Very frustrated post receiving job offer

So I’ve been interviewing recently in hopes of finding a new position as I’ve been with my current company for close to ten years and want a change. I have two currently in the pipeline I’ve done a few rounds of interviews with and think both would be great opportunities for me.

I received a text from the external recruiter I’ve been working with on one of the positions saying the company wants to extend me an offer. I replied back “That’s awesome! In work meetings right now but will reach out as soon as I can.”

As soon as I had a moment I called the recruiter back and she said they want to offer me the job and she wanted to know if it’s a “yes”. I told her I would definitely consider it but would prefer to review the offer first. I hadn’t been told the pay or anything yet. She replied back and said she thinks it’s x dollars plus a bonus but wasn’t certain and told me to call them directly. So I did.

The person I spoke to kind of generally said the same thing and then asked if it’s a “yes”. I told her I’m excited by the opportunity but would like to take a day or two to review it all first. She seemed a bit put off by the request but like I don’t know any of the details like benefits or whether the bonus is a sign on bonus or guaranteed year end bonus or based on performance. I don’t know the PTO policy or benefits. Apparently it’s an esop but I also haven’t been explained how that works and how valuable or not it is yet since it’s being considered as part of my package. Before ending the call I also asked if anything was negotiable. She was kinda rude and like, what do you want to negotiate? I politely responded, “like the salary for example”. It’s a good salary but I just wanted to have all of the information before making a decision.

She emailed me the benefits package pamphlet and also wrote that I’m already at the top of the range an that my bonus and esop are considered part of the package but no formal written offer to explain any of the other details. Which is actually in opposition to what I was told during the interview process by this same person and know they offered me the lower amount of the range and I’m very qualified for this position.

I had a busy work day yesterday so I waited til the end of the day to respond back and ask if she could also send me the written offer for me to review, but no response all day today and she missed my phone call when I went to follow up today and I think hung up on me to push me to voicemail.

On top of that the recruiter called me multiple times yesterday so I explained to her that I am very interested but want to make a non impulsive decision especially as I also have one final round interview with the other company on Monday. She called me back again and kinda of went on a rant to me like I was one of her kids about how negotiating for more pay could backfire on me and they have another candidate they also like and he was willing to take $10k less than what they offered me and that they’re mad that I’m interviewing with other companies and that they’re not happy I didn’t immediately accept and jump up and down with joy. The recruiter also told me they want a decision by end of the day Monday but framed it as though they were pissed off.

Is this not the norm? Admittedly it’s been a while since I’ve been on the job market but I thought the expectation was always to take a few days to review and have everything in writing? I’m leaning heavily towards passing on this one at this point.

Jobadvisor

Your frustration is completely valid, and no — this is not normal. You're being handled poorly, and your instincts are sound.

What you're doing is 100% standard practice:

• Asking to review an offer before accepting is not just normal, it's expected by any reasonable employer
• Wanting details in writing (salary, bonus structure, benefits, ESOP terms) before committing to a major life decision is basic due diligence
• Taking a day or two is standard — many employers give candidates a week
• Asking whether anything is negotiable is completely professional, not offensive

The red flags here are significant:

The pressure tactics, the vague offer details, the "we have another candidate" line, the recruiter calling repeatedly and lecturing you — these aren't just annoying, they're telling you something about the company culture. How a company treats candidates during the offer stage often reflects how they treat employees. The person you spoke to is apparently in HR or management, and she was rude to you for asking reasonable questions.

The claim that you're "at the top of the range" is also worth scrutinizing since they came in at the lower end of the range and are now framing that as generous — that's a negotiating tactic, not a fact.

On your Monday deadline: You have every right to let that deadline pass if you haven't heard back with a proper written offer. You can't reasonably be expected to accept something you haven't been formally offered in writing. That's not you being difficult, that's just logic.

Given that you have a final round with the other company on Monday, you're in a decent position. If this company is genuinely this reactive to normal professional behavior before you've even started, that's a meaningful data point about what working there would be like.

After one year of being miserable I finally got a job

I bust my arse for a year applying everyday I was rejected hundreds of times, gave dozens of interviews today a company has finally offered me a position 😭😭😭 I cannot put in words how relieved I feel. But I also wanted to share what this constant rejection did to me. I became f*cking fearless. Was rejected by literally everyone companies small and big and was also rejected from G**gle in the last round. They all broke my heart so bad that they turned me stoic. Nothing fazed me anymore and I was so much more confident in the last set of interviews coz not l didn’t fear rejection. For those in same boat I recently read something or maybe it was a reel where a guy said for every thing that happened he would just say f*ck it lets ball. And just keep going. Somehow I did it the last couple of interviews with this company and it’s crazy how easy the interviews were when I literally stopped caring and trying to constantly impress them or flatter their work. I had real conversations with them about the job about what I’ve done in the past that aligns to this role my ideas for the team and asked a lot of questions. I feel genuinely so happy that it’s finally my turn to be employed again.

