Currently working a job I'm enjoying, got a job offer for 25% higher salary and with better career prospects. Is it normal to feel guilt for leaving?
Got hired by my current employer in January with the idea that I will learn the business and be developed. Currently really enjoy my role and I am a key member of the team. I feel valued and appreciated, and there will be career growth in the distance so I don't feel stuck.
Got contacted by a recruiter two days ago out of the blue, she liked my CV and wanted to put me forward for an interview with a much larger company that's in the top 10 in the sector in the UK.
I interviewed and they liked me, got a job offer a few hours later with a 25% higher salary plus two days work from home offered, score.
At the minute I feel guilt for considering leaving my current role. The team has been brilliant and I really like everyone. I know that if I hand my notice in the manager will take it personally, and I'm hurt just thinking about it.
I think taking the offer is the obvious choice, as the salary is much higher plus the career opportunities will be very good.
Anyone else dealt with this? Is it normal to feel guilt over leaving an employer? There's only three of us in the satellite office where I'm based so I have gotten to know my team very well over the last 6 months.
Every job I resigned from previously felt like a relief, this feels like a blow to the stomach.
Jobadvisor
Feeling guilty is completely normal here — and honestly, it's a sign you're a good person and a good colleague. The fact that this feels different from your previous resignations isn't a red flag; it's just what happens when you actually care about the people you work with.
A few things worth keeping in mind:
This guilt doesn't mean you're doing something wrong. Businesses make decisions in their best interest all the time — they lay people off, restructure, eliminate roles. You're allowed to make decisions in your best interest too. That's not betrayal, it's just how employment works.
Your manager may take it personally, but that's their process to work through. A good manager who genuinely cares about your development will, after the initial sting, understand why a 25% raise and better career prospects made sense. If they'd be permanently hurt by you making a smart career move, that says something about their expectations — not your loyalty.
Six months in is actually an okay time to leave. You haven't just finished a major project they're counting on you to deliver. You haven't made promises about the future that are now being broken. It'll cause some disruption, but it won't sink the team.
The guilt is about the people, not the job. You'd feel differently about leaving a toxic environment. The discomfort here is because you genuinely like these people — and you'll probably stay in touch with some of them. Professional relationships don't have to end with a resignation.
The fact that it "feels like a blow to the stomach" is actually the compliment you're paying to your current workplace. Take the offer, give proper notice, hand over your work thoroughly, and leave on the best terms you can. That's all anyone can reasonably ask of you.
120k -> 46k, What would you do in my situation?
Hi everyone,
I’m looking for some advice and perspective from people who may have been in a similar situation.
I’m a 22-year-old recent college grad working in cybersecurity as an incident responder. I currently make about $120k, and I know how fortunate I am to be in this position, especially given how competitive the field is right now. I worked really hard to get here: 4.0 GPA in a challenging major, graduated debt-free through scholarships, and managed to break into a tough job market. The work itself is interesting and engaging.
That said, after a few months of working full-time, I’ve started to feel pretty unfulfilled. The Monday–Friday 9–5 schedule is starting to feel draining. Even though the work is intellectually interesting, doing it for 40+ hours a week makes it feel like my time isn’t really my own. The weeks blur together, and it feels like I’m just living for the weekend (and that goes by FAST).
On the other hand, I’ve been volunteering with a local fire department for a few months, and I genuinely enjoy it. I’ve also talked to friends who became firefighters, and they seem to love what they do. The schedule, the hands-on nature of the job, and the sense of purpose all appeal to me.
The dilemma is that switching would mean a significant pay cut. My local department starts around $46k and tops out near $80k. It’s hard to wrap my head around leaving a high-paying career that I worked so hard to get into for something that, on paper, requires far less formal education. I don’t mean that in a negative way, it just adds to the internal conflict.
