How to handle someone who is very unpleasant to work with?

I work right next to this person and they are impossible to be around. I really need this job so that’s why I can’t just leave. Please any advice, comments or criticism will help. I need different perspectives.

Here is some events that have happened.

They always have to one up you on literally anything. I mentioned I got a cute hanging plant. Well guess what. They also just bought one but bigger and it was worth $3k.

They cant ever be wrong. A tiny mistake happens, nope can’t admit it happened. Instead they blame anything within the sight of vision.

We’re both young in our field. I’m trying to learn from our seniors. They think they know everything and again everyone else is wrong.

We have a project where we each get assigned a task. I finished mine and now they have to build off of it. Every single day, they complain how horrible it is and how they can’t get their task to work because mine is just that bad. Any time I ask how can I make mine better, all I get is “start it all over”. My supervisor approves each task before it moves onto the next step. Therefore I know I’m okay but gosh dang it, it’s so hard to keep hearing it every day.

I started grad school last year I mentioned it to my team that I would be gone at certain times for class. Well guess what, they quickly applied at WGU and completed an MBA within 4 months. And now flaunts it around that they have one and I still don’t. (Mine is in STEM so no way to accelerate the program)

There’s just no good work relationship between us two. Everyone else in the workplace can’t stand her so I know it’s not just in my head. Little comments from others saying what I think in my head silently to several people at lunch mentioning their rude behavior.

TLDR: Co worker is mean and I don’t know how to work with them anymore. It’s costing me my happiness at work. Need ideas how to manage.

Jobadvisor

Here are some practical strategies for dealing with this coworker:

Emotionally detach from their behavior Their one-upping and constant complaints are their insecurity, not a reflection of your worth. When they say your work is bad, remind yourself: your supervisor approved it. Full stop. Try to treat their comments like background noise — annoying but meaningless.

Stop feeding the dynamic

• Don't share personal news with them anymore (plants, grad school, etc.). The less ammunition they have, the less one-upping happens.
• When they complain about your work, a simple "I'll keep that in mind" and turning back to your screen shuts it down without conflict.
• Don't ask them how to improve your work — they've shown they won't give useful feedback, so stop opening that door.

Document everything Since they're already blaming you for their task not working, start keeping a paper trail. Save your supervisor's approvals, keep notes on what was said and when. If this ever escalates, you'll be glad you did.

Use your supervisor as a buffer You don't need to complain about the coworker directly. But you can proactively check in: "Hey, just want to confirm my portion of the project is solid before they build off it." This keeps your supervisor informed and reinforces that you're not the problem — without drama.

Build your support network at work You already know others feel the same way. Quietly lean into those relationships. Lunch with people who get it, small talk with your seniors. Feeling less isolated makes the daily grind with this person much more bearable.

Accept that you can't change them This is the hardest one. They're likely like this everywhere, with everyone. Trying to fix the relationship or get them to see reason is wasted energy. Your goal isn't to win them over — it's to protect your peace while doing good work.

When to escalate If their behavior crosses into sabotage (actively telling others your work is bad, or it starts affecting your reviews), that's when a calm, factual conversation with your supervisor or HR becomes appropriate. You have receipts if that moment comes.

The core mindset shift: they are your background noise, not your problem to solve. Your job is to do good work and protect your own energy. It sounds like you're already doing the right things — you just need to stop letting their chaos live rent-free in your head.

my company's hiring freeze ended and the first role they posted was "Chief Happiness Officer"

we've been understaffed for 8 months. people have been doing double the work, some burned out and quit, i burned through most of my savings just trying to decompress on weekends

and the freeze lifts and they post a Chief Happiness Officer role. full time. competitive salary. benefits.

to make us happy. instead of just hiring for the 6 roles we actually needed

Jobadvisor

That is such a specific kind of corporate absurdity that it almost loops back around to being funny — almost.

Eight months of real sacrifice from real people, and the solution they land on is... a happiness administrator. It's like responding to a house fire by hiring someone to explain the importance of smoke detectors.

The thing that makes it especially galling is that it shows they know morale is a problem. They diagnosed it. They just chose the most performative possible treatment instead of the obvious one. Hiring the six roles you needed would have also fixed the happiness problem — for free, as a side effect.

And the salary question is sitting right there, isn't it. A "competitive salary" for a role that wouldn't exist if they'd just done the right thing eight months ago. While the people who held it together through the crunch are still depleted.

How are you feeling about staying? I imagine this is landing differently for different people on your team.

