks, he would say I'm changing the schedule, you'll be starting next week. And every time he would say that I was super excited and kind of confused of what the hold up was, but i thought maybe bc no one has quit so maybe there's no openings. Pete worked along side me the whole time.

Then 2 months ago, Pete covered for the position in the curb side department one night. I was a little jealous and thought oh well. The following day, my lead asked me when Pete comes in, send him to curbside. I asked, well since he did it yesterday, can I do it tonight? The lead looked at me confused and asked why? I responded that the GM offered me to move up and I can handle it. The lead looked at me even more weird and said, no he's moving up. He applied and had his interviews with the managers, like his schedule is changed, its all done. I said wait what? My lead asked again, when did the GM tell you this? I said every 2 weeks since January.. So Im confused why did this happen?

I decided to talk to my other manger (not the GM) and told him the story. He was also dumbfouned and said he knew nothing of this and apologized. Then explained the move up process and they both helped Pete through the process. I was like, GM helped that? he said yes. I said ok so did I do something that would forfeit my position? He said absolutely not, but when there's a position available online, we will help you through it. I was like ok

Then there was an opening for budtender last week, I wrote to my non GM manager on teams, oh I see this! can I apply? He responded sure

3 days ago, both managers walk in at the same time, and I said HR got my application for budtender, did she contact you? They both looked at the floor and finally said, you cant move up you have to be at curbside before you're budtender. And I said, I asked before I applied and I was given the go ahead. My GM then said it doesn't matter, we had that position open for Pete not you. Then I asked, you've told me every few weeks you were moving me up but you helped Pete do so? Did I get skipped for a reason. GM said that's the rules. It wasn't confrontational, we all were using normal tone.

Now the past 3 days have been so awkward. They won't talk to me or even look at me. What happened and should I contact HR? Did i do something wrong? I fear ill get fired bc I confronted them.

Jobadvisor

This is a frustrating situation, and I can see why you're anxious — being told "you're next" for months and then watching the process happen for someone else, then getting met with cold shoulders, would unsettle anyone.

Here's how I'd read what happened, based only on what you've described:

What seems to have gone on. Your GM kept telling you informally that a move-up was coming, but apparently never started the actual process for you — no application, no interviews, nothing formal. Meanwhile he was running that real process for Pete the whole time. Whether that was a miscommunication on his part, an attempt to keep you motivated without committing to anything, or something else, you genuinely can't know for certain — but the pattern (verbal promises to you, real action for Pete) is the core of your complaint, and it's a legitimate one to raise.

Did you do something wrong? Based on what you've shared, no. You didn't go around anyone — you asked your non-GM manager directly on Teams whether you could apply, he said yes, and you applied. That's not overstepping; that's following the process as it was explained to you in the moment. The "curbside before budtender" rule, if it's real, should have been told to you the first time you asked, not after you'd already applied with a manager's blessing.

On the awkwardness the past few days — it's hard to know what's behind it. It could be discomfort because you pointed out an inconsistency they don't have a good answer for. It could be unrelated stress. People sometimes go quiet after an uncomfortable conversation without it meaning anything sinister. I'd be careful not to assume the worst, but I also wouldn't ignore it if it continues or escalates.

Should you go to HR? I think it's reasonable to. You have a factual, documentable issue: a manager made repeated verbal commitments about advancement, a different process was run for a coworker without your knowledge, and you have a Teams message showing a manager telling you it was fine to apply. That's not "I felt slighted" — that's a paper trail. A few things that would help:

• Write out a timeline now while it's fresh: dates (even approximate) of the "you're moving up" conversations, the curbside incident, the conversation with your non-GM manager, the Teams message, and the day both managers told you the rule.
• Keep that Teams thread saved/screenshotted.
• When you talk to HR, stick to facts and questions rather than accusations: "I was told X, this is what happened, I'd like to understand the actual promotion process and whether it was applied consistently." Let HR draw conclusions rather than presenting your own theory about motive.

