Ruined my career and life at 36.
I was supposed to be successful. I worked very hard and went to a top undergraduate school. But now I am 36, I have ruined my career. My hopes and dreams are gone. When I see posts on LinkedIn of people's successes I get triggered. I feel triggered by everything.
But it's my own bad decisions and multiple mental health conditions that led me to this place. I made so many mistakes - career ending mistakes due to my own ignorance. I had great opportunities in grad school and I didn't take them because I was so fucking stupid. And I didn't realize it at the time but with that, I ruined the rest of my life.
I live at my parents house with no prospects and a dark future. I have no way out of this nightmare, it's over for me. My career is over, i blew my chance, I have nothing to live for anymore. It's too late for me.
Jobadvisor
- Separate "a ruined career path" from "a ruined life." You lost a specific trajectory you worked hard for, and grieving that loss is valid. But a career is an event in a life, not the entire life itself. The skills, intellect, and resilience that got you into a top undergraduate school haven't vanished—they are just currently obscured by grief and burnout.
- Hindsight bias is a cruel trick. Looking back, it’s easy to say "I was stupid" or "I made bad decisions." But you made those choices while dealing with active mental health conditions and without the clarity you have today. You didn't make those choices to sabotage yourself; you were navigating a difficult internal landscape with the tools you had at the time.
- LinkedIn is a highlight reel, not reality. LinkedIn is engineered to trigger feelings of inadequacy by displaying optimized, context-free success stories. Mute or delete the app for now. Comparing your internal struggles to other people's curated public wins will only keep you trapped in shame.
- Failure at 36 is not the end; it's a reset. Countless people undergo complete career and personal reinventions in their late 30s, 40s, and beyond. The linear path you envisioned is gone, but an non-linear, meaningful path can still be built. Right now, success doesn't mean landing a executive job—it means surviving today, stabilizing your mental health, and taking one tiny step forward.
If you are feeling overwhelmed, hopeless, or having thoughts of self-harm, please reach out for support immediately:
findahelpline.com to find free, confidential support in your country.
Heading for divorce as a sahm, looking at my options for work
34F in the US and looking like I’m getting divorced from an 11 year marriage. It’s a mutual decision, we have 2 kids together that are 8 and 6. I’ve only worked part time since having kids- currently I work 4 nights a week as a gymnastics coach.
Before kids I did all kinds of entry level stuff: retail, hostess, bank teller, daycare worker. I only have a high school diploma and a few expired college credits.
I haven’t spoken to a lawyer yet about how much I would be receiving in child support and alimony but I am planning to. In the meantime I’m applying for basically any full time positions that can work around my kids’ schedule right now but I’d love more than anything to have a real career and be financially secure at some point.
My original thought was to take a copyediting course and freelance in that field eventually. Writing and editing are my passions. The problem with those is that they don’t offer much financial security. I also love my current job as a gymnastics coach but I don’t make very much and it’s not full time.
I’ve tossed around the idea of working at Starbucks full time and taking advantage of their free tuition program and getting my bachelors degree. (Assuming I can even get a job there, I’ve been rejected from all the jobs I’ve applied to so far). I’m not sure what degree program I would choose though, I think I would like to be a teacher but the pay sucks. The medical field seems really stable but I’m horrible at math and science. There’s also the certificate routes which I’m open to as well. I enjoy reading, writing, nutrition, and working out.
Based on this info, what would you advise? I’ve just lived in poverty before and I’m scared it’s going to happen again unless I can have a solid career. I’ve also worked jobs that I hated just so I could eat and I don’t want to live like that either. I know the next few years will be grind time so that I can live well later so I’m ok with working super hard and going to school if I need to just to secure mine and my kids’ future. Ideally I would like to make 60-80k eventually.
Jobadvisor
Immediate Reality Check & Financial Stabilization
- Alimony & Child Support: Until your divorce is finalized, treat any potential support as secondary. However, legal standards in most US states award temporary child support and spousal support while the divorce is pending to keep the household stable. Prioritize a consultation with a family law attorney or legal aid organization immediately.
- The "Freelance Copyediting" Trap: Copyediting and general freelance writing have faced significant wage compression due to generative AI tools and saturation. While fine as side income, it carries high income volatility and lacks the safety net you need right now.
- Current Experience Advantage: Working 4 nights a week as a gymnastics coach proves you have soft-skill strengths: youth management, scheduling, safety compliance, and client retention.
