New job issue - need advice
Hello! I hope you all are having a good friday.
I am in a position I have never been in and debating if I should reach out to my HR department. I stated a new job about a month ago. I am replacing a 68 year old that is retiring (I think it maybe force retirement). The first two weeks were great then it has been going down hill fast. This a junior sys admin/data analyst position. This is a mid size private company in il.
The trainer has continually belittled me, embarrassed me in front of others and today was really bad.… he asked me to do something, I started to rise out of my chair… and this jerk walked right up to me pretty quick and yelled at me to slow down. I thought he was going to push me back into my chair…. So i sat back down and did not say a word… he just yelled at me and said I need to take yoga classes… He glared at me and in the back of my mind I thought he was going to go nuts and put his hands on me…. This dude one min will be nice and the next he is a complete jerk. Doesn’t train me even though he puts on our shared calendar. Cuts me off mid sentence and ignores what i have to say. I have to be in this office for 5 months…. I talked to my boss about another incident similar and he was not much help. He is also going through my backpack when i leave. I know because i make sure to zip up all my pockets. I dont store anything in the bag… I just use it to take my laptop home. I dont engage with his nastiness. My hunch is he is being forced to retire but I am not going to deal with the way he treats me for 5 months. My next step would be to email HR and explain the dates/times this has occurred. The rest of the people in the building are super nice. This guy screams at users and you get the sense of walking on egg shells around him. His belittling is affecting my work and I may have to face the reality of looking for a new job. I cant just up and quit due to bills. Would going to HR be a good next step or should I just forget about it and rush to find a new job? (my desk is in a corner of an office that I have to share with him… he literally cornered me today…) thank you all for any advice. I wish this on no one.
Jobadvisor
I am so sorry you are going through this. What you’re describing—the yelling, the physical intimidation (cornering you), and the invasion of privacy (searching your bag)—goes far beyond "grumpy coworker" territory. This is a hostile work environment and potential harassment.
Since you are in Illinois, you have specific protections, but you need to be strategic to protect your paycheck while you figure out your next move.
1. Document Everything Immediately
Before you speak to HR, you need a "paper trail" that exists outside of company servers.
The Log: Write down dates, times, locations, and exactly what was said/done. Include the incident where he cornered you and the "yoga" comment.
The Witnesses: Note who else was in the room when he screamed at users or belittled you.
The Backpack: If you can, find a way to "prove" the bag is being tampered with (a small piece of thread or a specific zipper alignment) and document when you find it moved.
2. The HR Reality Check
In Illinois, HR is there to protect the company from liability. To get them to act, you should frame the issue in terms of safety and liability:
Physical Intimidation: Use words like "I felt physically unsafe" and "he cornered me." This triggers a different response than "he's being mean."
Privacy: Mention the backpack. Searching personal property without cause or policy is a major red flag for HR.
Lack of Training: If he is scheduled to train you but isn't, the company is losing money. Frame this as an "onboarding failure" that is hindering your ability to perform the role you were hired for.
3. Immediate Tactical Steps
The Boss: Since your boss wasn't helpful, send a "follow-up" email to them. “Following up on our conversation regarding [Date], the behavior has escalated to physical intimidation and I no longer feel safe sharing a corner office. How should we proceed?” This creates a record that management was aware.
Secure Your Gear: Stop leaving your backpack at your desk if possible. Take it with you to lunch or the restroom, or lock it in a drawer.
The "Grey Rock" Method: Continue being professionally boring. Don’t react emotionally to his outbursts; it denies him the satisfaction of a "win."
4. The Exit Strategy
Even if HR moves him, the well is poisoned.
Start Applying Now: It is much easier to find a job when you already have one. Don’t wait for the 5 months to be up.
IL Department of Labor: If the situation becomes unbearable and you are forced to quit, look into "Constructive Discharge." In IL, if a reasonable person would find the environment intolerable, you may still be eligible for unemployment benefits even if you quit—but this is a high bar to clear and requires the documentation mentioned in Step 1.
My Recommendation
Yes, go to HR, but do it via email so there is a timestamped record. Focus on the physical intimidation and the searching of your personal property.
