I hate working, What's next?
Tonight, I have concluded my first extended management meeting - Director level and above for my company and I realised something. I hate the people that I work with. I hate my job. I hate the fake platitudes that we pay to eachother. I hate the expectation of fake platitudes. I hate that I'm 'supposed' to love my job. I hate that work is the default; That enriching a person so far removed from my position is meant to be how I spend 70% of my adult life.
Is this really the only thing there is?? Is this what life is meant to be about? Spending the next 35 years of my life working so that a small cohort of rich guys can further enrich themselves makes me want to dry heave.
My job is Director position at a sports marketing agency and it pays okay, not great, but the department I work in is one where you will work 12 hour days for weeks and never receive a thank you. After spending a decent amount of concentrated time with the senior cohort of people, I want to scream, cry, throw up.
My god. Is this really it?...
Jobadvisor
That sounds incredibly exhausting and deeply demoralizing. What you're feeling is valid and, frankly, very common, even at a Director level. It takes a lot of courage to step back, especially after such a demanding meeting, and admit that the entire structure feels hollow.
It sounds like you're experiencing a combination of professional burnout and a serious values conflict—where your daily reality doesn't align with what you believe life should be.
To answer your core question: No, this is absolutely NOT the only thing there is, and life is not meant to be about spending 70% of your time making other people rich.
🧭 What's Next? A Framework for Change
Since you've had this profound realization, the next step is to pause, breathe, and start building a bridge from where you are now (frustrated, burnt out) to where you want to be (fulfilled, autonomous).
1. 🛑 Stop the Bleeding & Decompress (The Immediate Next 24-72 Hours)
Take a Mental Health Day (or a full weekend): If you can swing it, take a day off immediately. Do not think about work. Do not check your email. You are in a state of emotional shock and need recovery time.
Acknowledge the Anger: The feeling of wanting to "scream, cry, throw up" is a natural response to being trapped in a system you hate. Write it all down—the rants, the hatred for the fake platitudes, everything—and then put the paper away. Get it out of your system.
Seek an "Anti-Work" Experience: Immediately do something that reminds you of your own value outside of a paycheck. Call a real friend, go for a long walk in nature, cook a complicated meal, or work on a hobby. Do something where the only beneficiary is you.
2. 🔍 Redefine "Work" and "Success" (The Medium Term: 1-3 Months)
Your hatred for your job is tied to the structure (long hours, no thanks) and the purpose (enriching a small cohort).
| Current Belief (What you hate) | New Goal (What you can work toward) |
| Work is the default. | Rest and personal life are the default. |
| I must love my job. | My job is a transactional means to fund my life. |
| I must enrich my employer. | I must enrich my own life. |
Explore F.I.R.E. and Anti-Consumption: Look into the Financial Independence, Retire Early (FIRE) movement, not necessarily to retire in five years, but to understand concepts like 'Financial Independence, Retire Early' (FI) and increasing your savings rate (SR). The more money you save now, the faster you can buy back your time and options later.
What Could a Low-Effort Job Look Like? With a Director-level title in sports marketing, you have serious, marketable skills. Is there an adjacent, lower-stress role (e.g., fractional consulting, teaching, or a role in a non-profit/B-Corp with a better mission) that would pay enough while requiring far less of your soul?
3. 🗺️ Create Your Escape Hatch (The Long Term: 6-12 Months)
Do not quit today. Your current job is paying for your escape plan.
Determine Your "F-You Money": Calculate the amount of money you would need in savings to comfortably live for 12-18 months without working. This is your ultimate insurance policy. Knowing you have this gives you immense leverage and significantly reduces the daily stress from the "fake platitudes."
Weaponize Your Time: Given you're working 12-hour days, you need to set boundaries. This is the hardest part.
Prioritize ruthlessly. What actually moves the needle? Do that. What is purely for internal show (the platitudes, the 70% meetings)? Reduce or eliminate it, even if it causes minor friction. You're already miserable—what do you have to lose?
Focus on the Goal. Every single day, remind yourself that you are trading your time for capital, and that capital is being used to build your bridge to a life outside of this agency.
Your frustration is a gift. It's the universe screaming at you to make a change. You have recognized that the rat race is a trap designed by others. Now, the rest of your life is about figuring out how to get out of it on your own terms.
HELP a potential employer wants to call my "do not contact". What do I do?
