If you had to pick a teammate, would you rather work with someone cold but competent or friendly but flaky?
I threw this question at a few friends recently and got a far more divided response than I expected.
One said, “I know the ‘right’ answer is the competent one because, well, it’s work. But spending eight hours a day with a human ice cube is just… painful.”
Another shot back, “Yeah, until you’ve worked with a super-sweet but totally useless person. They’ll leave you little notes of encouragement, but also a mess of unfinished tasks you have to clean up.”
A third groaned, “And you feel too guilty to fire them because they’re just so nice.”
The fantasy versus reality of team building
In a perfect world, I’d only hire unicorns – brilliant, emotionally intelligent, highly capable people who know when to send a meme, when to offer help, and when to leave you alone.
In reality, building a team is all about compromise. Most of us are just trying to avoid the two extremes: the lovable disaster or the soulless robot.
Nobody really needs a team clown whose “fun” energy comes with a trail of mistakes. But also, nobody wants to spend 9 to 6 next to a spreadsheet genius who hasn’t smiled since 2020.
That’s why so many workplaces lean toward “culture fit” hires. It feels safer to choose someone warm and teachable over someone cold but hyper-competent. We tell ourselves: Hire for attitude, train for skill.
And it’s not a bad idea – but it’s not the whole story.
Why personality hires matter
Let’s give personality hires their due. They’re often the glue that keeps a team together. They notice when someone’s been quiet in a meeting. They organize the birthday cake, start the snack fund, and talk everyone off the ledge before a big pitch.
They’re the reason new hires stay. They make work feel human.
Some of the most valuable people I’ve worked with weren’t the flashiest on paper – but without them, the team would’ve frayed.
But charm can’t replace competence
The problem comes when likability overshadows accountability.
I once worked with a colleague – let’s call him Johnson – who everyone adored. He was kind, self-effacing, and the quiet heartbeat of the office. He also… wasn’t very good at his job.
He’d been a senior designer for almost a decade, but his work was stuck in a dated style. He missed basic instructions and created headaches for everyone who had to fix his mistakes.
He knew he was underperforming but never truly improved. He didn’t push his juniors to grow, either. Eventually, his department withered under that quiet, well-meaning stagnation.
Keeping someone because they’re “nice” can feel like kindness. But kindness without competence? That’s just feel-good dysfunction.
The flip side: brilliance without people skills
Then there was Lesley – one of the most talented creatives I’ve ever hired.
She was lightning-fast, detail-oriented, and full of ideas. She was also… blunt. Very blunt.
If you couldn’t keep up with her pace, she didn’t respect you. Even as her boss, I got roasted a couple of times. My favorite?
“Kelvin, ‘horticulture’ is not how you pronounce ‘haute couture.’”
“Uh, I was joking…”
“Okay. Let’s not waste time.”
Lesley was incredible at her work, but she left a trail of bruised egos. Eventually, she quit. The very next day, the office felt lighter. People were laughing again. Someone even played One Direction.
The best teams don’t make you choose
So which is better – the friendly flake or the cold pro? Honestly, the best workplaces don’t treat personality and performance as opposites.
A great team isn’t just “nice people working together.” It’s a space where people care about doing good work together.
For employers, that means hiring intentionally, giving feedback that’s warm and firm, and knowing when to coach, when to correct, and when to let go – even if the person throws the best office parties.
For employees, it means remembering that career growth isn’t just about your output. It’s also about attitude, adaptability, and being someone others actually want to work with.
If your charm gets you in the door, use that runway to sharpen your skills. If your talent gets you in the door, remember to bring others along for the ride.
Because the best colleagues aren’t either-or. They show up with the drive to do great work – and the warmth to do it together.