Colleagues want to know why I'm "leaving" - do I tell the truth?

 

Please help - remote expectations vs what it’s actually like

I’ve been trying to get a remote job for years as a nurse, and just got an offer yesterday. I never thought it would actually happen. I was feeling burnt out going into work at my clinic everyday, working long hours on my feet. I was worried that would be my life forever and I was jealous of hybrid/remote people.

But I became close friends with my coworkers over the past few years. It’s hard work but I laugh and have fun with them all day.

I just landed this remote job and I wanted it so bad because I wanted more time for myself and my relationship. By the time I get home everyday after work, Im a zombie and have only a couple hours of free time before bed. I wasn’t sleeping much the past couple years and I had an hour long subway commute. I often worked extra hours but didn’t get hourly pay. I won’t miss those things. I didn’t have time or energy to exercise or eat well either.

But I am realizing now that it won’t be all rainbows and butterflies. I’m scared of being lonely and getting stir crazy, as I often do. I don’t have many friends who live near me so besides my work friends, it’s really just my boyfriend. and my work friends rarely get together outside of work because everyone is exhausted all the time and we all live kinda far from eachother.

Any recommendations or was anyone else worried about this, and if so, how do you feel now? Do you regret leaving in person work? What do you like about being remote? (Besides better pay because I’m taking a pay cut unfortunately)

Sorry I’m sure this has been discussed many times. I’m panicking at 3 am and too overwhelmed to go searching.

Jobadvisor

First, take a deep breath. 3 AM post-offer panic is completely normal, especially when trading a known routine for an unknown one. You are grieving the built-in social environment of your clinic while stepping into a completely different lifestyle, but feeling anxious right now does not mean you made a mistake.

The transition from clinical bedside/clinic work to remote nursing comes with real trade-offs. Here is how expectations usually compare to reality, and how to navigate the shift.

The Reality of Remote Work

• The Social Shift: Clinic work gives you "passive social connection"—you get built-in camaraderie, shared dark humor, and constant interaction without scheduling it. Remote work removes that default connection. It can feel quiet, and if you don't step outside, the four walls start to close in.
  
  
• Energy Restoration: What most former bedside and clinic nurses say they love most isn't just the flexibility—it's the nervous system reset. Regaining two hours of subway commuting, not being on your feet for 10 hours, and sleeping normally restores your battery.
  
  
• Intentional Relationships: The reason you and your clinic friends couldn't hang out outside of work was exhaustion. With your energy back, you actually have the bandwidth to initiate low-key dinners, weekend coffee, or join local non-work groups.
  
  

How to Beat Isolation and Stir-Craziness

• Build a "Fake Commute": Never walk straight from bed to your desk. Put on shoes and walk around the block for 15 minutes every morning to signal the start of the day, and do the same when you log off.
  
  
• Change Your Scenery: Take your laptop to a coffee shop, local library, or park during non-clinical task blocks if your HIPAA guidelines allow, or simply eat your lunch outside every day.
  
  
• Schedule Non-Work Social Outlets: Don't rely solely on your boyfriend for social interaction. Join a local fitness class, book club, or volunteer group. Because you won't be a "zombie" at 5 PM anymore, you will actually have the capacity to show up.
  
  
• Keep Up with Old Work Friends: Text your clinic buddies! You will no longer share the daily grind, but you can be the friend who actually has the energy to organize a monthly catch-up.
  
  

Very few nurses who transition to remote work regret it long-term. The pay cut and initial adjustment period are real, but regaining control of your health, sleep, and personal life is almost always worth the trade.

Just got rejected from an entry level job for not having 3-5 years of experience

I previously worked as a SWE and have seen my friends find success switching to hardware. To get my foot in the door I applied to an entry level network/cabling position to get experience for future positions.

During the interview they closed off with saying I’m a perfect fit but I needed more labor experience. I asked how much experience is needed for an entry level job that advertises training? 3-5 years.

Hahahahahahaha I’m going crazy.

Jobadvisor

That 3 AM realization hits hard, but let's break down what just happened because the tech/labor market is currently suffering from a massive terminology identity crisis.

When a job title says "Entry-Level" but the interviewer demands "3-5 years of hands-on labor experience," you didn't fail the interview—the job posting was mislabeled.

The "Entry-Level" Fallacy in Field Hardware & Cabling

Companies routinely use "entry-level" in job postings for two reasons, neither of which are your fault:

1. Pay Bracket Manipulation: They want entry-level pay rates for mid-level skills. By labeling a 3-5 year role as "entry-level," they attempt to justify low-ball compensation.
   