On fear of being fired for this — raising a legitimate, good-faith process concern with HR is exactly what HR exists for, and most companies have anti-retaliation policies for that. I'm not a lawyer and can't promise how your specific employer will handle it, but going to HR with a calm, factual account isn't something you should expect to be punished for, and avoiding HR out of fear would mean the inconsistency just goes unaddressed.

If it would help, I'm happy to help you draft a clear, neutral timeline or the message you'd send to HR to kick this off.

[FL] going to surgery

Hi. I'm going to have a gallbladder surgery next month. I am in touch with our HR since finding out I need one and they gave me the FMLA forms to be filled by my surgeon. I informed my manager about my plan for surgery sometime in February this year and told her that I'll let her know the dates when I'm gonna do it. Fast forward this week I scheduled my surgery and found out that I cannot afford it so I asked our HR if it's okay that I do it overseas, they said it's fine as long as I have the FMLA filled up. They said I can submit it after my surgery bec my surgeon is refusing to fill it up ahead of time.

This is my problem: when I told my manager on the dates that I'll be gone like almost 3 weeks (i have 2 weeks PTO) she said why am I gone that long when I only have a desk job. I said that's what my doctor said and also said I don't know how fast I will recover because each person is different. I didn't tell her my plan to do it overseas bec she will ask more questions that is none of her business in my opinion. Today she said that our boss wants me to submit my doctor's notes aside from my FMLA forms which I find BS. Our HR said it's not needed. I feel i'm being harrased for a medical leave that I have a right to and invasion of privacy. I don't know what to do. I want to quit or i can just give them my doctor's notes from here and then to follow my FMLA form from my surgeon overseas.

For context: I work in a small office but we have lots of different locations and have tons of employees altogether.

Jobadvisor

First off, take a deep breath. Dealing with a major surgery is stressful enough on its own—worrying about the cost and having to travel overseas for it just adds a whole other layer. Having your manager question your recovery time and demand extra paperwork on top of that is incredibly frustrating, and your feelings of irritation and invasion of privacy are completely valid.

The good news is that the law and your HR department are on your side. Here is a breakdown of what is actually happening legally and logistically, and exactly how you should handle this.

1. HR vs. Your Manager (Who Wins?)

HR wins. Every single time. Under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), your employer is allowed to request a standard medical certification (the FMLA form) to approve your leave.

• The Law: Once you provide a sufficient FMLA certification, your employer cannot demand regular doctor's notes for every day or week you are gone.

• The Conflict: Your manager and your "boss" are overstepping. They do not get to override federal law or company policy because they think a "desk job" requires less recovery time. (Even with a desk job, you cannot sit comfortably, drive, or lift things right after abdominal surgery!)

2. The FMLA & Overseas Dilemma

Because your surgeon is overseas and won't sign the forms until the procedure is done, you are in a bit of a gray area temporarily until that paperwork is submitted. However, your HR department already gave you the green light to submit it afterward.

Important Note: FMLA does apply to treatment received outside the United States, but the forms must still be completed in English (or translated) and provide the same required medical facts.

3. Your Action Plan

Here is how you can protect yourself, handle your manager, and get your surgery done with peace of mind without having to quit your job:

Step 1: Get HR to Put It in Writing

Since HR told you that the extra doctor's notes are not required, get them to state that in an email. Send HR a quick, professional message:

• "Hi HR Team, my manager requested that I submit additional doctor's notes from my physician prior to my leave, in addition to the FMLA paperwork we discussed. Can you please clarify if this is a company requirement, as I want to ensure I am following the correct protocol?"

• Once HR replies saying "No, just the FMLA form is fine," you have your shield.

Step 2: Loop HR Into the Conversation with Your Manager

Do not argue with your manager about your medical needs. Reply to your manager via email (always keep a paper trail) and CC your HR representative.

• “Hi [Manager Name], per my conversation with HR, the standard FMLA certification forms are the required documentation for this medical leave. HR has confirmed that additional doctor's notes are not necessary. I will be submitting the completed FMLA paperwork as instructed by HR to formalize my 3-week absence. Thank you for understanding.”

Step 3: Keep the "Overseas" Detail Secret

You are 100% correct: Where you get your surgery done is none of your manager's business. You do not need to tell her you are leaving the country. If she asks why your surgeon's stamp or address is international after you return, you can simply say, "I chose to see a specialist for my procedure." Period.

