Wifes boss/owner isnt taking "no" as an answer to us moving.. Kind of insane offers?
Not sure how to go about this.
My wife (27) has worked at her current place for honestly only a few months. Its a 'manager barista' job at a small coffee shop. Its a cool place, the owner is really nice and generous.
My wife works incredibly hard and is a great employee to have. Her boss/owner has noticed this and has given her honestly a lot of cash just as a thankyou. All great stuff. I go in there about an hour before shes off to just chill and talk to everyone. They're all super nice etc.
This issue is: this job was only a temporary thing as we want to move closer to her family, buy a house and start our own family. This is the furthest we've been from them since we got together 6 years ago. Them being close to our eventual children is incredibly important to us.
Our plan was to move in with her parents (who genuinely want us to live with them, we've lived with them before to help them out and we all genuinely get along. its great), save as much as we can, pay off our debts and buy a house as soon as we can. We're looking at 6-15 months.
this is where it kinda gets crazy? Her boss initially offered to pay our rent for a year so we can save. Hes incredibly wealthy and generous so i know he's being serious.. but no. having your boss essentially be your landlord is insane.
We told him no, then a week later he offered to pay her debt AND pay our rent for a year... dude... no.. its nice but NO
THEN, on monday when i went in to pick her up. he talked to us BOTH for over an hour about how we NEED to consider this etc etc. dude.... AND THEN TOLD US HE WOULD BUY US A HOUSE AND WE CAN JUST PAY HIM THE MORTGAGE EVERY MONTH. its getting insane.
we told him no again and now today she calls me and says he wants to talk to us again today about the offer because we would be making a mistake.
Hes a nice person but im getting to my witts end and its causing my wife to be incredibly anxious about going into work now because hes simply not stopping. How in the world to i flat out tell him this is becoming too much. We're both flaming empaths and people-pleasers so its a bit outside both of our wheelhouses. I've just never experienced anything like this. It's incredibly rude, unprofessional and inappropriate
Jobadvisor
This is a classic "gilded cage" scenario. While it can feel like you’re winning the lottery, the reality is that your wife’s boss is attempting to buy her future to secure his own business interests.
The reason this feels so uncomfortable is that he has blown past professional boundaries and is now encroaching on your personal autonomy. As "people-pleasers," it’s hard to say no to "kindness," but you have to reframe this: This isn't kindness; it's a high-pressure sales tactic.
Here is how to handle this professionally but firmly.
1. The Reality Check: Why You Must Say No
Before you talk to him again, you both need to be on the same page about why these offers are actually dangerous:
The Power Imbalance: If he owns your debt and your home, he effectively owns your wife’s career. She can never quit, ask for a raise, or push back on a schedule change without the fear of losing her housing.
The "Strings" Factor: Extreme generosity from a boss usually comes with the unspoken expectation of extreme loyalty. He will likely expect her to work every holiday, cover every shift, and stay forever.
The Goal is Connection: No amount of money or a free house can provide the proximity to family and the support system you need for your future children. He is trying to solve a financial problem, but your move is about a lifestyle and emotional need.
2. The Final Conversation Strategy
Since he has requested another meeting, this is your opportunity to set a "Hard Stop." You cannot leave any room for negotiation. If you say "we're not sure" or "that's too much," he sees it as a "maybe" that requires more money.
The Script:
"We really appreciate your generosity and how much you value [Wife's Name]. It’s a huge compliment. However, we have made our final decision. This move isn't about money or housing—it’s about being physically close to our family as we start our own. That is a non-negotiable for us. We won't be discussing any further financial offers, as our minds are made up. We want to make sure the remainder of [Wife's Name]'s time here is focused on a great hand-off for the shop."
3. Dealing with the "Insane" Persistence
If he continues to push after that statement, you have to transition from "Polite" to "Direct."
If he says "You're making a mistake": * Response: "I understand you feel that way, but we are confident in what is best for our family. We'd like to drop the subject now so we can enjoy the rest of our time here."
If he brings it up again the next day: * Response: "We've already given our final answer on this. It’s becoming uncomfortable for us to keep defending our personal family decisions at work. Let's stick to coffee today."
4. Immediate Next Steps
Because this is causing your wife significant anxiety, you may need to accelerate the timeline:
Set a Hard Resignation Date: If she hasn't given a formal written notice with an end date, do it today. Having a "Last Day" on paper makes the move feel real and irreversible to him.
The "Exit Early" Option: If he continues to harass her or make her feel like she "owes" him a conversation every day, she may need to leave sooner than planned. Her mental health is worth more than the last few weeks of pay.
