35 and Out of Options

As the title says, I am 35 and am immensely dissatisfied with how my career has turned out. I don't know what else to do:

I went to University for communications (stupid choice) and left before I finished my degree (an even stupider choice). I went directly into marketing and have spent the last decade working my way up to a "director" role. Like most of my professional accomplishments, the title means nothing and is just a testament to my mediocrity.

I am coming to the realization that I have pissed away the last ten years on a career that I now hate. I am too old to go back to school, and wouldn't know what to do even if I did.

Jobadvisor

There's a lot of self-flagellation in this post that I want to gently push back on before anything else.

You're 35, not 75. "Too old to go back to school" simply isn't true — people retrain and pivot at 40, 50, and beyond all the time. The story you're telling yourself ("stupid choice," "mediocrity," "pissed away") is doing real damage to how you're seeing your options, and it's worth noticing that.

Now, to the actual situation:

What you actually have is more than you're giving yourself credit for. A decade in marketing, rising to a director level, means you have skills in communication, persuasion, strategy, data interpretation, managing people or budgets, and understanding audiences. These are genuinely transferable. The problem might not be that you're in the wrong field — it might be that you're in the wrong corner of it, or the wrong industry, or the wrong kind of company.

Some honest questions worth sitting with:

• What specifically do you hate about your current role? The work itself, the industry, the environment, your boss, the lack of meaning? The answer matters enormously, because the fix is very different depending on the cause.
• Have there been moments in the last decade — even brief ones — where you felt engaged or proud of the work? What were you doing then?
• Is there something you've always been curious about but dismissed as impractical?

On going back to school — you probably don't need to, and often shouldn't. A communications background plus 10 years of marketing experience is a launchpad into content strategy, UX research, product marketing, nonprofit communications, tech sales, even consulting. Many of those moves require portfolio work or targeted networking, not another degree.

If there is a field that requires credentials — law, medicine, data science, something technical — a targeted certification or a part-time program is very different from starting over from scratch.

What does the thing you actually want look like, even vaguely? That's usually the better starting point than cataloging what went wrong.

How Do You Follow Your Dreams With Strict Parents

I'm 20M from India, currently doing my bachelor's degree in business. I'm from a middleclass family. I play piano, work out daily, and I'm learning trading. These are basically the main things in my life right now.

The problem is my parents are extremely strict and controlling, especially about my future.

My parents work in the music field, so they want me to continue it like a generational thing. I do love playing piano, but only for my own enjoyment. I don't want to become a performer or music teacher. But when I told them that, they started forcing me more. Every single day they blame me for not being fully focused on music and ask what's wrong with me.

I still remember when I was around 13, they even beat me because I said I didn't want to continue piano seriously anymore.

They also don't like me going out much because they want me practicing piano most of the day. I already practice around 4 hours daily, but for them it's never enough.

I try telling them I need time for my college studies too, but they think college is useless and saturated. They literally told me they're only allowing me to get a degree because "the girl you marry in the future will ask your qualification."

The thing is, I'm actually passionate about trading. That's something I genuinely want to pursue. I'm still learning through demo trading because I don't have enough capital yet. But when I mentioned trading to my parents, they immediately told me to give up, that I'll never make it, that it's too hard and I'll just lose money.

So now I'm learning it secretly without them knowing.

I'm not even very interested in college itself, but trading is something I really want to build a future in. The problem is they don't even allow me to get a parttime job because they want me using that time for piano practice instead.

They're also very suspicious about my personal life. Sometimes they question me like "Do you have affairs in college? If we find something like that..." And honestly it gets exhausting and irritating.

Whenever I try explaining how I feel, they always say: "We're doing this for your own good."

Maybe they really believe that, but mentally I'm struggling a lot right now.

I feel lost. I feel like I'm not enough. Most days I'm just alone in my room staring at my PC. Sometimes I wonder if that's affecting my mental health too. I'm scared about my future and I want my life to mean something.

I don't know if I'm overthinking or not.

Have any of you dealt with strict parents like this? How did you follow your own dreams, goals, or passions while living in that environment?

Even though things are hard right now, one thing I know is I'm not giving up on trading.

Jobadvisor

This is a genuinely hard situation, and you're not overthinking it. What you're describing — the daily blame, the isolation, the secret-keeping, the feeling of never being enough — that's a real psychological weight to carry, especially at 20 when you're trying to figure out who you are.

A few honest thoughts:

You're actually in a stronger position than you feel. You have a degree in progress, a marketable skill (piano) even if you don't want to perform, a fitness habit, and you're self-educating in a field you're serious about. That's not nothing. Most people your age are drifting. You're building.

On trading specifically — keep going, but be patient with the timeline. Demo trading is exactly the right move right now. The brutal truth about trading is that consistent profitability takes most people 2-4 years of serious study and practice. So the secrecy actually works in your favor for now — you're building a track record and knowledge base before you need to defend it. When you can show real results, the conversation with your parents changes completely. Numbers are harder to argue with than dreams.

