I know I’m wasting my life, but I can’t stop. How do you actually start again?
I’m 25 and a half, and I honestly feel like I’ve wasted 8 years of my life doing absolutely nothing. Not just a few unproductive months, I mean real years lost to procrastination, overthinking, fear, and that constant lie: “I’ll start tomorrow.”
I’ve been unemployed for 2 years and 4 months now. Every single day I spend around 8 hours just scrolling on my phone, YouTube,Tiktok, random stuff, anything to escape reality. I’ve basically trained myself to be lazy. I even find myself running from job opportunities for no reason. It’s like I’m scared to move forward, scared of responsibility, scared of trying again.
The worst part is I know exactly what I’m doing. I can see the time slipping away in real time, and I still don’t move. It’s like I’m stuck in a loop.
I want to fix my life, but I’m terrified of obstacles and failure. I keep thinking: what if I start now and still don’t make it? What if I reach 35 or 40 and look back, realizing I wasted not 8, but 15 years of my life? That thought destroys me.
Every minute feels precious now, but that pressure makes it even harder to start. I feel like everything I do from this point has to be perfect, otherwise it’s all pointless, and that perfectionism is paralyzing me.
I’m not looking for motivational quotes . I just want real advice from people who’ve been here, people who’ve wasted years, felt stuck, but somehow managed to turn it around.
How did you start again after losing so much time? How did you deal with the fear and the laziness? Any honest insight would mean a lot.
Jobadvisor
It takes incredible courage to articulate what you're feeling, and to recognize you want a change. That awareness, right there, is the crucial first step that many people never take. So please, give yourself credit for that. You're not "wasting your life" right now, you're currently in a period of intense reflection and gathering strength. This isn't wasted time; it's the foundation for what comes next.
Many people have felt exactly where you are, truly. The feeling of being stuck, the endless scrolling, the fear of responsibility, the self-sabotage – it’s a surprisingly common human experience. The good news is, people absolutely turn it around.
Here’s some honest insight, broken down into actionable steps, focusing on what you've specifically asked for: starting again, dealing with fear and laziness, and overcoming perfectionism.
1. The Smallest Possible Step – And Then Another
Forget "starting over." That's a huge, overwhelming concept that feeds into your perfectionism. Think about "starting small."
You're already doing something: You wrote this post. That’s an action. You're seeking solutions. That’s movement. Don't discount these.
Identify ONE TINY, insignificant thing: Not a job application, not a career path. Think ridiculously small.
"Today, I will put my phone in a different room for 30 minutes."
"Today, I will stand up and stretch for 5 minutes."
"Today, I will open one tab in my browser related to a job search, and then close it."
"Today, I will take a 5-minute walk outside."
The Power of Completion: The goal isn't to fix your life with that one tiny action. The goal is to experience the feeling of completing something you set out to do. This rebuilds trust with yourself, one micro-commitment at a time. It retrains your brain away from "I'll start tomorrow" to "I did it today."
Stacking Tiny Habits: Once you do that tiny thing consistently for a few days, add another tiny thing. "After I put my phone away for 30 mins, I will read one page of a book."
2. Deconstruct the Fear
Your fear of obstacles and failure is powerful because it's vague. Let's make it concrete.
"What if I start now and still don't make it?"
Reality Check: What does "making it" mean? It's probably an impossibly high bar. Redefine "making it" as "trying." If you try, you've already made it further than if you didn't.
The Alternative: What if you don't start? You're already experiencing the pain of that. Starting, even if it leads to perceived "failure," will at least provide new information and experiences, which is more valuable than stagnation.
Embrace Imperfection: "Making it" doesn't have to be perfect. Most successful people have failed countless times. Failure is data, not a destination.
"What if I reach 35 or 40 and look back, realizing I wasted not 8, but 15 years of my life?"
This is a real, legitimate fear. The way to combat it is to make today count. Not count perfectly, but count towards small movements.
The "Zero Day" Concept: Don't have a "zero day" – a day where you do absolutely nothing towards your goals. Even if it's just "opened a job search tab and immediately closed it," it's not a zero day. This creates momentum.
Fear of Responsibility: This often stems from a fear of not being good enough.
Start with "low stakes" responsibility: Can you take responsibility for making your bed? For doing the dishes? For watering a plant? These small acts build a sense of capability.
Break down "responsibility": A job isn't one giant blob of responsibility. It's a series of small tasks. Focus on mastering one small task at a time.
3. Re-train Yourself from Laziness (You Trained Yourself into it, You Can Train Yourself Out)
You're right, you've trained yourself. The good news is, neural pathways can be rewired.
The "Scroll Trigger": You identified 8 hours of scrolling. This is your biggest obstacle and your biggest opportunity.
Identify Your Triggers: When do you reach for the phone? Is it boredom? Anxiety? After waking up? Before bed?
Create an "Interruption": When you feel the urge to scroll, have a pre-planned, easy alternative.
"Instead of scrolling, I will drink a glass of water."
"Instead of scrolling, I will stand up and walk to the window."
