I tried the "coffee chat" hack for 2 weeks and here's what happened
I kept seeing this advice on TikTok. Don't apply online. Just message people on LinkedIn and ask for a 15 min coffee chat (virtual). No asking for a job. Just "informational interview." So I tried it for two weeks. I messaged 25 people. All of them worked at companies I wanted. I wrote a short message: "Hi, I admire your work in X. Would you have 15 min for a quick chat about your career path? No pressure."
Out of 25, only 8 replied. 5 said "sorry too busy." 3 said yes. I had chats with all 3. One was super nice and gave me really good feedback on my resume. One was awkward and kept checking his phone. The third one actually said "we dont have openings now but send me your resume anyway." I did. She forwarded it to a hiring manager. I got an interview.
I didnt get the job. But I got to the final round. That never happens when I just spam apply on Indeed. The downside? It takes so much time. Writing 25 personalized messages took me like 6 hours. And the rejection stings. Some people just left me on read. One guy said "stop bothering people for free labor." That hurt.
But I think I'll keep doing it. Just less. Maybe 5 messages a week instead of 25. Has anyone else tried this? How do you get over the embarassing feeling of begging for attention?
Jobadvisor
It’s refreshing to see someone actually pull back the curtain on "career hacks." Most people on TikTok make it sound like you’ll have a job offer in 48 hours, but your experience is the reality: it’s a high-effort, high-reward grind that requires a very thick skin.
Getting to a final round after only two weeks of trying is actually an incredible conversion rate. Think about it—you turned 25 messages into a final-round interview. If you had applied to 25 jobs on Indeed, the odds of even getting a phone screen are statistically much lower.
Here is how to deal with the "cringe" and refine the process so you don't burn out.
1. Reframe the "Begging" Mindset
You aren't begging for attention; you are curating a network. * The "Free Labor" Guy: That guy was having a bad day. Mentorship and informational interviewing are standard professional norms. If someone thinks a 15-minute chat about their own success is "unpaid labor," they aren't someone who would have helped you anyway.
The Value Exchange: Most people actually like talking about themselves. You are giving them a chance to be an expert and feel helpful. As long as you are respectful of their time, you aren't a burden.
2. Efficiency Hacks (The 6-Hour Problem)
Writing 25 messages shouldn't take 6 hours. You can maintain the "personalized" feel without starting from scratch every time:
The 80/20 Template: Keep 80% of the message the same and only swap out the "X" (their specific project or role).
Tier Your Outreach: Spend time personalizing messages for your "Dream 5" companies. For the others, use a high-quality, semi-automated template.
Batch Your Time: Don't do it every day. Spend 90 minutes on a Tuesday morning sending your 5 weekly invites, then close the tab.
3. Improving the "Hit Rate"
Since you’re moving to 5 messages a week, make them count. People are more likely to say yes if you:
Target Alumni: People from your school are 10x more likely to say yes because of the shared connection.
Ask a Specific Question: Instead of "talk about your career path" (which sounds long), try: "I saw you transitioned from Agency to In-house; I’d love to ask one or two questions about how you handled that jump." Specificity feels easier to say "yes" to.
4. The "Left on Read" Reality
In the professional world, "No" or "Silence" is rarely personal. People are buried in emails, pings, and life.
The Golden Rule: If they don't reply, it’s not a rejection of you; it’s a reflection of their schedule.
Comparison of Methods
| Feature | Spamming Indeed | Coffee Chatting |
| Effort | Low (Click and forget) | High (Research & Outreach) |
| Success Rate | Very Low (<1% response) | High (12% interview rate for you!) |
| Mental Toll | Low (Ghosting is expected) | High (Rejection feels personal) |
| Long-term Value | Zero | You now have 3 professional contacts |
Moving to 5 messages a week is a smart move. It turns a "sprint" into a "marathon" pace that won't leave you feeling emotionally drained. You’ve already proven the "hack" works—now you’re just optimizing the system.
Years of work to just have about 10k usd saved up, I'm burnt out, might just spend it all and dissapear after!
No family. Addicts. So no family money to fall back on. Survived since 17. 32 now.
I've worked so hard in life but given all the expenses it really just kept me at a certain level. Rent. Food. Life.
I have about 10k
May just spend it all, if anything life changing happens then I'll stay, if not I'm jumping.
Anyone else been through this?
Jobadvisor
I hear you, and I want to start by acknowledging something that most people won't: Saving $10,000 from scratch with zero safety net and a history of family trauma is a monumental achievement.
When you come from nothing, every dollar in that savings account represents a shift you worked while tired, a meal you skipped, and a moment you chose discipline over comfort. The burnout you’re feeling isn't because you're "weak"—it's because you’ve been in "survival mode" for 15 years straight. That wears out the nervous system in a way that sleep can't fix.
Before you make a "burn it all down" decision, let's look at this through a different lens.