   
2. HR Template Recycling: HR departments often dump standard physical requirements (e.g., "3-5 years running conduit, terminating Cat6, operating lifts") into generic templates marked for junior roles without checking if the requirements match the tier.
   
   

Software vs. Physical Hardware: The Mindset Gap

Switching from SWE to hardware/cabling requires crossing a distinct cultural gap that you should keep in mind for future interviews:

Factor	Software Engineering (SWE)	Cabling / Network Field Tech
"Experience" Means	Logic, system design, syntax, side projects	Physical speed, tool safety, code compliance, manual dexterity
Risk Profile	Software bugs (fixable via push)	Damaged physical infrastructure, safety hazards, physical injury
Training Reality	Mentorship, code reviews, onboarding	"Learn on the fly while trying not to fall off a ladder"

When a field manager asks for physical experience, they are rarely testing your intellect—they are paranoid about on-site safety, physical stamina, and whether you already know how to operate basic trade tools (drills, punch-down tools, crimpers, tone generators) without damaging expensive equipment.

How to Leverage Your SWE Background for Hardware

Since your goal is to get into hardware, pulling cables in ceilings doesn't have to be your only gateway.

• Target Data Center Tech Roles: Look for titles like Data Center Operations (DCOPS), Hardware Deployment Tech, or Lab Infrastructure Engineer. These roles value your software background for automation (Python/Bash) while teaching you rack-and-stack, power distribution, and basic fiber optics.
  
  
• Highlight Physical Side Projects: If you apply for hands-on roles again, explicitly list any physical trade experience on your resume—even personal ones (e.g., rack setups, home lab wiring, soldering, automotive work, woodworking).
  
  
• Get Basic Certifications: A quick certification like CompTIA Network+ or BICSI Installer 1 proves you know the physical and networking layer without spending years in the field.
  
  

Don't let this rejection demoralize you. Rejecting a former SWE for lacking 3 years of manual labor for a supposedly "entry-level, training-provided" job is pure operational absurdism.

Last rejection is more than I can take...the realization that I'm probably not landing anything before I lose everything...I cant do this

Unemployed since June 12. Had a decent, but not high paying remote role. Funny enough I think they wanted to switch to an on-site hire, but I live in a LCOL area and the office is in a HCOL area, doubt they increased the pay, heard from a coworker that got to stay theyre having a hard time filling my role

Im well over 300 applications at this point. Spread between job boards, company sites, and cold inquiries. I can only really track the job board applications.

My electricity, credit cards, and mortgage are all a month behind at this point. Unemployment is less than half of what I earned. I had no savings. Completely my fault and im paying the price now. I have no idea how im going to recover from this financially. Maybe I dont.

I get the impression my rate of getting interviews is good, ive gotten 5 interviews. However I completely fail to turn these into jobs. Ive been ghosted by 4 of them. Only 1 had the decency to reject me promptly. At first I was upset but now, im not. I had to call today to confirm that my second most recent interview went with another candidate

Honestly I cant take this any more. Yeah I know im not the only one going through this and I dont mean to downplay anyone else's suffering but this is insane. I got turned down from a job paying 5k a year less than I had been making, while going from fully remote to a 25 mile commute (1 hour with traffic).

I get that remote is shrinking. I cant do this any more. Im sick of the applications im sick of my bank account getting smaller im sick of the anxiety

Jobadvisor

I hear how utterly exhausted and overwhelmed you are right now. When you are watching your bank account drain, calls aren't turning into offers, and bills are piling up, the panic is blinding. It makes total sense that you feel like you've hit a wall—anyone would under this amount of pressure.

Please take a breath and focus only on what is directly in front of you today. Right now, your survival and keeping your basic needs secured is the only priority. The job hunt can take a backseat for a few days while you stabilize your situation.

Immediate Financial Emergency Moves

When you're behind on critical bills, the standard advice changes. You need to protect your shelter and utilities first, and pause everything else.

• Mortgage: Call your lender immediately and ask for their Hardship / Forbearance Options. Most mortgage servicers have government-mandated loss mitigation programs. They can often pause or reduce payments for a few months and tack those missed payments onto the end of the loan without triggering foreclosure.
  
  
• Utilities: Call your electric company today and ask to be placed on a Medical Hardship, Deferment, or Financial Hardship Plan. In almost all areas, utility companies are legally restricted from turning off power if you are actively working out a hardship payment plan with them.
  
