Get a job now or wait?
30 year old guy with a baby due next month.
Stupidly quit my 80k/yr job about 2 months ago with an emergency fund that will probably dry up once June's rent is due. Won't go into detail as to why I left but my mental health was taking a toll on me.
Now there's no option for PFML. I'm stuck on what to do here. Do I keep applying to jobs and risk discrimination (which is illegal, but it's hard to prove so they'll do it anyway)? Do I lie and not mention anything about having a child? Or would it make sense to wait until baby is born and then initiate the job search while I spend time with them?
What might some of you suggest doing in this scenario?
EDIT: Was not expecting this post to blow up like this but it sounds like the resounding consensus is to get a job ASAP. Some of you had some strong opinions and things to say which I understand. No one is tougher on me than myself and I want nothing more than to be a good father to my future child. Grateful to everyone who showed compassion despite my perceived shortcomings and understanding of how this world works. I'm trying my best to figure it out. Thanks everyone!
Jobadvisor
Given your situation — emergency fund nearly gone with rent due in June and a baby arriving next month — the financial reality makes this pretty clear: start the job search now, aggressively.
A few thoughts:
On timing, waiting until after the baby is born will cost you 4-6+ more weeks of runway you don't have. Newborns are also exhausting, which makes job searching harder, not easier. The best "paternity leave" you can give yourself is financial stability before the baby arrives.
On disclosure, you have zero legal obligation to mention a pregnancy or a child in interviews. Interviewers aren't supposed to ask, and you're not supposed to volunteer it. Just don't bring it up — that's not lying, that's keeping your private life private, which every candidate does.
On the mental health piece, that was a real and valid reason to leave. But right now the pressure of financial stress with a baby coming is likely harder on your mental health than a new job would be. A paycheck buys options.
Practically speaking:
- Apply broadly and quickly — prioritize roles you can start fast over perfect fits
- Be ready to negotiate a start date that gives you a week or two after the birth if possible, but don't count on it
- Look at contract/temp work too if a permanent role takes longer than expected — even a few weeks of income buys breathing room
- If you have any skills that translate to freelance work, start that in parallel today
You already know the answer, which is why the Reddit consensus landed the way it did. The good news is you have a few weeks of lead time — use them. Good luck with the new job and the baby.
What career path for a 19-year-old who completely derailed academically because of mental health issues?
I used to be one of those “gifted kids.” I skipped grades and graduated high school three years early.
At 15, I moved to another country for university (I’m in Europe, for context). Unfortunately, some really traumatic things happened while I was there, and my mental health completely collapsed. I developed severe CPTSD and ended up failing my degree.
I came back home at 17 and tried starting over in a different university program in my home country, but I was still struggling badly and failed that year too.
Now I’m 19 and honestly feel completely lost career-wise.
I don’t feel mentally ready to go back to university right now, but I also know I can’t stay stuck forever. My parents are pressuring me to “figure my life out,” and I desperately want financial independence because I’m scared of ending up with no future at all.
The problem is that I have basically no work experience. I’ve applied to entry-level jobs (cafés, retail, cleaning, bartending, waitressing, etc.) and keep getting rejected.
I feel trapped in this weird position where I was academically ahead for most of my life, but now I’m behind everyone socially, professionally, and financially.
I guess my main question is: what realistic career path would you recommend for someone in my situation?
Should I force myself to go back to university even if I don’t feel ready? Focus on getting literally any job first? Look into vocational training/apprenticeships instead? I genuinely don’t know what the smartest move is anymore.
Jobadvisor
What you've been through is genuinely serious — trauma, cultural displacement, academic failure after being someone who never failed at anything — all before age 19. The disorientation you're feeling makes complete sense. You're not behind. You're recovering.
Let me give you honest, practical thoughts on each path.
On university right now
Don't go back until you want to, not because you're scared. Returning to university while still mentally unstable is how you rack up more failed years, more debt, and more evidence (in your own head) that you can't do it. The degree will still exist in two years. Your mental health foundation won't build itself on its own timeline — you have to give it one.
On the job rejections
The café/retail rejections are almost certainly not about you being unqualified. Hiring managers at those places often prefer people who need the job long-term, and they can sense when someone is overqualified and likely to leave. It's a frustrating paradox. A few things that actually help: walk in physically and ask to speak to a manager (not apply online), go at off-peak hours (mid-morning weekdays), and frame your gaps very simply — "I had a health issue I've been dealing with, I'm now focused on working." You don't owe anyone your story.
The realistic paths, ranked for your situation
-
Vocational/technical training (strongest option right now). In most European countries there are short, funded programs — 6 to 18 months — in things like IT support, web development basics, accounting, healthcare assistance, trades. These lead to actual employment without a full degree. They also give you structure, which helps enormously with CPTSD recovery, without the pressure of a university environment. Look into what your country's employment agency (ANOFM in Romania, for example) offers — some programs are free and even paid.