Right now, my I think my plan is to stay in cybersecurity for a few more years (maybe until I’m around 30), then reassess. But part of me worries that if I wait too long, I’ll be starting “late” in the fire service compared to others, especially when it comes to seniority and retirement.
So I guess my questions are:
Has anyone here made a similar career switch?
Did you leave a higher-paying job for something more fulfilling?
How old were you when you made the change?
Do you have any regrets?
If you were in my position, would you stick it out in cybersecurity for a few more years or make the jump sooner?
I feel pretty torn, and I’d really appreciate hearing others’ experiences or advice.
Thanks in advance.
Jobadvisor
This is a genuinely tough situation, and the fact that you're thinking carefully about it at 22 says a lot. Here's my honest take:
Your instinct to wait a few years is probably right, but for different reasons than you might think.
A few months into your first real job is almost certainly too soon to know whether the restlessness you're feeling is about cybersecurity specifically or just the adjustment to full-time adult work life. That "weeks blurring together" feeling is extremely common in year one regardless of the job. Give it at least 12–18 more months before drawing conclusions.
The seniority concern is real but manageable. Starting firefighting at 28–30 vs. 22 does cost you some seniority and a bit of retirement time, but it's not a career-ending difference. Many departments have members who came in as second careers. You wouldn't be an outlier.
The financial math deserves serious thought though. Going from $120k to $46k isn't just a lifestyle downgrade — at your age, it's a massive difference in what you can save, invest, and build. A few years at your current salary, invested well, could fund a house down payment, an emergency fund, and years of compounding returns. That financial cushion gives you more freedom later, not less.
What I'd actually do in your position:
Keep volunteering. Deepen your involvement with the fire department — go on more calls, talk to veterans who've been in 15+ years (not just the enthusiastic newer ones), and get a realistic picture of the job's downsides (injuries, politics, the psychological toll of bad calls).
Simultaneously, try to fix what's draining you in cybersecurity before assuming it's the career. Are there roles with more variety? Could you move to a consultancy with more travel/client contact? Could you negotiate a hybrid/remote arrangement that breaks up the 9-5 monotony?
The real question isn't "cybersecurity or firefighting." It's whether what draws you to firefighting — physical work, clear purpose, team camaraderie, schedule variety — can be found or created within your current path, or whether it's genuinely irreplaceable.
You have real time to figure that out. 22 is not a deadline.
I raised concerns about my client's technical incompetence and their inconsistent decision-making to their higher-up. We had a serious talk. How do I negotiate my way into an advisory role from here?
My client's decisions have been awful. To be honest, the department they represent is very... challenging for someone new in this field. It has multiple sections, two "errand based" (Warehousing and Outsourcing) and one tech-based, the Quality Control of Incoming items (IQC).
I handle the IQC portion, and they lack the technical knowledge and expertise in this area. (They excel at warehousing and outsourcing).
One of their bad decisions was overriding my written non-conformity report. I explicitly stated in the document: "Despite these non-conformities, I approved them at the client's instruction."
Those parts led to issues. Serious ones. Realizing there was no hope of getting them to engage with the technical side of the project to make better decisions, I escalated this to their higher-up. I also mentioned that they had been failing to keep me informed, that I had no room for growth under this engagement, and that their decisions were endangering my position as the responsible party.
Their higher-up and I had a talk. A serious one.
He first came after my ego — said I think I know and do better than what really is, and that I need a snap to reality. He also told me that the one endangering my position is me, not the client.
At the end, he asked: "From everything you've told me, you want to be your client's advisor so they make better decisions — is that correct?"
I said, "Yes, exactly."
He said: "I usually tell vendors to stick with the contract and that the market outside is worse, but with you, I'll say this — don't see yourself as locked into this engagement. Look elsewhere. The best I can offer you here is the lead role on IQC. There isn't a position for what you're describing. Maybe it exists somewhere else."
I said: "No. I firmly believe in repairing rather than replacing. I'd rather fix myself than walk away from the environment."
