30, fired for 10th time since graduation in 2019. Should I give up?
At this point, Ive accepted im just incompetent. After barely scraping by in college through heavy accommodations due too mental health and learning disabilities, I am now 30 and have been fired from 10 jobs in different roles & industries since graduating in 2019. Each time was due to incompetence and overall mistakes. I’m broke and behind on rent. Should I just hang it up and move back home, maybe try and get on disability, maybe work as a cashier or something really easy?
Jobadvisor
I hear how exhausted and defeated you feel—and that’s completely understandable after everything you’ve been through. But please don’t interpret repeated job losses as proof that you’re “incompetent.” That’s your pain talking, not the full truth.
What you’ve described—struggling in college despite accommodations, facing ongoing challenges in the workplace, and being let go repeatedly—strongly suggests that your learning disabilities and mental health conditions may not be adequately supported in typical work environments. That’s not a reflection of your worth or capability; it’s a mismatch between your needs and the structures around you.
Here’s what might help right now:
### 1. **Reframe the narrative**
You haven’t failed 10 times—you’ve gathered 10 data points about what *doesn’t* work for you. That’s valuable. Many neurodivergent people (especially those with ADHD, autism, dyslexia, anxiety, etc.) go through cycles of job instability before finding the right fit or support system. This doesn’t mean you’re broken—it means the standard workplace wasn’t designed for your brain.
### 2. **Explore disability support seriously**
If you haven’t already, consider applying for Social Security Disability Insurance (SSDI) or Supplemental Security Income (SSI). This isn’t “giving up”—it’s accessing a safety net you may be entitled to. A stable income could relieve the pressure to take any job just to survive, giving you space to find sustainable work or build skills at your own pace.
Also, look into vocational rehabilitation services in your state. They offer free or low-cost career counseling, job coaching, skills training, and workplace accommodations specifically for people with disabilities.
### 3. **Target roles that align with your strengths**
“Easy” jobs like cashiering might seem low-stress, but they often involve fast-paced multitasking, rigid routines, or customer interactions that can be surprisingly taxing for some neurodivergent people. Instead, look for roles that:
- Have clear, predictable tasks
- Allow you to work independently or with minimal supervision
- Offer structure and routine
- Value accuracy over speed
Examples: data entry (with assistive tech), library shelving, inventory work, mailroom roles, or remote transcription. Some people thrive in skilled trades (e.g., HVAC, electrical) where hands-on work and clear procedures align well with certain cognitive profiles.
### 4. **Prioritize psychological safety over prestige**
Your next job doesn’t need to be a “career.” It just needs to be a place where you feel safe, understood, and able to succeed with reasonable support. Consider disclosing your disabilities (if you feel safe doing so) to request accommodations—many employers are legally required to provide them.
### 5. **Get professional guidance**
A therapist who specializes in neurodiversity or disability can help you process shame and build self-compassion. A career counselor familiar with learning disabilities can help you identify patterns in your job history and craft a more sustainable path forward.
### Lastly—be kind to yourself
You’ve kept trying for five years despite immense challenges. That takes resilience, not incompetence. Moving back home temporarily isn’t failure—it’s a strategic reset. What matters isn’t how many times you’ve stumbled, but whether you’re willing to keep seeking a path that fits *you*, not the mold.
You’re not alone in this. Many people with similar stories eventually find stability—not by becoming “normal,” but by finding environments that honor how their brain works. Please don’t give up on yourself yet. There’s still a place for you in the world—you just haven’t found the right fit *with the right support* yet.
If you're open to it, I can help you brainstorm next practical steps (like how to apply for disability, find vocational rehab, or identify low-stress job options). You don’t have to figure this out alone.
Is corporate life really more about likability than skill?
Genuinely asking here , I'm a software developer, not in big tech, but have worked at a few companies now. One thing that keeps bothering me is the huge disconnect between how managers act during interviews vs. how they are once you start the job.
In interviews, they go all-in on the behavioral questions, talking about empathy, collaboration, team support, helping juniors grow, etc. It all sounds great on paper. But once you're actually in the job... it’s a completely different reality.
In my experience, many managers aren't collaborative at all. They’re distant, don’t give useful feedback, don’t seem to support their reports, and in some cases, there’s almost a weird sense of competition. It’s like there’s an unspoken rule: if they like you, you’re in, if not, you're quietly sidelined or even pushed out.
I’ve seen several smart and capable coworkers get caught in this. Sometimes it's just bad timing or vibes, not performance, and they get labeled in a negative way early on. Eventually, some end up on a PIP or get let go.
So I’m wondering… is corporate life really more about likability than skill? And how do you deal with managers who are cold, silent, and don’t make any effort to help their team grow?
Would love to hear others' experiences
Jobadvisor
This is a very insightful and commonly discussed issue in the corporate world, especially in fields like software development where technical skill is paramount but success often hinges on much more.