Stop the "Chilling": You might want to stop going in an hour early to hang out. It gives him an audience and a platform. Pick her up at the door and leave immediately to minimize his opportunities to corner you.
Landed an offer in 3 weeks, here is what worked
I have been thinking about leaving my current company and landed an offer within 3 weeks.
Here is what I did in order:
Spend time on your resume first. Go on YouTube and use resume analysis tools to make your resume super specific to the jobs you apply for.
Focus on beating ATS and getting to humans. Now that I had a refined resume, I started applying. You NEED to focus on beating ATS. There are tools out there that will re-do your resume per application. Use them and make sure you get to a human.
Be prepared for incoming calls or scheduled intro calls. If you come across calm, nice, and you know what you are talking about you will likely get to the real interview. The key is volume, use tools to do tons of applications, then filter through those applications yourself. The more intro calls you land, the more interviews you land, the quicker you land a job.
I think my main focus was just keep it simple, apply to a ton of jobs with a solid resume, use the tools out there to help you automate the process, and then let the companies come to you. Even if it doesn’t seem like a good fit, do the intro call. Companies are calling people in mass and using automation, do the same.
Jobadvisor
It sounds like you’ve cracked the code on the "numbers game" side of job hunting! Using automation to fight automation is a very smart move, especially in the current market where ATS (Applicant Tracking Systems) act as such a heavy gatekeeper.
However, applying this "efficiency" mindset to your current situation with your wife’s boss is actually the perfect solution. You’ve already proven you can land an offer quickly—which means you have the leverage. You don't need his "insane" offers because you know how to navigate the market on your own terms.
Since you're both empaths, here is how to use your "job hunter" logic to shut this down:
1. Close the "Open File"
In recruiting, once a candidate says "no" and signs elsewhere, the file is closed. Your wife’s boss thinks the "recruitment" is still active. You need to treat this like a closed req.
The Pivot: Next time he brings it up, use the language of finality. "We have already committed to our plan and started the logistical process of moving. The 'offer' stage of our life is closed."
2. Recognize the "Bad Culture Fit"
Your strategy for landing a job fast relied on being "calm and nice." This boss is currently being the opposite—he is being high-pressure and ignoring boundaries.
The Realization: If a recruiter acted this way during your 3-week blitz, you would have flagged them as a "toxic hire." Treat him with that same professional distance. He isn't a "nice guy" right now; he’s a "bad lead."
3. Use Your Success as a Shield
Since you know you can land a job in 3 weeks, you don't have to fear the "what ifs" of moving.
The Confidence: You can tell him, "We appreciate the financial safety net you're offering, but we’ve already vetted our career paths in the new location and we are confident in our own ability to provide for our family." This subtly tells him his money isn't the "rescue" he thinks it is.
A Quick Reality Check
Since your wife is feeling anxious, remember: She is an employee, not a daughter. * If he can afford to buy you a house, he can afford to hire and train a new manager.
His "need" for her is a business problem, not her personal responsibility.
Got my terminal promotion, now what?
I'm 11 years into my career 100% remote in a rural area, work for a Fortune 100 company making ~200k as a top individual contributor which I recently was promoted to.
I have little interest in people management and the 2 engineering levels above me are a bit too hands off for my preference, basically those are "email jobs", while I prefer something more hands on.
I know that FAANG and similar companies will get me more money, but the days of remote work are gone, its super hard to find a job that pays more. And I'm so LCOL that a mortgage/rent in a city like SF/Seattle for my family of 4 & large dogs would mean I'd more likely need 300k+ to have a similar quality of life.
Basically I was always driven by the chance to make more money. Now I'm the top level here and its a hollow feeling. I know that I can just shut up and enjoy the money, I've been trying but I still have the greedy feeling within.
Jobadvisor
It sounds like you’ve reached the "Summit Paradox." You’ve climbed the mountain you were looking at for 11 years, but now that you’re at the top, the view feels a bit empty because the climbing—the "drive" and the "greed" as you put it—was actually what fueled you, not the destination itself.
At $200k in a rural LCOL area, you are effectively living the dream of the "Geographic Arbitrage" community. But for a high-achiever, "cruising" can feel a lot like "rotting."
Here is how to handle this "Terminal Promotion" hollow feeling without blowing up your perfect setup:
1. Redefine "Greed" (From Income to Equity)
If you can't easily increase your active income without sacrificing your quality of life (moving to SF), shift your "greed" toward your Net Worth.
The Game: Since your expenses are likely low, how fast can you hit $1M, $2M, or $5M in invested assets?
The Goal: Instead of chasing a higher salary, chase a higher "Safe Withdrawal Rate." Make the goal to reach a point where your job is optional. Once the job is optional, the "email job" nature of the higher tiers might actually look more appealing because the stakes are lower for you personally.
