Why do I keep bombing final interviews even when I know I’m qualified?
i keep making it past the initial phone screens and everything goes great with the hiring manager like we're totally vibing, they seem to love me, etc. but then once we get to those panel interviews or when they start throwing scenario questions at me, i literally just... freeze up?
like i KNOW my shit. i've been doing this work for years, i have the experience, but something about being put on the spot just makes my brain go completely blank. or worse, i start word-vomiting and over explaining everything until i can see their eyes glazing over. then i spend the entire rest of the day (and let's be real, the next few days too) replaying every single thing i said and cringing.
i don't know if it's just nerves or if i'm somehow coming across as not confident enough? like maybe they can smell the fear lol. but seriously, has anyone else dealt with this and actually figured out how to stop sabotaging themselves? because this pattern is getting old real fast and i'm starting to doubt if i even know what i'm talking about anymore.
Jobadvisor
Oh, absolutely, you are not alone in this! "Interview freeze" or "word-vomit" is a super common phenomenon, especially in final-round interviews where the stakes feel higher. It's frustrating because, as you said, you know you're qualified, but the pressure somehow short-circuits your ability to articulate it effectively.
It's likely a combination of nerves, the different dynamic of a panel interview, and the specific challenge of scenario questions. Let's break down why this happens and, more importantly, what you can do to conquer it.
Why It Happens
Performance Anxiety: Even seasoned professionals get nervous. Panel interviews amplify this because you're "on stage" for multiple people, each potentially scrutinizing you from a different angle.
Cognitive Overload: When your brain is stressed, it can literally struggle to retrieve information efficiently. The fight-or-flight response kicks in, and logical thought can take a backseat.
Lack of Structure for Scenario Questions: These questions are designed to test your critical thinking and problem-solving, not just your knowledge. If you don't have a mental framework for how to approach them, it's easy to get lost.
Desire to Impress: Paradoxically, wanting to do too well can lead to overthinking and over-explaining. You want to show every facet of your brilliance, but sometimes less is more.
Reading the Room (or Misreading it): You're trying to gauge their reactions, and if you perceive disinterest (even if it's just their poker face), it can trigger more anxiety.
How to Stop Sabotaging Yourself
The good news is that these are learned behaviors, and you can definitely train yourself to manage them.
1. Preparation Beyond "Knowing Your Shit"
You know your technical skills, but interview prep needs to be different.
Practice the STAR Method RELIGIOUSLY: For scenario and behavioral questions ("Tell me about a time when..."), the STAR method (Situation, Task, Action, Result) is your best friend. Don't just know it; practice delivering your answers using this structure out loud.
S - Situation: Briefly set the scene.
T - Task: Describe your responsibility in that situation.
A - Action: Explain what you did (focus on "I" not "we").
R - Result: Quantify the positive outcome.
Why this helps: It forces conciseness, ensures you hit all the key points, and prevents word-vomit.
Anticipate Scenario Questions:
Brainstorm common challenges in your field/role.
Think about typical problems someone in this role would face.
Practice walking through your thought process: "First, I would clarify the problem by asking...", "Then, I would consider options X, Y, Z...", "My preferred approach would be X because...", "I would involve stakeholders A and B..."
Research the Panelists: If you know who will be on the panel, look them up on LinkedIn. Understanding their roles and backgrounds can help you tailor your responses and feel more prepared for their perspectives.
2. Manage Your Nerves in the Moment
Deep Breathing: Before the interview, or even between questions, take a slow, deep breath. Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 6. This literally calms your nervous system.
Power Posing (Before the Interview): Spend a few minutes in a "power pose" (e.g., standing tall with hands on hips like Superman/woman) before the interview. Studies suggest it can increase confidence and reduce cortisol.
"It's Just a Conversation": Mentally reframe the interview. You're not being grilled; you're having a professional discussion to see if there's a good mutual fit.
Slow Down: When you feel the word-vomit starting, consciously slow your speech. This gives your brain time to catch up and organize thoughts.
Pause Before Answering: It's completely okay (and often beneficial) to take a few seconds to think after a question. "That's a great question, let me just take a moment to consider my approach" or even just a silent pause shows thoughtfulness, not weakness.
3. Strategic Communication During the Interview
"Think Out Loud" (Strategically): For complex scenario questions, it's often helpful to explain your process of problem-solving, rather than just jumping to the answer. "My initial thoughts are X, Y, and Z. I'd likely start by..." This shows your critical thinking.
Ask Clarifying Questions: If a scenario question is vague, ask for more details! "When you say X, do you mean Y or Z?", or "Could you clarify the specific constraints of this situation?" This buys you time and ensures you're answering the right question.
Be Concise, Then Elaborate (If Asked): Give your core answer succinctly using STAR. Then, if you feel they want more, or if they ask a follow-up, you can elaborate. It's easier to expand a concise answer than to rein in a rambling one.
