Sexual harassment

About a year ago I (female) received a text from an upper management male talking about my breasts and how he wanted to suck on them. He apologized and said that I was not the intended recipient. I let it go, honestly didn’t know how to handle this. Now in the past few days someone told me the same guy sent a dick picture to another female staff member and AGAIN said she was not the intended recipient, he apologized just like with my situation and I guess now the women in the company are talking about it.

It’s my assumption that this is intentional and I’m thinking that he probably has done this to others. Do I report this?? I’m afraid of any kickback this may stir up, he is a favorite in the management company. Im afraid we may have a deviant in our midst.

Jobadvisor

Yes, you should report this. What you described—unsolicited explicit sexual comments about your body via text and, in another woman's case, an unsolicited **dick pic**—qualifies as **sexual harassment** in the workplace under U.S. law (primarily Title VII of the Civil Rights Act, enforced by the EEOC) and similar laws in many other jurisdictions. It is unwelcome conduct of a sexual nature that can contribute to a hostile work environment, especially when it involves someone in upper management.

The "wrong recipient" excuse repeated across multiple women is highly suspicious and a common tactic. Many people view it as intentional testing of boundaries rather than genuine accidents, particularly when it happens more than once. A pattern like this (your incident a year ago + the recent one + women now talking) suggests this behavior may extend further, creating risks for the company and its employees.

### Why reporting matters

- **Protect yourself and others**: If this is a pattern, staying silent allows it to continue. Multiple victims strengthen the case that it's not isolated or accidental. Employers have a legal duty to investigate and correct harassment once they have notice (even from rumors or multiple complaints). Failing to act can make the company liable.

- **It's not "old news"**: Your incident from a year ago can still be relevant as evidence of a pattern, even if the strict filing deadline for a formal EEOC charge has passed for that event alone. Combined with new incidents, it shows ongoing issues.

- **Retaliation is illegal**: Federal (and often state) law prohibits retaliation against anyone who reports harassment or participates in an investigation—such as demotion, bad assignments, ostracism, or firing. If it happens, document it immediately; it becomes a separate violation that strengthens your position. Many companies have explicit anti-retaliation policies.

That said, your fear is understandable. Upper management "favorites" can create power imbalances, and reporting can feel risky, especially if company culture has tolerated this. Some people do face social backlash or subtle retaliation despite legal protections.

### Practical steps to report safely

1. **Document everything now** (if you haven't): Save the original text (screenshots, dates, exact wording). Note the recent conversation about the other woman, including who told you and what was said. Write a timeline of both incidents, how they made you feel, and any work impact. Keep this in a personal (non-work) account or device. Documentation helps if things escalate.

2. **Check your employee handbook**: Look for the harassment policy, reporting procedure, and who to contact (usually HR, a designated compliance person, or a hotline). Follow it where possible—this helps protect the company's "affirmative defense" if they later claim you didn't use internal channels.

3. **Report in writing**: Email HR or the appropriate person (or a higher executive if HR reports to him). State facts clearly and unemotionally:

   - Describe what happened to you.

   - Mention the similar incident with the other woman (without naming her if you're protecting confidentiality, or with her permission).

   - Note the repeated "wrong recipient" excuse and your concern about a pattern.

   - Request a prompt, thorough, and confidential investigation, and that appropriate action be taken to stop any harassment.

   Keep a copy. Avoid sharing widely with coworkers at first to prevent gossip or claims of disrupting the workplace.

4. **Options if internal reporting feels too risky**:

   - Anonymous hotline if available.

   - Consult an employment lawyer first (many offer free initial consultations; search for "employment lawyer sexual harassment" in your area). They can advise on timing, wording, and whether to go straight to external agencies.

   - File with the EEOC (eeoc.gov) or your state's equivalent fair employment agency. You generally have 180–300 days from the most recent incident, depending on location. They investigate and can mediate.

5. **Talk to the other woman** (carefully): If you have a trusting relationship, coordinate. Multiple formal complaints carry more weight than one. But don't pressure anyone—some prefer to stay out of it.

