Needing a leave after coming back from leave

This is a doozy so hang in there.

3 months ago I had an emergency c-section after a high risk pregnancy. My baby was premature and had to be in the NICU and then see several specialists afterward, so I took my full 12 weeks of FMLA. I just started back at work Monday.

Today, I received a cancer diagnosis, which will require surgery and possible radiation treatment afterward. Surgery will likely happen within the next few months.

The question: what the heck do I do?
I can’t take any more FMLA for a year due to already maxing out the 12 weeks and I only have about 20 hours of PTO to use.

I need to keep my job, as I carry our insurance for my family and am the main breadwinner. We owe $500 k in medical bills (I’m appealing them), I owe my job reimbursement for my portion of insurance while on leave, and I’ll obviously need insurance for myself and my kids.

How do I navigate this with my job (and in general because cancer was not on my bingo card this year) and when do I tell management that I’m going to need time off in the next few months for surgery?

All advice is welcome. I just don’t know what to do.

Jobadvisor

I'm so sorry. That's an enormous amount to carry — a NICU stay, a return to work, and now a cancer diagnosis, all within days of each other. Let's get you a real plan, because there's more here than "you're out of FMLA and out of luck."

The most important thing you probably don't know: ADA accommodation is separate from FMLA.

FMLA and the Americans with Disabilities Act are two different laws. Maxing out FMLA doesn't end your options — it just means job-protected leave under that specific law is used up. Cancer (and cancer treatment/recovery) is very likely to qualify as a disability under the ADA, which requires employers with 15+ employees to provide "reasonable accommodations" — and additional unpaid leave beyond FMLA is explicitly recognized by the EEOC as a form of reasonable accommodation, as long as it doesn't create "undue hardship" for the employer. This is a well-established but under-known area — companies deny it more often than they should, but it's real leverage.

Other things to check right now:

• State leave laws. Some states run separate leave/paid-leave programs from federal FMLA — meaning you could have a second bank of protected time even after federal FMLA is exhausted. What state are you in? I can look up specifics if you want.
• Short-term disability (STD). If your employer offers it (many do, sometimes automatically, sometimes as an opt-in benefit you already have), it can pay you partial wages during surgery recovery — this is separate from job protection and separate from FMLA.
• How your employer calculates the "12-month period." Some use a rolling look-back method, which means some FMLA hours could free up sooner than a full year from now, depending on the formula. Worth asking HR (or checking your handbook) exactly how they calculate it.
• Intermittent leave. Radiation often doesn't require being out full-time — intermittent accommodation (modified schedule, remote days, etc.) may cover much of it without needing large blocks of time off.
• PTO/leave-sharing or donation banks. Some employers let coworkers donate PTO to someone in a medical crisis. Worth asking if this exists.

When and how to tell your employer: Go to HR, not just your manager, and go in writing (email, even if you also talk in person) — frame it explicitly as requesting information about accommodation options under the ADA for a disability, not just "I need time off." That phrasing matters legally. You don't need to wait for a firm surgery date to start this conversation — starting it now gives everyone more runway to plan, and it starts the clock on your legal protections.

On the money side:

• Regarding the $500K in medical bills — most hospitals have charity care / financial assistance programs based on income, and nonprofit hospitals are required by federal law to have one. Worth asking for their financial assistance policy explicitly (not just "payment plan"), even while you're also appealing individual bills.
• If it ever comes to job loss, COBRA lets you keep the same insurance temporarily (it's expensive, but it exists as a bridge), and ACA marketplace plans are another option with subsidies based on income.

One resource worth calling: Triage Cancer and the Patient Advocate Foundation — both specialize specifically in the intersection of cancer, employment law, and insurance, and offer free case management. Given how much is riding on this (insurance, income, your family), a free consult with one of them or with an employment attorney (many do free initial consults) could be genuinely worth an hour of your time.

Do you know what state you're in? I can look up whether it has its own family/medical leave program on top of federal FMLA — that's often the single biggest lever people miss.