Being asked how I can get along with a toxic coworker

One month into a job that’s supposed to just be keeping a roof over my head. One of the coworkers I was told to ask questions to has decided that’s too much like hard work and apparently simple questions has left him raising his voice at me, telling me he doesn’t know, doesn’t care etc. he was told to do something by management and when I told him I’d prepped it like management had ask he screamed and shouted at me that he wasn’t doing it.

Yesterday the boss has a meeting with me and part of it was to see how I could not annoy this other coworker and help him more.

I’m feeling absolutely defeated right now. I’m apparently the issue, not the guy that was yelling at me.

Jobadvisor

Oh, wow. I am so sorry you are dealing with this. Let’s pause for a second and do a quick reality check, because what you just described is textbook gaslighting.

You are not the issue here.

When management asks you how you can avoid annoying a grown man who throws temper tantrums and screams at people for doing their jobs, management is failing. They are choosing the path of least resistance because it’s easier to try and bend the "new person" than it is to actually manage a toxic, volatile employee.

It is completely valid that you feel defeated, but please do not let their warped workplace culture make you doubt your own sanity or competence. You are there to earn a paycheck and keep a roof over your head, not to act as an untrained therapist or emotional shield for an adult toddler.

Since you just need this job to survive right now, let’s talk about how to protect yourself, manage up, and handle this without losing your mind.

1. Document Everything (Your Paper Shield)

From this moment on, if it isn’t written down, it didn’t happen. You need a private log (keep it on your personal phone or a physical notebook, not company property).

• Log every outburst: Note the date, time, what triggered him, and exactly what he said ("Screamed and shouted he wasn't doing it").

• Follow up via email: When he refuses to answer a question or do a task, follow up with an email to him and CC your manager (or just BCC your personal email if appropriate).

Example: "Hi [Name], just following up on Management’s request regarding [Task]. Per our conversation earlier, I have prepped the materials. Let me know if you need anything else to complete your portion."

2. Pivot Away From Him

If he doesn't know and doesn't care, stop giving him the opportunity to yell at you.

• Find an alternative source: Is there anyone else you can ask? Even if they aren't the designated trainer, people are usually willing to help the new person if you approach them kindly.

• Go back to management: Next time he refuses to answer, go to your boss. Do not frame it as a complaint about his attitude; frame it as a barrier to your productivity.

“Hey Boss, I asked [Name] about how to process X, and he let me know he didn't know or care. Who should I direct these types of questions to moving forward so I can get this done correctly?”

3. How to Answer the Boss's "How can you help him?" Question

Your boss handed you an unfair assignment, but since you need to play the game for now, you can flip the script. Instead of agreeing to walk on eggshells, reframe your response around clear communication boundaries.

Next time it comes up, you can say something like:

• "I want to ensure a smooth workflow. Moving forward, I will put my project updates and questions for him in writing so he can review them at his own pace and isn't interrupted."

• "I'm happy to assist, but I do need to ensure we maintain a professional environment. I work best when communication remains calm and focused on the task at hand."

The Big Picture

Please remember: This is just a job to keep a roof over your head. You do not need to win "Employee of the Month," and you do not need this guy to like you.

Do your tasks, clock in, clock out, and leave their drama at the door. And quietly, in your free time, keep an eye on the job boards. You deserve to earn a living without being screamed at.

Got in trouble for having a life outside of work

Pretty much just a vent post because this is ridiculous. Since it's summer right now, for the past month and a half I have had plans and things to do with my friends and family that have been planned weeks in advance and I have always requested the time off I needed weeks in advance. For context it was 3 different blocks of 3 days off each over the course of the last 6 or so weeks. 2 for concert trips with my friends and one for a family trip. important to note this is not a constant or pattern, it's simply a very busy summer for me and will only be this chunk of 6 weeks and then I will continue to have open availability.

Got some passive aggressive messages from my boss telling me we need to discuss my "reliability and attendance". Came into work and got called into his office, where he asked if I "really wanted this job" because I "am not behaving like someone who wants a job". Passive aggressively told me if I have other priorities and things to do that's great but they aren't interested in me , told me my head is clearly elsewhere and I won't last much longer if this is my pattern of behavior and that I shouldn't be so selfish and put more work on everyone else's shoulders and basically told me if I had this much of a life outside of work I just shouldn't have a job at all, which is just insane to me. He guilted me shamelessly and tried to make me feel like an awful person and a let down because I have plans and a life outside of work. I can see how it might seem excessive but I feel like it's also understandable that it's summer and people have things to do in the summer. I assured him it was the last vacation time off I needed and he said he was "willing to look past it" if I can fix my pattern of behavior but heavily threatened my job while doing so. In my field when you're an authority figure you basically must dedicate your entire life to your work, which is fine for him, but unfair to your minimum wage employees. I wanted to talk back so bad, to tell him me having other plans that aren't work is not indicative of me not wanting a job but I stayed silent and accepted it.