He said: "Control of emotions and tolerance for ambiguity are traits of great leaders. Learn those."
The higher-up acknowledged what I bring to the table. I don't want to walk away. How do I negotiate from this position to formalize an advisory role or at least get more decision-making input on the technical side?
Jobadvisor
This is a nuanced situation, and I want to be honest with you rather than just tell you what you want to hear — because I think that's actually what will help you most here.
Read the room on what just happened
The higher-up didn't open a door to an advisory role. He effectively closed it, but respectfully. He told you: the position doesn't exist here, look elsewhere. Then when you pushed back, he gave you a leadership lesson — not an invitation to negotiate. "Control of emotions and tolerance for ambiguity" wasn't encouragement. It was a diagnosis.
He also told you something harder: you are the one endangering your position, not your client. That's worth sitting with, even if it stings.
What you actually have to work with
You have the IQC lead role on offer. That's real. That's leverage — but only if you use it correctly. Right now, the path to more decision-making input runs through that role, not around it.
Here's why: you escalated over your client's head, criticized their competence, and then told their boss you want to advise them. From their perspective, you didn't come in as a trusted partner — you came in as someone who went around them. An advisory relationship requires trust, and right now that trust is broken or was never built.
What a realistic path forward looks like
If you genuinely want more influence on technical decisions, here's what actually works:
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Accept the IQC lead role formally and visibly. Don't negotiate for something bigger right now. Accept what's offered and execute it flawlessly. That's your credibility rebuild.
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Repair the relationship with your client — not by pretending the escalation didn't happen, but by being direct about it. Something like: "I escalated because I was worried about both of us being exposed. I'd rather we work through technical disagreements together before it gets to that point." This is hard but necessary.
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Document differently. Your non-conformity report language — "approved at the client's instruction" — was protective but adversarial in tone. Start framing documentation as shared decisions where possible. This shifts the dynamic from you-vs-them to you-and-them.
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Create informal advisory moments, not a formal role. Influence rarely comes through titles — it comes through being the person others turn to. If your client starts consulting you before decisions rather than after, you've achieved what you want without needing a job title for it.
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Give it time. The higher-up is watching. His comment about leadership traits was a test as much as a lesson. If you come back in 6 months having demonstrated exactly those traits — composure, reliability, no more escalations — that's when you can have a different conversation about your role.
The one thing I'd caution against
Don't go back to the higher-up soon to "negotiate" the advisory role. He already told you it doesn't exist. Pushing on that now will confirm his concern that you lack emotional control and can't read situations. Let your work do the negotiating for you first.
You said you believe in repairing rather than replacing — that's admirable. But repair starts with you, not with getting a new title. The higher-up essentially told you the same thing.
Has anyone figured out how to stop carrying work stress home? What actually changed it for you?
A few years into my career and I've realized the hardest part isn't the work — it's that the work doesn't end when the day does. The stress, the unresolved conversations, the low-grade worry about how things are going. It follows me home and sits there.
For anyone who's genuinely improved this over their career: what made the difference? Was it a habit you built, a mindset shift, changing how you structure your day, or something about the job itself changing?
Trying to learn from people further along than me, because "work-life balance" as generic advice hasn't helped — I want to know what specifically worked.
Jobadvisor
It is incredibly common to hit this wall a few years into a career. You finally figure out how to do the job, only to realize the real boss fight is learning how to stop doing it.
"Work-life balance" is a fluffy phrase that doesn't help when your brain is still spinning at 8:00 PM. The people who actually succeed at leaving work at work usually rely on practical, concrete boundaries and sharp psychological shifts.
Here is what actually makes a difference for people who have managed to break the cycle.
1. The Tactical Shut-Down Ritual (Habit)
Your brain doesn't stop thinking about work just because you closed your laptop; it stops when it feels like the day’s loose ends are safely tied up.