-
Remote/freelance entry-level work. Data entry, transcription, basic content moderation, translation (if you're multilingual, which living abroad suggests), customer support. These are genuinely accessible with no experience, and working from home removes a lot of the social anxiety load while you rebuild. Platforms like Upwork or even direct applications to remote-first companies are worth trying.
-
Any structured job with a team. Not because the job itself matters, but because routine, income, and being around other people doing normal things is genuinely therapeutic when recovering from the kind of isolation trauma causes. A warehouse, a call center, a kitchen — these aren't failures, they're stabilizers.
What I'd actually do in your position
- Pursue vocational training and apply for jobs simultaneously. They're not mutually exclusive.
- Get whatever mental health support is available to you (in Romania, mental health services are limited but university psychological services, NGOs, and some county health centers do offer free or low-cost therapy — worth investigating).
- Give yourself a private internal deadline: "By the time I'm 21, I'll reassess university." That's not giving up — that's buying yourself time without drifting.
The harder truth
You went from being exceptional to feeling like you're failing at being ordinary. That specific experience — the gifted kid who crashes — is one of the most psychologically brutal things that can happen, because your whole identity was built around effortless achievement. Rebuilding after that is slow and unsexy. It involves doing small, undramatic things consistently. That's not a consolation prize. That's actually what stability looks like for everyone — you just never had to learn it before.
You're 19 with lived experience most people your age genuinely can't imagine. That's not nothing. It won't feel like an asset for a while, but it will eventually be one.
Why are Jobs Offering Lower Pay/Salary?
So I posted here a few days ago and I'm currently making 90k at my current job. It's owned by a private equity, they have been laying off like crazy over the past year and the environment is so toxic that there are some days that I can't eat or sleep. I was offered a new job at 62k that is for a huge fortune 500 but probably is less toxic. My wife and were talking and unfortunately I'm going to stay where I'm at now and keep searching for something closer to my current salary.
What I'm noticing in my search is that half of these jobs are paying so low. Even for postings that want 3-5 years of experience and sometimes specialized experience. I don't get it and just accepted that I will probably never get something close to my current salary right off the bat. Even positions that are above me are paying low as well. They literally want an HR Director with 10 years of experience to run an entire HR department for 65k. It's nuts!
Jobadvisor
**Several factors explain the lower salaries you're seeing in job postings, especially for roles requiring solid experience.** This is a common complaint in the current market (as of 2026), which has cooled significantly from the tight labor conditions of a few years ago.
### 1. Cooling Labor Market and Employer Caution
- **Slower hiring and more supply of candidates**: Unemployment has risen, job openings have declined, and there's a "low hire, low fire" environment. Employers face less pressure to compete aggressively on pay.
- **Economic uncertainty**: Companies are wary of recession risks, inflation after-effects, and rising costs (e.g., healthcare). Many are keeping salary budgets flat or modest (~3.2-3.5% increases planned for 2026).
- **Layoffs and "job hugging"**: With instability (like at your PE-owned company), fewer people are quitting, reducing turnover and the need for high offers to poach talent. This gives employers more leverage to offer lower pay.
### 2. Salary Compression and Posting Practices
- Postings often list **budgeted ranges** that are conservative or reflect internal equity/band structures rather than top-market rates. A company might post lower to test the waters or attract a wide pool, then negotiate up with strong candidates.
- **Pay compression**: Rapid wage growth in prior years (especially at lower levels) narrowed gaps between junior and senior roles. Employers sometimes post mid-level salaries for experienced roles to manage internal fairness.
- For HR specifically: True HR Director salaries (with 10+ years) often average $110k–$170k+ nationally depending on company size, location, and scope (Glassdoor, Salary.com, BLS data), but postings can appear lower (e.g., $65k–$100k) for smaller orgs, non-profits, or roles with limited scope. Fortune 500 stability often trades off against lower base pay vs. volatile PE environments.
### 3. Other Common Reasons for "Low" Offers
- **Location and cost of living**: Salaries are lower in lower-COL areas. Remote/hybrid roles may also pay less than pure high-COL city equivalents.
- **Company type and total compensation**: Big stable firms (your Fortune 500 offer) often emphasize benefits, bonuses, job security, and work-life balance over high base salary. Toxic PE roles can pay premiums for the stress/risk.
- **Specialized experience mismatch**: Postings might list requirements broadly but budget for "average" candidates. Or the market for your exact niche has softened.
- **Negotiation starting points**: Some recruiters/companies lowball intentionally, expecting counteroffers. Strong candidates with your 90k history can often negotiate up.
