Dating can sometimes feel like a throwback to the elementary school playground. One moment, you’re in a close relationship; the next, your partner is swinging to someone new on the jungle gym. The latest trending term, "monkey barring," captures this dynamic perfectly. It describes how some daters move from one relationship to another, only letting go of the old one once they’ve secured the next.
This behavior isn’t new, says Amanda Miller, a sociology professor at the University of Indianapolis. “It might even be biblical,” she notes, referring to the age-old practice of lining up a new partner before leaving the current one. However, Miller explains that monkey barring has surged with Gen Z, driven by the challenges of forming real-life connections and the rise of dating apps.
“With apps, you can swipe endlessly, creating the illusion of an infinite pool of partners—but there isn’t one,” Miller says. She suggests people monkey bar to avoid the vulnerability of being single, seeking the security of knowing they’re moving toward something new. “It’s about stability: ‘I’m leaving this relationship, but I’ve got something else lined up,’” she adds.
Why Are Love Triangles So Common?
From shows like *My Life with the Walter Boys* to *The Summer I Turned Pretty*, love triangles dominate pop culture, reflecting the messy reality of modern dating.
What Monkey Barring Reveals About Young Daters
Data from Match.com and Hinge shows young people crave serious relationships but grapple with significant dating-related anxiety. As a result, Gen Z is often more cautious about commitment than older generations, frequently navigating a gray area between casual hookups and serious dating, or blurring boundaries within relationships.
Amy Chan, a dating coach and author of *Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart*, points out that Gen Z—born between 1997 and 2012—faces heightened fears of rejection. The proliferation of dating apps fuels what Chan calls a “shopping cart mentality,” where daters treat potential partners like products to evaluate. Pew Research indicates over half of adults under 30 have used apps like Tinder, Match, Bumble, or Hinge.
Chan notes that Gen Z is quick to coin terms like “monkey barring” for age-old behaviors. “They’re emotionally literate, discussing boundaries, attachment styles, and soft-launching relationships,” she says. “But knowing the terms doesn’t always mean they’ve done the emotional work. Sometimes, this knowledge is armor, not a bridge.”
Is Monkey Barring Cheating?
Monkey barring isn’t always outright cheating, but it often backfires, says Angelika Koch, a relationship expert at Taimi, an LGBTQ+ dating app. Miller clarifies that it’s distinct from polyamory, which involves consensual relationships with multiple partners. “In polyamory, everyone consents,” Miller explains. “In monkey barring, one partner decides to move on, often leaving the other in the dark.”
How to Handle Monkey Barring
If you suspect your partner is monkey barring, avoid obsessing over their whereabouts or checking their messages. Instead, Miller advises reflecting on how serious the relationship is to you and deciding your next steps—whether that’s a candid conversation, professional counseling, or walking away. “It might be a sign they’re not the right person for you,” she says.
If you’re tempted to monkey bar, Miller suggests a gut check: “If you wouldn’t do it in front of your partner, you shouldn’t do it behind their back.”