How are employers allowed to deduct FMLA hours while on LOA
I have FMLA and was on a leave of absence from August 30 to September 22. I work overnight shifts.
From August 30 through September 14, my timecard reflected my normal overnight schedule (Saturday–Wednesday), with a mix of 6- and 8-hour shifts and my regular days off on Thursday and Friday. During that time, my FMLA hours were deducted correctly based on the schedule I actually work.
Starting September 15 through September 22, I noticed my FMLA was being deducted by 8 hours per day based on a 7:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. schedule — hours.
I also noticed that while I was on LOA, I scheduled for six days in a row between September 13 and September 15, which doesn’t match my normal schedule.
If deductions had continued to be based on my actual overnight schedule, I would have been deducted 15 hours instead of 16.
Has anyone dealt with something like this with FMLA deductions? Does my job have right to deduct 8 straight hours or do they need to use an average?
Jobadvisor
Under the Family and Medical Leave Act (FMLA), the rule is straightforward: an employer can only deduct the amount of leave you actually would have worked but for the leave.
Based on the federal regulations ($29\text{ CFR }§\text{ }825.205$), here is a breakdown of why your recent deductions and the shift in your schedule are likely incorrect.
1. The "Actual Workweek" Rule
FMLA leave is not a fixed bank of 480 hours for everyone; it is 12 workweeks.
If you work 6- and 8-hour overnights: They should deduct exactly those hours for the days you were scheduled.
Arbitrary 8-hour deductions: Deducting a flat 8 hours based on a 7:00 a.m. to 4:00 p.m. schedule (which you do not work) is a violation if it results in more leave being taken than you would have actually worked.
2. Changing the Schedule While on Leave
Your employer generally cannot change your schedule while you are on leave specifically to "burn" through your FMLA hours faster.
Mandatory Overtime: If your job regularly requires mandatory overtime for everyone, those hours are included in your FMLA allotment and deduction.
3 The 6-Day Stretch: If your "normal" schedule is Saturday–Wednesday and they suddenly added shifts while you were on LOA, this is a red flag. If those shifts were not part of a "permanent or long-term change" made for reasons unrelated to your FMLA, they should not be used to calculate your leave usage.
3. How Variable Schedules Should Be Calculated
If your schedule varies so much that they "can't determine with certainty" what you would have worked, the law requires them to use a 12-month average of your weekly hours.
They cannot simply pick a "standard" 9–5 office schedule to use for deductions if that is not your job.
Even with an average, the deduction should reflect a "workweek" proportion, not an arbitrary daytime shift.
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4. Why This Matters (The Math)
The FMLA protects you from "interference." If they deduct 16 hours when you should have only used 15, they are effectively shortening your total protected leave time. Over several weeks, this could lead to you running out of FMLA protection earlier than legally allowed.
Recommended Next Steps
Request a "Designation Notice" Correction: Contact your HR or Leave Administrator. Point out that per 29 CFR 825.205, FMLA leave must be based on your "actual workweek."
6 Ask for the Basis: Ask them specifically why your schedule was changed to a 7–4 daytime shift on your timecard while you were on leave.
Provide your "Normal" Schedule: Show them your previous 3–6 months of schedules as proof of your "actual, normally scheduled workweek."
Reference the DOL: If they push back, you can mention that the Department of Labor (DOL) recently clarified this in Opinion Letter FMLA2025-02-A, which reinforces that deductions must match the employee's actual required schedule.
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31F, autistic/ADHD, trapped by Costco's wages and benefits, need a way out
This might be a long post. I live in a small town in Nebraska, and have worked at Costco for 8 years. I absolute loathe it there. I'm somewhat high-functioning in my autism, but my ADHD is so crippling that I can't even drive safely without my meds, which cost several hundred dollars without good health insurance. As a result, I feel trapped in my job because it's the only thing paying for my medications. Especially since I struggle working full-time and I still have access to these benefits at part-time. I really need a career change, but I can't find anything that I like, let alone would still offer the same as what Costco does. I've tried asking an employment office that specializes in adults with disabilities, but they treated me more like a low-functioning person and offered me jobs that are just like what I'm currently doing.
