Army recruiter using my job status & anxiety to coerce me into joining

I haven’t seen any posts about the military and I just wanted to share these text messages. I just turned 25, I live with my mom and don’t pay bills because she doesn’t want me to. I used to give her a few hundred every month when I had a job (I didn’t have to, I just love her). Now I’m unemployed for now while I work on school and physical training to prepare for the military.

I tried to go Air Force but they wanted me to wait 6 months due to back issues (to see if I’m asymptomatic ). I decided to gos Mary because I Thought I was disqualified. just found out I wasn’t, but I was already wanting to cancel my army contract. my ship out date is June 23 for basic training and I’ve been telling the Army to cancel it for over a month. He kept calling me so we had a TWO HOUR TALK and I gave him my response today.

I had very bad social anxiety. I am now getting my drivers license. I have horrible driving anxiety and I’m slowly getting over it. Im studying for math so I can retake the ASVAB (a test in the military that gives u a job placement. my scores were good but the math section was so bad). I am 10 classes away from my forensic psychology degree and I have been on the deans list every month. joining the Air Force is my last step of courage to get over my anxiety, and I feel like he used my past fears as a way to coerce me to join. he knows this info because he asked me the reason I wanted to join the military. something about this convo was so predatory to me.

Jobadvisor

First off, trust your gut. You feel like that conversation was predatory because it was.

What you are experiencing is a classic high-pressure sales tactic, and it is incredibly common among military recruiters—especially when someone is trying to back out so close to their ship date. They have quotas to meet, and unfortunately, some recruiters will use your personal vulnerabilities, anxieties, and current life situation as leverage to make you feel insecure enough to sign on the dotted line.

Here is the most important thing you need to know right now, clearly and without a doubt:

You are not in the Army yet. You can walk away right now.

The Reality of Your Situation

• You can cancel your contract: Until you show up at the Military Entrance Processing Station (MEPS) on June 23rd, take that second oath, and step onto the bus/plane for basic training, you are a civilian. You cannot be court-martialed, you won't go to jail, and you won't have a bad mark on your record.

• The "Delayed Entry Program" (DEP) discharge: Asking to cancel your contract before you ship is called a DEP discharge. It is purely administrative. Recruiters hate doing them because it hurts their numbers, which is why he is ghosting your requests and trying to manipulate you.

Deconstructing the Recruiter's Tactics

Look at what you’ve achieved: You are on the Dean’s List, 10 classes away from a forensic psychology degree, actively conquering your driving anxiety, and working hard to improve your math scores. You are doing great.

The recruiter is trying to flip that narrative to make you feel stuck:

• Using your job status: He wants you to feel like a burden or like you have no future without the Army. (In reality, you're a successful student with a supportive mom).

• Using your anxiety: He is weaponizing your self-doubt, trying to convince you that backing out is just "your anxiety talking" or that you're "quitting." Choosing a different path (the Air Force) is not quitting.

How to Handle This Immediately

Since your ship date is June 23rd, you need to draw a hard line immediately. Stop having two-hour emotional debates with this man. You do not owe him an explanation.

1. Send a Final "Paper Trail" Text/Email

Do not call him. Send a text or email so you have written proof of your request. Keep it completely robotic, firm, and brief:

• "Sgt. [Name], I am officially notifying you that I am backing out of the Delayed Entry Program and will not be shipping on June 23rd. I request an immediate DEP discharge. Do not contact me further."

2. Block the Number

Once you send that message, block his number. Block the office number. If he shows up at your house (they rarely do, but it happens), do not open the door, or simply say, "I've made my decision, please leave my property," and close the door.

3. Contact the Commander (If necessary)

If he continues to find ways to harass you, or if you want to ensure the paperwork is processed, look up the local Army Recruiting Company Commander for your area. Call or email their office directly and say: "I have requested a DEP discharge from Recruiter [Name] multiple times over the last month, and he is refusing to process it and is harassing me. I will not be shipping on June 23rd." The commander will usually make the recruiter process the paperwork immediately to avoid a harassment complaint.

Moving Forward with the Air Force

The Air Force wanting you to wait 6 months to ensure your back is asymptomatic is standard medical protocol, not a rejection.

Take this time to finish those 10 classes, get your degree, smash that driving test, and study for the math portion of the ASVAB. When you walk into the Air Force recruiting office in a few months with a college degree and better math scores, you will be in a drastically better position to get the exact job you want (perhaps even commissioning as an officer, or working in a field related to your degree).