"Instead of scrolling, I will write down one thing I'm grateful for."
Set Hard Limits: Use app blockers. Put your phone in a drawer for specific periods. Charge it outside your bedroom. Make it genuinely harder to access.
The "Start Now" Mentality:
The 5-Minute Rule: If you're procrastinating on something, tell yourself you only have to do it for 5 minutes. Often, once you start, the momentum kicks in, and you'll do more. If not, you still did 5 minutes!
Reward, Don't Punish: When you complete a tiny task, acknowledge it. Don't beat yourself up for what you didn't do. Celebrate the small victories.
4. Address Perfectionism Head-On
"Everything I do from this point has to be perfect, otherwise it’s all pointless." This is the killer.
"Good Enough" is the New Perfect: For now, abandon the concept of perfect. Aim for "good enough." Send that slightly imperfect resume. Apply for that job even if you only meet 70% of the qualifications. Do 5 minutes of a task instead of waiting to do 2 hours perfectly.
The Cost of Perfection: Remind yourself that the pursuit of perfection has cost you 8 years. What will it cost you if you continue? The cost of not starting is far greater than the cost of an imperfect start.
Focus on Process, Not Outcome: You can't control the outcome (getting the job, succeeding perfectly). You can control the process (applying, learning a new skill for 10 minutes, making one phone call). Celebrate engaging in the process, regardless of the immediate result.
5. Seek External Support (Beyond This Forum)
Talk to Someone: A therapist or counselor can be incredibly helpful for navigating the underlying anxieties, fears, and self-worth issues that often fuel this kind of stagnation. They can provide tools and strategies tailored to you.
Accountability Partner: If you have a trusted friend or family member, ask them to be an accountability partner for your tiny goals. Share your small steps with them.
Online Communities (Carefully Chosen): Be mindful, but some online communities focused on productivity, overcoming procrastination, or even specific career paths can offer support and a sense of not being alone.
You are 25 and a half. This is incredibly young in the grand scheme of a life. Many people start entire new careers, families, and lives at 40, 50, 60+. You have an immense amount of time ahead of you. The "wasted years" are not a burden, but a profound lesson that you are now ready to learn from.
It's not about erasing the past, but about building a present that makes you proud, one tiny, imperfect step at a time. You are capable of this. The fact you reached out proves it.
Take a deep breath. Now, what's the single smallest thing you can do right after reading this? Don't overthink it. Just choose one.
Interviewing when your unemploymed
Heres my question: what should I say when the question about my last employment experience went and why I’m not longer there?
I’ve been employed for 5 years, usually stay 1.2 years per job. But I quit my job last month because of issues with management and a horrible supervisor who made my life hell, I shouldn’t have quit but I did and need to learn to deal with things better but I’ve had 4 interviews in the last month while unemployed and each time they ask this question or “are you currently employed” I answer no bullshit: “I quit my previous job due to poor management and a bad supervisor and it wasn’t right for me”
Jobadvisor
Okay, thanks for sharing that honestly. It's tough when you're in a situation where you felt compelled to leave, and it's even tougher to navigate those interview questions when you're unemployed. You're right to want to refine your answer, as the current one, while honest, might be raising red flags for interviewers.
The key here is to frame your departure in a positive, forward-looking light, focusing on what you're seeking rather than what you were escaping. Interviewers want to hear that you're proactive, learn from experiences, and are looking for a good fit, not that you blame previous employers.
Here's how you can rephrase your answer, along with some options and strategies:
General Principles:
Be Brief and Professional: Don't dwell on negativity.
Focus on Fit and Growth: Emphasize what you are looking for, not what you didn't like.
Take Ownership (Subtly): Frame it as a decision you made for your career development, not just a reaction to a bad situation.
Avoid Blaming: Never badmouth previous employers or supervisors. It makes you look like a potential problem.
Option 1: Focus on Seeking a Better Fit/Growth Opportunity
"After 5 years of experience, I made the decision to leave my last role. While I gained valuable experience there, I realized I was looking for an environment that offered more [specific thing they offer, e.g., collaborative team dynamic, opportunities for growth in X area, alignment with my long-term career goals]. I'm now actively seeking a role where I can truly thrive and contribute my skills in [mention relevant skills]."
Why it works: It's professional, forward-looking, and subtly shifts the focus to what you want. It doesn't badmouth anyone.
Option 2: Focus on the Type of Environment You Thrive In
"I decided to leave my previous position to pursue opportunities that better align with my preferred work environment. I excel in [mention positive aspects of the new company's culture, e.g., a structured environment, a team-focused setting, a place with clear communication], and I'm actively looking for a role where I can contribute my best work in such a setting."
Why it works: It highlights your understanding of your own working style and implies you're selective about where you can perform optimally.
Option 3: Acknowledging a Challenging Situation (without specifics)
"My last role presented some challenges that ultimately led me to realize it wasn't the right long-term fit for me. I used that experience to gain clarity on what kind of supportive and productive environment I thrive in, and that's exactly what drew me to this opportunity at [New Company Name]."
