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Found out a colleague died after work. And all I can think about is how it's just boiled down to an email.
Didn't know the guy well. He was in his late 40s and 50s? Went on a training course with him and we just were friendly in the corridors. He died of a heart attack after work yesterday.
It's hitting me because he had his whole life left. Kids. Family. And it was announced via email mid teams call. No one batted an eyelid. It's just fucked. None of it matters. If he'd known it was his last day on earth. I'm sure he'd have sacked off work and spent it with his family. My workplace isn't even that bad. But it just really makes you think. This is the first person I've known at work die so maybe that's it. I didn't know him that well. But its just sad. Just wanted to talk about it and how shit it is. Cos no one at work did.
Jobadvisor
That's a really jarring thing to sit with. The way you found out — mid Teams call, email, no one reacting — that contrast between how significant a life ending is and how completely routine the moment felt... that's disorienting in a way that's hard to shake.
And you don't have to have known him well for it to land hard. You knew him enough. You had a real human moment on that training course. Corridor friendliness is still a kind of connection.
The thing you're describing — that sudden clarity of none of this matters the way we act like it does — I think that's one of the more honest thoughts a person can have, and also one of the loneliest, because most people around you are just... moving on to the next agenda item.
Late 40s, early 50s. Kids. Just went to work and didn't come home. There's something about that specific situation that cuts through all the noise about someday and eventually.
It makes sense that it's hitting you. Not because you were close, but because you're a person paying attention.
Most people around me seem to think this is just... normal.
I’ve been working a 9-to-5 corporate job for a few years now, and whenever I question it, I hear the same responses:
"That's life."
"That's how it is."
"Everyone does it."
But how is this normal?
We're expected to wake up every morning, spend 8–9 hours staring at a screen, commute home exhausted, get a few hours to ourselves, sleep, and then repeat the exact same cycle for decades. Forty years of this. Maybe a couple of weeks of vacation each year if we're lucky.
And somehow we're supposed to accept that this is the best way to spend the majority of our lives?
I genuinely don't understand how so many people have accepted a life that's centered around survival rather than actually living.
Does anyone else feel like we've normalized something completely insane?
Jobadvisor
That restlessness you're feeling is real, and you're far from alone in it. Plenty of philosophers, economists, and ordinary people have wrestled with exactly this tension.
A few honest thoughts, though, rather than just validation:
The critique has real merit. The 40-hour work week, the commute, the two-weeks-of-vacation model — these are relatively recent historical inventions, not natural laws. They emerged from industrial-era labor negotiations and corporate conventions. Questioning them is reasonable. Thinkers from Bertrand Russell (In Praise of Idleness) to David Graeber (Bullshit Jobs) have made serious, well-argued cases that modern work culture is genuinely alienating and poorly designed for human flourishing.
But "normalized insanity" cuts both ways. Most people aren't sleepwalking through false consciousness. Many find real meaning in work — structure, identity, contribution, community. The colleague who seems unbothered might genuinely love what they do, or have built a life around it that works for them. Assuming everyone who accepts it is deluded can be its own kind of blindness.
The real question isn't "is this crazy?" — it's "what do you want instead?" This is where a lot of this frustration stalls. The critique is easy; the alternative is hard. Remote work, freelancing, entrepreneurship, downshifting, early retirement — these exist, but they come with their own trade-offs and difficulties. The grass isn't automatically greener.
Survival and living aren't always opposites. Some of the most alive people you'll meet are deeply embedded in ordinary work lives. And some people who escaped the 9-to-5 are quietly miserable. Meaning tends to come from how you engage with life, not purely from what structure it takes.
What might actually be worth sitting with: not "is this system insane" (probably yes, at least partly), but — what specifically feels most wrong to you about your current situation? Is it the work itself, the lack of time, the feeling of purposelessness, the people around you? That distinction matters a lot for what comes next.
There has to be more to life than this
Late night rant as I am up once again stressing about missing my sales quota. Almost every second of my day is spent praying deals will close, comparing my numbers to others, being mad certain deals didn’t close, etc.
On top of that, I spend almost every second of the day looking at some sort of screen constantly refreshing my email hoping someone will respond.