3 Practical Pathways to $60,000–$80,000
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| PATH 1: Gym Management / Program Director |
| Fast route using existing background | Target: $50k - $75k |
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| PATH 2: Starbucks SCAP -> ASU Degree (Communications / Tech Writing / HR) |
| 100% covered tuition, 20+ hrs/wk | Target: $60k - $80k |
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|
v
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| PATH 3: Allied Health Certifications (Physical Therapy Assistant / Speech Aide) |
| Minimal math, hands-on health focus | Target: $58k - $72k |
+-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------+
Path 1: Move Up in Gymnastics / Youth Sports Management
- The Route: Shift from part-time coach to a full-time Program Director, Team Head Coach, or Gym Operations Manager. Private gyms, YMCAs, and city recreation departments frequently look for experienced coaches to handle administration, parent communication, event management, and scheduling.
- Why it fits: You already have the domain experience. Full-time gymnastics directors and head coaches typically earn between $45,000 and $70,000+, often with flexible hours that accommodate school-age kids.
- Action Step: Talk to your current gym owner about full-time administrative or program director roles, or look at nearby gymnastics clubs and youth sports complexes.
Path 2: Starbucks SCAP -> Communications or HR Degree
- The Route: Working an average of 20 hours/week at Starbucks makes you eligible for 100% upfront tuition coverage for an online Bachelor’s degree from Arizona State University (ASU Online) through the Starbucks College Achievement Plan (SCAP).
- Best Non-Math Majors at ASU Online:
- Technical Communication / Professional Writing: Blends writing skills with practical business/tech needs. Roles like Technical Writer or Content Strategist start at $60k–$75k.
- Human Resources (HR) or Corporate Training: Capitalizes on people skills, organization, and written communication. Entry-level HR Specialists earn $55k–$70k with steady growth.
- Healthcare Administration / Health Sciences: Focuses on the business, policy, and organizational side of healthcare rather than clinical science or hard math.
- Why it fits: Zero tuition debt, flexible online coursework around kids' schedules, and a recognized degree from a major university.
Path 3: Short-Term Health & Wellness Certifications
- Physical Therapist Assistant (PTA): Requires a 2-year Associate Degree from a community college. Focuses on movement, anatomy, and rehabilitation (minimal math). Median annual salary is ~$60,000–$65,000.
- Corporate Wellness Coordinator / Health Coach: Combines your interest in nutrition and fitness with administrative oversight. Look into certifications from NCCA-accredited bodies (e.g., ACE, NASM).
Step-by-Step Action Plan
- Secure Legal Counsel: Schedule an initial consultation with a divorce attorney to understand mandatory financial disclosures, child support guidelines, and temporary support provisions.
- Apply to Broader Corporate Retail/Logistics: While applying to Starbucks, expand job applications to Target, Costco, and local school districts (e.g., paraprofessional, administrative assistant, or gym teacher assistant). School district roles align directly with your kids' school hours and holidays.
- Audit Your Transferable Resume: Frame your 4 nights a week as a coach around client management, safety compliance, curriculum execution, and parent relations rather than just "coaching."
Restaurant dining is not enjoyable anymore
When I was little (admittedly a long time ago in a galaxy far, far away), 15% at an actual sit-down restaurant was a “good” tip for good service. Everything’s fine, right? Apparently not.
Somewhere in adulthood, that became 20%, and started to include less-frequented shops. Now it’s 25-30% plus fees. Recently, I was asked if I wanted to leave a tip at my favorite mom & pop southern cooking breakfast spot drive through. Been going there for a bacon, egg and cheese cathead biscuit for 20 years through the drive-up window. Sigh.
It simply means I won’t be going back. It truly isn’t worth any looks, stares and the anxiety leading up to the interaction. I have enough stress at my job, which pays me, and I don’t get any commission or tips. It’s actually unethical and sometimes illegal to accept tips in my profession anyway. Imagine that!
Pardon my rambling rant. I know I will get all the advice to “Just Say No”, but it’s just not worth it for me. It’s sad to see normal, everyday things go downhill. Will have to work on my biscuit-making skills.
Jobadvisor
This is essentially a rant about tip creep turning ordinary purchases into socially stressful transactions.