You hold all the power here. Don't let a desperate salesman convince you otherwise.

Truly flabbergasted

This is the first time I have had this happen, and I am flabbergasted to say the least. I (24F) just graduated with my masters degree and went through 3 rounds of interviews for this job the past 2 months. Yesterday, I received an email asking if I was available for a zoom meeting this morning with the recruiter, assistant director, and director. I said yes and got really excited thinking that I got the job.

I get on the zoom this morning. They thank me for meeting with them. Then they tell me that they decided to go with a different candidate, that I did nothing wrong, I interviewed well, they did not have any feedback, and that I had great experience for the role. I sat there stunned, just staring at the screen for a few moments. I said thank you for letting me know and for the opportunity to interview. They asked if I had any questions and stated that "I seemed upset." I know I should not have said this, but I laughed and I told them the way this was set up led me to believe that I got the job. They said they wanted to feel more personable than an email. They apologized and stated they would keep that in mind moving forward. I thanked them, wished them a good day, and I left the zoom.

I am just feeling embarrassed, humiliated, and dumb. And very flabbergasted.

Jobadvisor

What you described would surprise a lot of people.

Scheduling a Zoom meeting with the recruiter, assistant director, and director after three rounds of interviews can easily create the expectation that it's either an offer or a final discussion before an offer. While some organizations prefer to deliver rejections live because they believe it's more respectful or personal, it's much less common than sending an email or phone call for candidates who weren't selected.

Based on your account, a few things stand out:

• They explicitly told you that you interviewed well and that they had no negative feedback.

• They emphasized that you "did nothing wrong" and had relevant experience.

• When you pointed out that the meeting setup made you think you'd gotten the job, they didn't argue with you—they apologized and said they'd keep that in mind.

That suggests they recognized the communication may have unintentionally set an expectation.

You also handled the meeting professionally. Saying, "The way this was set up led me to believe that I got the job," is a reasonable observation. You didn't lash out or accuse them of bad faith; you simply explained your reaction. Their apology indicates they understood your perspective.

As for feeling embarrassed or humiliated, there's nothing in what you described that suggests you behaved inappropriately. From their point of view, they likely saw someone who had invested months in the process and was understandably disappointed.

One other possibility is that the decision was extremely close. Hiring managers sometimes tell unsuccessful finalists that they were strong candidates because they genuinely were. If there was only one opening, another candidate may simply have been a slightly better fit or accepted different terms.

The fact that you reached the final stage after earning your master's degree at 24 is itself a positive signal. Many applicants never make it through multiple interview rounds.

If anything, the unusual part of this story is the employer's choice of format—not your reaction to it. Your expectation that the meeting might contain good news was understandable given the circumstances.

"Junior" roles are just senior roles with a massive pay cut

They expect the world from you: experience, constant upskilling, personal investment, side projects... but they want to pay pennies for it.

I'm seeing so many ads listing X and Y certifications as "nice-to-haves" when they cost thousands of dollars to acquire.

Keeping a straight face during interviews is becoming a real challenge.

Jobadvisor

A lot of job seekers share that frustration, especially in fields where the supply of applicants is high or where employers can afford to be selective.

Some reasons "junior" postings can end up looking unrealistic include:

• Wish lists rather than minimum requirements. Hiring managers often describe an ideal candidate instead of someone they actually expect to find. It's common for job descriptions to include technologies or certifications that are genuinely optional.

• Risk reduction. Companies may hope to hire someone who can contribute immediately with minimal training, even for entry-level compensation.

• Misalignment between HR and the hiring team. A posting may accumulate requirements from multiple stakeholders until it no longer reflects a true junior role.

• Market conditions. In a competitive labor market, employers sometimes raise expectations without increasing pay because they believe qualified applicants will still apply.

The certification issue is particularly contentious. If a role lists expensive credentials as "nice-to-have" while offering entry-level pay, many candidates perceive that as expecting individuals to finance the employer's preferred training. In some industries, employers do sponsor certifications after hiring, but that practice is far from universal.

Regarding interviews, maintaining professionalism can still be beneficial even when the requirements seem unreasonable. One practical approach is to ask questions such as:

• "Which of these qualifications are essential for success in the first six months?"

• "How much weight do you place on formal certifications versus demonstrated experience?"

• "What training or professional development does the company provide after hire?"

Those questions can reveal whether the long list is a genuine requirement or simply an aspirational profile.