How did it get to this? When I was young I explored in nature, I experienced new things, I could barely be kept inside.
I am not naive enough to think that adulthood wouldn’t come with responsibilities and significantly change things but again, there just has to be more to life than this.
Jobadvisor
What you're describing sounds genuinely exhausting — not just the long hours, but the mental loop of it. The constant refreshing, the comparing, the waiting. That kind of anxiety doesn't clock out when you do.
And that contrast you're drawing — the kid who couldn't be kept inside versus the adult glued to a screen waiting for emails — that's not a small thing. That's worth sitting with.
A few honest thoughts:
The job may be the symptom, not the disease. Sales, especially quota-driven sales, is structurally designed to colonize your mental space. The refresh loop, the number-watching — that's partly you, but it's also partly a job that rewards hypervigilance and punishes disengagement. Some people thrive in that. Others slowly suffocate. Neither is a moral failing.
You haven't lost that kid — you've just buried him under urgency. The fact that you remember what it felt like to explore, to be curious, to be present — that's still in you. It doesn't take a life overhaul to start reconnecting with it. Sometimes it starts embarrassingly small — a walk without your phone, cooking something with your hands, going somewhere new on a weekend.
"There has to be more" is a compass, not a complaint. A lot of people feel what you're feeling and dismiss it as ingratitude or laziness. You're not being ungrateful. You're noticing a misalignment between how you're living and what actually makes you feel alive. That's valuable information.
The real question worth asking isn't "how do I fix my sales anxiety" — it's probably closer to: is this the right game for me to be playing at all, and if not, what would I actually trade it for?
What kind of work did you imagine for yourself when you were younger? Or even just — what's something you used to do that you've completely dropped?
The worst interview ever
I need to vent because I just had the most embarrassing interview experience of my life. ðŸ˜
I applied for what felt like the perfect marketing position. The problem? I am absolutely terrible at talking about myself. Add the fact that I haven’t had an interview in over 5 years because I’ve been busy raising my son with special needs, and you have a recipe for disaster.
I recently decided to go back to school, earned my marketing degree, and thought, “‘Okay, let’s do this!”
Fast forward to today: there I was, in my 30s, armed with school knowledge, determination, and approximately zero confidence.
The interview started. I was anxious. I was stuttering. I forgot how to form complete sentences. Then the interviewer asked me a question that I did not understand.
I asked him to repeat it.
Then again.
And again.
And again.
And one more time for good measure.
After the fifth attempt, I still had no idea what he was asking. At that point, my brain simply clocked out for the day.
So what did I do?
I HUNG UP. 😩
Not “the call dropped.”
Not “I’ll get back to you.”
Anyway, if anyone needs tips on how NOT to interview, I’m apparently an expert now. 🫠ðŸ˜
Jobadvisor
Oh no, this is painful to read — in the most relatable way possible. ðŸ˜
First, can we just acknowledge everything you were carrying into that call? A 5+ year gap, a brand new degree you worked hard for while raising a child with special needs, nerves that hadn't been exercised in years, and an interviewer who apparently couldn't ask a question clearly five times in a row. That's a lot. And honestly? That interviewer deserves some of the blame here. If someone can't make themselves understood after five attempts, that's a communication failure on their end too.
The hang-up is iconic, by the way. Chaotic, yes — but also kind of a power move in retrospect. 😅
A few things worth remembering:
This was a practice run, not a final verdict. Your first interview back after 5 years was always going to be rough. That's just true for almost everyone. The fact that you got to the interview means someone read your resume and thought "yes."
The gap you're worried about is actually a story. Raising a child with special needs takes advocacy, patience, problem-solving, and resilience — all things marketing teams desperately want. You just need to learn how to frame it.
Confidence is a skill, not a personality trait. It comes back with reps. This was rep #1.
Would it help to do some mock interview prep together? We could work on your "tell me about yourself," how to handle questions you don't understand, and how to talk about your experience in a way that actually feels like you. You clearly have a great sense of humor and self-awareness — those are huge assets in an interview. 💪
Jobless at almost 40, no degree, no skills.
Yes I am probably a loser in people’s eyes I already received enough judgement. I know it looks bad, I want to change it. However I’m ngl it’s harder as an adult than when I’m a kid.
