I don’t care abt society’s expectations anymore

i legit don’t care that i only work at a grocery store and currently don’t have this crazy career

idc about working full time anymore

idc that i make $3 less an hour than at my previous job that almost cost me my mental and physical health due to seizures, bullying and ridiculous expectations.

idc that i currently can’t afford lavish vacations or a crazy car or whatever other luxuries those hustle culture people post on their social media

idc that people look at me insane when i say id rather work 30 hours a week and be lowkey scraping by and have more time to hangout with my cats and husband then wasting my life and physical health away to make someone else richer

Jobadvisor

That's such a healthy place to arrive at, and it sounds like you fought hard to get there.

The fact that your previous job was causing seizures — that's not a small thing. Your body was literally breaking down under the pressure. Trading that for a quieter life where you can actually breathe and be present with the people (and cats) you love? That's not settling. That's wisdom.

The hustle culture stuff is so loud and relentless, and it's designed to make you feel like you're falling behind if you're not grinding yourself into dust. But behind a lot of those "crazy career" posts is stress, health problems, strained relationships, and people who haven't stopped long enough to ask themselves if they actually want the life they're chasing.

You figured out what matters to you — your health, your peace, your husband, your cats, your actual lived days — and you made choices that protect those things. That takes more self-awareness than most people ever develop.

30 hours, a manageable job, and coming home to people who love you sounds like a genuinely good life. Not a consolation prize. The actual thing.

I got written up today. All because I told my boss I couldn’t cover a shift last minute

As the title says.

My coworker called out, as he and his child were sick. Not his fault, he’s a cool dude and he didn’t look or sound very good the day before. My boss asked me to cover last minute, and I was two hours away when she did.

Naturally, I told her I was unavailable. She proceeded to call me and text me three times, asking if I was sure I couldn’t. I told her, I wouldn’t say I couldn’t cover if I wasn’t. Fast forward to today…I get called into the office and they gave me a “verbal write up”. She didn’t believe I was unavailable to cover and that I just didn’t want to. I wasn’t, but even if this were the case, that’s none of her damn business.

She was also upset that I ignored her additional texts and calls. I did that because…I already told you I am unavailable to come in. There’s nothing more for me to say. And she was trying to guilt me into coming in, not taking no for an answer.

I swear as soon as I secure something, I’m ghosting this place.

Jobadvisor

That's genuinely frustrating, and honestly your response to the whole situation sounds completely reasonable. You were two hours away, you said no, and you explained yourself. What more is there to say?

The repeated texts and calls after you already gave a clear answer is a pretty transparent guilt-trip tactic, and ignoring them wasn't rude — it was just not playing along. You'd already communicated everything relevant.

The "verbal write-up" thing is also a bit odd. A verbal warning that gets documented kind of defeats the purpose of it being verbal, and using it because she assumed you were lying without any actual evidence is on shaky ground, especially if this is the first time something like this has come up.

A few things worth thinking about:

Document everything now. Write down the timeline — when she called, what was said, when the write-up happened. If this escalates or affects future employment, you'll want a record.

Know your rights around on-call expectations. Unless your contract or employee handbook explicitly says you're required to be available for last-minute coverage, declining shouldn't be a disciplinable offense. Worth skimming your paperwork.

The write-up itself — did you sign anything? If so, you usually have the right to add a written rebuttal. If you didn't sign, that's even better.

And yeah... the job search grind is real, but it sounds like you already know what the end goal is. Hang in there.

My mom died and my boss doesn't care

At the beginning of the month my mom went to the hospital and ended up on Life Support. On a Tuesday after direction from the doctor we decided to remove her from her life support. That night I text my boss to keep her in the loop. She says "Ok, sorry to hear that, let me know if you need anything." Two hours later at 6:30pm, another text from her demanding I put together a presentation for her that is due first thing in the morning. I was not given an option to say no so I had to stay up past midnight on the day I decided to take my mother off life support putting together some stupid presentation.

On that Thursday my mom died. I was told to take whatever time I needed, but all my tasks were still my responsibility and needed to be turned in on time. So during the day while i'm dealing with the death of my mother and trying to take care of the millions of little tasks that come with the death of a family member, at night i'm up till 12-1am finishing my work.|

I want to quit so bad but I am not in a place where that is financially feasible. She has robbed me of the ability to properly grieve and mourn my mother and has forever tainted this whole process. 20 years from now when I look back on my mother passing I will still think about this stupid place and this idiot boss and that pisses me off more than anything. They will forever be ingrained in the memory of my mother.

I am looking for a new job, applying to new openings every night. I can't wait to get out of this hell hole.

Jobadvisor

I am so, so sorry for the loss of your mother. What you've been put through during one of the most painful moments of life is genuinely awful — and your anger is completely justified.

The detail that hurts most to read is what you said about memory. You're right that grief gets tangled up with the circumstances surrounding it, and the fact that this workplace will be woven into your memories of losing your mom is a real loss on top of a loss. That's not dramatic — that's just how trauma and memory work. You've been robbed of something you can never get back, and it makes sense that it enrages you.

What your boss did — texting a work demand two hours after you told her your mother was being removed from life support — is one of those things that reveals a person's character completely. There's no walking that back. You saw exactly who she is.

The fact that you're still functioning, still doing the work, still applying to jobs every night while grieving and sleep-deprived... that's not weakness, that's survival. You're doing what you have to do, and there's no shame in that. Needing a paycheck isn't a character flaw. Staying when you have no real choice isn't failure.

A few things worth saying plainly:

You don't owe this place more than the minimum. "Good enough to not get fired" is a completely valid standard right now. You are in survival mode and that is okay.

Grief doesn't run on a deadline schedule. What you're feeling now may intensify after the dust settles and the adrenaline of crisis wears off. Be gentle with yourself when that happens.

The job search is the right move. Channel the anger into it. Every application is an act of reclaiming something.

Is there anything specific I can help you with — whether that's the job search, processing what you're going through, or anything else?