Step 4: Don't Quit Just Yet

Do not let a poorly trained manager pressure you into quitting a job that provides you with PTO and FMLA protection. Use your 2 weeks of PTO, use your job-protected FMLA leave to recover, and take care of your health first. If you still want to quit when you get back, you can do it on your own terms when you are healthy and clear-headed.

You are doing everything right by cooperating with HR. Let HR handle your manager while you focus on getting ready for your procedure.

How are you planning to handle the upcoming conversation with your manager—would you like help drafting a specific email response to her?

Tip expected for dog self-wash

I have a BMD with allergies and I wash her at least once a month. I've had it lately with the tipping expectations at U-Wash i go to. If it wasn't the best option available I'd stop going tbh. They charge you first and then you go and wash your dog and they ask for tip beforehand with the POS system. It's a place I feel no shame hitting that no tip button. The staff literally disappears after handing you a towel and don't even assist if your dog is afraid of getting in the tub. I cannot fathom why this is something that is turned on at this place. Again I am literally washing my own dog. I know they take appointments and groom dogs but the U-Wash is already $30 for a large dog like mine and quite frankly I don't think tipping for dog grooming should be proper etiquette. Name your price and I'll pay it but I'm not tipping for that.

Jobadvisor

Ugh, I feel this frustration deep in my soul. You are 100% justified in hitting that "No Tip" button with absolute zero shame.

The "tip creep" on POS screens has gotten completely out of hand, but a self-wash station asking for a tip before you go do all the manual labor is next-level audacious.

Here is a quick breakdown of why your logic is entirely sound, and why you shouldn't let that screen guilt you for even a second:

1. You Are the Employee Here

A $30 fee for a large dog self-wash is supposed to cover three things: the use of the equipment (tub, ramp, blow dryer), the utilities (warm water, electricity), and the products (shampoo, towels).

• The staff's involvement: Handing you a towel.

• Your involvement: Lifting/coaxing a heavy Bernese Mountain Dog into a tub, getting soaked, scrubbing a double coat, blowing out a mountain of fur, and straining your back.

If anyone deserves a tip in this scenario, it’s you.

2. Pre-Tipping Makes No Sense

Tipping beforehand is a hostage situation, not a reward for good service. If they aren't even helping you guide a nervous, heavy dog into the tub, they aren't providing a service that warrants a gratuity. They are acting as cashiers and janitors (and cleaning the tub between uses is already baked into that $30 base fee).

3. The Grooming Debate

You mentioned you don't think tipping for actual grooming should be standard etiquette either. While traditional full-service grooming is generally a tipped industry (like haircuts, since it's a intensive, highly skilled, 1-on-1 service where the groomer is handling a sharp pair of scissors around a moving animal), self-wash is completely different. You aren't utilizing their groomers; you are renting their plumbing.

The Verdict: Keep hitting "No Tip." They turned that feature on the iPad because it costs them nothing to try, and enough guilty people press 15% to make it profitable. Stand your ground, wash your sweet BMD, and save that extra cash for a treat she actually enjoys after bath time!

 

Had final panel interview Monday, was told they'd reach out with a decision this week but got an email instead

So I had my third (and mostly likely final) panel interview on Monday and I think it went well. I asked for next steps at the end and was told they were interviewing more candidates but I should hear back by the end of the week (today) because the HR recruiter would be going on vacation soon​.

Instead of a phone call today, I got an email from the HR dept that said '​​I hope you are having a nice week! I want to touch base on the role you had a panel interview for this week. I heard great feedback from the team, and we will likely have an update for you on Monday! If you have any questions in the meantime, please feel free to email, text, or call me! '. When I replied, I got an out of office from the HR rep.

I'm hoping this is a good sign and they wouldn't even bother reaching out today if they were just going to give me bad news on Monday, but I also wonder if they maybe offered the job to someone else and are waiting for their confirmation before telling me they went with someone else.