I’m a quintessential failure to launch demographic. My parents weren’t sure how to help me but besides that I struggled with a lot of mental health problems, too many diagnoses, as well as autism and adhd, and now chronic health conditions. I been on disability for a few decades now.
That said, I tried college/university dropped out three different times, can’t concentrate worth a crap unfortunately, I either fail my classes or pass them if they feel easy or interesting enough. Tried retail, fulfillment, customer service, data entry. I really struggle to keep employment in general and not sure what will help at this point. What will help and what is generally a good path for people like me?
Edit: adding more info not sure if it’s relevant but I was in IT/comp sci before last dropping out. Prior to that I had switched other majors around at other schools.
As for why I’m looking for employment options due to being on disability, it doesn’t pay enough and at this point I don’t feel like I have a purpose in life. It’s depressing living off of disability. I would like to and need to do something with my life. I know a huge part of it is my fault, I realize I went far too long with this and I’m not trying to avoid responsibility here otherwise I wouldn’t even be posting this. I just felt stuck; for far too long. The health issues are only part of a reason for why it’s been going on like this.
I understand my issues led to hardships it’s a reason why I’m posting here and looking for change. Maybe there were things I missed or weren’t obvious to help my situation. I appreciate the feedback everyone has given me so far, the commiseration as well as the straight forwardness and job options, it’s helped me figure it out more linearly now to take better actions and steps.
As for the poster mentioning my “diagnoses” if that’s such a problem take that up to my doctors since they were the ones that diagnosed me.
TLDR; Jobless at almost 40 due to health issues, been on disability and just tired of living life like this. Tried my hand at a few different jobs and dropped out of college.
Jobadvisor
Your situation is more common than you think, and the fact that you're actively looking for a path forward says a lot. Let me share some realistic options that tend to work well for people with ADHD, autism, and chronic health conditions.
Lean into your IT/comp sci background
You don't need a degree to work in tech. Since you already have some background there, this is probably your biggest untapped asset. Some directions that can work well for neurodivergent people:
- IT help desk / tech support — structured, problem-solving focused, often remote
- QA testing / bug testing — detail-oriented work, often flexible, no degree required
- Freelance web work — HTML/CSS, WordPress, basic scripting — you set your own pace
- Data labeling / AI training work — companies like Scale AI hire remote contractors, flexible hours
Work structures that tend to fit better
Given concentration and employment-retention challenges, the structure of work matters as much as the field:
- Remote or hybrid — removes a lot of sensory and social overhead
- Contract / freelance / gig — more control over workload and schedule
- Part-time to start — many disability recipients can earn up to a threshold without losing benefits (look into SSA's Ticket to Work program if you're in the US)
Low-barrier entry points worth knowing about
- Ticket to Work (SSA) — free job training and placement specifically for disability recipients
- Vocational Rehabilitation — state-funded program that can pay for training, certifications, even equipment
- Google Career Certificates — IT Support, Cybersecurity, Data Analytics — affordable, no degree needed, respected by employers
- ADHD/autism-friendly employers — companies like Microsoft, SAP, and EY have specific neurodiversity hiring programs
Honest reality check (the kind you asked for)
Starting part-time or freelance at a modest income while protecting your benefits is smarter than swinging for a full-time job immediately and burning out. Stability first, then build. A $15–20/hr remote tech support or data role is a completely realistic near-term target with your background.
You're not starting from zero — you have more foundation than you're giving yourself credit for. The IT background, however incomplete, puts you ahead of most career changers in that space.
What country are you in? That would help narrow down the specific programs and paths most relevant to you.
What do I do if the only thing I’m passionate about in life is something that is basically just a hobby
23M, got a bachelors (STEM) last year and got a job a month later. It’s not aligned with what I studied. It’s basically customer service. I hate the job a lot. But I’m not rich enough to leave. I actually am not interested in 99% of jobs. The only thing that makes me happy to wake up is photography. But I don’t make any money from it. I don’t have any brand deals or customers. Getting a job in photography is basically impossible. It’s basically just a hobby at this point.
