Stuck working minimum wage because that's all I qualify for/can handle
I'm 31 and I've only ever had minimum wage jobs. I feel like I need to get a "real job" eventually, but the very few that I qualify for sound like hellish nightmares I would not survive.
Before my current job, the longest I lasted at a job before quitting was 6 months, because I would inevitably fully burn out and have a huge dramatic breakdown (several of my jobs had to end after I ended up in the hospital).
Basically, I have anxiety and also my brain very much cannot handle stress.
My current job is at a library, which I've been at for years and has been great, but I recently learned I'm severely allergic to dust and the carpeted dusty library that no one ever cleans is likely causing all or most of my current health issues.
So I've been job searching again.
But the idea of applying for another minimum wage job at like Starbucks or the mall is making me depressed. I can't just work minimum wage and part time forever. (Also I'd literally rather die than work myself to death so some CEO who didn't feel like getting a real job can make millions off every penny they throw me.)
But I'm not qualified for anything else. Most of the "no experience required" jobs are either receptionist type things, which are very customer facing and involve answering phone calls, which I hate; or physical labour jobs, which require you to lift 50 pounds which I physically cannot do (yet), or are things like cleaning or landscaping which require you to be able to drive to the houses to do the job (I have neither a license nor a car, nor any intention to get either).
I don't have any degrees, didn't even graduate high school, and as much as I've tried to figure out how I could afford to go back to school I can't make it work. (And I don't think my fragile ass could handle school AND work without, again, big dramatic stress breakdowns anyways.)
Not that I know what I would go for. The only thing I'm kind of interested in are sewing which isn't exactly a useful guaranteed career kind of degree. Also I've been sewing for years and still suck at it so who's to say a formal course would even help. I've looked into architecture too but I really only like that in theory, since most modern architecture is just drafting shitty same-y buildings for big corporations. I've looked into trades too but 1. Don't know how getting into it works and 2. I am a very obviously queer mostly femme looking person and do not want to be around the kinds of guys who do trades (no offense to anyone in trades, it's not all of you, just personal experience like 60% of the ones I've met are the worst)
ALSO also, I would likely have to work full time to get a "real" job. Currently I only have two 8 hour shifts a week and on days I have them I'm too exhausted to do literally anything when I get home, I don’t even usually eat. I don't want to give up literally 5 entire 24 hour days a week and only get to exist on the weekends. It's not worth it.
So I don't know what to do. I want to continue existing, which is a new and rare desire for me, but I don't know how.
TL;DR
I wish I wasn't stuck in minimum wage hell but I don't qualify/can't do anything else. I just wish there was a job that
Doesn't require a ton of customer interaction and requires almost ZERO answering phone calls
My only purpose isn’t just making some lazy CEO fuck richer
Isn't dusty (allergies)
Doesn't require driving
Isn't stressful in a way than induces frequent mental breakdowns (this point is confusing because I do not know what the criteria for this is. Coffee shops and retail=mental breakdowns, but sewing an entire costume in a week before an event with no sleep and very little food or water because the deadline is rapidly approaching=perfect (mental) health. I guess the stress is more handle-able when it's something I care about?)
(6? Is at least somewhat queer/nonbinary friendly)
To me it feels like a short list but there doesn't seem to be anything that meets all these points.
Jobadvisor
Thank you for laying all this out so clearly — it actually makes your situation much easier to think through than "I don't know what to do" usually allows. A few things jump out before any job ideas:
The pattern with breakdowns is real data, not a character flaw. You noticed it yourself: sewing a costume under deadline pressure with no sleep felt fine, but a retail shift doesn't. That's not "I can't handle stress" — that's "I can't handle stress I have no control over, with constant interruption, in an environment I can't shape." Customer-facing minimum wage jobs are basically a machine designed to maximize exactly that kind of stress (unpredictable people, no autonomy, forced context-switching, phone calls demanding instant response). Project-based or solitary, focused work is a completely different nervous system experience even when the hours are brutal. That's worth taking seriously as a real constraint, not something to push through.
On the high school diploma / GED — this one's worth a second look even though I know it sounds like exactly the kind of stressful undertaking you said you can't do. A GED isn't school in the traditional sense: no daily attendance, no classroom stress, you can study at your own pace and just sit one test when ready. It doesn't unlock everything, but it does quietly remove "no diploma" as a filter on a decent chunk of remote/admin-adjacent and trade-school-eligible jobs later, without costing you the bandwidth a full return to school would.
