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How would you respond to this message from a CEO you used to work for?
For context, him and I have always had a great relationship and I left the company on excellent terms. Since leaving, I’ve become a client of theirs and I often recommend them to clients of mine. I’ve brought them loads of business. We send messages to one another quite frequently (work related), so it’s not a case of only messaging him when I need something.
Recently, through no fault of my own, I was laid off (there are mass layoffs happening across the country where I live at the moment). I reached out to my connections who I regularly speak to in case they know someone hiring. This CEO was one of them.
In a nutshell, I let him know that I was recently laid off from my job that I loved (I was a senior director), and asked if he would please let me know if any of his connections are hiring for roles that I’d be suitable for. This was his response:
“How are you? Lovely to hear from you. I am sorry you lost your dream job. Difficult times indeed right now.
We have taken over the entire floor of the building now! Things certainly have changed since you left!
We are focusing heavily on AI and Tech, especially within the marketing department. This means we envisage never having to add another team member to marketing. In fact, as people leave (which doesn't happen very often, admittedly), their roles will be taken over by tech.
I don’t know of anyone who would be hiring in marketing, quite the opposite, I'm afraid.
I wish you all the best in your search.”
Something about his response just seems a bit passive aggressive, or am I reading too deep into it? I’m not sure how to respond, or whether to respond at all.
Jobadvisor
**Respond, but keep it short, positive, and professional.** Don't ignore it—your relationship has been strong, you've sent mutual business their way, and burning even a mild bridge isn't worth it in a tough market. The tone *does* come off a bit tone-deaf (the "we're expanding while replacing marketing roles with AI" part lands especially poorly when someone just told you they were laid off), but it may not be intentionally passive-aggressive. Some CEOs get wrapped up in their own company's momentum and don't calibrate well.
### Suggested reply (you can copy/adapt):
---
Hi [Name],
Thanks for the quick reply—hope you're doing well.
That's fantastic to hear about the expansion and the full floor takeover. Sounds like the AI push is really paying off. Congrats on the growth.
I'll keep pushing on the search. Appreciate you keeping an ear out. As always, if there's anything I can help with on the client/referral side, just say the word.
Best,
[Your Name]
---
### Why this works:
- **Gracious and positive**: Acknowledges their success without resentment.
- **Neutral on the painful part**: You don't engage with the "we're replacing marketing people" comment. No need to.
- **Reciprocity**: Subtly reminds him of the value you still bring (referrals/clients) without sounding bitter or desperate.
- **Ends clean**: Keeps the relationship warm for the future.
### Alternatives / tweaks:
- If you want to be slightly warmer (given your history): Add "It's always great hearing updates from you" or "Miss the energy of the old team sometimes."
- If you sense real passive-aggression and want to test the waters: You could add one light line like "The AI shift in marketing is wild—definitely changing a lot of things right now." But only if your tone with him has always been candid.
- If you're genuinely annoyed and don't want to engage much: A shorter "Thanks for the update and the well wishes. All the best." works too, but the fuller version is safer for networking.
You're not reading *too* deeply— the response lacks basic emotional intelligence for someone who just said they lost a job they loved. But in tough economies, people often default to talking about their own wins. Stay classy, protect your network, and focus energy on people who are more helpful right now. Good luck with the search—you've got a solid track record and relationships; that matters.
How do I stop emotionally spiraling on client calls and actually communicate better?
TL;DR: Had a tense video call with my client contact, ended it because I was about to cry. Now there's a three-way call with her and her manager coming up. How do I keep the contract and de-escalate?
Three months into a new client engagement. My contact and I do not communicate well. She's controlling about how our team interacts with hers. All questions must go through her via their case management system only. No direct contact with anyone else on their side. As a result I end up re-asking questions I could clarify in two minutes with someone else. Not everything is that serious.
She's been growing visibly frustrated with me. Lots of dismissive one-liners like "as we've previously discussed." It's discouraging.
Last week we had a call to go over several complex cases that had gone sideways. I told her what I needed: acknowledgement of a technical issue on their end, and how to communicate it to their users. She said she wasn't going to do my job for me. Then said she was starting to regret bringing us on.
I ended the call. I was on the verge of breaking down. We haven't brought it up since.