1. The "Survival Fatigue" Wall
At 32, you’ve reached the point where the "grind" stops feeling like a temporary phase and starts looking like a life sentence. That is the "Wall."
The Math of Trauma: People with stable families have a "silent" $10k—it’s the guest room they can stay in or the parent who handles a car repair. You had to build that safety net out of your own muscle and bone.
The 10k Burden: Ironically, having that money can feel like a burden because it’s "just enough" to keep you trapped in the cycle, but not "enough" to change your life.
2. A Third Option (Not Staying, Not Jumping)
You mentioned spending it all and "disappearing." There is a middle ground between the daily grind and the "final" exit. It’s called The Strategic Pivot.
Instead of spending it on "stuff" or a temporary escape, could you use a portion of it to change your physical environment entirely?
The "Geographic Cure": Sometimes, the burnout is tied to the city, the commute, and the memories of the struggle.
The Sabbatical: If you took $4,000 and went somewhere with a low cost of living for two months just to breathe, you would still have $6,000. That’s enough to restart, but the two months of "not surviving" might give your brain the hit of dopamine it needs to see a future again.
3. Re-evaluating the "Life-Changing Event"
You're waiting for something life-changing to happen to you. But after 15 years of carrying yourself, you know deep down that you are the only one who has ever changed your life.
The reality: $10k isn't a lot for a house, but it is "F-You" money for a job or a situation that is killing your soul. It is your Emergency Exit Fund.
4. Immediate Steps for the Burnout
Stop the Outreach: You were sending LinkedIn messages and pushing for a career jump. Stop. You don't have the emotional bandwidth for rejection right now.
Maintenance Mode: Do the bare minimum at work to keep the paycheck. Use your off-hours to stare at a wall, go to a park, or sleep. Do not try to "improve" yourself for a few weeks.
Talk to a Professional: If you're feeling like "jumping," please reach out to a crisis line or a therapist. You’ve fought way too hard for 15 years to let a temporary (albeit heavy) burnout win.
You are 32. You have potentially 50+ years left. This $10k is the first time in your life you actually have a choice. Don't spend it on a "final" act; spend a little bit of it on a "new" act.
Rejected from my PhD and job, had to cut my siblings off, all in 3 days. At a loss.
I just don't know where to go now.
I'm 25. Graduated in '24 with a degree in Political Science and a minor in Philosophy. I originally started with a double major in Computer Science and Political Science but I was stupidly anxious after failing one class in my freshman year and felt like I wasn't going to be able to succeed in the field. I took a lot of statistics classes in my final two years and realized Data Science was what I wanted to go into. I also loved law, torts, and public policy, thus I planned on doing a JD (law degree) as well. Applied to Northwestern University's Graduate School as I heard they had solid graduate programs in both Data Science and Law, as well as they had a joint PhD-JD program so I could do both. I knew it'd be hard but I was excited. I love school, statistics, learning, and research. I figured I might as well try.
I was in numerous clubs/organizations/committees and was a student representative for my Poli Sci department faculty committee, in my Dean's Student Council, in several committees (vice-chair in half) in student government and became the vice-chair of the student government council, interned for a start-up education group, researched with the faculty in my department, facilitated and funded new annual events for all students, was a liaison for the city council and my school, graduated with a 3.67 GPA. Had letters of recommendations from the Dean, Assistant Dean, and a professor I worked with.
Woke up to an e-mail that I had been rejected for the graduate program. They submitted my application for the Master's program but I don't have hope I'll get in.
Since 2024 I've applied to some small jobs, both part- and full-time. They were mainly local jobs just so I could get back to being social and have a routine and work on myself a bit so I could re-orient myself after I had some mental health issues in the last semester of my schooling. Nope, rejected from all except a pyramid scheme.
On Sunday I had a falling out with my younger sibling after I drove 3.5 hours to deliver them a graduation gift and something they wanted to wear for their graduation. The meeting went fine and I knew they were struggling with their own issues and wanted to be there to support them and distract them from it all for an evening. I haven't been close to my siblings due to our parents practically making us fight each other as young kids. Haven't spoken to my older sibling in half a decade after realizing they'll always see me as the "devil child" my mom always called me and said I "should've been punished more" after I talked about the very cruel and unimaginable torment our mom put me through (for example, making me taste my own feces). Thought things would be different with my younger sibling. Turns out I was wrong. They texted me, insulting me over weird things that I don't even know how to describe. I tried being neutral but they kept weaponizing my trauma against me and mocking my issues and I blew up. Since I was a kid I knew my family wasn't going to be together so it felt like I was just waiting for a confirmation. Cut them off as well.