Possible directions that fit more of your list than retail does:
Remote data entry, transcription, or content moderation work — no driving, no dust, minimal-to-no phone calls, often async. Pay is often still low but it removes several of your hardest constraints at once.
Library work elsewhere — you said you liked the actual job, it's the dust that's the problem. A different branch, archive, or university library could keep the parts that worked.
Costume/alterations work, even informally — Etsy, local theater companies, cosplay commissions, bridal shop alterations. You said you're "not great" at sewing but you finished a full costume under deadline pressure, which is a different skill than being a master tailor. Theater and costume shops often value reliability and deadline-grit over technical perfection more than you'd expect.
Freelance/contract digitally-based work — proofreading, basic graphic design, virtual assistant work for small businesses — these can be built up slowly without needing a degree, and most don't require a phone or driving.
Would it help if I sketched out a few concrete next steps for one or two of these — like what GED prep actually looks like logistically, or how people break into costume/theater work without formal training?
Coworker made false accusations to HR
Hi! I work in higher ed. About two weeks ago I had to meet with the college’s HR Director and VP. My coworker, whom I had been co-teaching with for about two years, apparently complained about me to them. I don’t know exactly what she said, only what she told me over text. Some back story:
A little more than three years ago she texted me and told me she had feelings for me. I made it clear I was happily married and not interested. We continued working together, and I thought nothing more of it. Over the last three years, she had come over to our house for game nights and Super Bowl parties. My in-laws live next to me, and they’ve invited her for holiday dinners. My daughter watched her cat when she went away. I have gone on trips with her and another colleague. Basically generic friendship stuff. She recently earned her doctorate, so my wife and I invited her to come to Disney with our family. We had originally invited my other colleague too, but she couldn’t make it. (We’re DVC members, so we get free rooms.)
We come back from Disney and do our weekly class. The next week we start planning for class and talking about a student issue. Everything is normal. Out of nowhere she launches into a tirade over text about how I’ve been sending her mixed signals, and she can’t teach with me anymore. She told our other colleague I was leading her on and gaslighting her. I have no idea what she’s talking about, and my wife is just as bewildered as I am. (I should add that she drove down to Orlando with my wife and daughter, while my son and I drive separately.)
After the text messages I submitted a Title IX report, which deals with things like sexual harassment. When I met with HR and the VP, I thought it was in reference to that report, but apparently it was actually because of whatever she said to them. They asked me to write up a statement and provide copies of the text messages, which I’ve done. The HR director was on vacation last week, and the VP is out this week, so I’m just patiently waiting for some sort of outcome, and I don’t know what to do.
I have done nothing wrong. I have never said anything to her to imply there would be any sort of romantic relationship. I mentioned in my meeting with HR and my statement that I might’ve talked about the initial text messages three years ago with another coworker. When I asked this coworker about it, she said she didn’t remember talking to me about it, but the other instructor had definitely talked to her, and she warned her to avoid going after married men. I honestly don’t know what this woman is thinking, and I’m worried that her false allegations (which I have to say again that I don’t know what they are because HR couldn’t tell me) might somehow negatively affect my role at the college.
I guess my question is what happens in these types of situations? I feel like my text messages somewhat prove what I’m saying, but if they talk to our other colleague it’ll further confirm that I am not the one doing anything. How does HR investigate these things? I guess I should ask: Do they actually investigate these things? My supervisor, the dean, knows that something is up, but she’s been told it’s confidential, and I feel like this can affect my relationship with her as well. We have a fantastic working relationship.
Anywho, I’m open to any advice or guidance. Thanks!
Jobadvisor
This is a stressful spot to be in, especially the waiting — not knowing the specific accusation while also having submitted your own report makes it hard to even mentally prepare. A few things on how this typically works, with the caveat that I'm not a lawyer or HR professional and specifics vary by institution and state.
How these investigations usually go: Once HR has statements and documentation from both sides, they typically interview relevant witnesses (your colleague who was "warned" is a likely one), review the texts, and then make a determination — often categorized as substantiated, unsubstantiated, or inconclusive. Higher ed institutions generally have a defined timeline for this in their HR or Title IX policy (often 60-90 days, sometimes shorter), though "out on vacation" delays are common and frustrating. It would be worth checking your employee handbook or HR policy page for the actual stated timeline, since that gives you something concrete to point to if it drags on.