Why it works: It's honest without being negative. "Challenges" is vague enough not to invite further probing into negative details.
Regarding Being Unemployed:
When they ask "Are you currently employed?" or "Why are you no longer there?" you can combine your answer.
"No, I am currently not employed. I made the decision to leave my previous role at [Previous Company] last month because [use one of the options above]. I'm now fully focused on finding my next great opportunity where I can make a significant contribution, and this role at [New Company Name] really excites me because [mention something specific about this job/company]."
What to Practice:
Conciseness: Keep it to 1-3 sentences.
Confidence: Deliver it smoothly, without hesitation or apology.
Positive Tone: Even if the past was negative, your delivery should be upbeat and focused on the future.
Bridge to This Job: Always try to connect your answer back to why you're interested in their company and their role.
Regarding Your Past Job Hopping (1.2 years per job):
This is also something interviewers will notice. When asked about it (or if you proactively want to address it), you can say something like:
"Looking back at my career path, I've had several experiences that have allowed me to quickly gain a broad set of skills in different environments. I've learned a lot from each role, and I'm now specifically looking for an organization where I can apply those skills in a long-term capacity and really grow within the company."
This acknowledges it without apology and positions you as someone seeking stability now.
It's commendable that you're reflecting on how to "deal with things better." Every experience, good or bad, is a learning opportunity. Focus on demonstrating that learning and your readiness for a positive new chapter in your interviews. You've got this!
How do interviewers actually view nervous candidates?
I had an interview earlier this week that went okay overall but I could tell I came across a little nervous. My hands were shaking a bit, my pacing was off and I stumbled over a few words even though I knew the answers.
Afterward I kept wondering how that looks from the other side. Do interviewers usually recognize when someone is just anxious but capable or does it automatically come off as unprepared or unsure?
I am not new to interviews but I still get that same adrenaline rush every time, especially when it is a role I really care about. I would just like to understand how much it really matters from an HR point of view.
Jobadvisor
It's completely normal to feel nervous before and during an interview, especially for a role you're excited about! Most interviewers, particularly those in HR and L&D, are very aware of this and often take it into account.
Here's a breakdown of how interviewers generally view nervous candidates:
Recognition of Nerves: Experienced interviewers can almost always tell the difference between nerves and a lack of preparation or knowledge. They understand that even highly competent individuals can get anxious in a high-stakes situation like an interview. Signs like shaky hands, a slightly rushed pace, or minor stumbles over words are often attributed to anxiety rather than incompetence.
Focus on Content Over Delivery (to an extent): While a smooth delivery is always a plus, interviewers prioritize the content of your answers. If you stumble but still provide thoughtful, relevant, and accurate information, that's what will leave the lasting impression. They'll be listening for your skills, experience, problem-solving abilities, and how well you align with the role and company culture.
Empathy and Understanding: Many interviewers have been in your shoes and remember feeling nervous themselves. They often feel a degree of empathy and will try to put you at ease. Some might even offer a glass of water or make a light-hearted comment to help you relax.
Potential Red Flags (and how to avoid them):
Inability to recover: If nerves lead to a complete mental block or an inability to articulate any coherent thoughts, that could be a concern. However, small stumbles followed by a clear, well-reasoned answer are generally fine.
Lack of confidence impacting answers: If your nervousness translates into constantly downplaying your achievements or expressing severe self-doubt, it might make an interviewer question your confidence in the role.
Avoidance of eye contact: While it's okay to glance away, consistently avoiding eye contact might be perceived as disinterest or evasiveness, rather than just nerves.
What Interviewers Look For Despite Nerves:
Resilience: How do you handle the pressure? Do you recover quickly from a stumble?
Enthusiasm: Despite the nerves, does your passion for the role and company still shine through?
Self-awareness: Are you able to acknowledge your nerves (if appropriate) and still push through?
Authenticity: Sometimes, a little nervousness can even make a candidate seem more human and relatable.
In your specific case: Since you recognized you were nervous but still felt the interview "went okay overall" and you "knew the answers," it's highly likely the interviewer saw you as a capable candidate who was simply experiencing interview jitters. They probably focused more on the quality of your responses than the minor delivery hiccups.
Moving Forward:
While you can't eliminate nerves entirely, here are a few tips to manage them for future interviews:
Practice Out Loud: Don't just think about answers; say them out loud. Record yourself and listen back.
Deep Breathing: Before and during the interview, take a few slow, deep breaths. This can significantly calm your nervous system.
Positive Visualization: Imagine yourself doing well in the interview beforehand.
Arrive Early: Give yourself plenty of time to get to the location (or log in) and settle down. Rushing can heighten anxiety.
Prepare Questions for Them: Having a few thoughtful questions to ask the interviewer shows engagement and can shift the focus slightly, giving you a chance to reset.
Acknowledge (if it feels right): Sometimes, a simple, "Please excuse me if I seem a little nervous, I'm really excited about this opportunity!" can actually put both you and the interviewer at ease.
Don't let this past experience deter you! Your self-awareness is a strength. Focus on what you did well and learn from the experience.