Jobadvisor

Congratulations!! After a year of that, you absolutely deserve to feel every bit of that relief. 😭

What you described about becoming fearless is really real. There's a point where you've been knocked down so many times that the fear of being knocked down again just... loses its power. And paradoxically that's exactly when you start showing up as your most authentic self in interviews — because you're no longer performing, you're just talking. Hiring managers can feel that difference immediately.

The Google final round rejection especially — that one stings in a particular way because you get so close and then it still doesn't happen. But you kept going anyway.

And the mindset shift you described — stopping trying to impress and just having real conversations about the work — that's honestly better interview advice than most career coaches give. People spend so much energy trying to seem impressive rather than just being genuinely engaged, and it usually backfires.

One year is a long time to stay in the fight. Enjoy this moment, you earned it.

Returned from FMLA to reassigned duties + no defined role - what would you do?

Hi all - looking for perspective.

I am an HR Director at a 150 person company. I went out on FMLA + NJFLA. I returned last week to find my prior responsibilities reassigned to another Director of HR. This occurred when I was out on protected leave.

I understand the requirement to restore to the same or an equivalent role, but after a week back, I still have no defined responsibilities, scop or clarity.

The company was aware of my return date but I emailed them to weeks prior to confirm I would be back. On my first day back, I reached out to my boss - she said she was busy and we would have a meeting the next morning. However, in that email she did clarify the new Director of HR would continue to handle employee relations (which was a substantial portion of my role). The next day came and there was no meeting - I followed up in the afternoon asking about the meeting and clarity on my role again and her response was that she had other priorities that day.

At this point -

- I have no defined role or scope

- My core responsibilities are reassigned

- No meaningful communication from my boss

I have documented everything and plan to send another written request on Monday for clarity on my role and expectations.

Before escalating formally, is there anything else I should be doing to protect my role or prepare for next steps?

Thank you

Jobadvisor

Your instincts are right, and you're handling this methodically. What you're describing has the hallmarks of a constructive dismissal setup — where they don't fire you outright but make the situation untenable. The fact that you're an HR Director makes this particularly striking because whoever is doing this knows exactly what they're doing and is doing it anyway.

You're already doing the most important things:

• Documenting everything with dates and exact language
• Following up in writing to create a paper trail
• Acting promptly rather than waiting it out

A few additional things to consider:

Before Monday's email, make sure you have personal copies of everything — your original job description, offer letter, any performance reviews, the emails from this past week. Don't rely on company systems for these since access can be revoked quickly.

When you send Monday's request, keep it factual and neutral in tone — something like "I want to confirm in writing that I've been back for X days and do not yet have defined responsibilities or scope. I'd like to schedule a meeting by [specific date] to clarify my role going forward." You want the record to show you were reasonable and they were unresponsive.

The bigger question is your actual goal here. Are you trying to preserve the job, or are you building a case? Those aren't mutually exclusive but they do affect how aggressively you escalate and how quickly. Given your expertise in HR, you likely already know that FMLA/NJFLA retaliation claims are among the cleaner employment cases to bring — the timeline here is pretty clear.

If you haven't already, a consultation with an employment attorney this weekend would be worth the hour. Many do free consultations and you'd be going in with solid documentation already.

 Need advice

I’m in my final year right now, and my last semester exams are this month. The results should be out next month.

When we joined the company through campus placement, we had already shared our full academic timeline with them. The offer clearly stated that we would work as interns until our final semester exams, and then transition to full-time roles starting next month.(they mentioned fixed joining date also)

But now, the company is saying they’ll give us a one-month break after exams and will call us later based on their requirements. They’ve only given a tentative joining date, not a fixed one.

There are three of us from the same college facing this issue.

What should we do in this situation? Any advice would be really helpful.

Jobadvisor

This is a stressful situation, and it's worth taking seriously — but also worth staying measured until you have more clarity.

First, understand what you actually have in writing. Pull out the original offer letter and read it carefully. Does it explicitly state a fixed joining date and the full-time transition terms? There's a meaningful difference between an offer that promises a specific start date versus one that outlines an expected timeline. The strength of your position depends heavily on the exact language.

What's likely happening is one of a few things — a genuine business slowdown, hiring freezes, or the company hedging its bets. The "call based on requirements" framing is a soft way of saying they're not fully committed, which is concerning but not necessarily a final answer yet.

What the three of you should do right now:

Compare your offer letters to make sure you all have the same language, then collectively request a written clarification from your HR contact or recruiter — something like asking them to confirm the joining date and process in writing given that it differs from what your original offer stated. Doing this as a group carries more weight than individually and signals you're organized and serious without being aggressive.

While you wait, start hedging. Begin applying elsewhere quietly. Not because this is definitely falling through, but because a month or two of runway goes fast and campus placement windows close. You don't have to abandon this company — just don't be passive.

The harder question is what leverage you actually have. If the offer letter is explicit, you have a real grievance and potentially legal standing depending on your country. If it's vague, your leverage is mostly reputational — meaning they risk their campus recruitment relationship with your college if they treat students poorly.