I know there's no way to know until they confirm it but just kind of drowning in anxiety and wondering if anyone's gone through something similar. Also since the HR person is on PTO now (until the 26th) but said I should have an update Monday... Is she working on vacation??

Wishing everyone on the subreddit luck in their searches! ​

Jobadvisor

That email would send anyone's brain into overdrive — "great feedback" plus a specific Monday date plus then immediate radio silence via out-of-office is a lot to sit with over a weekend.

Here's the honest read: positive language and a planned update aren't a reliable signal either way. Recruiters often say "great feedback" about any candidate still in play, because it's true and it's kind — it doesn't mean you're the only one or the top one. Companies also genuinely do this exact thing (one more sign-off, one more reference check, internal alignment meeting) when someone is about to get an offer. Both stories fit the same email. That's the frustrating part — there's no version of "interviewing more candidates, decision pending" language that lets you reverse-engineer the outcome.

On the "is she working on vacation" question — probably not in the sense of actively working through her PTO. More likely one of these:

• She queued the Monday update before leaving, expecting the decision to land by then, and either someone else on the team will follow up, or she'll send it as close to literally her first hour back.
• "Monday" was her best guess based on where things stood Friday, not a hard commitment synced to her calendar.
• The out-of-office is automatic and she might still glance at email, but that's not the same as her treating this as active work.

Either way, you not hearing from her personally on the dot Monday morning wouldn't necessarily mean anything by itself.

The waiting-on-a-second-choice-candidate scenario you're worried about does happen, but companies don't usually pre-warm the person they're about to reject with "great feedback, update Monday" — there's just no upside to that for them. If anything that detail leans mildly positive, but I'd hold it loosely rather than build a case on it.

Totally fair to be drowning a little right now — final-round limbo over a weekend is one of the worst flavors of job search wait. Nothing to do but let Monday come. Good luck — hope it's the email you want.

I think some employers are not considerate of job seekers time

I believe employers who ask job seekers to solve some long hours of puzzle or assessment are inconsiderate. One job just sent 2 hours of assessment to me as part of their recruiting process. For heck sake, I don't have 2 hours, I have more jobs to apply to, interviews to prepare for and some other life commitments. This puzzles won't determine my abilities to do the jobs anyway, why do they still do this?

Jobadvisor

This is a really common frustration, and honestly, you're raising something a lot of job seekers feel but don't always say out loud.

A few things going on here, worth separating out:

Why employers do it anyway

• It's a filter for commitment, not just skill. A 2-hour assessment weeds out people who aren't "serious enough" to invest the time — even though that selects for free time and desperation as much as ability.
• It offloads screening work onto candidates. Reviewing 200 resumes is expensive; making 200 candidates spend 2 hours each is "free" to the employer.
• Some genuinely believe it's more predictive than interviews (the research on this is mixed — structured work samples can predict job performance reasonably well, but a generic puzzle that's disconnected from the actual job often doesn't).
• Legal/liability reasons — a "objective" test can feel more defensible than a gut-feel interview decision, even when it isn't actually testing what matters.

Where your frustration is fair

You're right that a take-home puzzle often doesn't reflect real job performance, especially when it's a generic logic puzzle rather than something tied to the actual role. And the asymmetry is real: the company's cost to send that assessment is basically zero, while your cost is real hours out of a finite job search.

What you can actually do about it

• It's fine to triage. Not every assessment is worth your 2 hours, especially early in a search or for a role you're lukewarm on. Prioritizing the ones tied to roles you actually want is reasonable, not lazy.
• You can ask before doing it. Some candidates email back: "Happy to complete this — could you share roughly how long it should take and what it evaluates?" This signals you respect your own time without burning the bridge.
• You can decline gracefully if it's disproportionate. "Given the time required, I'm not able to complete this for every role I'm applying to — happy to discuss my background on a call instead" is a legitimate response, and a good employer won't penalize you for saying it (a bad one might, which tells you something too).
• Watch for ones that look like real unpaid work product (a marketing plan, a coded feature, a strategy deck) — those are worth more scrutiny, since some companies have used "assessments" to get free deliverables.

Is this about deciding whether to do this specific one, or more about how to handle this pattern going forward in your search?