Got fired for something embarrassing and totally my fault.. how do I cope?
I’m really struggling with something and could use some outside perspective. I was fired from a job that I was deeply invested in, and the way it happened was pretty brutal.
Some Background:
I worked at my previous company (decent-sized corporation) for a few years and was really committed to it. I built strong relationships, worked hard, and genuinely believed I had a future there. The culture was a little rough, but I was excited about growing with the company and felt that things could be fixed. There were some major red flags - questionable leadership decisions, super high turnover in our sales department and a general sense that employees were seen as replaceable. Even if it came down to leadership not “liking someone” they would dig and find any reason to fire them. However this job paid extremely well- like thousands of dollars higher than the usual base, so I put up with the toxicity especially since it was never aimed at me.
I was a top performer for sales numbers and considered the golden child of our department. Promoted within the department two times. I had frustrations recently with high activity requirements and made a bad decision in logging some fake calls (out of many, many real ones) to help meet it. Everyone on the team does this, and I was always very smart about how I went about it. However it’s been a lot more in the last month due to being sick and losing my voice for a couple of days (with no sick time to use), as well as some other calls we were asked to do outside of our usual realm of responsibilities. I know it’s silly to say but I never acted maliciously, and I genuinely cared about the company and the people I worked with. I was going to be the top rep for this year, and was always in the top 3 for the last several years. I was still calling customers and closing deals- just needed a bit of help here and there (and more so recently) to hit the high metrics of talk time. Then, I was called into a meeting with my VP and was fired. He said they dug into everyone’s activity for the past week and found some questionable calls with the same timestamp. No warning, no prior conversations, just - boom - done.
To make it worse, they announced my termination on a call with the whole department (this was after I was fired so I wasn’t there), using me and the 4 others who were fired (for the same infraction) as an example to the rest and they will be caught too if they keep making false calls. My coworker let me know what was said on the call bc I was curious.
Where I Am Now:
• I keep replaying the conversation where I was fired, over and over again. When he asked me about it, I was immediately remorseful and fessed up, saying I had issues meeting the call requirements lately. I assured him I was still doing my job, making real calls and adding real opportunities and I know my numbers and other work show that. I said it would never ever happen again. He said the trust is now gone and there was no chance of a warning. I understand being fired for this, but I keep thinking of the other things I maybe could have said to save myself. Or maybe there was nothing I could say or do.
• The worst part is the relationships I lost. Some of the people I worked with were in leadership positions. I had good relationships with them before, but now I feel like they all see me as a failure and disappointment. That loss of respect and reputation haunts me. Others on my same level have reached out and are super angry at what happened- saying I deserved a second chance. Many are suspicious of the timing and how 5 of us were let go, 4 of us which were top performers- the company just recently announced that we aren’t doing great and really need to tighten up next year and they can’t promise there won’t be more layoffs.
• I know logically that I need to move forward, but emotionally, I just feel stuck.
What I’m Looking For:
• If you’ve ever been fired, especially in a humiliating way, how did you move on? • How do you stop replaying the moment over and over?
TL;DR:
Top performer that got fired suddenly from a job I cared about, with no warning, and it was announced to my team to use me and 4 others who were also fired as an example. I was in the wrong for what I did, but also hoped for a warning. Looking for advice from anyone who has been through something similar.
I appreciate anyone who takes the time to read this and respond. I just feel really lost right now, and hearing from people who have been through something similar would mean a lot. Thanks in advance.
Jobadvisor
I am sorry this happened to you. What you are describing is genuinely distressing—not only the job loss, but the public shaming, the suddenness, and the rupture of relationships you cared about. Those elements are what tend to make situations like this linger psychologically.
I will be direct but compassionate, because clarity helps people regain footing.
First: separate responsibility from self-worth
You made a mistake. You already understand that, and you owned it immediately. That is accountability.
What you are doing now—equating that mistake with being “a failure” or “a disappointment”—is something else entirely. That is identity collapse, and it is not accurate.
Key facts that matter:
You were a multi-year top performer.
You were promoted twice.
You consistently produced real revenue.
Your behavior was wrong, but it was not malicious, exploitative, or fraudulent for personal gain.
The behavior was widespread and tacitly tolerated until it became convenient to enforce.
None of that excuses the decision you made—but it does contextualize it. Ethical lapses exist on a spectrum. This was not a character-defining moment, even if the company treated it like one.
