Sexism in the corporate world ?
I've been in corporate for roughly 6 years now and something I just keep seeing in the few organizations ive worked is office politics. I also keep seeing women "gangs" in the workplace and they exclude men (its way too noticeable).
I'm not trying to be that guy but ive seen a large number of women directors who will vouch for literally ONLY women under them. When a man comes into the picture, they turn from supportive to slightly below neutral if that makes sense. They won't go out of their way to support him but they most definitely will with women. I hate writing this out but I just keep seeing promotions go to mostly women than men even though theyre both performing at the same level.
The times ive worked under a women boss, it usually goes well for the first 6 ish months, then it starts getting toxic. Literally anything from them feeling we're being too "controlling" for wanting to lead team meetings to adding suggestions that appear to be an attempt to "dominate" the suggestions of the women on the team.
lets not forget, I'm black. I've worked in environments where im the only black guy and more often than not I get excluded or I have to "overcompensate" to be treated somewhat equally as the rest. I even got put on a PIP due to "performance" but I knew it wasnt about that, it was that I had 4 different women in the department who didnt like my "communication" style and said I was very "defensive" and had "tone" issues.
Jobadvisor
That's a genuinely frustrating set of experiences, and it sounds like you've been carrying a lot — especially navigating race and gender dynamics simultaneously, which is its own compounding weight.
A few honest thoughts:
What you're describing is real and documented
The "women supporting women" network dynamic in corporate spaces is real. It often emerges as a reaction to decades of male-dominated networks that excluded women — essentially a mirror of the "old boys club." That doesn't make exclusion of men okay, but it helps explain the mechanism. When any group gains institutional power after being locked out, in-group favoritism tends to follow.
The race layer changes everything
The PIP situation you described is worth paying attention to. "Tone," "defensive," and "communication style" are among the most commonly weaponized phrases used against Black men in corporate environments specifically. Research consistently shows Black men are evaluated more harshly for the same behaviors white colleagues exhibit without consequence. The fact that 4 women coordinated that narrative against you is a pattern, not a coincidence.
The harder question to sit with
Some of what you're observing is probably real bias. Some of it may also be filtered through frustration — 6 years of being excluded and overcompensating distorts how you read situations, understandably. Both things can be true at once. That doesn't invalidate your experience, it just means it's worth separating "this specific thing happened" from "this is always what's happening."
Practically speaking
- Document everything, especially anything that could turn into another PIP
- Build lateral relationships with people who have no stake in the politics around you
- If you're in the US, the PIP situation you described may be worth a conversation with an employment attorney, not necessarily to sue, but to understand where you stand
- Consider whether the environments you're in have structural issues you can't personally solve
You're not "that guy" for noticing patterns. The question is what you do with the observations.
I think I was offered a job and I’m kinda numb at this point - how do I become normal?
I have been unemployed, worked in pizzerias, I worked in warehouses, I donated blood, I went to food banks, I took every odd job I could find. For like 5 years.
I felt like a loser. I was just offered a programming job - I didn’t even think they would hire me. I just took the interview because why the hell not.
And now like - shit, I’m employed now? I’m no longer a loser? It’s weird because the past five years has been really rough for me, I don’t know how to act or feel about it
Jobadvisor
First off: Take a deep breath.
What you are feeling right now is completely normal, even if it feels like "numbness" or total disbelief. You have been in survival mode for five years. When you spend half a decade fighting just to keep your head above water—doing grueling warehouse shifts, hustling odd jobs, and worrying about food—your brain builds a massive, thick armor just to get you through the day.
You can't just unbolt that armor in five minutes because of an email or a phone call. Your brain is experiencing emotional whiplash.
Here is some perspective on what you’re feeling, and some gentle steps on how to start processing this massive shift.
Why You Feel Numb Right Now
Survival Mode Hangover: When you are stressed for years, your nervous system is constantly flooded with cortisol and adrenaline. Now that the danger (financial instability) is suddenly lifting, your body is crashing. Numbness is often just exhaustion.
Imposter Syndrome & Shock: You went into the interview with a "why the hell not" attitude. Because you lowered your expectations to protect yourself from disappointment, the sudden win feels unreal. It feels like a mistake.
Identity Shift: You’ve internalized the label of "loser" for five years (even though you weren't one—you were a survivor). Your brain is struggling to reconcile "I am someone who goes to food banks" with "I am a software programmer."
