Client from hell story | Should I go over their head?
I worked for another developer (lets call him contractor) who had a client (lets call them client) several months ago. Basically, I was a subcontractor in this situation.
Contractor told me they needed their web application built within a week and it was very urgent. This put a lot of pressure on me to work fast and hard, all the while they were introducing scope creep. I finished on time and told contractor and client to take a look and tell me what they think. Then I got ghosted for a week. So much for rushing.
Later client came back with more scope creep so I asked for more money (which I got). I finished within another few days and then got ghosted again. It took about 2 months before client actually paid for the work and I finally gave them the product.
Now 5 months later client has been having some trouble with the web app. Contractor relayed their emails to me and honestly I struggled to make sense of it. I don't really know the best way to communicate in a situation like this where there's a three-way chain and I'm the subcontractor. Within the mess I found an email from contractor to client saying I have not been responding and if I take any longer he is going to replace me. This was 1 hour after he first informed me of any of this in the middle of a work day.
I contacted contractor and told him I would fix the issue at a rate of X$/hr and it would take approx Y hours. He told me to hold off until he confirmed with his client. I never heard from him for a week.
When he finally replied, I found another email in the chain where contractor tells client that I have been trying to find a solution but cant figure it out and was apparently supposed to have it fixed by end of that day. None of that is true. He had no trouble throwing me and my business name under the bus to save his own ass.
I fixed the issue because it was urgent and I was the only one who knew how. Contractor is now asking if I want to meet up to discuss a new job. No thanks.
Should I contact client directly to clear my name?Should I contact client directly to clear my name? And if so, how do I even approach that conversation? I want them to know they can come to me directly for future issues, but I also don't want to come across like I'm deliberately trying to damage the relationship between them and contractor. I don't want revenge, I just don't want to be held responsible for his tomfoolery.
Jobadvisor
This is a genuinely tricky situation. Here's my honest take:
Yes, reaching out is reasonable — but frame it carefully.
The contractor lied about you by name to a client. That's not a minor miscommunication, it's reputational damage to your business. You have a legitimate interest in correcting the record. The key is doing it in a way that's professional and factual, not retaliatory.
A few things to consider first:
- Do you actually want this client's future work? If not, it changes how much energy to spend on this.
- Do you have the client's contact info, or would getting it feel like going around the contractor in a way that could backfire?
- Is there any contract or NDA between you and the contractor that restricts direct client contact? Worth checking.
If you do reach out, the goal should be: introduce yourself properly, correct the record briefly, and make yourself available going forward. Not to detail the contractor's behavior or relitigate the timeline.
Here's a draft that threads that needle:The two options represent different risk tolerances:
Professional & forward-looking — corrects the record subtly ("miscommunication in the chain" does a lot of work without throwing anyone under the bus), positions you well for future work, and sounds confident. This is the one to use if your reputation is your main concern.
Minimal — just plants the seed without touching the drama at all. Lower risk, but doesn't actually clear your name. Good if you mainly just want the door open and don't care much about what they currently think.
One thing I'd avoid: saying anything that forces the client to choose sides or makes them feel caught in the middle. Even hinting at "the contractor misrepresented me" puts them in an awkward position and can make you look like the difficult one, even when you're not.
The contractor sounds like someone who makes promises to clients and then uses subcontractors as his fall guy. Declining the new job offer was the right call.
How do you guys do it??
I'm a brand-spanking-new college grad, and today I had my first interview for a typical 9-5 job. How the hell do people do this!? Even in the interview it felt like I was looking down the barrel of a gun--"we offer one week off after your first year, and then two weeks off after your second year!" Two weeks!? Out of the whole year!? And by some standards, that's generous!? Yes, there are weekends, but Saturday is coming off of Friday and Sunday is ramping up to Monday and there's no real "day of rest," as it were. I feel like now that I'm out of college I'm finally facing the reality that like, there is really no other option for me. I'm not going to be a famous musician or actor... I'm just going to have to work, 9-5, nearly every day, for the next 50 years. How do you guys cope with that? Is there any coping at all? What's even the point of all this?