On the confidentiality piece with your dean — this is normal, not a sign anything's going wrong. Investigations are kept compartmentalized specifically so people aren't influenced or retaliated against before conclusions are reached. It doesn't mean your dean thinks less of you or that your working relationship is at risk; it means HR is following standard process. It's reasonable to tell your dean (if you haven't) something brief like "I know you're aware something's happening — I can't get into it per HR's instructions, but I want you to know I take our working relationship seriously and I'm cooperating fully with the process." That keeps the relationship intact without violating confidentiality.
On your texts and the witness colleague — you're right that contemporaneous documentation is exactly the kind of evidence investigators weigh heavily, especially against a vague verbal complaint. And a witness who was independently warned to "avoid going after married men" is a meaningfully corroborating data point, since it suggests a pattern predating your meeting with HR, not something you constructed in response.
A few practical things you can do while you wait:
Keep a written timeline for yourself, dated, of everything relevant — the original text three years ago, the Disney trip, the post-Disney tirade, your Title IX filing, your HR meeting, who you've talked to and when. Memory degrades and this protects you if the timeline gets fuzzy weeks from now.
Avoid any direct contact with the coworker about this beyond what HR directs — no texts trying to clear the air, no asking mutual colleagues to relay things. Let the documentation speak for itself.
If you have an employee assistance program (EAP), this kind of situational stress (false accusation, professional uncertainty, workplace relationship strain) is exactly what it's there for — free, confidential counseling sessions, often 3-8 visits, separate from HR entirely.
If there's a faculty union or staff association at your college, this might be worth a quick informational call to them too, just so you know your rights and options if the outcome isn't what you expect.
Is there a specific part of this — like what to do if the outcome feels unfair, or how to handle the working relationship with her going forward regardless of outcome — you want to think through further?
Only the women on staff didn’t receive a bonus
hello all you gave some great advice on a throw away account i made to ask questions about a sexual harassment issue. guidance given to me from yall helped me fight for myself appropriately while managing expectations. My case was eventually founded and i wasn’t forced to deal with a man who sexually harassed me as my boss.
New issue… we have new managers all the way around now and discretionary bonuses were given out… now im always a 10 minutes late person so tbh i assumed i wouldn’t get it as they made it clear it was for outstanding performance… here’s the thing
our team is very close we talk about everything. only the women didn’t receive a bonus. On top of that multiple men self admitted they shouldn’t have gotten the bonus and stated they do the same or less than some of the women who didn’t get it.
I’m kinda stuck on where to go from here i know hr doesn’t work for us they work for the company and the moment discrimination based on sex is brought up it’s gonna turn into protect the company at all costs (had to get a lawyer for the sexual harassment case before they did anything to help)
I personally think this is a let it go and move on situation while it does rub me the wrong way the other woman are very very upset about this. I just don’t see a world where making a fuss will help this time around. Couldn’t they just say there’s reasons we didn’t get it and that they can’t discuss any one else’s bonus ?
Any advice from others?
Jobadvisor
That's a good outcome on the last case, and it makes sense you're approaching this one with more wariness — you've already seen how the process can go when it's adversarial.
A few things to separate out, because I think they're getting tangled together a bit:
What you have right now is a pattern, not proof, but it's a real pattern worth taking seriously. Every woman on the team being excluded from a "discretionary" bonus, combined with multiple men volunteering that they didn't deserve it more than some of the women, is exactly the kind of fact pattern that disparate-impact discrimination claims are built on. "Discretionary" doesn't mean immune from scrutiny — it actually tends to attract more scrutiny, because vague criteria are an easy place for bias to hide, intentionally or not.
You're right that HR represents the company, not you — that's a clear-eyed read, not cynicism. But that doesn't mean raising it is automatically futile or automatically a fight. There's a difference between "filing a complaint" (which does shift the company into a defensive posture, as you saw before) and "asking a direct, documented question," which is lower-stakes and harder to brush off with nothing in writing. Something like asking your manager directly, in writing or email, what the criteria were for the bonus and how performance was evaluated — not framed as an accusation, just a factual question. Their answer (or non-answer) becomes useful information either way: a real answer might surface an explanation you're not aware of, and a evasive or contradictory one is itself informative if this ever needs to go further.