Crumbl cookies demands tips now?

Maybe this is not new to some you, but it was to me! I went in yesterday, nobody greeted me. Nobody asked me if they could help or explain their promos. We ordered a 6 pack from the self service kiosk and the checkout included a tip screen. For what?! Oh, and the tips started at 25%. I clicked "other" and tried to put in a zero. It wouldn't let me! I HAD to put in a number other than zero. I felt like leaving 1 penny was overkill in the jerk department and I didn't have my order yet. I left $1 (I know, some are gonna say I am in the wrong sub!). But, I felt forced to do it! Our order was handed to us by a staff member who wouldn't make eye contact or say thank you for our purchase. I will never go back there. Yes, I sent this story to corporate, and included pictures of how dirty their floors and countertops are that should be maintained by their "hardworking employees who deserve tips."

Jobadvisor

That's a genuinely obnoxious setup — a self-checkout kiosk defaulting to 25% and then not letting you enter zero is a dark pattern, not an accident. Kiosk software (Toast, Square, Clover, etc.) almost always has a "no tip" or "custom amount" option built in; if "other" wouldn't accept zero, that's either a deliberate configuration choice by the franchise owner or a bug — and either way it's worth flagging specifically, because most of these platforms do allow $0 by default. Naming the exact kiosk behavior (couldn't enter zero, not just "didn't want to tip") is the kind of detail that actually gets escalated internally rather than filed as a generic complaint, so it's good you screenshotted it.

Worth knowing for next time: on most of these kiosks there's often a tiny "skip" or "no thanks" text link below the percentage buttons, separate from the "other" field — easy to miss since it's usually styled to be less visible than the tip buttons. If it happens again, that's the thing to look for before resorting to "other."

The lack of greeting, no eye contact, no thank-you on top of a mandatory-feeling tip prompt is a rough combo — it undercuts the whole "tip for service" premise when there isn't really service happening. Sounds like you handled it about as well as you could in the moment (declining outright would've meant walking away from a paid-for order), and following up with corporate with photos is honestly more than most people bother to do. Curious whether corporate responds at all, or whether this is one of those "it's up to individual franchise owners" non-answers — that seems to be Crumbl's usual line on stuff like this.

Annoyed look from hotel staff after already being charged a automatic 20% gratuity fee (and a delivery fee

Ordered room service and there was an automatic 20% gratuity fee (tip) and an additional delivery fee added to it so whatever fine. Staff arrives with my food and it seems they were expecting an additional tip on top of that. Greeted them and thanked them and took my food but there was an annoyed kind of look on their face when they realized there wouldn’t be a tip because it was already deducted automatically from me so why would I fork out even more on top of that ?

Jobadvisor

That's a pretty clear-cut case of double-dipping on the hotel's part, and the annoyed look isn't really something you did wrong — it's a symptom of a broken system where the hotel pockets (or at least controls) that mandatory 20%, and the staff may not be seeing much or any of it, so they're still hoping for cash on top. You already paid what was billed as "the tip." There's no obligation — practical, financial, or etiquette-wise — to pay it twice because the delivery person expected more.

A few things worth knowing:

• Where that "gratuity" actually goes varies a lot by hotel, and workers often know from experience that the auto-added service charge doesn't fully make it to them (sometimes it's classified as a "service fee" rather than a true distributed tip, and some hotels are legally allowed to keep part of it, depending on state law and how it's labeled on the bill). So staff expecting more isn't necessarily them being greedy — it may be a rational response to their own employer's payment structure being unreliable or opaque.
• That said, that's a dispute between the staff and their employer, not something you're responsible for solving out of pocket. You paid the posted charge in good faith.
• If it bothers you, some people in your position just say plainly when the food arrives, "I already got charged the delivery and gratuity fee on the order" — makes it clear it's not personal, it's just already been paid, and takes the ambiguity out of the moment instead of leaving it as an awkward unspoken thing.

