Two years of not applying and I still can't work out which fear it is

 

If I can't even support myself from working full time, why should I work?

I can't move out off minimum wage retail after college so it's not like I'm reaping any rewards. I barely bring in 2000 a month. Wasted money on a fucking computer science degree, I won't be doing more education. do not talk about "working more hours", it's not worth the goddamned effort.

One way or another my parents will feed and house me, and I can't house myself. No money. So why should I work?

Jobadvisor

It makes complete sense that you're burnt out and furious. Spending years grinding for a Computer Science degree only to end up stuck in a minimum-wage retail gig pulling in $2,000 a month feels like a massive bait-and-switch. You were promised a specific outcome for your effort, and the system didn't deliver. If working 40 hours a week can't even cover basic survival costs like rent, feeling like "why bother?" isn't lazy—it's a logical reaction to a broken return on investment.

If your safety net is real and your parents are willing to feed and house you, not working is an option. But before you walk away entirely, it helps to look at what working full-time is actually buying you right now, and what walking away changes:

• Autonomy over small things: Even if $2,000/month can't rent an apartment, it pays for your phone, your personal expenses, your gear, and whatever you want to do without asking permission. Depending on parents for housing is one thing; depending on them for every single dollar shrinks your control over your life fast.
  
  
• A leverage point (even a weak one): A retail job isn't the end goal, but it keeps a gap off your resume and keeps cash moving in. The CS job market right now is notoriously brutal, but you still hold the degree. Tech hiring goes through brutal cycles, but having the credential means the door isn't permanently locked—even if it's jammed shut right now.
  
  
• Leverage over your time: Quitting entirely gives you total freedom in the short term, but it can also trap you in your parents' house long-term with even fewer ways out.
  
  

You don't need to work more hours, and you definitely don't need to go back to school. But instead of viewing work as "busting my ass for a system that failed me," you can view a paycheck as capital to extract while you figure out your next move on your own terms.

If retail is taking everything out of you for zero payoff, the move might not be stopping work entirely, but shifting to the lowest-effort, least-stress job possible to keep cash coming in while you re-evaluate.

Are you open to looking at ways to leverage that CS degree for adjacent entry-level roles (like tech support, IT helpdesk, or QA) that don't require more school, or are you completely done with anything tech-related for now?

My boss is Trying to Ruin my Friendships

I am a 25f and work at a pet hotel. I've worked there for a year and a half, doing what I thought was a good job. Well, a month ago we had a sketchy dog staying with us that had bit me the second it entered the building. I was already stressed so the bite had me extremely anxious. I texted my boss (the owner), who was out of town, about it and asked if we could move them to a no-touch kennel (for human aggressive dogs). This dog is big, strong, and does not like people in his space. There had been issues with him prior to this incident. Instead of responding like a normal human being, the owner told me how disappointed he was that no one had told him about these problems before. Not "Are you ok?" or "I'm sorry that happened, let's talk when I get back into town". I got scolded for getting bit.

After TWO weeks, he finally comes into work to talk to me about it. He offers no support or solutions. It was basically a big waste of time. Well, last week the boss FLIPS his shit on me for still mentioning that dog. Apparently he had been listening to the cameras and heard me tell a trusted coworker that I do not like that dog. IN PRIVATE. This was not in front of owners or anyone aside from my coworker. Now he's been talking about me behind my back calling me a liar and telling them, my best friends, not to trust me. What the actual hell. Yeah, I quit and so are they.

Jobadvisor

That boss sounds completely unhinged, unprofessional, and toxic. You were physically bitten on the job, asked for a basic safety accommodation for a dangerous animal, and in return got scolded, spied on via security cameras, and subjected to a smear campaign. Leaving that place—and your friends walking out with you—is the ultimate response.

Here is why his behavior is completely out of line, and why your friends backing you up is a massive validation:

• Zero Duty of Care: First and foremost, a dog bite is an occupational injury. A manager's immediate response should always be checking on employee safety, documenting the incident, and implementing safety protocols (like the no-touch kennel you suggested). Blaming you for getting bitten is a massive liability red flag.
  
  
• Abusing Surveillance: Audio monitoring staff in private, internal conversations just to catch them saying they "don't like a dog" is paranoid power-tripping. Using security feeds to micromanage personal opinions rather than ensure safety is a textbook bad management move.
  