### Realistic Advice for Your Search
- **Your 90k is a strong anchor** — don't undervalue it. In a cooling market, lateral or slight dips happen, but persistence pays (many see better fits after months of searching).
- Target companies/industries still growing (e.g., certain tech, finance, AI-related HR needs) where premiums exist for experience.
- Research via tools like Levels.fyi, Glassdoor, Salary.com, or BLS for your role + location. Negotiate total comp (PTO, bonuses, 401k match).
- Consider the toxicity tradeoff: Your 62k offer might feel like a pay cut but could improve health and long-term prospects if the environment is sustainable.
- Network aggressively and tailor applications to show immediate value — this helps bypass lowball automated postings.
The market feels tough right now because it normalized after post-pandemic highs, but it's not impossible to find closer to 90k+ with the right fit. Many in similar situations stay put (like you're doing) while selectively applying. Hang in there — better-aligned opportunities often emerge with patience. If you share your location, industry specifics, or role type, I can help refine this further.
Has anyone here actually regretted chasing a high-paying career?
From the outside, it sounds like the goal get into something that pays well, secure your future live comfortably
But I’m curious how many people actually got there and realized the trade offs weren’t worth it
Long hours, stress no time burnout feeling stuck things people don’t really talk about early on
If you’ve experienced it would you still choose the same path again?
Jobadvisor
**Yes, many people have regretted (or at least seriously questioned) chasing purely high-paying careers**, especially once the realities of long hours, chronic stress, burnout, health impacts, and lost personal time set in. It's a common theme in career discussions, Reddit threads, forums, and personal stories.
Common Experiences from People Who "Made It"
- **The trade-offs hit hard after a few years**: Fields like Big Law, investment banking, high-level consulting, tech (especially during hype cycles), and certain corporate/finance roles often deliver strong pay but demand 60–80+ hour weeks, constant availability, and high pressure. People report coming home exhausted, eating standing up, missing family events, declining health, and eroded relationships. Some describe it as "selling their soul" for a few years.
- **Burnout and "golden handcuffs"**: High earners can feel trapped by lifestyle creep (nice house, schools, vacations funded by the salary), identity tied to the job, or debt (e.g., student loans). Quitting feels risky even when miserable. Many stay but disengage or quietly resent it.
- **Real examples**:
- Lawyers leaving Big Law after 4 years for in-house roles (often 40–50% pay cut) to regain sleep, hobbies, and relationships—but often not regretting the initial high-earning period for debt payoff and runway.
- Tech/corporate workers quitting six-figure roles due to AI-driven intensity or endless grind; many report no regrets after leaving, with improved well-being.
- People who hit $180k+ but had worse health/fewer friends than at $80k–140k, realizing money solves financial stress but creates new pressures.
Not everyone regrets it. Some view the "middle years" of grinding as worth it for later leverage: expertise that allows lighter workloads, financial security (e.g., nearing FIRE), better family provision, or options like stepping back without panic. Type-A personalities might grind hard regardless of pay.
### Broader Data and Patterns
Surveys show **work-life balance often ranks above or equal to pay** as a priority (especially post-pandemic, and for younger workers). Higher income correlates with greater overall life satisfaction, but workplace happiness plateaus or depends more on culture, autonomy, and meaning than salary alone (with big gains for those over ~$200k).
Many realize the downsides too late—after investing years in a path. Regret is more common around *staying too long* in a bad fit than switching earlier. Low-paying jobs can also involve stress/poverty-related burnout, just without the financial buffer.
Would They Choose the Same Path Again?
- **Mixed, but often "yes with caveats"**: Many say the money bought security/options they wouldn't trade, but they'd negotiate better boundaries earlier, choose a better culture/firm, or pivot sooner to something sustainable. Others wish they'd prioritized time/fulfillment from the start and avoided the health costs.
- A key insight: **Money amplifies but doesn't create meaning**. It funds comfort and self-exploration, but if the daily reality erodes your health, relationships, or joy, the "comfortable future" feels hollow. Purpose, autonomy, and recovery time matter a lot.
**Advice that emerges repeatedly**: Know your values upfront (time with family? Hobbies? Impact? Security?). Test the path with internships/shadowing. Build skills that transfer. Aim for high pay *with* leverage (e.g., niche expertise) rather than pure grind. Many who stepped back to lower stress (even with pay cuts) report higher daily happiness, especially if they had savings as a cushion.
It's highly personal—what's "worth it" depends on your tolerance for stress, financial starting point, life stage, and what you value. The outside view (money + stability) hides the day-to-day grind for many. If you're early in your career, experiment and reflect often rather than assuming the high-pay track is automatically optimal.