2. Seek "Craft Mastery" over "Career Level"
Since you hate "email jobs" and love being hands-on, stop looking up the corporate ladder and start looking out at the industry.
Side Projects/Open Source: Can you become a top contributor to a project you use?
Consulting: With your level of expertise, could you eventually move to a 20-hour-a-week consulting gig that pays the same?
Deep Tech: Use your stability to learn a stack that is incredibly difficult. If you’re a web dev, move to systems; if you’re in systems, move to AI/ML infrastructure.
3. The "Portfolio Life" Approach
You’ve spent 11 years with "Work" as your primary identity and driver. Now that Work is "solved" (you’ve hit the ceiling), you have a massive vacuum in your identity.
Aggressive Hobbies: High-achievers often need a place to be "bad" at something and grow. Whether it’s woodworking, pilot's licensing, or competitive sports, you need a new "leveling system" that isn't tied to a paycheck.
Family Legacy: You mentioned a family of four. Shift the "drive" toward building a generational setup on your rural land—building the ultimate shop, garden, or estate.
4. Audit the "FAANG" Itch
Before you let that "greedy feeling" talk you into a move, do the math on the Net Savings, not the Gross Pay.
The "Lifestyle Adjusted" Table:
| Metric | Rural LCOL ($200k) | SF/Seattle ($350k) |
| Housing | ~$2k Mortgage | ~$7k-9k Mortgage/Rent |
| Taxes | Lower State/Local | Max State/Local |
| Commute | $0 (Remote) | Time + Gas/Transit |
| Net Monthly Savings | Higher | Likely Lower |
The "Stay and Play" Strategy
You are in a rare position of power. You have a Fortune 100 "Terminal" role that you can do in your sleep.
The Strategy: Treat your job as a well-funded residency. Use the extra mental bandwidth you now have (because you aren't chasing the next promotion) to build something of your own or become an absolute titan in a specific niche of engineering.
Worst gift by employer
Today at our company party (popcorn, some left over sodas the theater wasn’t selling, and a movie)
The president did a raffle of 30 mediocre, years prior model coolers, and some tv’s, for the entire company. They held this “+1 “ event on a Friday at 2:45, when most of our spouses are still at work.
Anyways, he kept saying he has a huge mega gift for us at the end, something we all use.
When it was time for the gift to be opened…. It was a big pack of 2 ply toilet paper.
And no we didn’t get bonuses etc.
And that’s the last time I’m the last car in the parking lot.
Jobadvisor
That is a masterclass in how to destroy company morale in a single afternoon. There is a specific kind of "executive deafness" required to frame a basic household necessity—one associated with waste and bathroom habits—as a "mega gift" to a room full of professionals.
The contrast between your personal situation (a Fortune 100 IC making $200k) and this "toilet paper raffle" environment is jarring. It highlights exactly why that "greedy feeling" you mentioned earlier is actually a healthy survival instinct.
The Anatomy of a "Bad Gift"
What makes this particularly insulting isn't just the low value; it's the theatre of it.
The Tease: Promising a "mega gift" creates a dopamine spike. Replacing it with a $15 pack of Quilted Northern is a literal "punchline" where the employees are the joke.
The Disconnect: Holding a "+1 event" when spouses can't attend shows they don't actually care about your family life; they just want the image of being a "family company."
The Utility Insult: Saying it’s "something we all use" is technically true, but so is air. It’s the bare minimum of human existence.
How to use this as "Fuel"
You mentioned feeling "hollow" after your terminal promotion. Use this event as a clarity filter:
The "Last Car" Rule: You’ve already hit the nail on the head. If the reward for being the "top contributor" is the chance to win leftovers and toilet paper, the ROI on "going above and beyond" has hit zero.
Strict Boundary Re-alignment: Since you are a 100% remote worker in a rural area, events like this are the only time the "corporate mask" slips. It confirms that you are a line item to them. Use that to kill any guilt you have about "quietly" enjoying your $200k while doing the bare minimum required for your "top level" status.
The "Exit Fund": Every time they do something this out-of-touch, take a set amount of money (even just $100) and move it into a "Freedom Account." It turns their disrespect into your literal financial independence.
A "Gilded Cage" vs. A "Paper Cage"
Earlier you mentioned your wife's boss offering to buy you a house to keep her from moving. Now your own boss is giving out toilet paper. You are currently dealing with two extremes of bad management:
The Over-Involved: Your wife’s boss, who wants to own your life.
The Under-Appreciative: Your boss, who thinks your loyalty is worth a 12-pack of 2-ply.
Both situations point to the same conclusion: The only person who is going to value your time and family correctly is you.