  
• Failed Division Tactics: Trying to turn your coworkers—who are also your actual friends—against you backfired on him entirely. Management 101 says that when a entire unit quits together over manager behavior, the problem isn't the staff; it's the leadership.
  
  

You handled a dangerous situation responsibly, and he responded by making the workplace unsafe emotional ground.

Since you and your friends are out of there, do you have your next moves lined up, or are you all taking a beat to process and reset first?

The job made me physically and mentally sick, so I quit.

I had 1 week left but I couldn’t hack it. For the past 2 weeks, every day I would be throwing up at work. I thought I had just ate something bad at work but then it dawned on me that the stress was finally doing my body in. A few days ago the anxiety became so bad that I ended up in the hospital with chest pains. I thought if I at least reduced my hours I could handle the remaining time, but I couldn’t. I messaged my boss at 4am, after throwing up again, that I was done.

Part of me is glad that I finally put myself first, but the other half of me is disappointed that I couldn’t stick it out.

Jobadvisor

Your body literally shut down to protect you—that isn't a failure, it is a biological emergency response.

Throwing up daily and ending up in the hospital with stress-induced chest pains are severe physical manifestations of trauma and anxiety. When a workplace pushes you to the point of physical collapse, "sticking it out" isn't a badge of honor; it's a dangerous health risk. You didn't "quit because you couldn't hack it"—you evacuated a toxic environment before it did permanent damage to your body.

Here is why that guilt is lying to you:

• Your nervous system forced the decision: You tried to compromise by cutting hours, but your body recognized that the environment was an active threat. Chest pains and severe nausea are clear signals that your stress response was in overdrive.
  
  
• The "one week left" trap: It’s easy to think, "It was only seven more days," but seven days of continuous physiological trauma can lead to long-term anxiety disorders and severe burnout. No two-week notice is worth a cardiac scare or an emergency room bill.
  
  
• Conditioning vs. Self-Preservation: Society conditions us to prioritize professional etiquette over our physical integrity. The guilt you feel is just the friction between that social conditioning and your survival instinct. Your survival instinct won, and it was right.
  
  

Give yourself full permission to drop the guilt. You made the correct, rational choice to prioritize your life and health over a job that was quite literally making you sick.

Right now, your only job is physical recovery. Are you able to take a few days to just rest, rehydrate, and let your nervous system reset before thinking about what comes next?

Thinking of ways i don't have to go into work today.

I feel so burnt out lately. I work 30h a week so 4 days and I've been doing this job for about 3 months now. I like the job, it's a bicycle repair shop and i really like building and repairing bikes.

But i don't want to have to be there on their terms. It's always the same, the company structure is bad, everybody blames each other for all the same problems and the guy who's the main mechanic is a person i cannot stand, since he's always pissed about everything and just not a nice guy to be around.

I called in sick once so far (i really was sick) but I'm thinking about just calling in sick today because i simply cannot get my head around going in today.

I had the same thought last week and on friday i just didn't go and didnt tell anyone. Which no one even noticed because my boss is on vacation and other people don't really care.

This way i just collect negative hours which i have to compensate for sometime.

Right now I'm chillig in bed waiting for a spark of motivation to just go to work. I can basically come and go when i want, as long as it's within the opening hours.

What should i do? I would appreciate any advice or motivation.

Jobadvisor

You are in a classic burnout spiral: you love the actual work—building and fixing bikes—but the environment is completely draining your battery. When a workplace is disorganized, toxic, and lacks accountability, your brain naturally rebels against going.

Since you have flexible hours and you're lying in bed trying to figure out today, here is the immediate reality check on your options:

Option 1: The "No-Show" or "Call-In" (Short-Term Relief, Long-Term Trap)

• The Reality: Skipping today buys you a few hours of peace, but it comes with a massive guilt tax.
  
  
• The Problem: You already no-showed on Friday. Even if "nobody noticed" because your boss is away, that behavior builds a habit that makes going back tomorrow twice as hard. Plus, racking up negative hours just locks you into this job longer because you'll eventually have to pay them back with your time.
  
  

Option 2: The "Get the Hours, Ignore the Noise" Shift (Today's Move)

• The Reality: You like fixing bikes. You don't like the drama or the head mechanic.
  