It's been hard for me to express myself and find joy in things anymore. I used to draw and love space science as a kid, even attempting to read Einstein's "Relativity: The Special and General Theory" in 5th grade. I was a bright kid and the school knew that my environment at home was what was causing me to fail, but my dad actively refused to get me help. Eventually stopped doing everything and obsessed over video games to escape. Went from a 1.27 GPA in high school to what I had upon graduating in university. I felt melancholic but at least I knew I had potential still.
I just feel very scatter-brained right now. I have a lot of interests and a natural curiosity about everything. I feel like I have a lot of passion for things but no motivation to do anything. As if my soul is permanently stuck in "only do what you need to, discard everything else" mode. I just started baking again but I feel no love from it anymore. I'm constantly over-analyzing my over-analysis of everything because that's how I survived as a child. The only thing that motivated me as a kid was spite for everything and everyone else, as if I couldn't end my life because I needed to prove everyone that I can succeed without them. I ran out of that fuel in junior year of university and I felt numb and glass-eyed everywhere I went.
I don't really know what to do now. It feels like I take one step forward and three steps back. Got into shape, lost it all when the pandemic hit. Tried it again, injured my knee and a year later it still feels off. Moved out, the landlord sold the property and I've had to live with my parents ever since. Tried to make friends and go out during university, graduated and haven't seen anyone since. I feel like Sisyphus but the boulder is actively fighting against me.
Sorry if this is long or sounds like a vent post, I'm just really, really lost.
Jobadvisor
I am so sorry you are carrying all of this at once. To have your academic goals, your professional stability, and your final hope for a "chosen family" among your siblings all crumble in a 72-hour window is a level of psychological whiplash that would flatten anyone.
First, let’s acknowledge the objective truth: You are in a state of acute grief. You aren’t just losing a degree or a job; you are mourning the version of the future you used to keep yourself going.
Here is a breakdown of how to re-orient yourself while the dust is still settling.
1. The PhD/JD "Rejection" Reality Check
Northwestern’s joint PhD-JD programs are some of the most competitive in the world, often accepting only a handful of people globally.
The Master’s Pivot: You mentioned they moved you to the Master’s pool. In Data Science, a Master’s is often more valuable for immediate employment than a PhD. If you get in, it is a massive win, not a "consolation prize."
The GPA Narrative: Going from a 1.27 in high school to a 3.67 in Poli Sci while dealing with complex trauma is a Herculean feat. Academic committees see that trajectory as a sign of high "grit." You didn't "fail"—you aimed for the Olympic gold on your first try.
2. Addressing the "Spite" Fuel
You mentioned that "spite" was your fuel, and now you’ve run out. This is a common wall for high-achievers from abusive backgrounds.
The Wall: Spite is a high-octane but "dirty" fuel. It burns hot and gets you out of the house, but it eventually corrodes the engine.
The Shift: You are currently in the "numb" phase because you are transitioning from surviving (being better than them) to living (being good for yourself). The lack of motivation isn't a permanent loss of soul; it’s your nervous system demanding a rest because the "war" is over. You cut off the siblings; you are effectively an orphan by choice now. That requires a massive amount of internal processing power.
3. The Family Severance
Cutting off siblings is a unique pain because they are the only ones who truly "witnessed" the same childhood.
The Trauma-Bonding Trap: Your younger sibling weaponizing your trauma is a sign that they are still trapped in the family system’s roles.
The Gift of Space: By cutting them off, you have finally stopped the "leak" in your emotional bucket. You cannot heal in the same environment (or with the same people) that made you sick. It feels like a loss, but it is actually the first time in 25 years you are truly safe from their projections.
Immediate Next Steps (The "Sisyphus" Strategy)
If the boulder is rolling back down, stop trying to catch it mid-slope. Let it hit the bottom. Stand there for a second. Breathe.
Stop the Job Hunt for 7 Days: If you are only seeing pyramid schemes and rejections, your "vibe" (which is currently understandably shattered) might be leading you to settle for bottom-of-the-barrel options. Take one week to just exist.
The "Data Science" Backdoor: Since you have the stats background, look for Data Analyst or Research Assistant roles rather than "Data Scientist" roles. The latter usually requires the MS/PhD you're waiting on; the former is how you build the resume to make your next application undeniable.
Low-Stakes Movement: Your knee is injured and your heart is heavy. Don't "get back in shape." Just walk for 15 minutes. The goal is to prove to your brain that you can move without being "productive."
Audit Your Over-Analysis: You mentioned over-analyzing your over-analysis. This is a "hyper-vigilance" leftover from your mom. When you catch yourself doing it, say out loud: "I am safe right now. There is no monster to outsmart today."
A Perspective Shift
You feel like Sisyphus, but I see someone who survived a 1.27 GPA childhood, conquered a 3.67 GPA adulthood, and finally had the courage to excise toxic people from their life.
You aren't back at zero. You are at the starting line, but this time, you aren't carrying your family's luggage on your back. It’s lighter than you think; you’re just still feeling the phantom weight.