The strongest point in the post isn’t really “I don’t want to tip.” It’s that the expectation of tipping has spread from traditional table service into places where tipping historically wasn’t part of the transaction, such as a drive-through breakfast spot. The poster also describes the psychological cost: having to make a decision in front of the employee, potentially feeling judged, and anticipating that interaction every time.
The ending about learning to make biscuits is also effective because it gives the rant a slightly humorous, resigned conclusion rather than ending purely in anger.
If you're looking at this as a Reddit post to discuss or analyze, the central argument could be summarized as:
Tipping used to feel like a voluntary reward for exceptional service; increasingly, it feels like an expected surcharge attached to everyday transactions, and that expectation makes dining and purchasing food less enjoyable.
And there’s an interesting tension in the post: the author says “Just Say No” is technically easy, but argues that social pressure can make a technically voluntary choice feel involuntary. That is probably the most substantive issue underneath the rant.
Interviewer threw up
Quick story: I applied for a job that I believed I was over qualified for so I wasn't surprised when the recruiter called me for a phone screen. I did well enough during the phone screen to have a formal interview with the hiring manager. I agreed to the interview even though the pay was considerably less than what I was hoping for. But I figured at the very least I would do the interview for practice and get a feel for the place. Well, I felt the interview was going well and I was vibing with the hiring manager/supervisor of the position I was applying for. Shortly after the interview started, the hiring manager excused herself and when she returned, she had vomited on herself and was visibly sick. She apologized and stated she would follow up with me to reschedule and finish the interview. I said I hoped she felt better and was looking forward to the follow up interview.
Well, 2 weeks go by and I hear nothing from her. The 3rd week comes and I get a rejection letter from the company saying the position was no longer available.😆
Although, I wasn't very interested in the position, I thought it was rich I was rejected under those circumstances!!
Jobadvisor
- The Ghost & Scuttle: The hiring manager was so mortified about throwing up on herself in the middle of a professional exchange that she literally could not bring herself to face you again. Re-opening the interview meant reliving the horror.
- The Budget/Internal Freeze: "The position is no longer available" is often corporate speak for "We lost the head count/budget" or "We filled it internally and had to close the requisition." But in this context, it's hilarious to wonder if closing the position was just the easiest way to sweep the whole incident under the rug.
Got rejected from two opportunities at the same time. Need some perspective.
I have 3 years of Flutter experience and recently went through 3 rounds for a Flutter developer role. I felt I performed well in all three rounds. HR initially said I’d receive the result, but later told me another candidate was selected and I’m currently on hold.
I also had another opportunity where HR previously told me I was selected and asked for my photo. I was waiting for the joining confirmation, but today when I followed up, HR simply said “Not selected.”
Honestly, I’m pretty crushed and confused about what went wrong. I’m considering taking any job for now, even a call-center/BPO role, while continuing my developer search.
What would you guys do in this situation?
Jobadvisor
Understanding What Likely Happened
- The "Photo / Selected" Sudden Rejection: This almost certainly came down to a sudden headcount freeze, project cancellation, or internal reassignment. When HR asks for onboarding materials (like a photo) and then pulls back, it usually means the hiring manager's budget got axed from above, or an internal employee filled the slot last minute.
- The "On Hold" Choice: You were likely top 2. They chose another candidate—often due to minute factors like slightly lower salary expectations, niche domain experience, or immediate start availability—and are keeping you on ice in case that offer falls through.
Strategy: Should You Take a BPO / Call-Center Job?
| Considerations | Pros | Cons |
| Financial Relief | Halts income drain immediately; relieves panic. | High shift fatigue reduces energy for interviews. |
| Mental Reset | Gives you a routine outside of refreshing your inbox. | BPO experience doesn't add value to a Dev resume. |
| Time Investment | Keeps you afloat month-to-month. | Takes 8–10 hours/day away from coding/applying. |
- Assess your runway: If you have less than 1–2 months of savings left, take the BPO role immediately for survival. Treat it strictly as a temporary paycheck, protect your off-hours fiercely, and keep applying.
- If you have 2+ months of runway: Do not take the BPO job yet. With 3 years of Flutter experience, you have real market value. Switching focus to a high-stress non-tech job will drain the energy you need to land your next developer role. Instead, commit 4–5 hours daily to job applications and spend the rest upskilling.