  
• The Strategy: Go in today, but go in as an independent contractor mentally. Put on headphones if you're allowed, tune out the head mechanic's bad attitude, ignore the structural chaos, and just build/repair bikes. You are there to work on bikes and bank your hours—not to fix their broken company culture or care about their drama.
  
  

What to Do Right Now

1. Set a timer for 15 minutes. Tell yourself you don't have to decide whether to go until the timer rings. Just use those 15 minutes to sit up, drink a glass of water, and put on real clothes.
   
   
2. Shorten the mental horizon. Don't think about "working a full shift with an annoying coworker." Think about going in for 3 hours, completing a couple of fun wrenching tasks, and leaving. Because your hours are flexible, a short shift gets you out of bed and stops the negative-hour debt from growing, without requiring a massive emotional effort.
   
   
3. Decide your boundaries for today:
   
   
   • Gray-rock the head mechanic: Give him short, polite, one-word answers. Do not absorb his bad mood. His anger is his problem, not yours.
     
     
   • Do not engage in the blame game: If people start complaining, stay focused on the bike on your stand.
     
     

The Bigger Picture

3 months in is usually when the "honeymoon" phase of a new job ends and the reality of bad management hits. Since you genuinely love bike mechanics, don't let a bad shop ruin a trade you actually enjoy.

Use this job as a stepping stone. Get your hours in, build your skills, keep your head down, and start casually looking at other local bike shops or mobile repair gigs where the culture isn't so toxic.

Get out of bed, drag yourself in for just a few hours today to protect your paycheck, and put your blinders on.

How many hours do you realistically need to hit today to keep your head above water on your weekly total?

One job search trick that's been surprisingly useful: check the same role in other locations

Whenever I find a job I'm seriously considering, I search the company's careers page for the same or very similar title in other cities.

It's helped me more than I expected.

Sometimes another listing has a much better description of what the team actually does. Sometimes the required experience is worded differently. I've also found salary ranges on versions of the posting in locations where the original one had no pay listed at all.

My favorite was a role that sounded pretty broad in my city. The same position posted elsewhere specifically mentioned that about 40% of the job was customer-facing, which completely changed how I viewed it.

Obviously the jobs aren't always identical, so I don't treat every detail as guaranteed. But it's a quick way to get extra context from the company itself before spending time on an application.

Now I usually check the company's other openings before applying to anything I actually care about.

Jobadvisor

This is a top-tier job search strategy, and honestly, more job seekers need to steal it. You are basically using a company's internal inconsistency and regional compliance laws against them to decode what the job actually is.

It works so well for a few specific reasons:

• Exploiting Pay Transparency Laws: If a company posts a job in California, New York, Colorado, or Washington, they are legally required to include a salary range. If you live in a state without those laws and the local posting hides the compensation, checking the Denver or NYC version of the exact same requisition is the easiest way to find their internal pay band.
  
  
• Different Hiring Managers = Better Context: Often, job descriptions for the same title in different cities are written by different regional managers or recruiters. One might copy-paste generic HR fluff, while another actually takes ten minutes to list the daily tasks, software stack, or team structure (like that 40% customer-facing detail you caught).
  
  
• Uncovering Team Growth & Trajectory: Finding the same role open across multiple hubs tells you if it's a massive, standardized operational push vs. a one-off backfill for a specific team.
  
  

It’s an efficient way to do real reverse-diligence before burning an hour tailoring a resume and writing a cover letter.

Have you noticed if this trick helps you tailor your resume bullets differently, or do you mostly use it as a screening filter to rule roles out?

Two years of not applying and I still can't work out which fear it is

There's a thing I want to move toward. Not going to say what because it doesn't matter to the question and people get weird about specifics.

I have applied to zero of them. Two years now.

When I actually sit with why, I get four answers and from the inside they feel exactly the same:

1. I don't think I could do it

2. I think I could do it but everyone would watch me be bad at it first

3. I don't want it, I want to be the sort of person who wants it

4. or none of that and I'm just comfortable and this is all very elaborate

If I could work out which one it is I'd know what to do, because they need completely opposite things. One needs practice. One needs a thicker skin. One needs me to admit something and stop.

Instead I cycle. Some weeks it's obviously the first one. Then it's obviously the third. Last month I was sure it was the fourth and I felt awful for a week.