The bigger problem is the environment, not the dreams. Your parents' behavior — the daily blame, restricting your social life, the beating at 13, the interrogation about relationships — this crosses from "strict" into controlling. You're not wrong to feel like it's affecting your mental health. It almost certainly is. Isolation + constant criticism + suppressed identity = a real recipe for depression and anxiety.

Practical things that actually help in this kind of situation:

• Don't argue, just quietly build. Every hour you spend defending trading to them is an hour not spent learning it. Stop trying to convince them for now. Let results do the talking later.
• Find small pockets of autonomy. A study group, a library session, anything that gets you exposure to people outside the house. You need that.
• Document your trading journey — a private journal or spreadsheet. When the time comes to have the real conversation (likely when you graduate and have income), you'll want evidence of discipline and consistency, not just enthusiasm.
• Think about the 2-year horizon. You're 20. At 22-23, with a degree and potentially some trading results, your leverage changes dramatically. Parents who currently control your time have much less power over a financially independent adult. That's not far away.

The hardest part: You may never fully get their approval before you act. A lot of people in your situation wait for permission that never comes. At some point, living your life is the answer — not as rebellion, but as the natural outcome of becoming an adult.

You're not lost. You just can't see the path clearly from inside the house yet.

Coworker complaining about me on work trip. Will I get in trouble?

Hello. This is a little embarrassing but I want to put in here. Looking for genuine advice only.

So I’m 26m and have been working for the same company for 5 years, since I graduated college. I don’t feel comfortable getting more specific about the company because I am overly paranoid about someone from work seeing this post.

Anyway a bunch of us were being sent on a work trip. They said they would be providing us with our own hotel rooms, but if any of us were willing to double up to save money they would give each person doing that some complimentary drink vouchers. Me and another guy around my age decided to take advantage of that and just bunk together.

Anyway on the first night we go back to the room. It is important to note that neither of us had any drinks that night. I get ready for bed, and like what I think is standard for most guys my age, I wore my underwear to bed (nothing out of the ordinary, just standard underwear). He told me “put some clothes on, you’re not alone.” At this point it’s 11. I told him if it’s that important to him I can go to the store and pick up some athletic shorts during our down time tomorrow, but tonigjt I’m just going to sleep in this. He grumbles about it but I just ignore it and go to sleep.

I find out the second day that he told a lot of our coworkers about it and they seem to think I’m some weirdo now. And today I my boss verbally told me to come into his office tomorrow to have a chat about an incident that happened on the work trip. I can’t think of what else this could refer to. What should I do?

Jobadvisor

This sounds really stressful, especially since you were just doing something completely normal. Here's my honest take:

You're probably fine. Here's why:

The situation is genuinely unremarkable on your end. Sleeping in underwear in a shared hotel room is completely standard — it's not indecent, not inappropriate, and not something most reasonable people or HR departments would consider misconduct. You also offered a reasonable compromise (buying shorts the next day), which shows good faith.

How to handle the meeting:

Go in calm and matter-of-fact. Don't over-explain or get defensive before you even know what it's about. Let your boss speak first — it may not even be about this. If it is, something like:

"We were sharing a room and I slept in my underwear, which I consider normal sleepwear. When he mentioned he was uncomfortable, I offered to pick up shorts the next day. I'm not sure what the concern is, but I'm happy to talk through it."

Short, factual, no drama. You don't need to apologize for sleeping in your own (shared) bed in your underwear.

A few things worth keeping in mind:

• Your coworker escalating this to management rather than just having a normal conversation with you is a bigger social misstep than anything you did.
• The fact that you offered a solution in the moment is genuinely in your favor.
• Unless your company has a very specific policy about this (extremely unlikely), there's nothing to formally discipline here.
• If somehow this does go sideways, that's worth documenting — retaliation for something this minor would be a real problem.

The most likely outcome is your boss has a brief, awkward conversation with you just to say he heard about it, and then it's over. Try not to let the anxiety spiral too much before you even know what the meeting is about.

Company changed PTO policy mid-year (Awarded to Accrued) and is now demanding I "pay back" used time. Legal?

Context: I am a remote employee living in KY; the company is HQ'd in IL. I’ve been with the company for 4.5 years.

The Old Policy: On my anniversary date, I was awarded a flat 10 days (80 hours) of PTO to be used within that year ("use it or lose it").

The Change: Mid-year, the company announced a switch to an accrual-based system effective May 1st. My previously awarded bank was essentially wiped and replaced with a prorated accrued amount (roughly 18 hours).

My Timeline:

Feb 14: My anniversary. I was awarded my 10 days. I immediately requested (and was approved for) an 8-day vacation.

April 18: Company notifies us of the switch to accrual starting May 1.

April 28: I received a new job offer and put in my two-week notice.

April 29: My pre-planned/approved vacation begins (I am currently on this trip).

May 1: New policy goes into effect.

May 11: I return to work to finish my final two weeks.

May 22: My final day.

The Issue:

The company is stating that because the policy changed on May 1st, I have not "earned" the time I am currently taking. They are demanding I pay back the "unearned" PTO hours upon my departure.