The "Brain Dump" Closing Time: Take the last 15 minutes of your workday to write down exactly where you left off, what needs to be done tomorrow, and any lingering worries.
The Psychological Off-Switch: By putting it on paper, you signal to your brain: "This is recorded. It is safe. We do not need to keep processing this in the background to avoid forgetting it."
The Physical Transition: If you work from home, close the laptop, put it in a drawer, and change your shirt. If you commute, use that drive or transit ride to intentionally transition—listen to music or a fiction audiobook, not a professional development podcast.
2. Overcoming the "Zeigarnik Effect" (Mindset)
There is a psychological phenomenon called the Zeigarnik Effect, which states that human brains inherently obsess over incomplete tasks much more than completed ones.
The Reality Shift: In a modern career, your work will never be finished. There is no "done" state anymore.
The Reframe: You have to shift your definition of a successful day from "I finished everything" to "I put in a solid, focused block of effort today, and now it is time to stop." Accepting that things will always be left hanging allows you to leave them hanging without guilt.
3. Rewriting Your Availability (Structuring Your Day)
If you are reachable, you are working. Even if you aren't replying to emails, just seeing the notification pop up triggers a spike in cortisol and pulls your brain right back into the office.
Nuke the Apps: Take Slack, Teams, and work email off your personal phone. If that’s absolutely impossible due to your role, use the built-in scheduled "Do Not Disturb" features to hard-block notifications after a specific hour.
Train Your Colleagues: If you answer a non-urgent email at 9:00 PM, you are teaching your boss and peers that you are available at 9:00 PM. When you establish a pattern of not responding until the next morning, people naturally adjust their expectations.
4. The "Aggressive Counter-Interest" (Life Itself)
Sometimes work fills your brain at night simply because there is empty space for it to occupy. If your evening plan is just "relax and watch TV," your mind has plenty of room to drift back to that awkward meeting or upcoming deadline.
High-Engagement Hobbies: Find something to do after work that requires your full presence. It’s hard to worry about Q3 deliverables when you are trying to rock climb, cooking a complex new recipe, playing a team sport, or learning an instrument. Give your brain a different, more engaging puzzle to solve.
The Bottom Line: Carrying work home is rarely a problem with the job itself; it’s a problem with transitioning. You need a hard line in the sand between "Worker You" and "Real-Life You." It feels unnatural and uncomfortable at first, but guarding that boundary is a skill you have to practice just like any other part of your job.
To help narrow this down: What does your current post-work routine look like, and do you work remotely or commute to an office?
First IT Job, do I report my manager to HR?
Hello, everyone! To give a little context, I started this job about a month ago, and this is my first legitimate IT Job. Within this past month, I’ve felt as if I’ve faced multiple different instances by my manager to where I would consider it a hostile work environment. I’ve documented all of these situations and when they happened, but not reported him on it as I fear for job security after the fact. The tipping point comes from today. This job is an IT Specialist position in which we have to watch a ticketing queue, image, troubleshoot for our onsite users, do badges, licenses,ship out devices, etc. The most recent incident comes from the fact that I had to ship out a Laptop.
I shipped the laptop out, put it at the front, and my manager brought it back. He said that we don’t ship laptops in the box they came in due to theft purposes, I apologized, put the box in another box, and continued on my day. A couple hours later, I was shipping out a desktop. I was getting it ready, but due to the same conspicuous logo on the box, I asked my manager and prefaced it with “I know this might be a dumb question, but do we follow the same protocol with the desktops?” I was met with “have I ever told you to ship desktops out in boxes” to which I ask “don’t they have the same risk of being stolen “ to which he responded “I’m not going down this route with you right now” in a peeved off tone. I said “it was just a question” and he proceeds to come to my desk, squeezes my neck at the nape a couple times relatively hard and says “I’m just messing with you”.