Any suggestion on how do I resolve this?

Jobadvisor

You don't actually need to figure out which of the four it is to break the loop, because they are likely all symptoms of the same core mechanism: threat avoidance via conceptual fog.

When a path feels high-stakes, your brain generates multiple compelling narratives to keep you from crossing the threshold. Because analyzing the motive keeps you safely in your head, the cycling itself becomes the buffer.

Instead of trying to diagnose the "real" fear through introspection, test them empirically through low-stakes exposure:

1. Create a "Zero-Consequence" Micro-Action

• The Test: Perform a step so small that it tests capability without triggering exposure or requiring a life commitment (e.g., drafting an application into a blank document without submitting it, or completing 15 minutes of the actual work in isolation).
  
  
• What it Reveals:
  
  
  • If doing the actual micro-task feels dull or irritating, it's likely #3 (you like the idea, not the reality).
    
    
  • If you feel an immediate spike of resistance just drafting it in private, it's #1 (self-efficacy fear).
    
    
  • If you feel fine doing it privately but panic at the thought of sending or sharing, it's #2 (fear of public evaluation).
    
    

2. The 30-Day "Permission to Quit" Experiment

• The Test: Give yourself total, deliberate permission to drop the goal completely for 30 days. Decide that for one month, you are officially not a person pursuing this path, and you will not feel guilty about it.
  
  
• What it Reveals:
  
  
  • If you feel massive relief that lasts the entire month, it is likely #3 or #4 (comfort/desire misalignment).
    
    
  • If the urge to do the work persists quietly underneath the lack of pressure, it's #1 or #2 masking true desire.
    
    

3. Separation of "Doing" from "Being Seen"

• The Test: Do the activity under total anonymity or in a context where no one you know will ever see it.
  
  
• What it Reveals: If the anxiety vanishes the moment audience and visibility are removed, you are dealing strictly with #2 (thicker skin needed).
  
  

Which of those three diagnostic tests feels easiest to run this week?

Master's didn't work, 36f, help

So basically I am feeling terrified about the future. The problem is that I am 36, and I did a master's to transition out of a career I was bad at (nonprofit communications) into environmental policy. The reason why it took me so long to do the master's to transition was that I was dealing with some very serious health problems. In the master's degree I was an idiot and didn't realize I needed to be basically constantly working part time or doing internships, and I only did two internships which didn't lead to a job. So then the problem I had when I graduated was I didn't have enough job experience to get anything except for nonprofit communications again, and then I was fired for being bad at the job. So I think it's safe to say I can't go for another comms job again, but I have no idea what to do because I no longer qualify for working student jobs or internships due to not being a student anymore.

I have 2.5k euros coming in each year, forever, from an inheritance but it isn't enough to live off of in the SF Bay Area because it's so expensive. So basically, my current plan is to look for a job for a year in the USA, maybe there is a slim possibility I could get something, but if that doesn't work I am probably only qualified at this point to get something off of craigslist with 0 vacation days and 0 sick days.

The idea I had was that, if my one year of looking for a job in the US didn't work, I could get married to my German boyfriend (he has offered this) and spend a year learning German, then apply to another master's and solely use it as a vehicle for networking and doing internships in hope that after that I would get a job.

The problem is I don't think I can afford to do another master's in the USA, I only have about 100k to my name and I don't know if taking out a huge loan is advisable

I have seen some people on LinkedIn do two masters and then get a job so I know it works sometimes, I am just worried because of my age..I could lie on my CV and take off graduation dates of undergrad/eliminate old work history to look younger.

So yeah, basically I am stuck because what I need is more experience to get entry level positions, but I am not an enrolled student to get internships anymore and ive been graduated too long to qualify as a recent grad so I have no idea what to do and I am really terrified because being a menial job worker in the USA is a pretty bad life, but I think I would also be really depressed as an unemployed housewife in Germany

The last thing I thought about was trying to volunteer but I don't know if that would be a waste of time and not lead anywhere

So yeah, I guess, my question is, if my one year of US job searching doesnt lead anywhere, would you recommend a second masters? Or do you have any ideas about how I could volunteer in a way that could actually lead to a job? The only volunteer opportunities I have been able to find are with super local orgs.