I need something that has the potential to pay really well and cover my medications. But I also want something that would be in an area of interest. (I'm a very nerdy person.)
My biggest passion is cats, I would love to work for a cat sanctuary like The Cat House in Lincoln, but I think they only take volunteers and those who are paid don't make that much.
I also really love video games, I've wanted to make a living doing a gaming channel like on YouTube or Twitch but I don't have the means to do it alone. I would need a co-host and finding someone to do it with is difficult, even when I go out of my way to engage with gaming communities in the city in an effort to make friends. I've found a couple of different people, but one turned out to be a total deadbeat and the other I've been waiting on to "have time" in their schedule to meet up. (And I've been kept waiting for a couple years now.)
And I need actual job suggestions, not just "have you tried reaching out to this organization to help you find something". Been there, done that.
Jobadvisor
I hear you. Being "trapped" by a pharmacy bill is a very specific kind of burnout, and it’s frustrating when the help you've reached out to (like the employment office) treats you like you aren't capable of more than what you're already doing.
Costco is a gold mine for benefits, but after 8 years, the sensory and social toll of retail is likely what's making the ADHD feel "crippling." To get out, you need a career that offers "Benefit Parity" (insurance that covers your specific meds) and "Neuro-Alignment" (a job that uses your high-functioning pattern recognition without the retail chaos).
Since you asked for actual job suggestions and not just "organizations," here are four specific paths that fit a nerdy, animal-loving, neurodivergent profile while potentially matching Costco’s pay and insurance.
1. Remote Data Quality or "Data Labeling" (The Nerdy Route)
This is "behind the scenes" work for AI and tech companies. They need people to look at data, categorize it, and find errors.
Why it works: It’s repetitive but requires high attention to detail (which many autistic adults excel at). It’s usually remote, meaning no driving stress and a controlled sensory environment.
Specific Companies: Look for Ultranauts, Aspiritech, or Daivergent. These companies specifically hire neurodivergent adults for high-level data and QA work. They understand the need for insurance and often have cultures built around ADHD/Autism.
Pay: Can range from $20–$35/hr depending on technical skill.
2. Veterinary Pharmacy Technician (The Cat/Medicine Hybrid)
Since you already have experience with "Costco-level" speed and logistics, and you love cats, look into becoming a Certified Pharmacy Technician (CPhT) specifically for a veterinary hospital or a compounding pharmacy like Wedgewood Pharmacy or Chewy.
Why it works: It involves high precision and "systems" thinking (very ADHD-friendly). You aren't just "playing with cats," you are solving the medical puzzles that keep them alive.
The Benefit: Larger companies like Chewy have massive corporate benefit packages that rival Costco’s.
Pay: In Nebraska, specialized vet techs or pharmacy techs can earn $18–$25/hr.
3. Claims Adjuster or Specialized Insurance Underwriting
It sounds boring, but insurance companies are often the best places to find "Costco-level" benefits in Nebraska (think companies like Mutual of Omaha or Berkshire Hathaway).
Why it works: Underwriting is basically "nerding out" on rules and data. You are given a set of criteria and you determine if a file matches. It’s a "desk and headphones" job.
Gaming Connection: If you like RPGs or strategy games with complex stats and "min-maxing," you will find the logic of insurance underwriting oddly familiar.
Pay: Entry-level underwriters or claims specialists often start at $45k–$55k with full benefits.
4. Content Moderator or Community Manager (The Gaming Route)
Since you want to be in gaming but struggle with the "co-host" hurdle, look at the professional side of gaming. Every major game (and Twitch itself) needs moderators and community managers to keep their platforms safe.
Why it works: It’s digital, uses your deep knowledge of gaming culture, and rewards "hyperfocus" on monitoring feeds.
Specific Jobs: Look at ModSquad or Keywords Studios. They handle the "grunt work" for companies like EA, Blizzard, and Square Enix.
The Catch: Some are contract-based (no insurance), so you must look specifically for Full-Time Employee (FTE) roles to keep your medication covered.
A Note on the "Twitch/YouTube" Dream
Doing this alone is hard for ADHD because of the administrative executive function (editing, scheduling, SEO).
