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This new dating trend is leaving people baffled and heartbroken. It’s called ‘Banksying.’



Modern dating has brought us many new terms—from ghosting to breadcrumbing—but there’s a new one making waves: “Banksying.” Inspired by the elusive street artist Banksy, whose art appears mysteriously and often with a twist, this relationship trend is all about withdrawing emotionally in secret, leaving a partner confused and blindsided when the relationship finally ends.

Much like Banksy’s famous self-shredding painting that destroyed itself moments after being sold at auction, Banksying is about slowly sabotaging a relationship before the other person even sees it coming. The “Banksy-er” starts checking out emotionally, but instead of admitting it, they act like everything is fine—until it’s too late. When the breakup finally happens, they’ve already processed it, while their partner is left in shock.

“The person withdrawing gets the ability to process the breakup on their own terms, before they hand the memo to the other person who ends up being in total shock. It’s selfish. It shows a lack of emotional maturity,” says Amy Chan, dating coach and author of Breakup Bootcamp: The Science of Rewiring Your Heart.

Where did 'Banksying' come from?

According to Emma Hathorn, a relationship expert at Seeking.com, Banksying is a behavior many people have experienced—even if they didn’t have a name for it.

“Banksying is something that we have all experienced at one point or another,” Hathorn explains. “Previously, there hasn’t been a way to express that subtle feeling of dread when a partner has begun to pull away, essentially icing us out.”

It’s emotionally manipulative and leaves the person on the receiving end feeling gaslit. They may sense something is off, but their partner insists everything is fine, creating a confusing and painful dynamic.

Why 'Banksying' Hurts So Much

Unlike ghosting—where someone simply disappears—Banksying is full of ambiguity. The person withdrawing sends mixed signals, pretending everything is okay while acting cold or distant.

“They might not be using their words to tell you, but their actions are,” Chan says. “They might lie and say everything is ‘fine,’ but you also have to assert that you’re not ‘fine’ because you can pick up the cues of emotional distance. Don’t gaslight yourself into thinking it’s OK to sweep the cold behavior under the rug just because they’re saying everything is fine but acting in a way that’s completely the opposite.”

This disconnect can leave someone feeling insecure, anxious, and questioning their own reality. It’s the uncertainty—rather than a clean break—that makes Banksying so cruel.

What Does 'Banksying' Say About Modern Dating?

Experts suggest the rise of Banksying is a symptom of deeper problems in dating culture today. With the ease of dating apps and endless options, some people have lost the skill—or courage—to communicate openly, even when it's uncomfortable.

“It does highlight how conflict-avoidant people have become,” Chan says. “It seems like there’s less of an ability to tolerate uncomfortable emotions and hard conversations, so instead of dealing with the relationship challenges, or feeling the guilt of a breakup, people end up causing more harm by dragging things out.”

The Solution? Radical Honesty

Instead of slowly icing someone out, experts agree: just be honest. It might be hard, but it’s far kinder in the long run.

“Modern dating is in desperate need of blunt honesty,” Hathorn says. “Being upfront, firm but polite shows that you know what you want and are unwilling to waste your time and a potential partner’s time.”

If you feel the connection isn’t there, say it. Don’t force someone to decode your behavior or deal with a one-sided emotional exit. Even when breakups hurt, honesty and direct communication are always better than leaving someone feeling lost and gaslit.

After all, no one deserves to be Banksied.


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