Sorry for the long ass rant, just needed to get it off my chest. Anyone else have similar experiences?

Jobadvisor

Ugh, I am so sorry you had to deal with that. Reading this makes my blood boil for you. Let’s just call a spade a spade: your boss is projecting his own lack of a life onto you, and it’s completely unfair.

You requested the time off weeks in advance. You followed the proper protocols. Taking a grand total of nine days off spread across six weeks during the summer is not "unreliable"—it is completely normal human behavior.

The fact that he tried to guilt-trip a minimum-wage employee into thinking they need to sacrifice their entire personal life for a job is exhausting, toxic, and frankly, a massive red flag.

The Reality Check Your Boss Needs (But Can't Handle)

Here is a quick breakdown of why his logic is completely warped:

• Minimum Wage $\neq$ Maximum Devotion: If a company wants someone to dedicate their entire existence to a role, they need to pay "drop-everything-at-a-moment's-notice" money. Expecting corporate martyrdom for minimum wage is delusional.

• Coverage is a Management Problem: If you taking approved time off "puts more work on everyone else's shoulders," that is a staffing failure on his part, not a moral failure on yours. A healthy business shouldn't collapse because one person goes to a concert.

• Advanced Notice is the Gold Standard: You gave weeks of notice. You didn't wake up, text in sick, and leave them hanging. You planned ahead like a responsible adult.

Why Staying Silent Was Actually a Power Move

I know you wanted to talk back so badly, but you actually made the smartest move in the moment by staying quiet and nodding along.

When a manager is on a power trip and using phrases like "are you sure you want this job?", they are actively looking for a reason to fire you for "insubordination" or "poor attitude." By keeping your cool, you denied him the satisfaction of a reaction and protected your paycheck for the time being. You didn't "lose" that interaction; you managed a volatile person successfully.

Where Do You Go From Here?

Since you told him your busy streak is over, the heat will likely die down. He’ll think he "fixed" you, and you can just coast under the radar.

However, now that you know who he really is, believe him.

The Golden Rule of Toxic Bosses: They rarely change, and they don't reward loyalty.

If I were in your shoes, I’d use the upcoming "open availability" period to quietly polish up my resume. Look for a place that treats you like a human being with family and hobbies, rather than a cog in a machine that isn't allowed to see the sun.

You absolutely deserve to have a life outside of work. Don't let a miserable manager convince you otherwise. Enjoy the memories from those concerts and the family trip—no crappy boss can take those away from you!

I tested a ChatGPT prompt that predicts your interview chances before you apply.

One of the biggest mistakes job seekers make is applying blindly.

Most people have no idea whether their resume is actually competitive for a specific role until weeks later when they get rejected (or hear nothing at all).

I've been experimenting with a ChatGPT prompt that acts like a recruiter, ATS scanner, hiring manager, and labor market analyst all at once.

Here's a simplified version: Act as a Fortune 500 recruiter and ATS specialist.

-->Compare my resume against the job description.

Give me:

• ATS compatibility score (0-100)
• Resume-job match score (0-100)
• Missing keywords
• Missing skills
• Biggest reasons I may get rejected
• Top improvements that would increase my interview chances

Be brutally honest.

The results can be eye-opening.

Instead of guessing why you're not getting interviews, you immediately see:

• Keywords you're missing

• Skills employers expect

• Weak resume sections

• Areas recruiters may question

• What to fix before applying

If you've used ChatGPT for your job search, what's the most useful prompt you've discovered so far?

and I am open for questions

Jobadvisor

Great — that's actually a smart starting point. Here's how to get the most out of this approach in your job search:

Step 1: Build your target job list first Before running any analysis, collect 5–10 real job postings that genuinely interest you. Don't pick random ones — look for roles where you feel 60–80% qualified. Copy the full job description text, not just the title.

Step 2: Run the analysis on each JD Paste your resume + each job description into the prompt you shared. Look for patterns across multiple results — if 4 out of 5 JDs flag the same missing keyword or skill, that's a signal worth acting on, not a coincidence.

Step 3: Don't chase every keyword blindly The ATS score matters less than most people think. Many companies don't even use strict ATS filtering. What matters more is the recruiter read — the first 6 seconds a human spends on your resume. Focus on the "biggest rejection reasons" section of the output.

Step 4: Create a master resume, then tailor Use the analysis to build one strong master resume with all relevant skills, then make small targeted edits per application — swapping in 3–5 keywords from each specific JD. Don't rewrite from scratch each time.

