Dear Sarah,
I am facing a dilemma at my law practice. There is a tradition where the secretaries collect money for birthday gifts for themselves, the boss, the boss's wife, and my colleague and I as lawyers are expected to contribute. It's been going on for two years, and when I questioned why my colleague and I were excluded from receiving gifts, I was told it was because we earned more money.
While I understand the sentiment, I don't feel that our higher earnings should obligate us to contribute to these gifts. We have a friendly work atmosphere with a flat hierarchy, and my colleague and I are fully integrated into the team. Besides, the boss, who earns the most, also receives gifts organized by the secretaries.
I feel unfairly treated and don't want to continue contributing to these fundraisers. Should I just go along with it or is it justified for me to stop paying? I haven't discussed this with my colleague, as I see it as my personal decision.
Would appreciate any advice you can provide.
—Don’t Like Birthday Fundraising
Dear Concerned,
You're dealing with a sensitive situation regarding your sister-in-law's announcement of her transition and the impact on your family. It's great that you've been making attempts to reconnect with her, especially considering her past behavior. However, it seems like a new issue has arisen since she took a derivative of your daughter's name for her own and shared a story on social media that implied your daughter was named after her.
This kind of situation requires careful and empathetic communication. It could be beneficial to have an open and honest conversation with your sister-in-law, expressing your feelings about the use of your daughter's name and the implications being made on social media. It's also important to affirm your support for her transition and to address any misunderstandings or discomfort her actions may have caused.
Consider seeking advice or support from a therapist, counselor, or support group specializing in LGBTQ+ transitions and family dynamics. They can offer guidance on navigating this sensitive issue and help maintain a healthy and respectful relationship with your sister-in-law while protecting the integrity of your daughter's name and identity.
Best of luck in finding a resolution that honors both your family's feelings and your sister-in-law's journey.
Sincerely,
Merlin