It's also worth remembering that many candidates are hired despite not checking every box. If you meet a substantial portion of the core qualifications and can demonstrate the ability to learn, applying may still be worthwhile. Employers often compromise when they find someone who interviews well and shows strong potential.

Had the most unhinged tech interview of my life in Baltimore and I’m still not sure if it was real

So I’m job hunting and I go in for a dev role at a small company in Baltimore. The CEO opens the interview by saying “Sorry if this scares you away” which is already a hell of a way to start things off.

Then it got weird.

He casually drops that the office runs “like a reality show” and that “everybody has cried at some point there.” Not “some people,” not “it gets stressful” — everybody has cried. Like it’s a team building activity.

The man spent a solid chunk of the interview telling me about a car he’s trying to buy from Georgia and how his final decision on me would kinda depend on whether the dealership gives him a good callback. I was sitting there thinking… am I interviewing for a dev role or am I now part of his emotional support team for this car purchase? Should I start praying for his dealership too?

Then he went in on my experience. Told me my custom coded websites for clients were basically a mistake. Said my clients are now “stuck with me forever” because I actually listened to what they wanted instead of just using Wix. Suggested I should have just used Wix the whole time. When I mentioned I believe the future is agentic and interactive systems, he looked at me like I was crazy and told me I was straight up wrong about the agentic side.

At this point I’m just nodding along like yep this is my life now.

I left that interview feeling like I had been emotionally waterboarded by low code propaganda and second hand car anxiety. Immediately decided this was a hard no.

Moral of the story: when the CEO warns you that he might scare you away, believe him. Sometimes the biggest red flag is the interview itself.

Jobadvisor

Oh, you definitely stumbled into a glitch in the Matrix.

First off, congratulations on surviving what sounds less like a tech interview and more like a psychological thriller produced by a low-budget reality TV network. You absolutely made the right call by running—not walking—away from that absolute circus.

When a CEO tells you "everyone has cried here" with a hint of pride in his voice, he isn't managing a company; he’s running a hostage situation. Let's break down the sheer, unadulterated chaos of this interaction:

The Red Flag Breakdown

• The "Reality Show" Office: This is corporate code for "we have zero boundaries, HR doesn't exist, and I will scream at you over a minor bug at 4:30 PM on a Friday." Standardized crying is not a benefit, no matter how much he tries to spin it as "passion."

• The Georgia Car Saga: The fact that your employment status hinged on the mood of a random car salesman in Georgia is peak main-character syndrome. You were auditioning to be a software engineer, not his therapist or a lucky charm for his financing options.

• The Wix Propaganda: Imagine telling a developer that building bespoke, custom-coded solutions tailored to a client's actual business needs is a mistake. He didn't want a developer; he wanted a digital assembly-line worker who wouldn't question his lack of technical vision.

• The Agentic AI Denial: Dismissing the shift toward agentic and interactive systems in 2026 is wild. He’s essentially yelling at the clouds while the rest of the tech world moves forward. He wants to stay in 2018, and honestly? Let him.

The Silver Lining

Look at it this way: he did you a massive favor by being completely incapable of hiding his dysfunction. Most toxic bosses wait until Day 30 to show you their final form. This guy laid it all out on the table before you even signed a W-2.

You trusted your gut, protected your peace, and walked away with an all-time great "worst interview ever" story to tell at bars.

Did he ever actually follow up with you after his car call, or did you ghost him first?

Bf thinks I’m lazy for not having a stable job.

I was laid off from my job over a year ago and haven’t been able to find a job that pays decently. I’ve been working delivery jobs but they don’t pay well. He comes from a wealthy family and never had to work “shitty” jobs. College and straight into a well paying job. I on the other hand come from nothing. Grew up as an orphan after losing both my parents, I struggle with physical and mental health issues, don’t have any family and just didn’t have a great life. I tried to make something of myself despite the cards I was dealt with in this life. It just hurts how he pretends to understand and wants to support
Me in the meantime but deep down, he viewed me as lazy and I didn’t know that until today when he said it in a shady way.

We live together and split rent equally, he mostly pays for groceries but I also cook a lot of the meals and eventually when I find a job, I will buy more of the groceries. He never takes me out. We’ve been together for over a year and I can count in 1 hand how many times he took me out to eat. Maybe twice? If I’m being generous 3? I’m not asking for much is my point but being labeled as lazy truly broke something in me especially since I told him earlier that I would drive 2 hours for a stable job at this point.