How to "Become Normal" (Step-by-Step)
Don't force yourself to pop champagne or jump up and down if you don't feel like it. "Normal" will come back in waves, not all at once.
1. Give yourself permission to feel nothing for a few days
Seriously. If you just want to stare at a wall, watch a movie, or sleep for 12 hours, do it. Your brain needs to register that the immediate emergency is over. You don't have to feel ecstatic right now.
2. Acknowledge the grit, not just the luck
You might feel like you just "tricked" them or got lucky. But let’s look at the facts: They hired you. In programming, people don't hand out jobs out of charity. You had to have the skills, the logic, and the grit to pass that interview. The resilience you built over the last five years? That is a superpower in tech, where things break constantly and you have to be comfortable failing until you fix it.
3. Do one small, tangible thing to make it real
When you've been struggling, abstract things like "a salary" don't feel real. Make it real with a tiny, low-stakes action:
Buy a slightly nicer brand of coffee or food than you usually allow yourself.
Write down the start date on a physical calendar.
If you have a trusted friend or family member, tell them textually: "Hey, I actually got the job. I'm in shock, but it happened."
4. Prepare for the "Two Worlds" adjustment
For the first few weeks or months, you are going to feel like an undercover agent. You’ll be sitting in an office or at a desk thinking, “If these people knew I was donating blood for cash recently, they’d freak out.”
The Truth: Everyone in that room has a story, and yours just happens to prove you are incredibly tough. You aren't a "loser" who sneaked into a tech job; you are a hard worker who finally found leverage.
A Final Thought
You survived the warehouse, the pizzerias, and the food banks. You did what you had to do to stay alive, and there is immense dignity in that. You were never a loser—you were just playing a rigged game on "Hard Mode."
The numbness will pass, the reality will set in (probably when that first real paycheck hits your bank account), and you will build a new normal. For today, just let the dust settle. You made it through the storm.
Being Severely Bullied by Coworker?
For reference, I'm a female librarian in my 20s. I have a coworker with the exact same job title and pay as me who is probably in their 70s or close to it. I've been working in my current job for close to a year. I have noticed that this coworker tends to automatically blame me for mistakes that I didn't make, or accuses me of things I didn't do. They also have a habit of being condescending and of jumping to conclusions without context very quickly. While this behavior was certainly annoying, it wasn't unbearable.
However, recently, I asked this employee to read a rough draft of a blog post I was writing (I wanted to make the effort to work as a team with them, which I now realize I should not have done). They accused me of using AI to write the entire post, which they then accused me of copying and pasting. I did not. My innocence was very easily proven by the fact that I wrote it in Google Docs and had the tracking history turned on, and that I had taken handwritten notes on all of my sources, etc. While I knew I didn't do anything wrong, the accusation itself still gave me a lot of anxiety and was an unnecessary distraction. I was alarmed that someone would jump to a conclusion so quickly that ultimately questioned my honesty and integrity, just based on *vibes* (or something more malicious) and not actual evidence.
After this occurred, I told my manager that I was concerned because this employee had a history of blaming me for and accusing me of doing things that I did not do. I gave a few specific examples. My boss was kind, supportive, and said they were glad I advocated for myself. They agreed that the coworker was being condescending toward me based on the examples I gave, and said I shouldn't be treated that way. They said that they would speak to the co-worker about having more empathy for others. I thought everything was fine.
However, even more recently, this coworker got upset because a patron emailed us asking for a scan of an item that was featured on a blog this coworker had written. The coworker got upset because they wanted to answer the patron (we have a delegated inbox where employees can tag themselves on questions). They brought this up a week after it happened. They walked up to my desk and passive aggressively/condescendingly said "Next time someone mentions my work, let me answer it, ok?". I was taken aback and said "Oh... ok." The patron had only asked for scans of an item featured in the post, not questions on the actual content. Because I thought the coworker may not have read the email thread or maybe thought I spoke on their behalf, I said "I noticed that the patron was only asking for scans pertaining to an item you wrote about, not actual blog content." The coworker proceeded to say very aggressively and condescendingly (like I'm 5 years old and being punished) "It makes me happy when people read my work. I would have been happier if you told me. Does that make any sense to you?" They also said it very slowly to imply they think I'm stupid. Bear in mind that this person is not my manager and is inventing arbitrary rules when it isn't their place to do so. I would have had no problem agreeing to this request otherwise, but they were incredibly patronizing, unprofessional, and rude about it. I didn't respond after they said that.
