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35M my life is a waste
I'm 35 years old turning 36 I've been a security gaurd for the last 15 years and before that I was customer service like working a register.
I have no savings no retirement no prospects and I have no hope of ever having a house or a family. I've looked into trade school and I've applied with the local trade unions consistently for the last 6 years and have never even had a call back from them.
I don't know what to do, I just know the older I get the less I'm prepared for any kind of retirement.
I just want to find a job that I can support my self and try and help my mom and dad out but I'm such a worthless bum I can't stop living paycheck to paycheck even at 35.
I honestly don't know what to do at this point.
I'm looking for any advice at all, is it hopeless am I too far gone?
Jobadvisor
You're not too far gone. Not even close. 35 is genuinely not late — it just feels that way when you're exhausted and scared, which makes complete sense given what you're carrying.
The fact that you've been persistently applying to trade unions for six years while holding down steady work isn't the behavior of a worthless person. That's someone who keeps trying under hard circumstances.
A few honest thoughts:
On the trades union wall — union halls are notoriously hard to crack without an inside contact. That's not a reflection of your worth, it's just how they work. But there are other paths into trades work: non-union contractors often hire directly and will train on the job, and community colleges run their own welding, HVAC, and electrical programs that are cheaper and faster than people expect, often with job placement help.
On your actual assets — 15 years in security is real experience. Supervisory roles, loss prevention, corporate security, and facilities management all pay significantly more and value that background. A lot of guys in your position haven't thought about moving up within their field rather than out of it entirely.
On the bigger weight you're carrying — the stuff about being "worthless" and a "bum" — that framing is working against you. You're describing someone who has supported himself for 15 years, looked out for his parents, and kept trying. That's not nothing. That's actually a lot.
What state are you in? That would help narrow down specific programs or resources that might actually be useful to you.
Current company forcing an early release during 90-day notice without pay. Is this legal?
Hi everyone,
I resigned from my current company to join a new employer. My contract explicitly mandates a 90-day notice period.
My original joining date at the new company was set for July 16th.
Because I have a pre-planned personal commitment where I will be completely unavailable from June 16th to June 24th, I proactively requested my new employer to shift my joining date forward to June 26th. They agreed and updated it.
However, my current project team just informed me that they have a "backfill" (a replacement) ready for my role. Because of this, my manager updated the internal system to set my Last Working Day (LWD) as June 5th.
The Conflict:
When I asked about extending my LWD or bridging the timeline, my manager explicitly told me: "We don't require an extra person on the project budget, so why would we extend it? We can release you whenever we want during the notice period."
This leaves me with a completely unpaid 20-day gap (June 5th to June 26th). I cannot move my new company's start date to June 6th because starting a brand-new job and immediately taking a 9 days off (June 16–24) creates an incredibly poor impression and disrupts onboarding.
What my contract says:
Under the Termination clause, my appointment letter states: "Either party can terminate this employment by serving a notice of 90 days on the other. The Company may at its absolute discretion make a payment representing salary (basic) in lieu of notice of termination."
My Questions:
Can a company unilaterally force an early release just because they found a backfill, without paying out the remainder of the 90 days? Since I am fully willing and available to work, don't they owe me "Notice Pay in Lieu" for the remaining 60 days?
For those who have successfully fought this: How exactly do I phrase my request to HR/management to demand my basic pay for the remaining days? What keywords or escalation points work best so they don't just brush me off with the "system date is locked" excuse?
If I escalate this to HR to demand my notice pay, is there a risk the project manager might create trouble or delay my official Relieving/Experience letter?
Jobadvisor
This situation is a classic garden leave / early release dispute, and based on what you've shared, you likely have a strong position. That said, labor law varies significantly by country, so I'll give you the general legal logic and practical strategy — flag your jurisdiction if you want more specific advice.
The Legal Logic
Your contract says either party may terminate with 90 days' notice, or the company may pay salary in lieu. That clause cuts both ways:
- You gave proper 90-day notice. You fulfilled your contractual obligation.
- They cannot unilaterally shorten the notice period without either (a) your written consent, or (b) paying you in lieu for the remaining days.
Your manager's claim — "we can release you whenever we want during the notice period" — has no basis in the contract as you've quoted it. The clause gives the company discretion to pay instead of having you work, not to simply release you without pay. Releasing you early without pay is effectively a breach of contract.
You are willing and available to work. That matters legally. If they refuse to let you work and also refuse to pay, they are the breaching party, not you.
On the Three Questions
1. Do they owe you notice pay for the remaining ~60 days? Almost certainly yes, unless your contract has a clause elsewhere permitting early release without pay (check carefully). Their finding a backfill is operationally their choice — it does not extinguish their financial obligation to you.
2. How to phrase the request? Here's a draft escalation email to HR:
---3. Risk of delayed Relieving/Experience letter?