I don’t know what I’m doing with my life. Your only passion being something that won’t make you money is an awful feeling. I know it sounds like everyone else’s story. Everyone has a passion but has to work a job. Everyone hates their job, yes, I’ve already heard it.
I cannot bear this anymore. No one else wants to hire me. And photography won’t pay the bills. So I’m stuck in an office all day. This life is truly awful.
Jobadvisor
It is incredibly heavy to feel like the only thing that gives your life color is locked behind a glass wall while you're stuck grinding away at a job that drains you. And honestly, hearing people say, "Well, everyone hates their job, welcome to adulthood," doesn't help at all—it just makes the future look like a bleak, 40-year prison sentence.
Let's validate one thing right off the bat: You are not wrong for feeling this way, and your situation is not hopeless. You have a STEM degree, you have a steady paycheck (even if it sucks right now), and you have a genuine passion. That is a powerful foundation, even if it feels like a trap today.
When your passion is a creative hobby like photography, navigating the "find a path" dilemma usually comes down to three realistic strategies. Let's break them down.
Strategy 1: The "Boring Job, Beautiful Life" Model
Right now, you hate your job and you feel trapped. But what if the job wasn't a career, but simply a venture capitalist funding your true life?
Many creatives intentionally choose unglamorous, low-stress jobs that they leave at the office at 5:00 PM. The job pays for the camera gear, the travel, the rent, and the healthcare.
The Shift: Stop looking for "fulfillment" in your 9-to-5. Look for utility.
The Goal: Find a job that you don't hate, even if you don't love it. A quiet back-office data role, an administrative gig, or a low-key tech support role that doesn't involve screaming customers.
Why it works: It removes the financial pressure from your photography. The moment photography must pay your rent, it stops being your escape and starts being the thing stressing you out at 3:00 AM.
Strategy 2: The STEM/Photography Bridge
You mentioned you have a STEM degree. While you might not be interested in 99% of jobs, that degree gives you leverage that 99% of other photographers don't have. Creative industries desperately need people who understand technical logic, and technical industries desperately need people who understand visual communication.
Consider looking for jobs that sit right on the border of your background and your passion:
| Industry / Role | Why It Fits Your Background | How It Involves Photography/Visuals |
| Medical/Scientific Photography | Requires a technical/STEM background to understand the subject matter accurately. | Documenting research, surgical procedures, or geological samples. |
| UX/UI Design or Frontend | Bridges logical coding/problem-solving with visual aesthetics and layout. | Direct control over how images and visual assets are used digitally. |
| E-Commerce Technical Ops | Uses STEM logic to manage digital pipelines, databases, and assets. | Managing massive product photography catalogs and studio workflows for major brands. |
| Camera/Optical Engineering | Pure STEM (Physics/Engineering). | Designing the very hardware, sensors, and lenses you use. |
Strategy 3: Treating Photography Like a Business (Not a Job)
You said getting a job in photography is basically impossible. You are 100% right—studios rarely hire full-time photographers anymore.
But people do make money from it by treating it as a scrappy, side-hustle business. If you want to make money from photography, you have to spend 20% of your time shooting and 80% of your time marketing, networking, and cold-emailing.
If you want to test the waters without quitting your day job:
Find a niche that pays: Landscape and street photography are beautiful, but they rarely pay bills. Real estate photography, corporate headshots, local event coverage, and high school senior portraits do pay.
The Weekend Warrior: Commit to using just one day of your weekend to pitch local businesses. Offer to shoot updated photos for a local restaurant's menu or a local gym's Instagram page for a low introductory fee.
A Note on the Immediate Future
You are 23. You have been out of school for a single year. This current, awful office job is a comma in your life story, not a period. You are allowed to be exhausted, but please don't let this temporary, entry-level trap convince you that the next 40 years will look exactly like this.
Since you have that STEM degree in your back pocket, which specific field did you major in? There might be a hidden, visually-driven niche inside it that you haven't discovered yet.
Any career suggestions for a single unemployed man with no children or girlfriend/wife?