Jobadvisor
What you're feeling has a name — it's sometimes called "existential dread," and honestly, the fact that you're feeling it means you're paying attention. A lot of people just... go numb to it. So first, take that seriously.
A few things worth sitting with:
The math feels worse than it is in practice. 50 years of 9-5 sounds like a prison sentence when you say it all at once. But you don't actually live it all at once. You live Tuesday. Then Wednesday. The horizon shrinks to something manageable pretty quickly once you're actually in it.
Two weeks is not the ceiling — it's the floor, and a low one. Many jobs have much more generous PTO, flexible remote arrangements, sabbaticals, or simply a culture where people actually disconnect after hours. Your first job offer is not a life sentence representing all jobs forever.
The "famous musician or actor" framing is a bit of a false binary. The real question isn't "soul-crushing 9-5 vs. rockstar." It's more like — are there versions of working life that genuinely interest you? Because there are people who find real meaning, autonomy, and even joy in their careers. Not everyone, and not all the time, but it's not a myth.
The dread you're feeling might actually be useful. It's pushing you to ask "what do I actually want?" Most people never ask that seriously. The ones who do tend to make better choices — about what jobs to take, what to optimize for, when to make moves.
And honestly — some of it just is what it is. Part of growing up is grieving the fantasy version of your life. That's real and it stings. But the actual life that's possible — with genuine relationships, moments of real pleasure and purpose, vacations that matter, weekends that genuinely recharge you — that's not nothing. It's actually quite a lot.
The point isn't the job. The job funds the point. That's a mental shift a lot of people find helpful.
What kind of work were you interviewing for? That context might matter a lot here.
People are literally dying around me and there’s nothing I can do.
Every day, I inch closer to a breaking point I can’t even picture. What the hell am I building up to?
A couple years ago, I watched my boss—a 35-year-old woman I considered a close friend—slowly kill herself under a mountain of medical debt. She drank herself into the grave and died unexpectedly. It was heartbreaking. Now I’m watching another coworker, 53, waste away from severe heart failure. He has a granddaughter who depends on him, so he dragged himself into work every single day—wheezing, weak, barely hanging on. I’d cry in the bathroom knowing he was suffering and there was nothing I could do to help. To even qualify for SSDI, he’d have to quit working for six months to “prove” he can’t work—money he obviously didn’t have. As of last week, he’s in the hospital and they won’t let him come back to work. Because he’s dying. He put off the care he needed to support his family, and now it’s probably too late.
Our employer offers zero assistance. I can’t even donate my own PTO to help. The sick irony? We work in an industry that gives loans to people with shit credit. This job has ripped the curtain back on what everyday Americans are actually going through. I see people scraping by on $700 a month in Social Security right next to people making $500k a year—all of them drowning, begging for loans just to cover medication, groceries, and utilities. This is the time of year people used to ask for home improvement loans or vacation money. Now it’s survival. It’s fucking sickening.
I can barely drive home from work without breaking down. I started therapy a few months ago because of this, and even my therapist just validates what I’m seeing: shit is fucked. People are struggling badly. I’m watching it unfold right in front of me every single day, and there’s nothing I can do. I don’t know what these feelings are building toward. I just want to come out the other side knowing I at least tried. But what the hell can I even do anymore?
Jobadvisor
**I hear you.** Watching people you know grind themselves down—especially when it's preventable with better systems or timing—is brutal. Your boss at 35, your coworker at 53 with a granddaughter, clients choosing between meds and food: that's not abstract statistics. It's immediate, human wreckage. The helplessness compounds it into something that feels like it's carving you out from the inside. Therapy validating the reality instead of papering over it is something, at least.