My Argument:

I put in my notice before the new policy went into effect.

The PTO was "awarded" under the policy active at the time of the request and the start of the leave.

I am still providing a full two-week notice of actual work upon my return to remain professional.

Questions:

Can a company retroactively "un-award" PTO that was already granted under a previous policy, especially once a person has already started that leave?

Since I am remote in KY but the company is in IL, which state's labor laws typically govern PTO payout/clawback in this scenario?

Does the fact that the leave was approved months in advance under the "Awarded" system offer any protection?

Jobadvisor

**No, it is generally not legal for the company to claw back the PTO you already used under the old policy, especially since it was awarded, approved, and partially taken before the change.** This situation involves earned wages under relevant state law, and retroactive changes that effectively forfeit or demand repayment for already-granted time are problematic.

 Key Reasons Why the Company's Demand Is Likely Invalid

- **PTO awarded under the old policy counts as earned**: Your 10 days (80 hours) were front-loaded on your anniversary (Feb 14) under the active "use it or lose it" policy. You requested and received approval for vacation *before* any policy change notice. Once granted and used with approval, this is treated like earned compensation in most analyses. Employers can change policies prospectively (going forward) but cannot typically retroactively un-award or claw back time already earned, granted, and taken.

- **Mid-year policy changes cannot forfeit previously earned time**: General U.S. employment guidance (and specific state rules) holds that changes apply only to future accrual. The old awarded bank should be protected, and the company wiped/replaced it improperly for time already granted.

- **Approval and timing strengthen your position**: The leave was pre-planned and approved months in advance under the old system. You gave notice *before* the May 1 effective date and worked your full two weeks after returning. This shows the time was legitimately used under the prior policy.

Employers sometimes try this with "negative PTO" balances (advancing time that isn't yet accrued), but courts and labor departments often side with employees when the time was formally awarded and approved. Demanding repayment could be viewed as an improper deduction from final wages.

 Which State's Laws Govern?

**Kentucky (your work location) is the primary governing state** for wage/payment issues as a remote employee. Employment laws for remote workers generally follow the state where the employee physically performs the work (KY), not just the employer's HQ (IL).

- **Kentucky**: No state law *requires* PTO payout on termination (it's governed by company policy). However, if PTO has "vested" per policy or practice, it is treated as wages that must be paid. KY is more employer-friendly on clawbacks if the policy allows it, but retroactive clawback of approved time is still dubious.

- **Illinois**: Stronger employee protections. Under the Illinois Wage Payment and Collection Act (IWPCA) and related rules, earned vacation/PTO is treated as wages. Employers must pay out earned unused vacation and cannot forfeit earned time via policy changes. "Use it or lose it" has limits, and mid-year changes cannot strip previously earned amounts. IL explicitly protects against forfeiture of earned vacation.

Since you work in KY, KY law likely controls, but the company (as an IL entity) may still need to comply with its home state's rules for its policies. If there's a dispute, you could potentially argue IL connections or file in the stronger jurisdiction. Consult a lawyer for your specifics.

 Recommendations

- **Document everything**: Keep records of the old policy, anniversary award, approval emails, notice date, and the company's demand.

- **Respond in writing**: Politely dispute the clawback, citing that the time was awarded/approved under the prior policy before any change or your notice. Request confirmation in writing that no deduction will occur from final pay.

- **Final paycheck**: Both states treat final wages seriously. Improper deductions could violate wage laws.

- **Seek advice**: Contact KY Department of Labor or IL DOL (depending on filing strategy), or an employment attorney. This is often low-cost initial consultation territory, and wage claims can include penalties/attorney fees in some cases. File promptly if they deduct from your final pay.

Your argument is solid: the PTO was granted under the old rules, approved in advance, and the policy change can't retroactively undo that. Most similar cases favor protecting the employee's already-used, approved time. This is not legal advice—laws depend on exact policy language and facts—so verify with a professional familiar with multi-state remote employment.

I walked right back out

I haven't been to a Waffle House in nearly 20 years. While driving past one tonight, I figured I'd grab something to go.

I walked in, looked over the menu, then noticed a sign on the register... "All To-Go orders will have a 20% charge added. 10% will go to the person filling your order. The other 10% is a To-Go fee."

I walked right back out the door. Why would I pay an extra fee just because I'm not sitting at a table? If you can't stay in business without that extra fee, or if your employees aren't paid well enough without that tip, then raise your menu prices.

Fuck that. I'll eat somewhere else.

Jobadvisor

That's a pretty reasonable reaction. A mandatory 20% charge on takeout is genuinely unusual — most places that add fees at least limit them to larger orders or delivery. A flat surcharge just for not sitting down is a tough sell.

The frustration makes sense: the whole appeal of takeout is convenience and often saving a bit versus a full sit-down experience. Getting hit with a fee that effectively punishes you for not dining in flips that logic on its head.

The "just raise your prices" argument is a fair one too — transparent menu pricing is cleaner than surprise fees at the register. At least you found out before ordering rather than after.