My biggest passion is traveling and the idea of being a barista for the rest of my life with no vacation days is terrifying, not to mention my boyfriend would break up with me because I would never get to see him. I am living with my parents right now in SF.

Jobadvisor

You are not nearly as trapped as you feel right now. The panic is coming from viewing your degree and career history as a total wash, but you actually have strong leverage points: an advanced degree in policy, a functional safety net (living with parents + baseline passive income), savings to deploy strategically, and international mobility.

Doing a second Master's degree in your late 30s as a workaround to get internships is an extraordinarily expensive and circuitous way to solve an entry-level access problem. Before taking on debt or jumping into another degree program, you can fix your experience gap and shift industries through more direct avenues.

Strategy 1: Bridge the "No Student Status" Gap Right Now

You do not need to be a student to gain relevant experience in environmental policy.

• Target "Fellowships" and "Contract" Work over Traditional Internships: Fellowships in the environmental and policy sectors (especially in government, non-profit, and research hubs around California/SF Bay Area) are explicitly designed for recent grads and career changers, regardless of student enrollment.
  
  
• Skill-Based Volunteering (Strategic, Not Local Menial Work): Local park cleanups won't lead to a policy job, but volunteering your policy analysis, data synthesis, or research skills to regional environmental groups will. Pitch a specific, small deliverable to local chapters of Sierra Club, 350.org, or regional climate action groups (e.g., "I can draft a 2-page legislative analysis on this upcoming municipal ordinance for you"). Put this under Experience on your resume, titled Environmental Policy Researcher, not in a "Volunteer" section at the bottom.
  
  
• Fulfill the Comms/Policy Blend: Your past communications background isn't dead weight—it is a major asset in policy. Pure policy analysts who can actually translate complex regulations into plain English are rare. Frame your past work as Policy Communications or Stakeholder Engagement, shifting the focus from PR/marketing to policy outreach.
  
  

Strategy 2: Pivot to the German / EU Market (Without Another Master's)

If you decide to relocate to Germany with your partner, using a second Master's purely for student internship status is unnecessary and financially risky.

Option	Pros	Cons
Direct Marriage + Job Seeking Visa	Immediate right to reside, total freedom to work or take paid traineeships (Volontariat).	Requires learning German to expand local job prospects.
German Traineeships / Entry Policy Roles	EU/German organizations hire entry-level policy workers via fixed-term Trainee contracts—no student status needed.	Lower starting salaries than the US (though offset by high social safety net).
US Remote Work / International NGOs	Keeps US earning potential while living in Germany; English-first environments.	Requires securing a US remote position or working via international NGO networks in Berlin/Bonn.

If you move to Germany, spend that initial year learning German intensely while applying for EU-focused environmental NGOs, international policy consultancies, or climate think tanks (e.g., Agora Energiewende, adelphi, ICLEI). Many operate primarily in English.

Strategy 3: Tactical Resume Adjustments

• Remove Graduation Dates: Stripping undergraduate graduation years is standard practice to prevent age bias. You are 36, which is young in a full career lifecycle—do not invent gaps, but stop anchoring your timeline to your early 20s.
  
  
• Reframe Past Firing: A bad fit in pure communications does not mean you're bad at work; it means you were in a role that played to your weaknesses. On your CV, package your past roles around domain expertise (e.g., Environmental Outreach, Policy Writing, Public Affairs) rather than agency/marketing comms.
  
  

Action Plan for the 1-Year US Window

1.Target Fellowships & Contract Policy Roles:Focus on government and regional agencies.

Apply specifically to environmental policy fellowships, municipal sustainability contracts, and research assistant roles across CA state and SF local agencies (e.g., SF Environment, BAAQMD, state climate initiatives).

2.Pitch Pro Bono Policy Projects:Build portfolio pieces within 30 days.

Approach 2-3 regional environmental orgs with a pre-defined deliverable (e.g., public comment synthesis, ordinance briefings). Execute these to put active policy work at the top of your resume.

3.Rebrand Resume to 'Policy Communications':

Combine your Master's policy coursework with your communications background. Position yourself specifically for roles requiring policy translation, public comment analysis, or environmental advocacy outreach.

4.Set a Firm 1-Year Decision Date:

If US applications yield no traction by the 12-month mark, execute the Germany plan—but focus on intensive language learning and direct entry-level policy job applications rather than enrolling in another degree.