I flagged it with my own manager. They suggested a calm check-in with her and her manager to align on goals. That backfired. She demanded a written explanation before agreeing to meet. Her manager shut that down and said let's just have a productive conversation.
Now I'm panicking. I need this engagement on my CV. I'm 55. She gets complaints from other vendors too but she's technically indispensable and nothing ever changes.
How do I de-escalate and keep the relationship functional? What do I say when she takes a jab and I feel myself starting to react? How do I get my needs across without it sounding like a complaint? Any scripts or mindset shifts appreciated.
Jobadvisor
This is a high-pressure situation, but you actually have more leverage than you think. The fact that her manager overrode her demand for a "written explanation" suggests they are aware of her friction-heavy style and want to keep things moving.
At 55, you have decades of professional "mileage." This isn't about your incompetence; it’s about a clash between your need for efficiency and her need for control. Here is how to navigate the upcoming call, stay grounded, and protect your contract.
1. The Mindset Shift: "The Game of Professionalism"
When she jabs at you, she is trying to elicit a reaction to justify her frustration. Stop viewing her as a "boss" or a "partner" and start viewing her as a difficult technical requirement.
Depersonalize the Jab: When she says "I'm regretting bringing you on," tell yourself: "That is a data point about her stress level, not a reflection of my worth."
The "Grey Rock" Method: Be professionally boring. Don’t defend, don’t over-explain, and don’t get emotional. Just stick to the project’s health.
2. Managing the Physical Spiral
When you feel the "verge of tears" sensation (the lump in the throat or the heat in your face), your nervous system is in fight-or-flight.
The "Feet on the Floor" Trick: Push your heels into the ground as hard as you can. It forces your brain to focus on a physical sensation away from your chest/throat.
The Muted Sip: Keep a glass of ice water nearby. If she says something stinging, take a slow sip of water before responding. This creates a natural 5-second "silence buffer" that looks like thoughtful contemplation rather than panic.
Box Breathing: Inhale for 4, hold for 4, exhale for 4. Do this while she is talking.
3. Scripts for De-escalation
The goal of the three-way call is to reset the interface, not to litigate the past.
When she takes a jab ("As we've already discussed...")
"You're right, we have touched on this. I want to make sure I’m interpreting your previous guidance correctly so we don't lose any more time. To confirm, the priority is [X]?"
When she says you aren't doing your job
"My goal is to deliver [Result] with the highest accuracy. To do that, I need to ensure the technical data from [System] is aligned with our output. How can we bridge that gap within the current workflow?"
Addressing the "Breakdown" Call (Only if it comes up)
"I realized during our last call that we were both frustrated and the conversation wasn't being productive. I stepped away so we could reset and approach this today with fresh eyes."
4. Getting Your Needs Met (Without "Complaining")
Frame your needs as Risk Mitigation. Don't say "I need to talk to other people." Say "I want to reduce the bottleneck on your time."
| Instead of saying... | Try saying... |
| "I need to talk to the tech team directly." | "I want to protect your calendar from these granular technical queries. Is there a 'Tier 2' contact I can CC on the case system for specific data issues?" |
| "You're being unclear/dismissive." | "To ensure we meet the Q4 goals without rework, I've drafted a brief checklist for our tickets. Would that help streamline the approvals?" |
| "It's hard to work with you." | "I value the standards you've set for this project. My focus today is ensuring my team has the exact technical inputs required to meet those standards." |
5. The Strategy for the Three-Way Call
Lead with the Positive: Start by mentioning a specific win or a goal you are excited to hit. This signals to her manager that you are "on the team."
Own the Process, Not the Emotion: If they ask how things are going, say: "We’ve had some growing pains regarding the communication workflow. I’m looking for the most efficient way to get [Client Name] the results they need while respecting [Contact's Name]'s process."
Let Her Be the "Difficult" One: If she gets snappy in front of her manager, stay calm. Her manager will see the contrast. Your calm is your power.
Final Thought: You are a seasoned pro. This contract is a business arrangement, not a performance review of your soul. If you can bridge the next three months by being "relentlessly helpful and slightly robotic," you win.
Given the current job market, is it incredibly stupid to leave an extremely stable, low stress job moderate paying job to pursue living in my 'dream' city?