The short answer to your question, "Is corporate life really more about likability than skill?" is that it's a complex, intertwined mix, with the balance often tipping towards likability/social capital in the later stages of a career.
Here's a breakdown of why you might be seeing this disconnect:
1. The Skill vs. Social Capital Dynamic
Skill is the Entry Ticket, Social Capital is the Accelerator: In a technical field, you absolutely need the skill to get hired and to keep up with the work. However, once you are at a certain competence level (which most employees in a tech role are), the differentiators for promotions, visibility on critical projects, and staying safe during reorganizations often become social capital, likability, and political acumen.
Social Capital is the value a person derives from their social networks and relationships. It includes trust, goodwill, and influence.
Likability (often referred to as "cultural fit") allows people to trust you, want to work with you, and advocate for you.
The "Unspoken Curriculum": Managers are often people who have successfully navigated the "unspoken curriculum" of the organization—the non-technical skills required for career advancement. They value these traits in their reports, sometimes more than pure technical genius, because they understand that getting things done in a large organization requires influence and collaboration, not just brilliant code.
The Manager's Motivation: For many managers, their success is judged not just on what their team delivers, but on how smoothly they deliver it and how few problems their team causes the manager. An easy-to-manage, non-confrontational, and "liked" employee is often preferred over a brilliant, but difficult, one.
2. The Interview vs. Reality Disconnect
You hit the nail on the head. The interview script focuses on ideal corporate values (empathy, collaboration) because:
It's the Aspirational Culture: These are the behaviors the company wants to project and believes it should embody.
It Mitigates Risk: Hiring managers are trained to look for red flags. Behavioral questions about collaboration and support are designed to filter out toxic people who would negatively impact team dynamics.
Reality is Messy: Once on the job, managers are often overworked, dealing with their own political pressures, tight deadlines, and personal burnout. The time and emotional energy required for deep mentorship, empathetic coaching, and consistent, useful feedback is a luxury many simply don't have or prioritize.
3. The "Likability" Trap (The Vibe Check)
Your observation about coworkers getting caught in a "bad vibe" is extremely real and often linked to Confirmation Bias and First Impressions.
First Impressions Stick: If a manager forms a negative (or even neutral) impression of someone early on, every subsequent action can be filtered through that lens. A small mistake from the "liked" person is a one-off error; the same mistake from the "unliked" person confirms the manager's initial negative bias.
Communication Style: The way you communicate, ask for help, or even disagree can be misinterpreted if your social style doesn't align with your manager's. This often gets mislabeled as a "performance" issue when it's really a communication/relational issue.
How to Deal with Cold, Silent, and Distant Managers
Since you can't change the manager's personality, you need to change your approach to manage the relationship and your career progression proactively.
Stop Waiting for Feedback—Demand Data (Tactfully):
Shift the Framing: Don't ask, "How am I doing?" which invites subjective opinions. Instead, ask, "Based on the goals we set for this quarter, what is one area where you saw the most impact, and one specific area where you think I could have delivered a better result?"
Focus on Metrics: For projects, provide your own metrics of success (tickets closed, system uptime, positive peer feedback, impact on business KPI, etc.).
Document Everything: Keep a running log of your accomplishments, impact, and positive feedback (from peers/stakeholders). This is your evidence to counter a vague negative assessment.
Manage Up and Proactively Communicate:
Provide Weekly Updates (The B.A.R. Format): Send a concise email update (especially to cold/silent managers) on Blockers, Accomplishments, and Risks/Roadblocks. This keeps them informed, positions you as organized, and reduces their need to chase you.
Frame Your Growth: Don't wait for them to "help you grow." Say, "I want to take on Project X because it aligns with my goal of developing skill Y. I would appreciate your guidance on the first steps." This makes it easy for them to support you with minimal effort.
Build Your Lateral Network (The True Corporate Safety Net):
Your Manager is Not Your Only Audience: Your career success depends less on your direct manager's personal affection and more on your reputation with peers, key stakeholders, and senior managers in other teams.
Be a "Force Multiplier": Focus on being a genuinely good collaborator—reliable, helpful, and delivering value to other teams. When it comes time for reviews or layoffs, if five other influential managers say, "We need [Your Name] on our team," your direct manager's liking of you becomes far less relevant.
Know When to Strategically Exit:
If you've genuinely tried the steps above, are performing well, and still feel stifled or targeted, recognize that some managerial relationships are simply irreparable due to a personality clash or a toxic environment.
In a strong job market (especially in tech), the best way to deal with a broken managerial relationship is often to leverage your technical skills and move to a company where the cultural fit with your new manager is better. Sometimes, a change of scenery is the only real fix.
In summary, you are observing a painful truth: corporate success is not a purely meritocratic game. While skill gets you a seat at the table, relational competence and political awareness dictate how high you can rise from it. Focus on controlling the things you can: your output, your evidence, and your broader professional reputation.