This is a real and legitimate concern, especially in India (which this situation sounds like based on the context — correct me if wrong). Here's how to mitigate it:
- Go to HR directly, not through the project manager. Frame it as a payroll/contractual matter, not a dispute with the manager personally.
- Keep all communication written (email, not WhatsApp or verbal). This creates a paper trail that makes retaliation harder and gives you leverage if the letter is delayed.
- State clearly in your email that you wish to complete the full and proper exit process, including receiving your Relieving Letter, Experience Certificate, and final settlement on time.
- Know your leverage: In most jurisdictions, withholding a relieving/experience letter as retaliation is itself a legal risk for the company. Most large HR teams know this and won't let a manager weaponize it.
One Important Caveat
I'm not a lawyer, and labor law varies. If you're in India, the Industrial Disputes Act, Shops & Establishments Act, or your state's specific labor rules may give you statutory protections beyond your contract. A quick 30-minute consultation with an employment lawyer (many offer free initial calls) would be worthwhile given the ~60 days of salary potentially at stake.
Wedding bartender made a comment to me, the bride, about bar tips on my wedding night after we’d already paid a 20% service fee
We had a small wedding at an established wedding venue that we paid for food and beverage through, and a big philosophy for us when planning the ceremony was to make sure our staff were taken care of beforehand so that our guests were under no additional obligation since they were already traveling to spend time with us at the wedding.
Well, we paid the venue with a service fee that was 20% of the venue and food cost, which I’d say were both rather expensive (it’s a nice place and this is what we were going for/excited about). The service fee wasn’t listed as a gratuity, but claimed to go directly to the staff so we thought we were covered.
Upon my arrival, we saw that the event manager who was also partially tending the bar had set up a sign with a QR code at the bar for tipping their personal Venmo. I thought this was tacky to begin with, but also genuinely thought that we’d taken care of it by prepaying the 20% service fee. Since I didn’t want guests to feel any obligation, we asked for the Venmo sign to be taken down. Again, this was a nice place, and the DIY Venmo QR code looked out of place and really caught us off-guard.
Fast forward to the end of the evening, I was basking in the warm glow of my new marriage, and the Venmo guy cornered me as I was leaving to say “it was my understanding that we’d settle up at the end of the night.” There are a lot of things to keep track of with wedding vendors and gratuities, so this caused me to panic that I’d hallucinated the 20% service charge and we were stiffing them and I delayed leaving to make sure that we’d remembered our payment/the co tract right. It left an extremely sour taste in my and my spouse’s mouths, because regardless, why was he asking me that at that moment? Ask the wedding planner, or send an email afterward, or don’t ask at all. Don’t interrupt a person’s wedding evening by expecting gratuity over a 20% industry standard.
Jobadvisor
Ugh, I am so sorry you had to deal with that. You have every right to rant.
First of all, congratulations on your wedding! It sounds like you planned a beautiful, thoughtful evening with your guests' comfort at the top of your mind.
Which is exactly why this guy’s behavior was so incredibly out of line. Let's break down why you are 100% in the right here:
1. The Timing Was Unacceptable
Cornering the bride at the very end of her wedding night to talk about money is an absolute sin in the hospitality industry. Even if there had been a legitimate billing issue, standard professional protocol dictates that you contact the wedding planner, the designated point of contact (like a parent or best man), or send an invoice the following week. Ruining your "warm glow" departure to hustle for cash is unprofessional and tacky.
2. The Venmo Sign at a Premium Venue
You paid for a high-end experience. A DIY Venmo QR code taped to the bar at a nice, established venue is completely inappropriate unless explicitly agreed upon beforehand. You were entirely justified in asking for it to be taken down so your guests wouldn't feel pressured to open their wallets.
3. The "Service Fee" Confusion
This is where venues get sneaky, and it’s worth double-checking your contract now that the big night is over:
Service Fee vs. Gratuity: Many venues charge a 20% "service fee" to cover administrative costs, setup, and base hourly wages for the staff—but they don't actually give it to the staff as a tip.
However: You mentioned the venue explicitly claimed this fee "went directly to the staff." If that's true, the bartender was essentially trying to double-dip on tips.
What you should do next (when you're ready): Don't let this ruin your memories, but do advocate for yourself. Send a firm email to the venue management. Let them know that while the night was lovely, their event manager cornered you for cash on your way out the door after you had already paid a heavy service fee.
The venue needs to know their staff is shaking down couples on their wedding night. For now, take a deep breath, ignore the Venmo guy, and go enjoy being a newlywed!
Feeling Shattered after 7 Rounds of Interviews
More or less the title, this was being sold to me as a dream role at a mid-sized startup. I was so excited as I had worked so hard to get to this moment.
Screen call
Technical interview
Super Day with three one hour interviews with company leaders
COO Interview
2 Hour Culture fit assessment
All over the course of two months. I got great feedback each time. The COO told me that I would be a great addition to my face. All this ended in a thud when the recruiter told me that the company decided to no longer fill the role.