Im a 32M and Ive hit a rock bottom. My twenties were extremely unproductive, but I have managed to change most of my bad habits that led to me not being able to hold a job really throughout my 20s. I have a Bachelors degree in English, but thats about it. I live in an area where there are hundreds of people scrapping to just get a dish washing job. Its embarrassing but I am currently living with my mom and I need to find a way out of my situation. I have nothing tying me down and I would love a career where I could travel alot. Anyone have suggestions or have a similar story to mine?
Jobadvisor
First off, take a deep breath. Turning your habits around and getting clean/productive after a rough patch is a massive achievement. The fact that you are 32, single, have a college degree, and have zero geographic ties means you aren't just "not tied down"—you are completely untethered. In the workforce, that is a massive competitive advantage.
Most people can't take jobs that require moving every six months, living on a ship, or flying across the world at a moment's notice because they have kids, pets, or partners. Your lack of ties is your leverage.
Since local jobs in your area are scarce and highly competitive, your best bet is to look at paths that provide housing, travel, and a clean break from your current environment. Here are a few concrete career tracks tailored exactly to your situation:
1. Teaching English Abroad (TEFL/ESL)
Since you already have a Bachelor’s degree in English, you are already 80% qualified for this. Many countries require any four-year degree, but having an English degree makes you a premium candidate.
The Vibe: You move to a country like South Korea, Japan, Taiwan, or Vietnam.
The Perks: Most reputable programs (like JET in Japan or EPIK in South Korea) pay for your flight, provide a rent-free apartment, and offer a salary that allows you to save money while traveling Asia on your breaks.
How to start: Look into getting a 120-hour TEFL (Teaching English as a Foreign Language) certificate online (can be done in a few weeks for cheap) and start applying to recruitment agencies.
2. Maritime Careers (Merchant Marines or Cruise Ships)
If you want to completely leave land behind for months at a time, see the world, and stack cash without spending a dime on rent or food, look to the water.
Merchant Marines: You work on commercial cargo ships. You start as an "Ordinary Seaman" doing basic maintenance and deck work. The entry barrier is low, the pay is solid, and you are out at sea for months, followed by months of complete freedom.
Cruise Ships: With an English degree, you don't have to scramble for manual labor roles. You can apply for "Guest Services," Shore Excursions, or Cruise Staff (entertainment/activities). You live on the ship, travel from port to port, and interact with people constantly.
How to start: For Merchant Marines, you’ll need a MMC (Merchant Mariner Credential) and a TWIC card (Transportation Worker Identification Credential). For cruise ships, look directly at hiring partners for lines like Royal Caribbean, Carnival, or Norwegian.
3. Flight Attendant
Airlines are constantly hiring, and they actively look for mature adults who can handle customer service and safety protocols.
The Vibe: Total geographic flexibility. You will be based out of a major hub city (which gets you out of your hometown immediately), and your entire life becomes traveling, staying in hotels, and flying.
The Perks: Free or heavily discounted flight benefits for you, meaning you can travel the world for next to nothing on your days off.
How to start: Look at the "Careers" pages for major airlines (Delta, United, American) or regional ones (SkyWest, Envoy). They don't care that your 20s were spotty; they care if you can pass a background check, show up on time, and handle stressful situations with a calm face.
4. Seasonal Work (Coolè¨è¨ˆ / Adventure Tourism)
There is a massive subculture of people who live entirely on seasonal contracts.
The Vibe: Working a summer at a national park lodge (like Yellowstone or Zion) and a winter at a ski resort in Colorado or Utah.
The Perks: These jobs almost always offer heavily subsidized employee housing and meal plans. You live in beautiful places, work with other people who are also looking for a fresh start or an adventure, and can transition from one contract to the next.
How to start: Go to CoolWorks.com. It is the ultimate job board for seasonal work with housing. They have roles ranging from front desk agents and drivers to night auditors and kitchen staff.
A Note on the Gap in Your Resume:
When you apply to these places, do not apologize for your 20s. You don't need to tell them you were unproductive. If asked about employment gaps, you can simply use an absolute classic line: "I spent a few years dealing with a private family health matter that has since been completely resolved, and I am now fully focused and eager to dedicate myself to a long-term career."
You are at a turning point, not an end point. Living with your mom right now is just the staging area for your next chapter. Pick one of these paths that makes your chest feel a little lighter when you think about it, and treat applying to it like your full-time job.