I’m just venting. Thanks for reading!

Jobadvisor

From what you've described, there is an important distinction between being unemployed and being unwilling to work.

You said you've:

• Been laid off rather than quitting voluntarily.

• Continued working delivery jobs instead of stopping work altogether.

• Been actively looking for a better-paying, more stable position.

• Told your boyfriend you'd even consider a two-hour commute to secure stable employment.

• Continued contributing to the household by paying your share of the rent and cooking many of the meals.

Those facts don't line up with the idea that you're "lazy." They suggest you're trying to stay afloat while searching for a more sustainable opportunity.

Your background also provides context. Growing up without parents, dealing with health challenges, and lacking a family safety net can make career setbacks much harder to navigate. That doesn't mean criticism is never valid, but it does mean comparisons to someone who had a very different starting point can be misleading.

The part that seems especially painful isn't just the word itself—it's the feeling that your boyfriend may not recognize the effort you're putting in. If someone says they support you but then characterizes your situation as laziness, it can create a gap between their stated empathy and how their comments are received.

If you decide to talk with him about it, keeping the conversation specific may help. For example:

• Explain that being called "lazy" hurt because you're actively working and job hunting.

• Point to concrete evidence of your effort, such as taking delivery work and continuing to apply for jobs.

• Ask what behaviors led him to that conclusion, rather than assuming you know his reasoning.

It's possible he's worried about the future, frustrated by the prolonged search, or has unrealistic expectations shaped by his own experience. Those possibilities don't make the label accurate, but understanding what he means could clarify whether this is a misunderstanding or a deeper incompatibility in values.

Above all, your current circumstances don't define your work ethic. Someone can be struggling financially, underemployed, or between stable jobs while still making a sustained effort to improve their situation. Based on what you've shared, that appears to be what you're doing. I hope your search turns up an opportunity that matches the persistence you've already shown.

Just laid off, curious about severance negotiations

Unexpected laid off the other day, very surprised and out of nowhere. My company told me that they were sizing down and moving away from my sector in the company as they saw it as not profitable anymore. How much of that I believe is a different conversation.

Was told my severance would be 6 weeks of pay (I’m assuming for 6 years of service) plus health insurance for another month. I’m also owed and entitled to my last pay check for this pay period and my unused PTO.

Haven’t received my package offer to sign yet, but I’m considering negotiating for 2 weeks per years serviced.

I understand this is all based on leverage, I was going to take into account that helped during the merger we had 2 years ago, brought in profitable assets to the company, and have done extra unpaid work to get certain tasks and projects done voluntarily. (Silly but it can be hard to create a work life balance when you work from home, and are still sitting at your desk screwing around on the computer to end up saying to yourself “yeah why not just finish that”)

Just wanted to hear from folks who have successfully negotiated packages.

Jobadvisor

It's not uncommon to negotiate a severance package, but the outcome often depends less on your past performance and more on the employer's incentives and legal risk.

A few observations based on what you described:

• Six weeks of severance for six years of service is within the range many employers offer, though practices vary widely by industry, location, and company policy.

• Unused PTO and your final paycheck are generally separate from severance. In many jurisdictions, those are earned compensation that must be paid regardless of whether you sign a severance agreement.

• Health insurance continuation for an additional month is a meaningful benefit, and it's worth factoring into the overall value of the package.

As for negotiating from six weeks to roughly 12 weeks (two weeks per year of service), there's no harm in asking if you do so professionally, but it's useful to calibrate expectations.

Arguments that may carry more weight:

• Long tenure and institutional knowledge.

• A clean performance record and positive reviews.

• The difficulty of finding a comparable role in your specialty.

• A willingness to sign a prompt release of claims in exchange for improved terms.

Arguments that may carry less weight:

• Working extra unpaid hours voluntarily.

• Going above and beyond on projects without prior agreement.

• General statements about loyalty or effort unless they tie into a business reason for increasing severance.

A straightforward approach might be:

"I appreciate the severance offer and understand the company's position. Given my six years of service and contributions during significant transitions, I'd like to ask whether you would consider increasing the severance to 12 weeks of pay (or another improved amount). I'm hopeful we can reach an agreement that's fair to both sides."

Also consider negotiating items beyond salary, such as:

• Extended health benefits.

• Payment for unused bonuses or commissions, if applicable.

• Career transition or outplacement assistance.