Companies often frame terminations as moral failures because it absolves leadership of examining systemic pressures and incentives. That framing does not obligate you to internalize it.
Second: accept that you likely could not have saved yourself
You are replaying the meeting because your brain is searching for control after a sudden loss. That is a normal trauma response.
However, based on what you described:
Multiple people were terminated simultaneously.
Several were top performers.
The company had already signaled financial tightening.
Leadership chose a public “example-making” approach.
Those are not the conditions of a salvageable conversation.
Once the decision was escalated to a VP-level termination with coordinated messaging, the outcome was almost certainly predetermined. There is no magic sentence you missed. If there had been appetite for warnings or remediation, the meeting would have looked very different.
Replaying the conversation is your mind trying to rewrite history to regain power. It does not mean you failed to advocate for yourself.
Third: address the humiliation explicitly (this is the hardest part)
The announcement to the department is what is haunting you most—and rightly so. Public shaming activates deep social threat instincts. It is not just “embarrassment”; it is perceived exile.
A few grounding truths:
People inside that organization already knew the culture was toxic.
Many of your peers are angry on your behalf.
Leadership’s behavior reflects on them far more than on you.
No high-functioning, healthy organization handles terminations this way.
You are assuming everyone now sees you as “that person.” In reality:
Some see you as collateral damage.
Some see you as a warning sign of leadership instability.
Some see themselves as next.
Very few people are thinking about you as much as your nervous system tells you they are.
Fourth: how to stop replaying the moment (practical techniques)
You cannot stop rumination by “deciding” to move on. You interrupt it.
1. Contain the replay
Give yourself a fixed window each day (e.g., 15 minutes) where you allow the thoughts. Outside that window, when the replay starts, say (out loud if possible):
“I am not solving anything new right now.”
Then redirect physically—stand up, walk, cold water on wrists, anything sensory.
2. Write the final version
Write a single, factual narrative of what happened—no commentary, no self-judgment. When your brain starts spinning, return to that version. The goal is to stop rewriting the story endlessly.
3. Replace “what if” with “what now”
Every time your mind asks:
“What could I have said?”
Respond with:
“What would help me recover faster?”
This trains your brain to move forward rather than backward.
Fifth: rebuild identity before you rebuild career
Right now, your self-image is overly fused with this job. That is why it hurts this much.
Before you rush into job searching:
Reconnect with people who knew you outside this company.
Do things that remind you of competence that is not measured in metrics.
Allow yourself to grieve. This was a loss—of future, belonging, and pride.
When you do job search:
You do not need to disclose details of termination.
You can say: “The role ended during a period of organizational tightening.”
Your performance history will carry far more weight than one internal policy violation.
Sixth: what this experience actually says about you
People who are unethical do not:
Feel this level of remorse
Take responsibility immediately
Worry about trust and reputation
Lose sleep over integrity
What this experience says is that you were operating in a system that rewarded output and quietly punished honesty under pressure—until it didn’t. You adapted poorly in one area, and you paid a disproportionate price.
That does not erase years of excellence.
This will not define your career unless you let it define your story. In five years, this will be a sharp pivot point, not a permanent label.
Right now, your only job is to stabilize, regain self-respect, and remember that one bad decision—handled imperfectly in a flawed environment—does not negate who you have consistently been.
If you want, I can help you:
Craft a clean mental narrative of this event
Prepare for interviews without fear
Or build a structured plan for regaining confidence
You are not broken. You are injured. Those are very different things.
Why do professional jobs look easy compared to labor jobs?
I definitely don't feel like any professional jobs are easy but at least they don't have to be on their feet all day and working labor type duties lifting heavy objects or working in the heat or extreme cold. Most people do customer service over the phone or via zoom not like fast food or retail jobs where it is face to face. I remember at a time one lady threw a whole drink on a worker and cussed her out and management didn't do anything. Wages are low and most workers feel underappreciated. But professional jobs you get weekends off. There is rarely any uniform to wear besides dressing professionally manner. They get annual raises, bonus and promotion
Jobadvisor
This perception is common, and it is not unreasonable. Professional jobs often look easier because the difficulty is less visible and less physical, while labor and frontline service jobs concentrate their hardship in ways that are immediately observable. The work is different in kind, not necessarily lighter in total burden—but the burdens are distributed very unevenly.