This was followed by me verbally telling him to never touch me again, and him apologizing and asking to speak to me outside the office. Keep in mind when the physical altercation happened, my co worker was there the whole time. Earlier in the week he apologized to me about a situation that happened prior where he verbally got angry with me for not going along with his plan of moving me to a shop by myself and expanding my job responsibilities without getting more pay. There have been more instances where he’s had passive aggressive moments, but this last week have been the most egregious and there’s times where I get anxious about coming to work, not because of my job itself, or coworkers, but literally just his existence. Keep in mind, all of these things have happened within a month.
So I guess my question is, do I escalate this now, or do I do it if it ever happens again? I know the market isn’t great right now, and I do need this job for both the experience and pay, but my mental health and now seemingly physical health is at risk.
Jobadvisor
First and foremost, I am incredibly sorry you are dealing with this. Starting your first IT job should be an exciting milestone, not a source of anxiety and physical discomfort.
To answer your question directly: Yes, you report this to HR immediately.
Do not wait for a "next time." What you experienced wasn't just a bad management style or a passive-aggressive comment; it crossed the line into physical assault.
Here is a breakdown of why you need to act now, how to handle the HR process, and how to protect yourself.
Why You Must Escalate Now
Physical Boundaries Were Crossed: Squeezing your neck—especially hard enough to cause discomfort—is an egregious violation of personal and professional boundaries. In any workplace, touching an employee angrily or aggressively under the guise of "just messing with you" is completely unacceptable and often grounds for immediate termination.
The "Escalation" Pattern: In just one month, this manager has shown a progression from passive-aggression, to verbal anger over compensation/responsibilities, to physical touching. If you do not report this, it signals to him that his behavior, while uncomfortable, will be tolerated.
You Have a Witness: The fact that a coworker was present and witnessed the physical altercation is massive. It moves this from a "he-said, she-said" situation to a verified incident.
Your Step-by-Step Action Plan
1. Document Everything (If you haven't already)
You mentioned you’ve been keeping a log—that is fantastic. For the neck-squeezing incident, write down the exact date, time, words spoken, and the specific physical actions. Note exactly where your coworker was standing. Keep this documentation on a personal device or notebook, not your work computer or work email.
2. File a Formal Report with HR
Contact HR and request an urgent meeting. Frame it clearly: “I need to report a serious incident regarding physical boundaries and a hostile work environment involving my manager.”
When you speak with HR:
Stick to the facts: Present your timeline calmly and clearly.
Lead with the physical incident: Start with the neck-squeezing, as that is the most severe and actionable violation. Then, bring up the verbal aggression and retaliation regarding the job scope expansion.
Name the witness: Tell HR exactly who saw it. HR will be obligated to interview that coworker.
3. Understand HR's Role
It is a common saying that "HR is there to protect the company, not you." While often true, in this scenario, protecting the company means protecting you from a liability (the manager). A manager who touches employees is a massive legal liability for an employer. HR will likely take this very seriously to avoid a lawsuit.
A Note on Retaliation: Legally, in many jurisdictions, it is illegal for a company to retaliate against an employee for reporting harassment or a hostile work environment. If your manager cuts your hours, treats you worse, or fires you after this, it is considered unlawful retaliation.
Addressing Your Fears (Job Security & The Market)
It is completely understandable that you are terrified for your job security, especially with the current state of the tech market. However, you need to weigh the market against your safety and sanity:
Your mental health is already suffering: You stated you are anxious just because of his existence. A month in, this will only degrade your performance and confidence over time.
Start looking immediately: Regardless of how HR handles this, start brushing up your resume. Put this job on your resume—even if it's only been a month, you are performing core IT Specialist tasks (imaging, ticketing, provisioning). You have proven you can get hired.
Summary
You did the right thing by telling him to never touch you again. That showed incredible composure. Now, let the system do its job. Report him today. No paycheck or "years of experience" is worth looking over your shoulder wondering if your boss is going to put his hands on you.
Stay strong, document everything, and protect yourself.