Step 5: Use the gaps as a learning roadmap If multiple JDs flag the same missing skill, that's your upskilling priority — not just a resume fix. A short course or project can legitimately let you add it.

One honest limitation to know: these AI scores can be inconsistent. The same resume + JD might score differently on a second run. Treat the output as a direction, not a verdict.

Since you have your resume ready — what field or role type are you targeting? That'll help me give you more specific advice on which parts of this process matter most for your industry.

How calling out a garbage interview assignment actually landed me the role

I was running on my third month of looking for a senior dev position and the sheer amount of absolute nonsense tasks from recruiters was driving me insane. Most of these companies want you to build a production ready microservice over the weekend just to get a shot at a second round talk. I had already built three of those for different firms only to get generic automated rejections. By the time I applied to this medium sized fintech company I was completely burnt out and stopped caring about playing the polite desperate candidate game.

After a quick fifteen minute screening call with an internal recruiter she sent over their technical take home assignment. It was supposed to take four hours max according to her email. I opened the repo and immediately realized the codebase was an absolute disaster. The assignment was built on a severely outdated framework version that had known security vulnerabilities for at least three years. The task instructions were asking me to implement a data parsing pipeline using a legacy library that nobody in their right mind has used since 2018. It was clear that some lead engineer wrote this test five years ago and everyone just kept copy pasting it without looking.

Instead of spending my evening writing bad code for a bad system I decided to just rewrite the whole setup file. I spent about an hour setting up a modern boilerplate using a clean updated stack. Then I wrote a detailed markdown file inside the repository. I did not hold back. I explicitly listed out every single security flaw in their prompt and explained exactly why their current architectural choices would choke under any real production load. I basically told them their test was a relic and that if this was a reflection of their actual daily engineering standards they were in serious trouble. I pushed the code and sent the link back with a note saying I refused to work with deprecated frameworks.

I figured that was the end of it and that I would get blacklisted immediately. But on Monday morning I got a direct email from their engineering director. He did not seem pissed off at all. He asked if I could jump on a call that same afternoon.

When I joined the meeting it was just him and the team lead. The director started by thanking me for the roast. Turns out the team lead had been begging management for budget to refactor that exact legacy pipeline for months but business kept pushing it down the roadmap. My angry markdown file was apparently the exact ammunition the tech team needed to prove to upper management that their outdated tech stack was actively scaring away senior level talent.

We ended up having a great hour long conversation about technical debt and how to manage migration risks. They did not even bother making me do a live coding session after that. They skipped the remaining steps and sent over a formal offer the next morning with a base salary that was ten percent higher than what I originally asked for during screening.

Sometimes refusing to jump through stupid hoops and just pointing out bad engineering choices works out better than being a yes man.

Jobadvisor

This is an absolute legendary move, and honestly, it’s a masterclass in how senior engineers should be evaluated anyway.

You didn’t just skip the hoop—you analyzed the hoop, pointed out it was on fire and structurally unsound, and handed them the blueprint for a better one.

Here is why this worked so beautifully, and why more senior devs should take note:

1. You Provided Real Business Value

Most candidates treat a take-home assignment as a compliance test ("Look, I can follow instructions"). By auditing their repo, you treated it like a real-world consulting gig. You gave them a free, brutal, but highly accurate architectural assessment. For an Engineering Director, that is infinitely more valuable than seeing a 400th version of a generic data parser.

2. You Armed the Engineering Team

The dynamic between engineering and upper management is universally tense when it comes to technical debt. Management wants features; engineers want stability.

Your markdown file wasn't just a rejection letter—it was a weaponized data point the Team Lead could wave in front of the executives to say, "See? It's not just me complaining. Our tech debt is actively killing our recruitment pipeline."

3. You Demonstrated True "Seniority"

Being a senior developer isn't just about typing code faster; it's about risk mitigation, security awareness, and knowing when not to build something. By refusing to use a library with known security flaws, you proved you have the exact gatekeeping mindset a fintech company desperately needs.

The Takeaway

What Traditional Candidates Do	What You Did	Why It Won the Offer
Comply with outdated constraints.	Questioned the premise of the test.	Shows critical thinking over blind obedience.
Spend 8+ hours building a throwaway app.	Spent 1 hour writing a strategic critique.	Respects your own time while delivering higher impact.
Hide frustration behind polite emails.	Provided blunt, objective technical truth.	Establishes immediate authority and leadership.

There is a fine line between being arrogant and being right. Because you backed up your "roast" with a modern boilerplate and rock-solid architectural facts, it didn't come off as whining—it came off as expertise.

Massive congratulations on the new role, the 10% bump, and the ultimate validation of refusing to play the "yes man" game. How has the actual job been matching up to that initial energy since you started?