We’ve all been there: drowning in back-to-back meetings, fielding passive-aggressive Slack messages, and lying awake at 3 a.m. wondering, *“Is this really the kind of leader I wanted to become?”*
If that resonates, you’re not failing—you’re human. And you’re far from alone.
Most people are promoted into management without ever being taught how to *lead*. Instead, they inherit systems built for efficiency over empathy, control over connection, and output over well-being. Add in hybrid work, AI disruption, and a world in constant polycrisis—economic, political, environmental, cultural—and it’s no wonder so many managers feel like they’re barely holding it together.
But here’s the truth: **leading well doesn’t mean having all the answers. It means showing up with clarity, courage, and care—even when you’re exhausted.**
As Mita Mallick writes in *The Devil Emails at Midnight: What Good Leaders Can Learn From Bad Bosses*:
> “Micromanaging squeezes the joy out of work. Just because you have expertise doesn’t mean you can suddenly lead people. We have to coach, train, and support new managers—or risk creating more bad bosses.”
So how do you shift from surviving to truly leading? Here are five practices that separate the managers people tolerate from the ones they *want* to follow.
### 1. **Lead Like a Human—Not a Machine**
Bad bosses default to control. Better managers lead with presence.
Your team doesn’t need another status report. They need someone who *sees* them—especially when they’re stretched thin. That means listening without rushing to fix, asking curious questions (“What’s one thing that would make your week better?”), and showing up with humility, steadiness, and even joy amid chaos.
Mallick shares her own wake-up call: after losing her father, she tried to outrun grief by working harder—emailing at midnight, pushing relentlessly. It wasn’t until a top performer quit that she realized: **our unprocessed pain becomes our team’s burden.**
You don’t have to be perfect. But you do have to be present.
### 2. **Choose Clarity Over Busyness**
When pressure mounts, bad bosses spin faster. Better managers slow down to create clarity.
In a world of AI dashboards, endless notifications, and shifting priorities, activity is mistaken for progress. But noise isn’t strategy.
I once interrupted a tense executive meeting about “poor performance” and said: *“We don’t have a performance problem. We have a clarity problem.”* That single reframing shifted the conversation from blame to shared understanding: What truly matters? What must improve? What do we need to believe to move forward?
Clarity is your superpower. Name what you know—and what you don’t. Acknowledge tension instead of ignoring it. Silence breeds fear; transparency builds trust.
### 3. **Invite Honesty—Not Compliance**
Bad bosses demand agreement. Better managers cultivate psychological safety.
If your team always nods along, you’re not hearing the truth. Power distorts perception—and fear kills innovation.
Great managers actively invite dissent. Try this:
- Start meetings with: *“What’s one thing we could be doing better?”*
- Create a “red flag” channel for anonymous concerns.
- Rotate meeting facilitation so diverse voices shape decisions.
As Harvard’s Amy Edmondson’s research shows, teams thrive when leaders make it safe to speak up. And when you’re wrong? Say so. That’s how you turn compliance into commitment.
### 4. **Practice Discernment—Not Just Urgency**
Bad bosses treat everything as urgent. Better managers ask: *“Does this actually matter?”*
Speed is often rewarded—but it’s rarely sustainable. When everything’s a priority, nothing gets the focus it deserves, and burnout follows.
The best managers help their teams distinguish the *loud* from the *important*. They ask:
- Does this drive real impact?
- Is this the highest use of our time and energy?
- Are we reacting—or leading with intention?
Mallick shares a simple but powerful tactic: when her boss texted at 6:30 a.m., she waited until 8:30 a.m. to reply—and used the moment to co-create team norms around communication. **Discernment isn’t just personal—it’s contagious.** Model it, and your team will follow.
### 5. **Shape Culture—Don’t Just Inherit It**
Bad bosses extract. Better managers *build*.
You *are* the culture—not in slogans, but in daily actions. How you listen, give feedback, admit mistakes, and share credit ripples through your team.
In hybrid environments, presence isn’t about physical proximity—it’s about consistency, fairness, and emotional availability across time zones and screens.
Mallick’s challenge: **use your worst boss experiences as fuel to do better.** Reflect on where you’ve fallen short—and share one habit you’re working to change with a trusted colleague. Examples:
- *“I tend to jump in too fast. Call me out when I do.”*
- After a project: *“What’s one thing I could’ve done differently?”*
And organizations must step up too: stop promoting people into management without training, stop rewarding toxic “high performers,” and start holding harmful behaviors accountable. As Mallick puts it: *“Sometimes it’s not about another coach. Sometimes it’s about therapy—and moving on.”*
The Bottom Line: Fuel, Don’t Drain
Gallup research shows managers account for **70% of the variance in employee engagement**. That means your daily choices directly shape whether your team thrives—or quietly quits.
Leadership isn’t about perfection. It’s a practice. It’s choosing, again and again, to:
- Build work that fuels people, not drains them
- Spot burnout before it takes root
- Inspire through trust, not pressure
- Admit missteps and course-correct with care
You don’t have to wait to become the manager you once wished you’d had.
**You can start today.**
Be the leader who brings clarity in chaos, courage in uncertainty, and humanity in a system that often forgets it.
Not someday.
Now.