Watch for Engagement Cues: If you see eyes glazing over, it's a cue to pivot. "Does that explanation make sense, or would you like me to elaborate on a specific part?" or "Is there another aspect of this scenario you'd like me to address?"
Confidence Through Eye Contact: Maintain good eye contact with each panelist as you speak, rotating naturally. This conveys confidence and engagement.
4. Post-Interview Debrief (Productive, Not Cringy)
Focus on Learning, Not Self-Flagellation: Instead of replaying every cringe-worthy moment, focus on what you can improve.
"What question did I struggle with?"
"How could I have structured that answer better?"
"Did I use the STAR method effectively?"
Keep a Running Log: Document interview questions you get, especially those that stumped you. Practice answering them for the next one.
You absolutely have the qualifications. Your challenge is translating that inner knowledge into confident, structured, and concise external communication under pressure. With targeted practice on strategy and nerve management, you can definitely overcome this hurdle!
30, jobless for 5 years and feeling lost. Don't know what to do with my life.
Hello everyone,
I don't know if it's the right sub to post but I need help/guidance with this, should have posted it a long time ago but my fears and past trauma of seeking help from people made me do everything on my own, because it was better to be alone than to be hurt by other people overlooking on me even tho I helped them in the past.
I worked for almost 2 years in the IT and then resigned because of my workplace toxicity and biasness, I thought I could take a break, upskill myself and then move back, but then lost 3 of my closest family members, which made my depression worse over these years and ever since then I have going back and forth with my mental health, I get short bursts of motivation and then after searching, making plans, either I don't execute them because of my ADHD overwhelm or get disappointed and depressed if the execution fails and I get rejected. And because of this depressive loop, I am going in a downward spiral. I have given up on all my desires all I want right now is to earn so I can fulfill my parents desires, I feel so powerless watching them stressed at this age.
Two things I have been thinking over these past couple of months are:
To take loan and move out of to other cities with better job opportunity.
To get into a bootcamp with job assistance so I can be in momentum and get a job so I don't have to choose the first option of taking huge loan, because I fear that if I fail, I won't be able to pay my loans back.
I need a system and/or an accountability group for my ADHD mind to follow, leading me to a job. Because I have tried making systems in the past but failed to be consistent.
I am completely broke, and even this year is about to end, I want to make good use of this last 60 days left of this year but I feel so lost. Any guidance, suggestions on my choices or any other path would be really helpful.
Jobadvisor
Hello there. I hear you, and I want to acknowledge how incredibly tough the past five years must have been for you. Losing three close family members, dealing with workplace toxicity, and then navigating a prolonged period of unemployment while battling depression and ADHD – that's a monumental amount to carry. The fact that you're reaching out now, despite past hurts and fears, shows immense strength and courage. Please give yourself credit for that.
It's completely understandable to feel lost and overwhelmed. Your brain is trying to protect you from more pain, and the executive dysfunction from ADHD combined with the heavy weight of depression makes any kind of planning and execution feel like climbing a mountain. But you're here, and you're articulating your situation and your desires, which is the first crucial step towards finding a new path.
Let's break this down.
Acknowledging Your Pain & Setting a Foundation
Before diving into career advice, it's vital to address the underlying challenges.
You're Not "Lost" - You're Grieving and Healing: Five years is a long time, but it has been filled with profound loss and mental health struggles. This isn't a personal failure; it's a testament to the heavy load you've been carrying. Be kind to yourself.
Professional Mental Health Support is Paramount: You mentioned depression and ADHD. If you're not currently seeing a therapist or psychiatrist, please prioritize this. Medications and/or therapy (CBT, DBT, ADHD coaching) can make a huge difference in managing symptoms and giving you the mental space and tools to move forward. Many places offer sliding scale fees or community mental health services if finances are a barrier. This is the most important first step if you haven't taken it already, as it lays the groundwork for everything else.
Actionable: Research local mental health resources, community clinics, or online therapy platforms. Even a single consultation can help.
Addressing Your Job Search & Options
Your two main ideas are valid, but let's explore them with your specific challenges in mind.
Option 1: Taking a Loan and Moving to Another City
Pros: Potentially more job opportunities, a fresh start, a change of scenery can sometimes help with mental health.
Cons: High financial risk, added pressure, could exacerbate feelings of isolation if you move without a support system, the job market is still competitive even in "better" cities.
Recommendation: This option carries significant risk, especially given your financial situation and history of depression/ADHD overwhelm. Adding a huge debt burden without a secure plan could backfire and make things worse. I would advise against this as a first step. It's better to build stability where you are, if possible, before taking on such a big financial and emotional leap.
Option 2: Bootcamp with Job Assistance
Pros: Structured learning, momentum, direct path to a job, often provides career services and networking, good for ADHD (external structure).
Cons: Can be expensive (loans might still be needed), success often depends on your ability to keep up with intense pace, "job assistance" doesn't guarantee a job.
Recommendation: This has much more potential than just moving, especially if you find the right bootcamp. The structure, external deadlines, and job-focused curriculum could be exactly what your ADHD brain needs to get into momentum.