Immediate Action Plan
- Send a Professional Closure Email (To the "On Hold" HR):"Thank you for the update. I enjoyed meeting the team and learning about [Company]. I understand another candidate was selected, but I remain very interested in future opportunities with your team. Please keep my profile active if anything opens up."(Candidates fall through all the time; staying polite keeps the door open).
- Pivot to Freelance / Contract Work: While job hunting, look at platforms like Upwork, Toptal, or local contract gigs. 3 years of Flutter means you can build apps end-to-end; small contract projects preserve your resume continuity better than a BPO role.
- Audit Your Interview Pipeline: You reached round 3 with 3 years of experience—your resume and initial technical skills are working. The funnel is functioning; you just need more volume at the top to clear the final hurdle.
As an external hire, I hate working for “company babies”
By “baby” I mean working under someone who’s only ever worked at that specific company. For example an intern who converted to full time and stuck around, or this was someone’s first company out the college and they just continued to climb the ladder.
Let me just preface by saying, I don’t think there is anything inherently WRONG with being a company baby. Depending on your field or role it can actually be a good thing. But in my opinion, company babies should only be leading internal hires and promotions.
Whenever I’m new and have to work for someone who’s spent their entire career within the company, I’m guaranteed a nonexistent onboarding experience, major passive aggression for not intuitively picking up on every company cultural nuance or process, and my external perspective will be immediately devalued. This never happens when I report to a boomerang or someone with a more decorated resume overall.
I also suspect it creates pockets of salary resentment as external hires usually get better pay versus someone who was promoted from within.
This has been the experience of both myself and that of my network. Whenever I speak to someone who’s beginning a role at a new company and isn’t having the greatest time, I usually find out that the person they’re reporting to is a company baby. I’m sure there are plenty of company babies who are more than competent at their jobs, but the experience overall creates a lot of blind spots that can make syncing with an external subordinate excessively difficult.
Jobadvisor
Your argument is coherent, but I’d separate “company baby” as a career history from “company baby” as a management style. The latter is probably what you’re actually reacting to.
The strongest version of your thesis is:
Managers who have never experienced being an outsider at their own company can be unusually bad at managing outsiders.
There are a few mechanisms behind that:
Tacit knowledge gets mistaken for competence. Someone who has been there for 10 years may know hundreds of unwritten rules without realizing they are unwritten. To them, “obvious” processes genuinely are obvious.
Onboarding becomes observational rather than explicit. They learned the organization organically over years, so they may not have a mental model for teaching someone the organization in weeks.
Cultural fluency becomes a loyalty test. An external hire asks, “Why do we do it this way?” A deeply socialized insider can interpret that as resistance rather than useful scrutiny.
External experience can threaten established norms. Someone hired specifically because they have done things differently elsewhere implicitly introduces a comparison: “At my last company, we handled this differently.” A secure manager finds that useful; an insecure one can hear it as criticism.
The manager/subordinate information asymmetry is particularly bad. The manager has years of institutional context while the new hire has almost none. If the manager doesn't consciously compensate for that, the subordinate can look incompetent simply because they're missing context.
Compensation can complicate things. If an external hire comes in above the salary of an internally promoted person at the same level, resentment is possible—particularly if the manager already feels that the outsider doesn't understand the organization.
Where I'd push back is the conclusion that company babies should only manage internal hires. That's too categorical. Someone who spent their entire career at one company can be an excellent manager of outsiders if they've developed the relevant skill: perspective-taking.
And the reverse is also true. A person with five companies on their résumé can be an atrocious manager.
The more predictive distinction may be:
| Manager characteristic | Likely experience for external hire |
|---|---|
| Company baby + high self-awareness | Potentially excellent |
| Company baby + low self-awareness | Nightmare |
| Career external + high empathy | Excellent |
| Career external + “my way is objectively better” attitude | Also a nightmare |
I'd also distinguish boomerangs from genuinely broad external experience. A boomerang has already learned how to operate outside the organization and then returned with that perspective. That's probably why you're seeing such a strong difference with them.
One interesting test for your hypothesis would be to ask an incoming manager:
“Tell me about a time you had to learn an organization's unwritten rules from scratch.”
If they can give you a concrete answer, that's probably more informative than how many companies appear on their résumé.
So I think there's a real phenomenon underneath your observation. I'd just rename it from “company babies are bad managers of external hires” to “managers without outsider experience often underestimate the amount of tacit organizational knowledge they possess.”
That version is harder to dismiss—and arguably explains the experiences you're describing better.