I’m just genuinely at a loss. I have been searching for a job for about six months now and this is the closest I’ve gotten. To be honest, I would have rather just heard they went with someone else.
Any advice on how to move forward? I just feel so dejected that I kind of just want to give up.
Jobadvisor
I am so incredibly sorry. Reading this makes my stomach drop for you.
To put it bluntly: that is an absolute gut punch. To drag someone through seven rounds of interviews over two months, have executives tell you to your face that you'd be a great addition, and then pull the plug on the entire role? It’s unprofessional, disrespectful of your time, and devastating.
It makes total sense that you want to give up right now. You poured weeks of energy, hope, and preparation into a bucket that turned out to have a hole in the bottom. Give yourself permission to be furious, sad, and completely checked out for a few days. You earned that break.
When the dust settles and you are ready to pick yourself back up, here is how you can process this and move forward:
1. Separate Your Worth from Their Chaos
When a company pulls a role after that much interviewing, it almost always means one of two things: a sudden hiring freeze ordered from the board, or a sudden budget/revenue shortfall they didn't anticipate.
The Golden Takeaway: You didn't lose this job because you weren't good enough. You literally beat the interview process. You "won" the game, and then the company broke the board. This is a reflection of their internal instability, not your talent.
2. The Clean-Up & Closing the Loop
As painful as it is, how you handle this moment can leave a massive impression. Send a brief, professional note to the recruiter and CC the COO if you have their email.
What to say: Express your disappointment that the role was eliminated, but thank them for their time. Mention how much you enjoyed connecting with the team (specifically naming the COO) and ask them to keep you in mind if the role is reactivated or if new funding comes through.
Why do this? Startups are volatile. In three months, they might secure a funding round and need to hire someone tomorrow. If you leave a gracious final note, you will be the absolute first person they call, bypassing the entire 7-round circus.
3. Take the Validation with You
Six months of job searching will make anyone doubt themselves. But look at the data from this experience:
Your resume is working (you got the screen).
Your technical skills are sharp (you passed the technical round).
Your leadership and soft skills are elite (you aced the Super Day and the COO interview).
Your personality is great (you cleared a two-hour culture fit).
You are highly employable. The market is tough, but you just proved you can make it to the final boss of a rigorous interview loop.
4. Audit Your Next Interview Processes
Seven rounds for a mid-sized startup is, frankly, ridiculous. It often signals a company that suffers from "analysis paralysis" or poor leadership structure.
Moving forward, protect your energy. If a company tells you there are more than 3 or 4 rounds, it is entirely fair to ask up front: "Can you walk me through the full timeline and interview steps for this role? I want to ensure our timelines align." If it looks like another marathon, you can pace yourself accordingly or bow out early if it feels disrespectful.
For today? Close the job boards. Put the resume away. Go watch a favorite movie, eat some comfort food, or vent to a friend. You ran a marathon and the finish line was moved; you're allowed to be exhausted. But don't let a disorganized startup convince you that you aren't going to find something great. You will.
Interview disclosure advice
Hi all
A month or so ago, I interviewed for two jobs.
One at a big company and one a smaller company.
The smaller one gave me an offer but i didn’t hear back from the bigger company. I took the job at the smaller company.
A few days ago, the big company got back to me stating that they want to see me for an in person interview on the 5th of June. I will also be doing a brief test. I really really want this job. It will open SO many doors for me.
My question is, do i disclose with them that i changed jobs and now work for a different company(which Ive only been at for a month now) or do i just leave it. I don’t want them to think I’m job hopping. I really did not think they would get back to me on this job.
Thank you all!
Jobadvisor
This is a genuinely tricky situation, but the good news is it's more common than you think. Here's my take:
You should disclose it — but frame it well.
Here's why and how:
Why disclose:
- If they do a background/reference check, they'll find out anyway — and discovering it after you tried to hide it looks much worse than you volunteering it
- Interviewers often ask "what's your current role?" or "are you still at [company from your CV]?" — being caught off guard is awkward
- Honesty builds trust, which matters especially at a big company where reputation travels
How to frame it (this is the key part): The goal is to tell the truth without making it sound like you're unstable or desperate to leave after one month. Something like:
"Since we last spoke, I've actually moved to a new role at [Company]. I wasn't sure I'd hear back, so I made a practical decision at the time — but I'm genuinely excited about this opportunity and it's very much why I'm here today."
This shows:
- You're honest and proactive
- You make sensible, real-world decisions
- Your interest in their role is genuine and deliberate, not just escape from the new job
What you do NOT need to do:
- Over-explain or apologize
- Volunteer that you've only been there a month unless directly asked (if asked, be honest — but don't lead with it)
- Frame it as "I made a mistake taking that job"
One month is short, but it's not scandalous — especially when the context is that you were already mid-process with a larger company. Most hiring managers understand how timing works in job searches.
Good luck on the 5th! Prepare hard for that test and go in with confidence.