I will be speaking to my manager (they said to come to them about any further problems with this coworker). However, I am at my wits end. This person consistently singles me out, blames me, targets me, and doesn't feel the need to treat me with professionalism or respect (when it's clear they treat those they deem "worthy" enough with said professionalism and respect). I am so frustrated. I'm thinking about applying to other jobs. Though it doesn't matter, I like makeup, fashion, girly things, etc., and I've always suspected this person doesn't take me seriously because of those factors in combination with my age. Advice?
Jobadvisor
This sounds genuinely exhausting, and your frustration is completely valid. You've been patient, professional, and proactive — and it keeps happening anyway. A few thoughts:
On what's actually going on
What you're describing does pattern as workplace bullying — specifically the kind where someone uses condescension and false accusations as a power tool. The "said it slowly like you're 5" detail is particularly telling. That's a deliberate intimidation tactic, not just poor communication. The selective targeting you've noticed (treating others well, not you) is also a classic sign that this is intentional rather than just someone being generally difficult.
Your instinct about age and presentation is worth taking seriously. It may not be the whole story, but it's not paranoia either — this dynamic (an older employee dismissing a younger, feminine-presenting woman as less serious or competent) is extremely common and well-documented.
On your upcoming manager conversation
A few things that will help you go in strong:
- Write everything down before the meeting. Dates, what was said, exact wording where you remember it. The "does that make sense to you, said slowly" moment especially — that level of specific detail is hard to dismiss.
- Frame it as a pattern, not a complaint. You're not upset about one email. You're documenting a recurring dynamic that is affecting your ability to work comfortably. That's a different (more serious) conversation.
- Be explicit about what you need. Your manager was supportive last time but "spoke to them about empathy" clearly didn't work. It's reasonable to say: "I appreciate your support before, but the behavior has continued and escalated. I'd like to understand what the next step is if this continues."
- Ask what's being documented. HR situations are easier to resolve when there's a paper trail. You can ask whether this is being formally noted anywhere.
On the job search
Honestly? Keep your options open in parallel. Not because you have to leave, but because having options is good for your mental health and negotiating position regardless. Feeling trapped in a situation makes it worse. Knowing you have an exit makes it easier to handle calmly.
One reframe that might help
This person's behavior says nothing about your competence or worth. They accused you of AI plagiarism with zero evidence and were immediately proven wrong. They invented an inbox rule and delivered it like a verdict. The pattern here is someone who is reactive, insecure, and needs to assert authority — and you, as someone younger and newer, became the target. That's their dysfunction, not a reflection of anything real about you.
You handled the AI accusation with exactly the right combination of calm and receipts. Keep documenting, keep your manager informed, and keep being the professional in the room. You're doing the right things.
Should a fresher invest in a GenAl course?
Hey everyone,
I recently graduated and honestly I'm a bit confused about what to learn next. I'm really interested in Generative Al and Python, and I'm thinking of joining a course/training program.
The thing is, most GenAl jobs I see seem to want experienced candidates. So I'm not sure if it's a good choice for a fresher like me or if I should focus on something else first. If you were starting your career today, which skills or courses would you choose to get hired faster?
Jobadvisor
It is completely normal to feel confused right now. The tech landscape is shifting fast, and looking at job descriptions can be incredibly discouraging when every "entry-level" role asks for 3+ years of experience.
To give you the short answer: Do not pay for an expensive, standalone "GenAI Specialization" course right now.
Here is why, and exactly what you should focus on instead to get hired faster.
The Reality of the GenAI Job Market
The reason you see "experienced candidates only" for GenAI roles is that Generative AI isn't a foundational skill—it's an extension layer.
Companies rarely hire someone just to write a prompt or call an OpenAI API wrapper. They hire software engineers or data scientists who also know how to integrate AI into existing systems.
┌─────────────────────────────────────────┐
│ GenAI / LLM Integration │ <- What you want to learn
├─────────────────────────────────────────┤
│ Core Software Engineering / DevOps │ <- What companies actually
│ & Solid Programming Foundations │ hire freshers for
└─────────────────────────────────────────┘
If you only know the top layer, you are competing with thousands of others who took the same 6-week boot camp but can't build the underlying application.
If I Started Today: The "Get Hired Faster" Roadmap
If you want to work with GenAI but need a job soon, you should build a rock-solid foundation in core software development, using Python as your primary tool.