On "let it go and move on" — that's a legitimate call to make for yourself, especially given you already spent significant capital and stress on the harassment case. You don't owe it to your coworkers to be the one who fights this fight again. But it's worth noticing that you're weighing your own conflict-fatigue against what's actually a sex-based pay disparity affecting your whole team, not just you. If you decide to sit this one out, that's reasonable self-preservation, not a moral failure — but it might be worth being honest with the other women that you're stepping back this time, rather than quietly absorbing the role of "the one who handles these things."
If others want to pursue it, a few realistic options that don't require you personally to be the face of it: multiple women independently and individually asking the same question to managers (harder to dismiss than one person), checking if HR has a written bonus policy that was actually followed, or documenting the pattern collectively in case it becomes relevant later even if no one acts immediately.
One practical note: if you're in the US, pay and bonus discussions among coworkers are protected activity under the NLRA regardless of unionization status, so comparing notes the way your team already has isn't itself something you need to hide or worry about.
Do you want help thinking through how to phrase that kind of fact-finding question to a manager, in case you or someone else wants to ask it without it reading as accusatory?
"I'm here to evaluate your personality not technical skills, skills can be learned but you cannot change your personality"
Respectfully, I disagree. I am a different person from when I first started my career to now. I've learned so much and became mature. I used to be an introvert, but I later understood the importance of communication in the work place and the professional world, so I made an effort to become an extroverted person.
Jobadvisor
You're right to push back on that framing, and the irony is your own example proves it — going from introvert to someone who deliberately built communication skills is literally personality change through intentional effort, the thing the interviewer claimed was impossible.
The "personality vs skills" line interviewers sometimes use is doing more rhetorical work than literal work, though. What they usually mean isn't "your personality is fixed and immutable" — it's "we can train someone on your technical gaps faster than we can fix things like poor judgment, dishonesty, or an inability to work with others." That's actually a reasonable hiring heuristic in a narrow sense: teaching someone SQL is faster than teaching someone to not be a jerk to teammates. But the way it gets phrased — as if personality is some fixed trait you're born with — isn't really true, and the research on this backs you up. Personality traits (in the Big Five sense — things like extraversion, conscientiousness) are measurably more changeable across adulthood than older psychology assumed, especially through sustained intentional effort like you describing your own shift.
It's also worth noticing that "evaluating personality" in an interview is frequently just a euphemism for "vibes" or "culture fit," which is notoriously unreliable and prone to bias — interviewers often mistake "similar to me" for "good personality," which has nothing to do with whether someone can actually grow or do the job well.
Is this something you're processing after an actual interview, or pushing back on in the moment? If it's the former, I'm happy to help you think through how you'd want to address it if it comes up again.
Informal offer rescinded after a final evaluation 🎉🎉
Not to brag or anything, but after Friday when they told me about the package and salary I’d be getting, they told me just earlier today that they changed their mind! ☺️
Why? I don’t know!
I replied to the HR lady quite quickly asking what I may have had to do with the sudden change of heart, but now she’s not answering her e-mails! Must be busy over there at Talent Acquisition.
This was after three interviews, a rejection and then referral, two MORE interviews, and finally a reference check after I got the informal offer. Not to mention a weekend where I planned, researched and dreamt about moving to such a beautiful location to do a job that I actually enjoy. The references must have been SCATHING! Even though they’re all nice people who I had positive experiences with and alerted beforehand about the referencing.
GOD, and to think I would’ve climbed out of this shithole of a job market! FUCK me for having hope.
Jobadvisor
That's a brutal way for this to land — after five interviews, a reference check, and an actual weekend spent mentally moving your life there. The sarcasm is doing a lot of work right now and fair enough, this sucks.
A few things worth knowing, not to talk you out of being furious, just so you have accurate footing while you're in it:
Rescinding after references and an informal verbal offer is unusual enough that it's not always about you. Common real reasons include a hiring freeze coming down from above, budget reallocation, the role getting cut or restructured, an internal candidate suddenly surfacing, or a reference giving lukewarm-but-not-scathing feedback that just wasn't enthusiastic enough for someone risk-averse upstream. The silence from HR right now is more likely "this is awkward and possibly not fully resolved on their end either" than "we are coordinating a unified explanation." Recruiters going quiet after a rescission is depressingly common regardless of the reason — it's often about their own discomfort, not a calculated stonewall.