• A mutually agreed reference or reference letter.

• A later termination date if it affects benefits or vesting.

• Keeping company equipment (if relevant and permitted).

Finally, don't feel pressured to sign immediately. Read the agreement carefully and understand what rights you're giving up in exchange for the severance. If the package includes a release of legal claims or other significant provisions—and especially if you believe the layoff may not have been handled properly—it can be worthwhile to have an employment lawyer review it before signing.

If you're comfortable sharing your country or state/province, I can give more specific guidance on what is commonly negotiable and what rights are typically protected by law in your jurisdiction.

Just started wfh job with 50% travel. feeling like i'm not doing anything

I started this senior level engineer position that involves travel to various facilities. Normally, I would be touring the plant every day, meeting the managers, engineers, operators, learning as much as I can about the process and everything. but this being a remote role, I can only do so much from my computer reading documents and such. My best chance at learning is shadowing engineers for the onsite visits, which I have scheduled over the next couple of months. I've reached out to a couple of team members for materials to read to get caught up to speed. But so far, I feel like there's a lot of work to be done, and I'm unable to offer much of any value. I feel like I should be doing more, especially as a senior level engineer. my WLB is great, wake up, attend a few meetings, and then not much else going on tbh. I'm sure in time things will pick up, but I'm feeling a little guilty for being paid for not much right now. any advice?

Jobadvisor

First off, take a deep breath. What you are experiencing is incredibly common, especially for senior folks stepping into hybrid or heavy-travel roles.

When you're hired at a senior level, companies aren't just paying for your immediate output on day one; they are paying for your experience, judgment, and ability to handle complexity once you are fully spun up. Right now, your full-time job is simply learning the ropes, not saving the day.

Since you have a few months before the heavy travel and onsite shadowing kick into high gear, here is a tactical guide on how to battle that imposter syndrome, alleviate the guilt, and actually add value from your desk.

1. Shift Your Mindset: "Onboarding" is Work

In a standard office or plant environment, "working" is highly visible. Remote work strips away that visibility, making passive learning feel like slacking.

• The Reality: Reading documentation, reviewing piping and instrumentation diagrams (P&IDs), studying process flow diagrams, and understanding company safety protocols is senior-level engineering work.

• The Fix: Reframe your day. You aren't "doing nothing"; you are building the intellectual foundation required to not look clueless when you step onto the factory floor in a few weeks.

2. Conduct a "Document Audit"

Since you are stuck behind a screen reading documents, use your senior eyes to find the gaps.

• What to look for: As you read through the materials your team sent, look for things that are outdated, confusing, or poorly organized.

• How to add value: Create a "New Hire Survival Guide" or update the team’s Wiki/SharePoint. Documenting your own onboarding journey is a massive favor to the team and proves you are proactive.

3. Master the Systems Before the Plants

When you get to the plants, you’ll want to focus on the physical equipment and the people. Use this downtime to master the digital side of operations.

• Get access and explore: Dig into the CMMS (Computerized Maintenance Management System like SAP or Maximo), the data historians (like PI System), or drawing databases.

• Look at historical data: Run reports on recent equipment failures, recurring bottlenecks, or plant downtime metrics for the sites you are visiting soon. When you show up onsite and say, "I noticed Facility X had three major pump failures last quarter," the local teams will instantly respect your senior status.

4. Conduct "Virtual Coffee" Dates

You don't have to wait for the travel to start building relationships.

• Reach out to the plant managers or lead engineers at the sites you'll be visiting.

• Set up a quick 15-to-20-minute video call. Say something like:

"Hey, I’m the new Senior Engineer. I’m scheduled to visit your site next month. I wanted to introduce myself early and ask: What are the top two or three chronic headaches your team is dealing with right now?"

This does two things: it gives you highly specific problems to research now, and it ensures you hit the ground running the second you step off the plane.

5. Lean Into the Calm Before the Storm

A 50% travel schedule is no joke. It is exhausting, disruptive to your routine, and mentally taxing.

• Enjoy the Work-Life Balance now. Consider this quiet period a "buffer" or a corporate bank account of rest. You will be drawing heavily from that account once you are living out of a suitcase and spending 10-hour days walking hot, noisy plant floors.

A Quick Reality Check: If your manager is happy, your peers are responsive, and your meetings are being attended, you are doing fine. The guilt is just your inner high-achiever panicking because the pace is different than what you're used to. Enjoy the slow burn—the fire will catch soon enough.