Alternative: Instead of being the "Star," look for jobs as a Remote Video Editor for existing mid-sized YouTubers. You get to work in the gaming space, you don't need a co-host, and you can "nerd out" on the editing software.
Immediate Practical Step
Because your ADHD meds are your "lifeline," your first step isn't just a resume—it’s a Benefit Audit. Before you quit Costco, you can use a site like Glassdoor or the "Benefits" section on LinkedIn to filter for companies that offer "Blue Cross Blue Shield" or "Aetna" PPO plans, as these are most likely to match the coverage you have now.
I’m living my dream life but it’s not compatible with any career
My dream life is simple. I want to wake up, exercise, read books, play the piano, garden, go on walks, write, and talk to my loved ones. Every day. That’s all I need and want to be happy and content with life. Since graduating high school and being on break that’s been my lifestyle and I love it.
I finished high school with excellent grades but not enough to get me into dentistry which is what I considered. I’m not really passionate about it, I just thought that it would be good as it is lucrative, prestigious, with better work-life balance than medicine or law. I come from a background where this is important but to be honest, it’s also to uphold my ego and reputation.
Work isn’t a part of my dream life. I am not an ambitious or career-oriented person, but I simultaneously want validation for my inevitable career. I work retail right now which I don’t mind but it’s not sustainable. I don’t want to give up this lifestyle but I have to in order to advance in life.
The main driving force of my happiness is my personal relationships.
I know that I have a lot of personal maturing to do. I am considering taking a gap year but even with that, it might be pointless and waste time. Should I just try applying for dentistry again or suck it up and go to university next year? Or completely rethink my life and priorities? Feel free to criticise me because I know that I need a wake up call.
Jobadvisor
It sounds like you have reached a high level of self-awareness regarding what actually makes you happy, but you are hitting a wall because society’s "prestige" model is the opposite of your "simple life" model.
You asked for a wake-up call, so here is the reality: The "lucrative and prestigious" career you are chasing (Dentistry) is the fastest way to kill the life you actually love.
1. The Dentistry Delusion
You mentioned dentistry has a better "work-life balance," but the reality of modern dentistry often involves:
High Debt: You’ll be hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt, which forces you to work more, not less.
Physical Toll: Chronic back, neck, and hand pain is incredibly common from hunching over patients all day.
Mental Burnout: 50% of dentists have considered leaving the profession due to stress.
No "Off" Switch: If you own a practice, you are also a business owner, manager, and HR lead. You don't just go for walks; you take your charts home.
2. The Ego vs. Reality Conflict
You admitted you want the career for "validation," "reputation," and to "uphold your ego."
The Trap: If you choose a career to impress people you don’t even like, you will spend your 20s and 30s in a sterile room while the sun is out and your garden is growing without you.
The Truth: Reputation is a "weak drug." It feels good for five minutes at a family dinner, but it doesn't help you when you're too exhausted to play the piano at 7:00 PM on a Tuesday.
A Different Path: "Lifestyle Design"
If your dream life is reading, gardening, and piano, you need a career that is transactional, not all-consuming.
| Career Path | Why it fits your "Dream Life" | Prestige/Validation Level |
| Dental Hygienist | High pay, 2–3 days a week, no "homework," no business debt. | Moderate (Medical field) |
| UX Designer | Remote work, project-based, highly creative, good "nerd" status. | High (Tech industry) |
| Technical Writer | Low stress, uses high school "excellent grades," remote. | Moderate (Specialist) |
| Government/Civil Service | Iron-clad 9–5 hours, pension, great benefits, zero "grind" culture. | Moderate (Stability) |
What should you do now?
Skip the Gap Year (unless it's structured): If you take a year off just to "be," you will likely just feel more behind and anxious. Use the next year to shadow a dentist. See the blood, the difficult patients, and the paperwork.
Rethink University: Don't "suck it up" and go to uni for a degree you don't want. University is too expensive to use as a place to "find yourself."
Kill the Ego: Ask yourself: Who am I trying to impress? If the answer isn't "myself," you are making a mistake.
The Myth of Work-Life Balance
This video discusses why some careers that seem prestigious or balanced from the outside are actually "traps," which matches your concern about choosing a career just for reputation.