Here is the exact skill stack that makes a fresher hirable:
1. Advanced Python & Software Fundamentals
The Focus: Don't just learn basic Python syntax. Master Object-Oriented Programming (OOP), data structures, error handling, and writing clean, modular code.
Why: AI frameworks (like LangChain or LlamaIndex) are just massive Python libraries. If your core Python is weak, you won't be able to debug them when they break.
2. Backend Web Frameworks (FastAPI or Django)
The Focus: Learn how to build a robust, secure backend API. FastAPI is currently the industry favorite for AI applications because it is fast and handles asynchronous programming beautifully.
Why: AI models live on servers. To make them useful, you have to build the APIs that connect the AI model to a user-facing frontend.
3. Databases & SQL
The Focus: PostgreSQL or MySQL. Learn how to design a schema, write complex queries, and manage data.
Why: AI apps need context. You'll need to know how to fetch user data, store chat histories, and eventually manage specialized Vector Databases (like Pinecone or ChromaDB) used for AI search.
4. Practical GenAI (Learn it for FREE)
Once you can build a standard backend API that talks to a database, then add GenAI.
Do not buy a course for this. Use free resources (like DeepLearning.AI's short courses or official documentation) to learn how to connect an LLM API to your backend application.
The Strategy: Build a "Proof of Capability"
Instead of a certificate on your resume, a hiring manager wants to see a GitHub repository.
Instead of a generic project like a "Movie Recommendation System," build a practical, AI-enhanced tool. For example: Build a FastAPI application that parses uploaded PDFs, stores the text in a database, and uses a free LLM API to let users query those documents.
This proves to an employer that you aren't just a "prompt engineer"—you are a software engineer who knows how to build real products with AI.
Company decided to leave position vacant rather than promote me…would you quit? Quiet quite? Complain?
So I have been with the same company for about 7 years now in a field that I have more than 20 years specialized experience in. I also have a lot of mid-to higher tier leadership experience from other jobs prior to this one (including working directly under c suites).
The director I report to has retired after many years with the company and over the last year he has been preparing me to take over for him. But really for as long as I have worked here, I have done my job and a good portion of his too as he neared retirement. I had his formal recommendation for promotion and he is as shocked and angry as I am about what just happened.
On his very last day they announced that the position would be put out for competition “soon”, and in the interim it would be left vacant. All inquiries were directed to other department heads that would have some partial knowledge of our work, rather than to even having inquiries go to someone in our department.
I know the plan is to heavily rely on my expertise yet again. While denying me the position, even on an interim basis. I guess I have been giving it away for free all this time so why would they pay me properly for it?
I can accept that they want to do a competition, but I can’t accept that they would rather leave the position empty than to even have me step in on an interim basis. I’m close with our most senior department staff and everyone from the secretaries to the janitors know me by name and talk to me regularly.
I have never had a negative performance review and have been given maximum merit raises and bonus regularly.
Being passed over in favour of an empty chair has left me wondering if I should gtf out of here and see what else is out there? Or should I carefully plot my revenge and finish off my career as a spiteful old man?
Jobadvisor
This is a genuinely rough situation, and the "empty chair over you" move is a pretty pointed signal worth taking seriously. Here's how I'd think through your three options:
Quit outright — tempting, but probably not yet. Seven years of institutional knowledge and 20 years of specialized expertise is a real card to hold. Don't surrender it emotionally before you've extracted maximum value from the situation. That said, quietly job searching right now is just smart — not dramatic, not spiteful, just rational. You deserve to know what the market thinks you're worth.
Quiet quitting — this one's actually your most dangerous trap. The company is clearly counting on you to keep doing the director's work without the director's title or pay. If you quietly comply with that, you've just confirmed their strategy works. You'd be the worst of both worlds: underpaid and underutilized.
Complain/escalate — only worth doing strategically. Not venting, not expressing hurt — but a direct, professional conversation with whoever made this call (or HR) asking specifically what criteria will be used in the competition and what would make you the strongest candidate. This accomplishes two things: it signals you're not a pushover, and their answer will tell you a lot about whether this place is ever going to value you fairly.
