As leaders, we need to move beyond talking about the “confidence gap.” The better focus is building a culture of recognition—where people are seen, valued, and rewarded for their actual contributions.
“You should watch your tone. You’re becoming overconfident,” my former boss said during my performance review. I had just walked him through a strong year in which I exceeded every goal. His response left me stunned.
This was the same manager who had previously told me I was too quiet and needed to be more visible. When I took that feedback seriously and started speaking up about my results, I was suddenly labeled as smug and advised to “balance that high level of confidence with some humility.”
My story is far from unique. In talent reviews and succession discussions, women are frequently told they lack confidence, need to speak up more, advocate for themselves, and own their accomplishments. Yet when they do exactly that, many face backlash.
New data support this reality. According to a Workleap survey, 78% of women say they are comfortable promoting their professional achievements. The problem isn’t that women lack confidence—it’s that many workplaces penalize them for showing it. 34% of women fear negative feedback if they self-promote, and 55% say the current political climate makes self-advocacy even harder.
What Leaders Should Do Instead
1. Challenge bias around confidence
We don’t treat confidence the same way across genders. A man who speaks directly about his wins is often seen as competent and assertive. A woman doing the same can be called arrogant, difficult, or “too much.”
Leaders must actively question these double standards. When you hear comments like “She’s overly confident” or “She comes across as aggressive,” push back with clarity:
- “I don’t see her as too much—I see her owning her results.”
- “We told her to be more visible. Now that she is, are we punishing her for it?”
- “Would we describe a male colleague the same way if he shared identical results?”
Call out bias in the moment. Help your teams examine their own assumptions about who is “allowed” to be confident.
2. Share the spotlight proactively
The best leaders don’t wait for team members to ask for recognition—they give it freely and publicly.
Practical ways to advocate for your people:
- “I’m meeting with the division president next week and will highlight your project and contributions.”
- “I’d like you to present the product launch results at the next town hall.”
- “I’m nominating you for an industry award—here’s the draft. Add anything I missed.”
Ask your team members how they prefer to be recognized. Some thrive in big public settings; others value private, sincere acknowledgment.
3. Build a genuine culture of recognition
Recognition shouldn’t be limited to annual performance reviews. Make it frequent, consistent, and collective so the burden doesn’t fall entirely on individuals to promote themselves.
Simple but effective practices include:
- Peer nominations in quarterly meetings for awards like “Best Problem Solver,” “Meeting MVP,” or “Above and Beyond.”
- Quick weekly rounds where each person shares (in 60 seconds or less) one thing they’re working on and excited about.
- Regular rituals that celebrate progress and impact in real time.
When recognition becomes part of the team’s everyday rhythm, people don’t have to choose between staying quiet or risking backlash for speaking up.
It’s time to stop framing the issue as women’s lack of confidence. Many women are confident. The real work is creating environments where that confidence is welcomed and rewarded—rather than punished.
Leaders who focus on recognition, challenge bias, and proactively advocate for their teams will build stronger cultures where everyone can do their best work.