My job is extremely stable. My bosses are incredible. That's worth so much by itself. And I like the job. Its so stable it would take a whole lot to fire me.
I however have a dream to live in a much bigger city then my current small town. Being in IT, I am a tiny bit ahead in the job market. But also the job market is terrible from what I heard.
Given that, I don't even know if applying to places in a big city is worth it cause I could never get hired or I am hired and then cut. I also feel like its ungrateful for me to pursue a 'dream' when so many people can even get a job to begin with.
Just wanted so perspectives, a bigger city would allow me to pursue opportunities I didn't have before but also that means nothing with the ability to get those.
Edit: I should've added I would get a job in the new city first and then move. Then I feel like being a local would give me an advance to switch careers.
Edit2: okay it didn't take long but general consensus is it's absolutely a stupid idea. It hurts to hear cause you see so many people online say 'if your not trying to make you dreams a reality you're not working hard enough or a failure' seems like even if I 'worked hard' the risk is still incredibly high. Thank you everyone and feel free to continue commenting. I need the reality check.
Jobadvisor
The short answer is: It’s not "stupid," but the timing is objectively risky.
The "Internet Consensus" often swings between two extremes: toxic hustle culture ("Leap and the net will appear!") and extreme doom-scrolling ("The economy is collapsing, never move!"). The truth is that in 2026, the IT market has shifted from a "growth at all costs" phase to a "surgical efficiency" phase.
Here is a reality check based on the current 2026 landscape to help you decide if your dream is worth the gamble.
1. The State of the 2026 IT Market
The market isn't "terrible," but it is highly selective.
The AI Pivot: Layoffs are still happening (over 90,000 so far this year), but they aren't necessarily because companies are failing. They are "re-skilling." Companies are cutting generalist roles to fund AI and cybersecurity initiatives.
The "Local" Myth: You mentioned being a local might give you an advantage. In 2026, this is less true than it used to be. Most big-city tech hubs (Austin, NYC, Seattle) are saturated with laid-off talent from Meta, Microsoft, and Google who are already "local." You won't just be competing with people moving there; you’ll be competing with people who were just let go from the biggest names in the industry.
Hiring Friction: Even if you are a "tiny bit ahead," the interview process in major cities has become a marathon. Expect 5-7 rounds of interviews and 3-4 months of lead time.
2. The "Stability" Trap
You have what many in 2026 would kill for: Low stress + High stability + Good bosses.
In a big city, the culture is often the opposite. You might land a job that pays $30k more, but if the rent is $20k higher and the culture is "perform or perish," your quality of life might actually decrease.
3. A "Smart" Way to Chase the Dream
Leaving your job before finding another would be the only thing I'd categorize as "incredibly stupid." Since you plan to get a job first, you aren't being reckless—you're being ambitious.
If you want to test the waters without ruining your life, do this:
The "Shadow" Job Hunt: Update your LinkedIn location to your dream city now. Apply to 10-20 "dream" roles. See if you get a bite. If you get zero callbacks in a month, that is your "market reality check" telling you to stay put and upskill.
Calculate the "Net Happiness": Use a cost-of-living calculator for 2026. If you make $80k in a small town, you might need $140k in a city like NYC or SF just to maintain the same lifestyle.
The AI Skill Check: Ensure your resume mentions how you use AI tools (LLMs, Copilots, or automation). In the current market, "traditional IT" is being overlooked for "AI-integrated IT."
4. Perspective on "Ungratefulness"
Don't feel ungrateful. Feeling bad because others don't have jobs is like not eating because people are starving—it doesn't actually help them. If you move and vacate your stable job, you are actually opening up a rare, stable position for someone else who might desperately need it.
Bottom Line: It is a high-risk, high-reward move. If you can land a signed offer letter with a relocation bonus before you resign, the "stupidity" disappears and it just becomes a career move.
If you don't mind me asking, what specific sub-field of IT are you in? (That changes the "risk" level significantly.)
Math vs Stats degree as a researcher?
Hi everybody. I’m trying to decide between studying Mathematics or Statistics, and I’d like to hear opinions from people working in academia or research.
My main goal is not industry or corporate work — I’m much more interested in research, and ideally I’d like to become a university professor someday. For people who have experience in either field, which degree do you think is better for someone focused mainly on research and academia? Is Statistics currently a good field for academic opportunities and funding?