### Realistic expectations

Companies sometimes protect high performers or "favorites," leading to inadequate investigations or minimal consequences. In those cases, external reporting or legal advice becomes more important. However, ignoring multiple incidents exposes the company to lawsuits, settlements, reputational damage, and potential individual liability in some states.

This isn't about being overly sensitive or stirring trouble—it's about basic professional boundaries and safety at work. Explicit sexual commentary and images have no place there, and the "accident" defense wears thin fast with repetition.

If you're in the U.S., start with your company's policy and/or the EEOC site for specifics. Consider reaching out to a lawyer or trusted external resource (like a women's employment rights organization) for personalized guidance. You're right to be concerned about a potential "deviant" pattern; addressing it protects more than just you. Prioritize your documentation and a factual written report.

Employer forcing me to use sick or pto leave for presumptive days off.

Our regular schedule is Monday through Friday.

Frequently, our supervisor(s) will inform us that Management wants us all to come in and work on Saturday.

In order to disrupt operations the least, I schedule things like doctor's appointments and vehicle repairs on presumptive days off: I do this for Saturdays because 1) many resources are generally unavailable on Sundays, B) I have to account for "flex room" as I am on other people's schedules at that point. I cannot always expect certain things to be complete by the time in the day I am due at work, and C) this is the best I know how to enable my supervisor(s) to make informed decisions regarding work schedules on the weekends.

This Monday, my daughter had an ophthalmologist appt. After I arrived at work the same day, I informed my supervisor that I was taking my daughter to shop for and order her new glasses on the upcoming Saturday. Ideally, I would have just taken her to shop for her glasses the same day, but the time frame would have pushed me into needing to take time off of work.

My daughter's ophthalmologist requested a 2-month follow up to check for progress on her eyes. In other words, it is imperative that we get her into her new prescription ASAP. I scheduled it for the first day that 1) shopping is available and 2) I was not already scheduled to work.

Today, by text message, my supervisor posted a message in a group chat for work. This is way outside of our work hours, and we are not paid for these texts. In that chat, I reminded my supervisor that my daughter needs glasses, and I will be doing that instead. Basically, I held my ground. My supervisor pivoted to a direct message and told me he thinks I am going to have to reschedule because they really need a certain project to push forward this weekend. My response was that I am saying no, and I will take this matter up with HR when I arrive at work.

In one hand, my company will not make Saturdays part of our regular schedule. In the other hand, they wait until the week of to inform us that an upcoming Saturday is necessary. It's been this way for several months. There is a general consensus that this causes a lot of anticipatory anxiety in the work place. I've even had someone from another department snap at me, then later apologize, sharing that with so much stress at work, he just had a moment where it came out in a wrong way.

I don't have quite the right words for what is happening here, but I know it isn't right. Like, someone telling me that my daughter's medical necessities will have to wait. The message here is that they will charge me my sick leave or PTO to take care of that, when I already had that day off.

Is that even legal?

Jobadvisor

This is a frustrating situation, and your instinct that something is off here is reasonable. Let me break down what's actually happening legally and practically.

The core issue

Your employer is not adding Saturday to your official schedule, which means Saturday remains a day off. When they "ask" you to come in on an unscheduled Saturday and then require you to use PTO/sick leave if you don't show up, they are effectively penalizing you for using a day off as a day off. That is the tension at the heart of this.

Is it legal?

In most U.S. states (and Romania doesn't have this exact framework, so if you're in the EU, different rules apply — let me know), the answer is unfortunately often yes, with important exceptions:

• If Saturday is not part of your contracted or official schedule, your employer generally cannot force you to work it. But they also generally cannot be stopped from asking.
• However, requiring you to use PTO or sick leave for a day that was never a scheduled workday is legally questionable. PTO and sick leave are typically only chargeable against absences from scheduled work. If Saturday isn't on your schedule, you aren't "absent" on Saturday — you're simply not working an optional extra day.
• This distinction matters. Check your employee handbook carefully for how PTO/sick leave is defined. If it says something like "absences from regularly scheduled shifts," that language could work in your favor.