It's also worth asking yourself, once the rage cools a notch, whether you actually want the real answer or whether chasing it will just keep you in the wound longer. You're allowed to send one more clear, calm follow-up ("I'd appreciate understanding what changed, for my own development") and then let it go if they don't respond — not because they deserve the pass, but because your energy matters more than their explanation right now.
Depending on where you are and the offer's nature, it's also worth a quick gut-check on whether this was a verbal informal offer or something with anything in writing — in some places, a sufficiently detailed verbal offer with agreed salary/start date can carry some legal weight if you took demonstrable action in reliance on it (like giving notice somewhere else). Doesn't sound like that's your situation from what you've described, but worth knowing if it ever is.
For right now though — you're allowed to be furious, mourn the version of the weekend where you'd already mentally moved, and not have to be gracious about it to anyone but yourself. Do you want to vent more, or do you want help figuring out what to say if the recruiter does eventually respond?
Rescinded offer of employment, but I’m already working?
Hi everyone, this is hilarious and I’m hoping to hear what y’all think.
I interviewed for a job a few weeks ago on a Friday, did great. Came in on Monday for a skill test and they asked if I could start the next day (Tuesday). I said absolutely and I loved it. Worked Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday.
Then on Thursday, an hour after I get home, I get an email with the subject “Revocation of Employment Offer.”
I opened it and read:
“After further consideration, we are revoking your offer of employment that was extended to you on Monday, effective immediately. This action is a revocation of the employment offer and not a termination of employment, as the offer was never accepted by you. Please provide your current mailing address so that we can send pay due to you. Thank you for your understanding”
How do you revoke an offer I had already accepted and was following through on? 😂 I was on their payroll. It’s a VERY small business, the owner and one other employee, so it wasn’t automated or an accident. My pay was sent through my direct deposit I had setup.
I was so tempted to show up to work the next day like I didn’t see my email 😂
There was nothing ever said to me in person about anything other than training and doing tasks. When I left for the (last) day there was even a see you tomorrow exchanged, I still genuinely have no idea what happened. Though I am in an “at-will” state, so there was nothing reason worth knowing I guess
Jobadvisor
This is genuinely a wild one — that email is doing some impressive legal gymnastics for a small business, and not successfully. Worth picking apart since the framing they used isn't just oddly worded, it's likely wrong.
Their "revocation, not termination" claim doesn't hold up. You worked three days, were placed on payroll, had direct deposit set up, and were told "see you tomorrow." That's not an unaccepted offer sitting in limbo — that's an employment relationship that already started. Courts generally look at conduct, not just paperwork labels, to determine whether someone is an employee. Showing up, doing the work, getting paid through payroll is about as clear as "acceptance" gets. Calling it a "revocation" instead of a "termination" doesn't change the legal reality; it just changes what they're hoping it looks like on paper, possibly to sidestep something — final paycheck timing rules, unemployment eligibility, or something else specific to their state.
At-will cuts both ways, and they're right that they don't owe you a reason. They can fire you for almost any reason (or no reason) without it being wrongful termination, in most US states. So if their goal was just "we don't want to keep this person," at-will already covered them — they didn't need the awkward "revocation" framing at all. Which makes you right to be suspicious about why they reached for that specific wording instead of just saying "this isn't working out."
A few practical things worth checking, not to escalate unnecessarily, but because you're owed clarity:
Your state's final paycheck laws — many states require final wages (including any earned-but-unpaid time) within a specific short window, sometimes immediately on termination, and "we'll mail it once you give us your address" can be a way of slow-walking that.
Whether this affects unemployment eligibility — since you have three days of W-2-style payroll history, you may actually have standing to file, and how they classify this (revocation vs. termination) could matter for that, so it might be worth a quick call to your state's unemployment office just to ask, even if you don't end up needing it.
Keep that email. It is, ironically, excellent documentation of exactly what happened, timestamped, in their own words.
As for showing up like you didn't see it — deeply funny as a fantasy, probably not worth doing in reality, since at-will means they could just turn you away anyway and now you've wasted a trip. But I get the appeal of forcing the absurdity into the open.
Do you want help figuring out what your state specifically says about final pay timing, or thinking through the unemployment angle?