I am a former teacher who left the profession due to a horribly toxic work environment. I saw firsthand during my time at the school that every time someone left, no matter how amicably, the principal would spread horrendous rumors about them and turn the remaining staff against them. The level of defamation was absurd, she accused multiple people of illegal activity during their time at the school and usually forbade the staff from continuing contact with them after they left their position. The turnover rate was insanely high; during my 3 year tenure at the school, I saw 15-20 people leave out of a staff of only about 25. Naturally, when I quit, I heard from people in the community that I had been receiving the same treatment, and even those at the school I had been close with started giving negative references so I stopped listing them on applications.
Now I'm trying to get back into teaching, and I have an amazing job opportunity lined up. However, they just contacted me and said that they want to contact a supervisor from the last teaching job I had -- the horrible toxic school from hell. They reached out to say that they had seen that I checked the "do not contact this employer" box on my application but were planning on calling them regardless. They asked if I can give them the contact info of someone other than the principal that had supervised me, but I really don't think I trust anyone from that school. I have no idea how to respond to them. Any advice??
Jobadvisor
This is a very tricky and stressful situation, and it's understandable that you're feeling anxious. Your potential employer is essentially asking you to override your "do not contact" request for a specific reason—they see your most recent teaching experience is a significant one and want to hear about it.
Here is a plan of action and advice on how to respond professionally while protecting yourself from defamation.
🛑 Action Plan: How to Respond
The key is to address their request directly, firmly reiterate your boundary, and provide an alternative, positive professional reference that speaks to your skills as a teacher.
1. Draft a Professional Email (Recommended)
Send an email that is polite, grateful for the opportunity, and clearly explains why you cannot allow contact with that former employer, without sinking into unnecessary drama.
| Section | Key Points to Include |
| Gratitude & Enthusiasm | Thank them for the update and express your excitement for the opportunity. |
| Reiterate the 'Do Not Contact' | Gently and professionally state that you respectfully cannot permit contact with your former employer/principal. |
| Explain Your Reason | State that due to an unresolved, long-standing internal conflict and high, documented turnover rate at that school, you have a firm policy of using other, more objective references that can better speak to your professional abilities. Do not badmouth the principal or the school directly. |
| Provide a Strong Alternative | This is the most crucial part. Offer the contact information for an alternative, highly credible reference who can speak directly to your teaching performance (e.g., a former colleague, department head, or the principal from the job before the toxic school). |
| Close | Reaffirm your interest in the position and thank them for their understanding. |
2. Example Response Template
Subject: Re: Follow-up on Application - [Your Name]
Dear [Hiring Manager Name],
Thank you so much for reaching out and for your continued interest in my application for the [Job Title] position. I am very enthusiastic about this opportunity and appreciate your thoroughness in the hiring process.
Regarding my previous teaching position at [Former School Name], I must respectfully reaffirm my request that the school not be contacted. This decision is based on a documented history of internal administrative issues and unusually high staff turnover during my tenure, which regrettably led to a challenging environment. I do not believe the school's current administration can provide an accurate or objective professional assessment of my performance.
To ensure you have a clear picture of my teaching abilities and work ethic, I would be pleased to provide you with the contact information for a highly qualified alternative reference who can speak directly to my skills as an educator:
Alternative Professional Reference:
Name: [Name of trusted Colleague/Old Dept. Head/Previous Principal]
Title: [Title]
School/Organization: [Name of School/Organization]
Relationship: [e.g., Former Department Head, Principal from a previous school, Supervising Educator]
Phone: [Number]
Email: [Email]
I value your time and due diligence, and I hope this alternative reference will provide the necessary insight. Please let me know if you require any further information from my end.
Thank you again for your understanding. I look forward to hearing from you.
Sincerely,
[Your Name]
💡 Important Considerations
1. Why They Are Pushing
They are pushing because the toxic school is your most recent relevant employer. For due diligence, many HR departments have a policy to contact the most recent supervisor to account for your entire work history. By offering a strong, legitimate alternative, you are satisfying their need for a recent or relevant reference without putting yourself at risk.
2. What If They Insist?
If they still insist on calling the toxic school, you have a few options:
Option A (The Firm Stand): Say, "I understand your policy, but I cannot in good conscience provide that contact. I stand by the strong references I have provided who can objectively assess my skills." This is risky but protects you.
Option B (The Legal Option): If you are truly concerned about defamation, you can let the employer know that you are aware of a pattern of defamatory statements made by the former principal and that you have been advised to have all communications regarding your employment history handled through a legal channel. This is a heavy signal that should make any HR department back off immediately, as they will not want to get involved in potential legal action. Only use this if you are prepared for them to withdraw the offer.
Given that they asked for someone other than the principal, they may already suspect the principal is a bad source. Your best bet is to provide the strongest, most credible alternative reference you have as a compromise.