### The reality behind what you're seeing
This isn't imagination or exaggeration. US medical debt is massive—hundreds of billions outstanding, with millions reporting delayed or skipped care due to cost. Bankruptcy from health events remains common even post-ACA. SSDI rules *do* require demonstrating inability to work (often via a 5-month waiting period plus application delays that can stretch months), which traps people who are barely hanging on. Many in their 50s with heart failure or similar end up in exactly the bind you describe: push through until collapse, or quit and starve the family now.
The loan industry you're in exposes the underbelly—$700/month Social Security (typical for many retirees/disabled) versus high earners, both overleveraged. Real wages for lower/middle have stagnated relative to housing, education, and healthcare inflation for decades. "Survival borrowing" replacing discretionary loans tracks post-pandemic inflation spikes, opioid/long-term illness effects, family fragmentation, and wage polarization. It's not universal collapse, but localized despair is real for a chunk of the working and lower-middle class, especially outside high-productivity metros. Life expectancy gaps by education/income widened; "deaths of despair" (suicide, overdose, alcohol) hit harder in certain demographics.
Your job rips the curtain because incentives align for lending, not fixing root fragility.
### What you're building toward
Right now, it sounds like moral injury + compassion fatigue + anticipatory grief. The "breaking point" many hit in these roles is either numbness/burnout (quit or detach) or channeled action. The latter is harder but more sustaining. You can't save everyone—biology, bad decisions, policy friction, and randomness ensure that. Trying anyway is what separates the people who come out eroded versus those who extract meaning.
**Immediate anchors for you:**
- **Protect your own capacity.** You can't pour from an empty tank. Therapy is good; add deliberate recovery—exercise, sleep, boundaries on rumination (e.g., "worry time" limited to 20 min/day). Driving breakdowns suggest acute stress response—consider if the commute or exposure is sustainable.
- **Small, direct levers.** Can you anonymously flag resources (local clinics, patient advocates, SSDI navigators, food banks, palliative options)? Some employers allow volunteer time or have EAP expansions. Document patterns internally if it could shift policy (even one PTO donation pilot). For your coworker: reach out personally if appropriate—errands, listening, connecting family to hospice support. Scale is tiny, impact intimate.
- **Knowledge as power.** Learn the actual mechanics: SSDI/SSI appeals success rates (~30-50% on appeal), state Medicaid gaps, charity care laws (hospitals must have them), cash-pay med discounts, community health centers. Truth reduces the diffuse rage.
**Bigger picture options:**
- Shift roles toward mitigation: case management, benefits navigation, financial counseling, healthcare admin/tech that streamlines access, or policy analysis. Industries exist to *reduce* these frictions (insurers fighting prior auth, fintech for better underwriting, primary care models emphasizing prevention). Your frontline view is valuable data.
- Local over national: Mutual aid groups, church/community orgs, or volunteering with elder/disability services often deliver more tangible relief than distant advocacy. Macro fixes (entitlements reform, cost transparency in healthcare, occupational licensing/housing supply to lower living costs, addressing family breakdown and skill mismatch) move slowly because tradeoffs are real—expanded safety nets raise taxes/debt/work disincentives; pure markets leave gaps. Evidence shows mixed results on both extremes; outcomes improve most with supply-side abundance (cheaper energy/housing/food via tech/productivity) + personal buffers (skills, savings, networks).
- Long view: The US has pulled millions out of absolute poverty historically via growth, not just transfers. But cultural/economic stagnation for non-college cohorts is documented (Murray, Case/Deaton, etc.). Contributing there—building, teaching skills, innovating cost reduction—beats pure witnessing.
You're already "trying" by refusing to look away. That empathy is rare and exhausting. The feelings are building toward whatever you decide to aim them at: exit the daily exposure, targeted help, or broader problem-solving. None erase the dying, but they prevent you joining them in the wreckage. One day at a time on the personal side; keep the receipts on the systemic side. If you want concrete local resources or data on specific programs, give more details on your area.