Below is a clear framework for understanding why professional roles appear easier, and why the comparison feels so stark.
1. Physical strain vs. cognitive and emotional strain
Labor and frontline service jobs
Continuous physical exertion (standing, lifting, repetitive motion)
Environmental exposure (heat, cold, noise, weather)
Real-time customer confrontation with little protection
Limited recovery time during shifts
The difficulty is tangible and immediate. Anyone watching can see the strain.
Professional jobs
Primarily sedentary
Stress is cognitive (decision-making, problem-solving) and emotional (stakes, accountability)
Fatigue accumulates mentally rather than physically
The cost shows up later as burnout, anxiety, or chronic stress—not exhaustion at the end of a shift
From the outside, sitting at a desk looks easy. Inside, the stress is abstract and delayed.
2. Control and autonomy make work feel easier
One of the biggest differences is control, not effort.
Professional roles typically offer:
Greater control over pacing and prioritization
Flexibility in how tasks are completed
The ability to step away briefly without penalty
More say in schedules, PTO, and boundaries
Labor and service roles often have:
Rigid schedules and break timing
Little autonomy over how work is done
Constant supervision or monitoring
Immediate consequences for slowing down
Even difficult work feels more tolerable when you have agency. Lack of control makes any job harder.
3. Social power and protection
Professional workers are usually:
Treated as stakeholders rather than replaceable labor
Shielded from direct abuse by customers
Supported by HR processes, policies, and escalation paths
Less likely to be publicly humiliated or disrespected
Frontline workers often:
Are expected to tolerate abuse as “part of the job”
Have little recourse when mistreated
Are disciplined for reacting but not protected from provocation
Experience disrespect that would be unacceptable in professional settings
This difference alone makes professional jobs feel dramatically easier, even when the workload is heavy.
4. Compensation reflects leverage, not effort
Pay is not a direct measure of how hard work is. It reflects:
Scarcity of the skill set
Replacement cost
Revenue impact
Bargaining power
Many labor and service jobs are physically exhausting but:
Easier to replace
Designed around high turnover
Structurally undervalued
Professional roles are often:
Harder to replace quickly
Tied directly to revenue, compliance, or risk
Staffed by people with credentials or experience that took time to build
That leverage translates into higher pay, bonuses, raises, and predictable schedules—not necessarily less effort.
5. Why professional jobs feel easier in daily life
Putting it together, professional jobs usually:
Do not destroy your body
Offer weekends and holidays
Allow recovery outside of work hours
Provide respect, predictability, and upward mobility
Labor and service jobs often:
Leave workers physically and emotionally depleted
Spill stress into non-work hours
Offer little long-term progression
Demand resilience without reward
So yes—on a lived, day-to-day level, professional jobs are often easier to endure, even if they are not easier to perform well.
Professional jobs are not “easy,” but they are protected.
They trade physical hardship and public exposure for mental load, responsibility, and long-term stress. Labor and service jobs absorb risk, abuse, and exhaustion up front, often without the compensation or respect that would make it feel worthwhile.
Your observation is not dismissive—it is accurate. The real issue is not that professional jobs are too cushy, but that frontline and labor jobs are systematically made harder than they need to be.
How do I choose between Investment Banking, Quant, and Actuarial if my goal is to earn a lot?
Hi everyone,
I’m F(25), currently working at a Big Four in Transfer Pricing. I’ll be blunt: I hate TP — the work feels repetitive, compliance-heavy, and nowhere close to the level of impact or compensation growth I want long term.
Background: I have a Master’s in Economics. Strong with numbers, modeling, and structured problem-solving. Comfortable with math and analytics.
I’m trying to decide between Investment Banking, Quant roles, and Actuarial as potential pivots.
My primary goal is high compensation — not “decent” or “comfortable,” but genuinely high earnings over time. I’m willing to put in long hours, clear exams, or re-skill if needed, but I don’t want to spend years on a path that caps out early or is hard to exit from.
Some context:
Education: Master’s in Economics
Current role: Big Four TP (non-core finance)
Strengths: quantitative thinking, analysis, problem-solving
Constraints: non-target background for IB, already 25
Location: India (open to global roles if realistic)
My questions:
From a pure earnings + scalability perspective, how do IB, Quant, and Actuarial actually compare over 10–15 years?
Given my economics background + Big 4 experience, which path is the most realistic pivot?