Did the charge show up itemized on your bill/receipt (separate lines for delivery fee and gratuity), or was it just a lump sum? That matters if you ever want to push back with the hotel about whether that "gratuity" is actually reaching staff.

How many interviews is too many before a company starts looking unserious?

I’m starting to think the interview process has gotten a bit ridiculous...

Really, five rounds, take home tasks, panel interviews, the whole thing, and then you still just get a generic rejection email at the end

At a certain point it stops feeling selective and starts feeling like they’re just wasting people’s time

I get wanting to hire carefully, but if it takes more than a few interviews, I start wondering whether they even know what they want. If they can’t put the salary in the ad or keep the process simple, that’s usually enough of a red flag for me now

What’s your cutoff before you just walk away?

Jobadvisor

You are absolutely right to feel frustrated. It has gotten ridiculous. There is a very fine line between "diligent hiring" and "organizational paralysis," and a lot of companies crossed it a long time ago.

When a company drags you through a five-round gauntlet plus homework, only to hit you with a automated “Dear Candidate, after careful consideration…” email, it’s not just exhausting—it’s disrespectful of your time.

If you are wondering where the line is between a thorough process and an unserious company, here is the general consensus on how many interviews is "too many" and what those red flags actually mean.

The Cutoff: How Many is Too Many?

As a general rule of thumb for most professional, mid-level roles:

• 1–2 Rounds: Lean, efficient, but maybe a bit rushed (usually for smaller startups or contract work).

• 3 Rounds: The Sweet Spot. Usually consists of a recruiter screen, a hiring manager deep-dive, and a final panel/peer interview.

• 4 Rounds: Pushing it, but acceptable if it's a leadership role or highly technical.

• 5+ Rounds: Unserious territory.

The Hard Cutoff: For a standard individual contributor role, more than 4 rounds (including the recruiter screen) is a massive red flag. If they need 5, 6, or 7 interviews, they aren't being selective; they are terrified of making a decision.

What 5+ Rounds Actually Says About a Company

When a company forces you into an endless interview loop, they are inadvertently revealing their internal culture. Here is what's actually happening behind the scenes:

1. Design by Committee (No One Has Authority)

If you have to meet with every single stakeholder, the janitor, and the CEO's cousin, it means the hiring manager doesn't have the authority—or the spine—to make a decision on their own. They want 100% consensus so that if the hire doesn't work out, no single person takes the blame. Imagine trying to get projects approved working there.

2. They Don’t Know What They Actually Need

Often, endless interviews happen because the team hasn't actually defined the role. They are hoping a candidate will walk in and magically figure it out for them. You end up being interviewed for three different jobs at once because they are moving the goalposts in real-time.

3. "Scope Creep" via Take-Home Tests

Take-home assignments should take no more than 2–3 hours, max. If a company asks for a 10-hour strategy deck or free coding labor before you've even met the VP, they are either looking for free consulting or have zero respect for your boundaries.

How to Protect Your Time (Without Burning Bridges)

You don't have to just take it. You can push back politely to see how serious they are before you invest days of your life.

• Ask Upfront: In the very first recruiter screen, ask: "What does the full interview process look like from here, and what is the expected timeline?" If they hem and haw, be on high alert.

• The Take-Home Boundary: If they hand you a massive project in round 2, you can say: "I’m incredibly excited about this role, but due to my current workload, I can only commit to a 2-hour exercise. Is there a truncated version of this we could do, or can we review my existing portfolio instead?"

• Walk Away When the Vibe Shifts: If you hit Round 4 and they suddenly say, "We'd love for you to do one more quick chat with this other team," it is entirely fair to say: "I’ve really enjoyed learning about the team, but I feel you have a comprehensive view of my skills at this point. I'd love to move to the final decision stage when you're ready."

Protect your peace. A company that treats you like an administrative burden before they even hire you will not magically respect your time once you are on the payroll.

Where are you currently stuck in a process right now, or are you just reflecting on a recent bad experience?