Being “amenable and helpful” at work can be a strength — but constant people-pleasing won’t advance your career, says Kate Mason, PhD, a communications coach and author of Powerfully Likeable: A Woman’s Guide to Effective Communication.
Many professionals believe they must say “yes” to every request to maintain good relationships at work. But Mason says this mindset can backfire.
“Culturally, we’ve linked likability with deference,” she explains. “We assume that to be liked — to be seen as great or easy to work with — we have to accept every request that comes our way.”
In reality, overextending yourself often leads to frustration and burnout. According to clinical psychologist Debbie Sorensen, people-pleasers frequently neglect their own needs in an effort to accommodate others, which can cause resentment and chronic stress from overwork.
To break the habit, Mason suggests pausing before automatically agreeing to something.
She uses a simple self-check: “What is future me going to be happy I said yes to when present me makes this decision?”
That quick reflection, she says, can help you tell the difference between genuinely wanting to help and simply people-pleasing.
How to stop people-pleasing at work
The popular saying “No is a complete sentence” may not always fit the workplace, Mason notes. Setting boundaries can feel especially difficult when requests come from higher-ups.
If your manager assigns you more work than you can handle, Mason recommends reframing your response as a conversation about priorities:
“I’ve got four other projects I’m focusing on this week — where would you like me to prioritize this one? I’m happy to take it on, but should it be number one or number five?”
This approach isn’t defiant, she says — it’s practical. It helps you clarify priorities and reminds your manager of your existing workload.
From a manager’s perspective, being transparent about your capacity is often appreciated. “It’s not seen as pushback,” Mason explains. “It’s usually received as a helpful reminder.”
When dealing with co-workers, you can set boundaries politely but firmly. Mason suggests saying:
“Unfortunately, I don’t have the bandwidth to give that the time it deserves.”
Freelancers can take a similar approach:
“I’m at capacity right now and won’t be able to take that on.”
Ultimately, Mason emphasizes that saying yes isn’t your only choice.
“You always have options,” she says. “Declining a request doesn’t mean career suicide — it means you’re managing your energy and priorities wisely.”