What strengthens your position

Several things work in your favor here. The Saturday work is last-minute and informal, communicated outside work hours via group text with no additional pay for that communication. The company has deliberately kept Saturday off the official schedule, likely to avoid overtime obligations or contractual triggers. You gave advance notice, and the day in question involves a documented medical need for a minor child.

What to do when you go to HR

Go in prepared and keep it factual and documented. The key points to raise are: Saturday is not a scheduled workday per your current work schedule; you did not miss a scheduled shift; charging PTO or sick leave for an unscheduled day appears inconsistent with how leave is defined in your handbook; and the ongoing pattern of last-minute Saturday requests without schedule formalization is creating documented workplace stress. Ask HR directly: "Under what policy section is PTO chargeable for a day that is not on my scheduled workweek?" Make them show you the specific language.

The bigger picture you're describing

What your employer is doing — keeping Saturdays off the books while operationally treating them as mandatory — is a strategy that benefits only the company. It avoids overtime triggers, keeps scheduling flexible for them, while shifting all the burden and uncertainty onto employees. You've actually been quite reasonable: you've been scheduling personal obligations on Saturdays specifically to minimize disruption, and giving advance notice. That good faith isn't being reciprocated.

You're not wrong. You've just been put in a system designed to make you feel like you are.

Policy and severance question [WA]

Hi! How do you perceive this ? Washington state (does not require pto policy by the state) - need to determine if we need to pay out vacation wages separate from severance. We have not yet received the agreements back so wondering if we pay the vacation in tomorrows payroll run or wait till we get the signed form back (if we do ). Handbook language seems a bit permissive but I’m inclined to pay it vacation separately given it is in our handbook. The separation form states it will be one lump sum though.

Language in handbook:

Payout upon exit: Employees leaving may cash out their accrued Vacation within the year's earned limit.

Language in separation agreement:

Separation Compensation. In exchange for your agreement, and non-revocation, to the general release and waiver of claims set forth below and your other promises in this Agreement, the Company agrees as follows:

The Company will issue you a payment in the amount of $7,840.45 less applicable state and federal deductions (the "Separation

Compensation"). This equates to 3 weeks of wages and 113 hours of PTO/Sick/Vacation Accrual.

b. The Separation Compensation will be paid in one lump sum payment on the next regular payroll date after signing of this agreement. If that date falls on a weekend or holiday, the Separation Compensation will be paid on the first business day following the weekend or holiday. The Separation Compensation is in addition to any earned compensation and vested benefits under the terms of a Company benefit plan or as required by applicable law.

Jobadvisor

This is a genuinely nuanced situation. Here's how I'd think through it:

The core tension

Your separation agreement language actually helps clarify things — it explicitly states the $7,840.45 includes 113 hours of PTO/Sick/Vacation accrual, and that it pays out as one lump sum contingent on signing. That's meaningful.

On the timing question (pay tomorrow vs. wait)

The key question is whether accrued vacation is an independent wage obligation or something that can be bundled into the contingent severance. A few things point toward waiting:

• Washington doesn't mandate PTO payout by statute, so there's no hard legal deadline forcing your hand the way there would be in California
• Your separation agreement already accounts for and itemizes the vacation hours — it's not being hidden or waived, just timed to signing
• Paying it out tomorrow before the agreement is signed could undermine the consideration structure of the severance deal (i.e., they get the vacation either way, reducing incentive to sign)

On paying it separately vs. as a lump sum

Your handbook says employees "may cash out" accrued vacation — that's permissive language, not a mandatory separate payment obligation. The separation agreement then supersedes that as the operative document for the exit, and it explicitly bundles and itemizes everything together.

My read

The cleaner and more legally defensible approach is probably to wait for the signed agreement and pay everything as the lump sum, because:

1. The agreement already identifies and quantifies the vacation component (so it's not being waived)
2. Washington law doesn't create an independent obligation to pay it sooner
3. Paying early could create ambiguity about what the severance consideration actually covers

The caveat — I'm not an employment attorney, and the handbook language + any prior course of dealing with exiting employees could matter here. If there's any doubt, a quick call with your employment counsel before tomorrow's payroll run is worth it, especially since the dollar amount is meaningful.