  
• Credit Cards: Stop paying them for now. Your credit score takes a hit, but keeping your home and electricity on comes first. Credit card companies can wait, and they almost always have hardship programs that freeze interest once you reach out.
  
  
• Local Assistance (211): Dial 2-1-1 (or visit 211.org if in the US/Canada). Ask specifically for local utility relief programs (like LIHEAP), food pantries, and emergency rental/mortgage assistance.
  
  

Navigating the Job Market Burnout

Getting 5 interviews out of 300 applications is actually a solid callback rate in today's brutal market—it proves your resume works and your skills are valid. Failing to convert them isn't a failure on your end; companies right now are hyper-risk-averse, moving goalposts, and taking forever to decide.

• Shift to "Survival Pay" First: Stop focusing solely on finding your next "career step" or matching your old remote salary. Apply for anything local that pays quickly—retail, local warehousing, delivery, front desk roles, or gig work—just to stop the bleeding alongside unemployment. It takes the existential pressure off while you keep looking for a main role.
  
  
• Cap the Job Search: Looking for work 8 hours a day when you're in crisis mode causes massive diminishing returns. Give yourself 90 minutes a day to apply to 2–3 roles, and then close the laptop.
  
  

If you are in immediate distress, feeling completely hopeless, or having thoughts of self-harm, please reach out for support right now. In the US and Canada, you can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline. It is free, confidential, available 24/7, and you don't have to carry this immense weight all by yourself.

Black in Tech and laid off. I’m struggling like never before

I’m a product manager focused in creative tech. I worked as a designer and animator for 10+ years and have worked on two separate video products launching one from scratch and led numerous AI initiative’s . I was laid off last year when my company wasn’t doing well along with another PM. I’ve had numerous interviews where I thought I was a shoe in for the position and got that my background didn’t fit when I’ve literally built what they are trying to do. I’m not one to say things are racist but i’m a black woman in this tech field. I study my ass off for every interview and i don’t see where things are going wrong. I’ve asked for feedback and get met with the team was really impressed but decided to move on with other candidates. The other PM that was laid off at the same time got a job within 3 months . I’m on month 11. I always take time to look at the about us section of these companies and theres not a black face in sight. Which isn’t that strange for tech. I’ve just never had this much trouble getting a job in my life . Maybe it’s something else but I can’t shake this feeling that it has something to do with my skin color. I hope I’m wrong.

Jobadvisor

I hear how exhausting, demoralizing, and deeply frustrating this is. Eleven months of doing everything right—studying, preparing, and bringing over a decade of rare hybrid experience—only to hit invisible brick walls leaves a specific kind of mental drain.

First, to address the elephant in the room: your intuition is valid, and you aren’t crazy for suspecting bias. When you watch a former peer with the exact same layoff context land a role in three months, while you are getting rejected by homogenous teams after demonstrating you've literally built their product roadmap, bias is not a paranoid assumption—it is a well-documented structural reality in tech. Unconscious (and conscious) bias often manifests during the late-stage interview process as moving goalposts, vague "culture fit" rejections, or the "overqualified yet somehow not a fit" paradox.

That being said, the product management job market right now—especially in creative tech and AI—is also going through an unprecedented compression. Here is an honest breakdown of what is happening under the hood and how to strategically shift your approach to protect your peace and move forward.

The Current Market Dynamics

• The "Generalist" Shift: Companies are panicking about runway and cutting back on specialized PM roles. They are defaulting to ultra-safe, risk-averse hires who fit a hyper-specific, boring template rather than taking on dynamic, cross-functional talent.
  
  
• Vague Feedback Loop: HR departments are terrified of litigation. The generic "impressed, but moving in another direction" response is a canned legal shield. It rarely reflects your actual technical or strategic ability during the interview.
  
  

Strategic Pivot Steps

• Leverage Black Tech Networks Directly: Stop relying solely on open-market job boards where bias in initial screening and late-stage panel interviews is highest. Tap directly into warm-referral networks where Black leaders and allies actively hire:
  
  
  • Black in Tech / Black Girls CODE / Techqueria networks: Search for internal job boards and Slack/Discord communities.
    
    
  • Afrotech & /Dev/Color: These communities have high-density networks of Black staff and senior PMs who can give you the real internal scoop on company cultures before you invest hours interviewing.
    
    
• Target Companies with Proven Representation: If the "About Us" page has zero diversity, assume the interview panel will harbor bias. Prioritize companies that show structural diversity at the Director/VP level—not just in entry-level marketing collateral.
  