The real question isn't which option — it's sequencing:
- Start job searching now, quietly and seriously
- Have one direct conversation asking about the competition criteria — no emotion, just business
- In the meantime, stop doing the director's job for free. Be helpful and professional, but let the vacuum they created be felt. That's not revenge, that's just not subsidizing bad decisions
- When you get an outside offer (and with your background you likely will), you'll have real leverage — either to leave with your head high, or to force an honest conversation about your value
The retired director being shocked and angry on your behalf is a useful asset too. His network and reference alone could open doors quickly.
The spiteful old man route is emotionally satisfying to fantasize about but tends to poison the last chapter of an otherwise strong career. The best revenge here looks like walking into a better role somewhere that recognizes what you're worth — and letting them figure out just how much they needed you.
Banking, will you proceed?
Still contenplating if i will even wait for their offer.
Currently employed in the same bank for about 12 years.
I am planning to move to another bank, more work is expected given their structure.
Then i passed the interview and verbally informed that they would be proceeding to hire me.
I am a Senior Manager in my existing bank
Then want me to transfer lateral only.
Knowing now that the senior manager in that line of job in their bank is already the ceiling, meaning i cannot be promoted to AVP unless they will make me a team head.
This is crucial and seems like leading me into a career trap.
Moreover they also mentioned that i should manage my expectation on their offer.
So i felt like moving to a new company is a waste of time and i have nothing to gain.
Career progression will be stucked, i am a senior manager for 3 years in my current bank and moving to a new bank with the same rank will kind of throwing away the 3 years that i have worked for.
Manage expectation on their offer simply means that they plan to lowball me and i think they need me morethan i need them.
I am about 12 years in my present company if i reached 15 years my gratuitity will be 125%, for me to compensate that i need to get a minimum of 40% increase.
It sounds like your intuition is screaming at you right now, and honestly? You should trust it.
You have laid out a textbook case of a "career trap." When a company tells you to "manage your expectations" before they even hand you the paperwork, they aren't just hinting at a lowball offer—they are lowering the bar for your entire future with them.
Given your 12 years of loyalty and your specific financial milestones, here is a breakdown of why staying put (or looking elsewhere) seems like the smartest strategic move right now.
The Red Flag Breakdown
1. The "Ceiling" is a Career Dead End
Moving to a new company usually comes with the expectation of fresh growth. If Senior Manager is the absolute ceiling for your role at this new bank unless a rare Team Head position opens up, you are walking directly into a bottleneck.
The Cost: You’ve already put in 3 years as a Senior Manager. Moving laterally resets your "internal equity" clock. You go from being a seasoned veteran with deep institutional knowledge to the "new person" who is already capped out on day one.
2. "Manage Your Expectations" = Budget Deficit
In corporate speak, this phrase is a preemptive strike to disarm you during negotiations. They know what expertise a 12-year veteran brings, but they either don't have the budget or don't value the role enough to pay for it. If they need you more than you need them, they should be pitching to you, not asking you to settle.
3. The Math Doesn't Math (The 15-Year Gratuitous Milestone)
This is perhaps your strongest anchor.
You are 3 years away from a 125% gratuity milestone.
Leaving that behind means walking away from guaranteed, structured wealth.
To offset losing that compounding value and security, a 40% increase isn't greedy—it’s basic math. If they are already telling you to lower your expectations, the chances of them hitting a 40% premium are slim to none.
Your Strategic Options
| Option | Pros | Cons | Verdict |
| Wait for the Offer anyway | Costs you nothing; gives you a concrete number to reject or leverage. | Might waste a bit more time. | Recommended. Never say no to an offer you haven't seen in writing yet. |
| Reject Immediately | Saves mental energy; lets you refocus on your current role or other leads. | You lose the slight chance they might surprise you. | Backup. Only do this if the anxiety of waiting isn't worth it. |
| Stay to the 15-Year Mark | Secures your 125% gratuity; builds maximum leverage for an AVP jump elsewhere. | 3 more years in the same environment. | Strongest Financial Move. |
How to Proceed Right Now
Do not withdraw just yet. Let them send the written offer. It costs you nothing to see their cards.
Receive the Offer: When they send it, look at the number.
Counter with Your Value: Counter firmly with the 40% increase you actually need to justify the jump, citing your 12 years of specialized banking experience and the opportunity cost of leaving your current firm.
Walk Away Proudly: If (and likely when) they say they cannot meet that number, you can decline with total clarity.
You are in the driver's seat here. You have a stable, senior role and a major financial milestone on the horizon. This new bank is offering you more work, less growth, and less money.
When you look at it clearly, what are you actually gaining by leaving?