How risky is each path in terms of washouts, burnout, or getting stuck?
If you were optimizing for money + long-term optionality, which would you choose and why?
I’m not looking for motivational answers — I’d really appreciate honest, slightly brutal advice from people who’ve worked in or closely with these fields.
Thanks in advance.
Jobadvisor
Choosing between Investment Banking (IB), Quant, and Actuarial science requires balancing your appetite for risk against your desire for "uncapped" earnings. At 25, you are at a pivot point where your next move will likely define your trajectory for the next decade.
Here is the "brutal" breakdown of how these paths compare for someone with an Economics Master’s in India.
1. Earnings & Scalability (10–15 Year Outlook)
| Feature | Investment Banking (IB) | Quant (Trading/Research) | Actuarial Science |
| Entry (India) | ₹15L – ₹30L (Front office) | ₹20L – ₹45L (Prop/HF) | ₹8L – ₹15L |
| 10-15 yr Potential | ₹2 Cr – ₹5 Cr+ (MD level) | ₹1.5 Cr – ₹7 Cr+ (Performance) | ₹60L – ₹1.2 Cr (Appointed) |
| Earning Cap | Virtually none (Bonus driven) | High, but skill-dependent | Defined by corporate slabs |
| Scalability | High (Exit to PE/VC/CFO) | High (Hedge Funds/Global) | Moderate (Insurance-centric) |
IB & Quant are the clear winners for "genuinely high" earnings. IB pay scales with deal flow and seniority, while Quant pay is a direct function of the P&L (Profit & Loss) you generate or the complexity of the models you build.
Actuarial is a "high-floor, low-ceiling" path. It offers incredible job security and a comfortable life, but it rarely hits the "generational wealth" levels seen in top-tier IB or Quant roles.
2. Realism of the Pivot (India Context)
Investment Banking: The "Uphill Battle"
Since you are from a non-target background and already 25, breaking into a "Bulge Bracket" (Goldman, JP Morgan) or top domestic bank (Avendus, Kotak) directly is very difficult.
Realistic Pivot: Move internally within your Big 4 to Transaction Advisory Services (TAS) or M&A Advisory. Spend 1–2 years there to build "deal" experience, then lateral to a boutique investment bank.
Alternative: A top-tier MBA (IIM A/B/C or ISB) is the most "guaranteed" reset button for your profile.
Quant: The "Technical Wall"
Your Economics background is a double-edged sword. You likely have the intuition, but "high-earning" Quant roles in India (like those at Tower Research, Graviton, or Jane Street) require elite-level coding (C++/Python) and stochastic calculus.
Realistic Pivot: Target Risk Quant or Model Validation roles in global banks (UBS, Barclays) first. These are more accessible than High-Frequency Trading (HFT) roles but pay significantly better than TP.
Actuarial: The "Exam Grind"
This is the most "realistic" because it doesn't care about your pedigree—it only cares about exams. However, at 25, starting a 13-exam journey is a 5–7 year commitment. You will likely earn less than your current TP salary for the first few years until you clear 5-6 papers.
3. Risks: Washouts and Burnout
IB: Highest burnout risk. 80–100 hour weeks are standard. The "washout" happens when you realize you don't have the "sales" personality required at the VP/Director level.
Quant: Highest "obsolescence" risk. If your models stop working or you can't keep up with AI/ML advancements, you are replaced. It is intellectually exhausting.
Actuarial: Highest "stuck" risk. Once you are 10 years deep into insurance math, it is very hard to move into general finance or tech. You are an insurance expert for life.
4. The Verdict: Optimizing for Money + Optionality
If your goal is maximum money with the best exit options, the choice is:
Investment Banking (via an internal Big 4 move or MBA).
Why?
Exit Strategy: IB experience allows you to move into Private Equity (PE), Venture Capital (VC), or become a CFO. Quant and Actuarial roles are "silos"—they are very hard to leave once you specialize.
Maturity: At 25, your Big 4 experience actually helps in IB (you understand corporate structures), whereas in Quant, you are competing with 21-year-old math prodigies.
Would you like me to help you draft a LinkedIn networking message to reach out to professionals in your firm's M&A or TAS division to explore an internal transfer?
Investment Banking vs Quant vs Actuary Comparison Table
This video provides a deep dive into the technical differences and career barriers between Quants and Actuaries, which is crucial for understanding why it's hard to switch between them later.