All opinions are welcome :)
Jobadvisor
If your long-term goal is research and academia, the answer is less about “which degree is better” and more about:
what kind of problems you want to spend 40 years thinking about, and
how much abstraction vs application you enjoy.
Both Mathematics and Statistics can absolutely lead to a research career and professorship. But the day-to-day intellectual style is different.
The shortest version
Choose Mathematics if you are drawn to:
proofs,
abstraction,
theory-building,
pure reasoning,
structures and rigor.
Choose Statistics if you are drawn to:
uncertainty,
data,
inference,
modeling real phenomena,
applied problems with mathematical foundations.
For academic careers specifically, Statistics is currently a very strong field in terms of:
funding,
interdisciplinary demand,
relevance to AI/data science,
collaboration opportunities.
But pure math can still be an incredible academic path if you genuinely love it enough to tolerate a narrower job market.
Important reality check about academia
Regardless of field:
becoming a professor is extremely competitive,
tenure-track positions are limited,
research output matters far more than the exact undergraduate label.
A strong student in either field can:
do a PhD,
publish,
specialize,
become faculty.
Your future research area matters much more than whether your bachelor’s diploma literally says “Math” or “Stats.”
Mathematics research path
A Mathematics degree usually gives:
stronger proof training,
broader theoretical foundations,
more flexibility for highly abstract research.
Typical areas:
algebra,
topology,
analysis,
geometry,
number theory,
logic,
PDEs,
dynamical systems.
You also can pivot later into:
theoretical statistics,
machine learning theory,
mathematical physics,
quantitative finance,
CS theory.
Advantages
Very deep theoretical training.
Excellent preparation for abstract reasoning.
Easier transition from math → stats than vice versa in many cases.
Strong prestige in theoretical disciplines.
Downsides
Academic job market in pure math is notoriously difficult.
Funding can be more limited in some subfields.
Research can become extremely specialized and isolated.
Fewer industry “fallbacks” unless you build applied skills too.
If you love proving theorems for their own sake, this may still be exactly right for you.
Statistics research path
Modern Statistics is much broader than many students realize.
Research statistics today overlaps heavily with:
machine learning,
AI,
biostatistics,
causal inference,
Bayesian methods,
computational science,
neuroscience,
economics,
genomics.
A Statistics researcher often works on:
designing inference methods,
uncertainty quantification,
probabilistic modeling,
methodology development,
large-scale data analysis.
Advantages
Extremely strong funding environment right now.
High demand across universities.
Easier interdisciplinary collaboration.
More grants tied to health/data/AI.
Strong backup career options outside academia.
Applied work often has visible impact.
Downsides
Some programs can become too computational and less mathematically rigorous.
Depending on department culture, you may do more applied collaboration than deep theory.
You may need substantial programming/computational work.
If you like both mathematics and real-world modeling, statistics is often an excellent compromise.
One thing many students overlook
The best path for a future researcher is often:
Major in Mathematics + specialize later in Statistics/Probability/ML
Why?
Because:
advanced statistics is fundamentally mathematical,
probability theory is deeply mathematical,
a rigorous math background gives enormous flexibility.
Many top statisticians originally trained as mathematicians.
On the other hand, if you already know you strongly prefer data/inference/applied modeling over abstract proof culture, a Statistics degree is perfectly reasonable from the start.
What actually matters most for academia
Far more important than major title:
research experience,
relationships with professors,
graduate school quality,
publications,
mathematical maturity,
persistence,
enjoying the research process itself.
A student who loves their subject usually outperforms someone who picked a field because it seemed strategically better.
My practical recommendation
If you are unsure:
Do Mathematics with:
probability,
statistics,
optimization,
programming,
linear algebra,
real analysis.
That keeps every door open.
If you already know:
“I love abstract proofs and pure theory” → Math.
“I love uncertainty, modeling, and data-driven science” → Stats.
Final point
Statistics currently has:
better funding trends,
more interdisciplinary momentum,
more hiring energy.
But academia is long-term. You need a field you can obsess over even when:
papers get rejected,
grants fail,
jobs are scarce,
research stalls for months.
That intrinsic interest matters more than market trends.
Manager asked me for my 30-60-90 plan in my second week and I completely froze. Should I have had one?