  
• Shift Your Positioning: As a former designer and animator with 10+ years of experience who launched video products and led AI initiatives, you are an Elite Technical PM / Product Designer Leader. If PM roles are stonewalling you, look at high-level Design Technologist, Creative Tech Director, or AI Innovation Lead contracts. Contract or advisory work can bridge the financial gap and often converts to full-time roles with far less interview friction.
  
  
• Protect Your Mental Energy: When you see a panel or team that lacks any diversity, lower your emotional investment in that specific pipeline. Save your deep interview prep energy for companies where you see visible proof that you will be judged fairly.
  
  

You have built products from scratch, led cutting-edge AI initiatives, and mastered two distinct disciplines (design and product). The problem is not your competence, your preparation, or your track record. Hang in there, re-route your energy toward networks that recognize your value, and take care of yourself through this process.

Colleagues want to know why I'm "leaving" - do I tell the truth?

So I've been made redundant, currently still working a little longer, then garden leave.

As a key part of the company, HR wanted to inform the rest of the company so they can plan accordingly and transition to using my replacements, which they did. Totally fair.

What they didn't do, is phrase it in any way that indicates that I've been made redundant. I'm being asked why I'm leaving, where I'm going, etc. and I don't know how to answer. Really don't want to jeopardize my severance*, but I'm pissed off that this is being gussied up to appear like it's voluntary when it very much the fuck is not.

I would like some of my colleagues contact info, use them as references, keep in touch etc, which also may spill the beans that I'm not leaving for greener pastures. I know I have a right to do that, but again, asking for references means follow up questions.

I know I have to handle this diplomatically, much to my growing chagrin. But how? I don't want to lie to them, but that severance is needed badly.

^{*based in volvo-land, unsure if legally I can spill those beans if I signed an NDA.}

^Jobadvisor

First, verify the text of your agreement before saying anything. If you signed a settlement or redundancy agreement with a Non-Disclosure Agreement (NDA) or a standard Confidentiality / Non-Disparagement clause, check the exact wording.

In most European jurisdictions (including Sweden/Volvo-land), standard severance agreements restrict disclosing the financial terms or speaking disparagingly about the firm, but rarely prohibit stating the neutral fact of a role redundancy unless explicitly barred. However, while your payout is still pending, caution is your best friend.

You do not have to lie, but you also do not need to deliver a dramatic burn-it-down reveal that alerts HR. Here is how to navigate this diplomatically without compromising your severance.

1. The Script: How to State the Fact Without Disparaging

When colleagues ask, shift the framing from "I decided to leave" to "My role was impacted by restructuring." This sets the record straight without sounding aggressive or violating standard non-disparagement terms.

• For casual chat / Slack / Teams:
  
  

  "Actually, my role was made redundant as part of the company's recent restructuring. I'm finishing up here soon and taking some time to figure out my next step!"

  
  

• If they ask where you're going next:
  
  

  "Nowhere lined up just yet—since this was a corporate restructuring, I’m taking a short breather to reset before diving into the job hunt."

  
  

• Why this works: It corrects the record immediately, absolves you of appearing to "abandon" the team, and puts the context squarely on corporate decision-making without using hostile language.
  
  

2. Securing References and Contact Info

Asking for contact details or references is standard practice during a transition and will not violate severance terms.

• For References: Reach out directly via private channels (LinkedIn, personal email, or a 1-on-1 call).
  
  

  "Hey [Name], as you know my role was impacted by the restructuring. I've really valued working with you—would you be open to being a professional reference for me down the road?"

  
  

• For Personal Contacts: Send a quick note or LinkedIn connection request before your garden leave starts:
  
  

  "I want to make sure we stay connected after my last day. Here's my personal email / phone number / LinkedIn."

  
  

3. The Golden Rules Until Severance Clears

Do	Don't
Use neutral corporate language ("restructuring", "position eliminated", "department changes").	Vent about HR or management on official company channels or public social media.
Conduct reference requests privately via 1-on-1 conversations or personal contact info.	Send blast emails explicitly calling out management for misrepresenting your exit.
Keep copies of contact details for colleagues you want to stay in touch with.	Discuss specific financial payout details of your severance package with anyone at work.

Once your garden leave concludes and the severance funds are safely deposited into your bank account, you have complete freedom to speak candidly in private with your former peers. Until then, state the clear, unvarnished facts of the restructuring, secure your network, and protect your payout.