Considerations:
Funding: Look for bootcamps that offer income-share agreements (ISA) where you only pay when you get a job, or deferred tuition. Research grants or scholarships specifically for underrepresented groups in tech, or for those with disabilities (ADHD).
Support System: Some bootcamps have great community and mentorship. Ask about their support for students who might struggle or have specific learning needs.
Field: Since you have IT experience, leaning into that (e.g., cybersecurity, data analytics, cloud engineering) could leverage your past knowledge. Web development (front-end, back-end) or UX/UI design are also popular.
Hybrid/Online vs. In-Person: Consider what works best for your ADHD. In-person might provide more external accountability, but online offers flexibility.
Building Your System & Accountability (For ADHD & Depression)
This is where you need to be strategic.
Start Small, Build Momentum: Forget grand plans for now. Your goal is tiny, achievable wins.
Example Daily Plan:
Morning: 15 minutes of exercise (even just stretching). Take your meds. Eat breakfast.
Work Block 1 (1 hour): Research 1-2 bootcamps. Stop at 1 hour, even if you're not done.
Break (30 mins): Do something enjoyable/relaxing.
Work Block 2 (1 hour): Work on one small piece of a resume or cover letter template. Stop.
Evening: Plan 1-2 small, specific tasks for tomorrow.
"Body Doubling": For ADHD, having someone else present (even virtually on a call) while you work can dramatically increase focus. Look for online "focus groups" or ask a friend/family member to sit with you for an hour while you work.
Visual Trackers: A simple whiteboard or bullet journal where you check off tiny tasks can provide a dopamine hit and visual proof of progress.
Accountability Group (Online is Great for Accessibility):
ADHD-Specific Groups: Search for online forums, Discord servers, or Facebook groups for adults with ADHD. Many create accountability partnerships.
Job Search Groups: Platforms like LinkedIn or Reddit can have groups dedicated to job searching in your field.
Tell Someone: Tell a trusted friend or family member your tiny daily/weekly goals. Just knowing someone will ask can be motivating.
Gamify Your Search:
Points System: Give yourself points for tasks (e.g., 5 points for researching a bootcamp, 10 points for applying, 2 points for a 15-min focus session).
Small Rewards: Link points to small, non-food rewards (e.g., watch one episode of a show, listen to a podcast, a new book, a walk in nature).
Reconnecting with IT:
Small Projects: Start with a tiny online course (free on Coursera, edX, LinkedIn Learning - many offer free trials or audit options) or a small personal project. Something that reignites your interest without overwhelming you.
Network (Lightly): Connect with old colleagues on LinkedIn. Just a friendly "Hope you're doing well!" You don't have to immediately ask for a job, just rebuild connections.
Making the Most of the Next 60 Days
This is a great mindset! Don't aim to "get a job" in 60 days, aim to build momentum and clarity.
Phase 1: (Next 30 Days) - Foundation & Exploration
Prioritize Mental Health (If not already): Book that therapist/psychiatrist appointment. This is non-negotiable.
Define "IT" Again: What aspects of IT did you enjoy? What technology excites you now? Spend 15-30 min per day exploring different IT fields (e.g., cybersecurity, data analytics, cloud, specific programming languages). Use free online resources (YouTube, free MOOCs).
Research Bootcamps Deeply: Identify 3-5 bootcamps. Look at curriculum, cost, financing options (ISA!), job placement rates, and alumni reviews. Attend their info sessions.
Tiny Skill Refresh: Find one very basic, free online course related to your old IT role or a new interest. Commit to 30 minutes a day.
Build Your "Accountability Micro-System": Choose ONE small accountability strategy (e.g., daily check-in with a friend, visual tracker for 3 tiny tasks).
Phase 2: (Next 30 Days) - Action & Application
Refine Bootcamp Choice: Narrow down to 1-2 bootcamps. Start the application process if you feel ready.
Resume/LinkedIn Revamp (IT Focused): Start updating your resume. Focus on quantifiable achievements from your 2 years of IT experience. Leverage AI tools (like ChatGPT) to help draft bullet points for your past role. Also, update your LinkedIn profile, highlighting your IT background.
Networking (Warm Up): Reach out to 2-3 former colleagues for an "informational interview" – not to ask for a job, but to learn about current trends in IT and get their advice.
Continue Small Skills/Projects: Keep up with your chosen online course or small project.
Final Thoughts on Your Parents
It's incredibly moving that you want to support your parents. This desire can be a powerful motivator. Remind yourself that getting yourself stable, healthy, and on a path to employment is the best way to fulfill their desires in the long run. You can't pour from an empty cup. Focus on small, consistent steps, and celebrate every tiny win.
You are not alone, you are not worthless, and you absolutely have the capacity to turn this around. This period of difficulty doesn't define your future. It's a chapter, not the whole story. Take that first small step today.
To give you a visual representation of finding a structured path amidst the chaos, here's an image that captures the idea of organizing thoughts and taking methodical steps toward a goal.