New role, new company, week two. 1:1 with my manager and she asked 'so what are you thinking for your 30-60-90?'i have been in the workforce for seven years. I know what a 30-60-90 plan is. I've helped design them for people I've managed. I somehow assumed this company didn't do them formally and I was just going to figure things out as I went. I said something about wanting to get to know the team and understand the current priorities before putting together a plan. she said 'sure, can you send it by end of next week' and moved on.i have no idea what to put in it. I don't know the team or the priorities yet which is the whole problem. I'm also now stressed that this expectation existed at the start of my tenure and i clearly hadn't prepared for it.how do you build a 30-60-90 in week two of a role you're still learning.
Jobadvisor
**No, you shouldn't have had a fully fleshed-out one ready in week two — that's completely normal.** Many companies (especially ones that do 30-60-90s) expect the *new hire* to draft it as an exercise in proactive thinking, alignment, and ownership. Your response was solid and honest: you want to learn first before committing to specifics. Now you just need to deliver a thoughtful draft by the deadline.
Why this happened and why it's fixable
You've managed people before, so you know these plans exist, but every company treats them differently — some are formal, some casual. In week two, you *can't* know the real priorities, politics, or hidden challenges. A good manager knows this; they're testing how you approach ambiguity and structure your ramp-up. Your plan should show **intent and a learning agenda**, not pretend you have all the answers.
How to build it in week two
Make it **realistic, flexible, and learning-heavy** for the early phases. Use what you *do* know (job description, what you've observed so far, any onboarding materials, team org chart) and frame later phases around "I'll refine these based on X."
**Standard structure** (keep it to 1-2 pages):
- **Header**: Your name, role, start date, manager, date of plan.
- **Overall objective**: One sentence on what success looks like at 90 days (e.g., "Fully ramped, delivering core responsibilities independently, and identifying 1-2 improvement areas").
- **30 days | 60 days | 90 days** sections.
- For each phase: Focus/theme + 3-5 SMART-ish goals + key actions + success measures + potential support needed.
**Phase breakdowns you can adapt right now**:
- **Days 1-30 (Learning & Integration)**: Heavy on observation, relationships, and basics. This is where you are now.
- Complete all onboarding/training.
- Meet 1:1 with key team members/stakeholders (list who you've identified so far + suggest others).
- Understand current projects, tools, processes, priorities, and challenges.
- Shadow or contribute to low-risk tasks.
- Document key takeaways (e.g., "Map team workflows and pain points").
- **Days 31-60 (Contribution)**: Start applying knowledge, take on small ownership.
- Handle specific recurring tasks independently.
- Deliver first small project or quick win.
- Contribute meaningfully in meetings.
- Gather feedback and adjust approach.
- Begin identifying opportunities (based on what you learn in month 1).
- **Days 61-90 (Impact/Optimization)**: More independence, proactive suggestions.
- Own larger pieces of work.
- Propose 1-2 improvements or initiatives.
- Build toward full productivity metrics.
- Develop longer-term goals.
**Tips to make it strong with limited info**:
- Phrase goals as "Complete X by learning Y and collaborating with Z" or "By day 30, demonstrate understanding of current priorities by [delivering a summary/presentation]".
- Include relationship-building and feedback loops explicitly — managers love this.
- Add a section at the end: "Assumptions & Areas for Clarification" or "Questions for you" — this shows self-awareness.
- Make it collaborative: "I plan to refine this after more stakeholder input."
- Use the job description heavily for performance-oriented goals.
Practical next steps
1. **Ask for help/resources** — Email your manager something like: "Thanks for the conversation. To make the 30-60-90 as useful as possible, could you share any examples from the team, key priorities/documents I should reference, or specific success metrics for this role?"
2. Schedule quick syncs with teammates if you haven't already — their input will strengthen the plan.
3. Draft it simply in a Google Doc or Word. Use bullet points. Don't over-polish; clarity > perfection.
4. Send it a bit early if possible, and offer to discuss.
This turns the stress into a positive signal: you're thoughtful, structured, and eager to align. Many strong performers create these *after* starting precisely because the early days reveal the real picture. You've got this — week two is early, and delivering a draft shows exactly the initiative they're looking for. If you share more details about your role/industry, I can help refine a sample outline.