Do you know if the employee has been given a deadline to sign, and whether they're likely to?

I feel like prepping for interviews is almost pointless?

Had two interviews for a product role in past week or so with different companies, and every time I spent hours prepping, and then when I go in, they ask questions that are completely different from what I prepared for. So I wasted time prepping for it. I tried to prepare by running the JD thru Claude or Chatgpt, and getting it to guess what questions the will ask, not one time has it gotten even remotely correct except "tell me about yourself".

Is preparing for interviews a waste of time?

Jobadvisor

It's genuinely frustrating when that happens — you put in real effort and it feels like it didn't pay off. But I'd push back a bit on the conclusion.

Prep isn't about predicting questions — it's about building the mental infrastructure to answer any question well.

Here's why what you're doing isn't wasted, even when the questions don't match:

What prep actually does:

• Forces you to revisit your own story, achievements, and experiences so they're loaded in memory and easy to pull from
• Helps you develop crisp, structured answers (STAR format etc.) so you don't ramble under pressure
• Builds general confidence and reduces anxiety, which changes how you come across
• Makes you think about the role deeply, which helps with questions you didn't anticipate

The problem with the AI-guessing-questions approach is exactly what you experienced — it optimizes for the wrong thing. It creates a false sense of prep ("I know what they'll ask") rather than real readiness. It's like trying to memorize a test instead of understanding the subject.

What actually works better:

• Prep stories, not answers. Have 6-8 solid stories from your experience that can be reshaped to fit many different questions. A good story about navigating a difficult stakeholder works for "tell me about conflict," "tell me about influence without authority," "tell me about a challenge," etc.
• Research the company, not the JD. What are their current priorities, problems, competitors? This helps you connect your answers to their context, which interviewers notice.
• For product roles specifically — be ready to think out loud about their product. What would you change? What's the biggest opportunity? This often matters more than rehearsed answers.
• Practice thinking, not reciting. Do mock interviews where someone asks you curveballs. The reps build flexibility, not a script.

So — not a waste of time, but probably the wrong kind of prep. The goal isn't to predict the exam, it's to walk in with your experiences so organized and accessible that you can answer almost anything they throw at you.

Are there any instances where you would tip someone?

I went against my beliefs today and tipped the person behind the counter at a used tire shop $10 after they quoted me $95 for an replacement + mount + balance to rim, but before signing me up, he asked if he could take a look at the tire before we went forward. It was a carry in off the axle, so he checked it out and said “let me see if we can patch this for you” & took it into the shop, returning 8 minutes later with my tire with a plug installed. “No charge my man, we take care of each other here. Have a good day.”

I made sure he wasn’t charging me, and after clarifying, I handed him a $10 dollar bill and said “thank you” (all I had for physical cash in my pocket). He said it was much appreciated, but he wasn’t expecting any reimbursement, he just wanted to help out and it’s a relatively easy task that didn’t take long - “it’s slow today, but thank you very much, you sure? It was no trouble at all. You don’t need to pay.”

Jobadvisor

That's a genuinely wholesome interaction, and honestly it sounds like you made exactly the right call. The anti-tipping stance makes the most sense as a reaction to the coercive, screen-flipping, guilt-tripping culture that's crept into every counter transaction — where you're expected to tip someone for handing you a pre-made sandwich.

What you described is something different entirely. That guy went out of his way to save you money, did skilled work for free, and was humble about it. The $10 wasn't a tip in the modern transactional sense — it was just one person acknowledging another person's genuine kindness. He even gave you an out multiple times, which is the opposite of the pressure-tip dynamic people reasonably push back against.

I think most people who are anti-tipping culture would carve out exactly this kind of situation — spontaneous, earned, and completely voluntary with zero social pressure. The fact that he pushed back and said "you sure?" is almost proof it was the right move. Those are the moments where it stops being a systemic problem and just becomes a human gesture.