Dealing with unwanted attention regarding one's breasts is an unfortunate reality for many women in the workplace. AnnaMarie Houlis, an author who has written extensively about how her breast size has impacted her career, shared a particularly jarring experience with HuffPost. During a job interview, a male candidate told her she looked "naughty" in a high-neckline dress—a garment he claimed was driving him so crazy that he wanted to "jump out the window."
“I have DDD breasts. No matter what I wear, they’re apparent. No matter what I wear, they’re neither an invitation nor a strategy to climb in my career,” Houlis explained. “They’re just balls of fatty tissue attached to my chest, every day, whether I like it or not. And, to be fair, I love them, despite society’s ample efforts to turn me against my body.”
While the onus should never be on the recipient to correct this inappropriate behavior, having a toolkit of responses can help you reclaim your space in the moment. Career experts offer strategies ranging from subtle cues to direct confrontation, as well as advice on when to loop in management or Human Resources.
**Subtle Indirect Strategies**
Lawrese Brown, founder of the workplace education company C-Track Training, notes that directly calling someone out—saying, for example, "Stop looking at my breasts"—often leads to defensiveness, which kills any chance of a constructive resolution.
Instead, Brown suggests highlighting the behavior through observation. You might say, “I noticed that when we speak, you look down instead of looking me in the eyes. What’s the reason for that?”
Jacqueline M. Baker, founder of Scarlet Communications, recommends using mirroring or feigned confusion. If you notice a colleague looking down during a conversation, look down yourself. Then, ask, “Is there something on my shirt or something?” This is a subtle yet effective way of signaling, “I see you, and I know what you are looking at.”
Similarly, Gianna Driver, chief human resources officer at Exabeam, suggests guiding the interaction toward professional norms. You can state, “My eyes are here, and I appreciate making eye contact with someone when I’m speaking.” Alternatively, you can ask, “I see you keep looking down. Is there something that I’m missing that’s here on my shirt area?”
**Using Body Language**
Sometimes, actions speak louder than words. Alison Green, founder of the workplace advice website *Ask a Manager*, advises using physical barriers to send a message. She recommends pointedly folding your arms across your chest.
“I have sometimes pointedly crossed my arms across my chest, which kind of calls out the issue without explicitly calling it out, and usually they get the point,” Green wrote. “If they’re embarrassed afterward, so be it. Sometimes embarrassment is how people learn.”
**Direct Confrontation**
If you feel comfortable being assertive, a direct approach is also valid. The driver notes that there is no single "right" way to handle these situations. You may choose to say clearly, “The way that you’re looking at me makes me feel uncomfortable. I’d appreciate it if you’d look at my eyes and not other parts of my body.”
**Escalating to Management or HR**
While addressing the behavior in the moment is an option, persistent staring is a serious issue that should be managed by leadership or HR. This is particularly important if the harasser holds a senior position, as speaking up directly can be intimidating.
“In those instances, it’s very appropriate to go to HR” so they can address the complaint while maintaining your anonymity, Driver said.
When reporting, be specific about the incident. Driver suggests using language like: “I met with person X. We were supposed to meet to talk about x, y, and z, and during this conversation, I felt that they were staring at my breasts the entire time.”
Be prepared for HR to ask follow-up questions to determine the context, such as whether this was an isolated incident, if the conversation stayed on topic, or if there is an external relationship with the individual. Once reported, HR has a legal obligation to investigate.
**Prioritize Your Safety**
Houlis emphasizes that the most important thing is for women to do what makes them feel safe.
“If that means reporting it, I hope you choose to. But you don’t need to throw on a cape to smash the patriarchy if you have very valid concerns about how that could impact your career,” she said. “I, personally, now choose to be vocal. But you don’t need to do anything but what you know is right for you.”