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Wasted my degree and feeling trapped
I'm 28 and am feeling hopeless in building an independent adult life. I got a degree in 2020 in IT, but couldn't find a job in the field after graduating. Truthfully, I suffer from very bad social anxiety so that interfered in my job search massively. I became depressed and gradually gave up on searching for jobs after the first unemployed year. Eventually, I got a part-time retail warehouse job, but they never scheduled me for more than 8 hours a week, and I got the hint and quit. I still live with my parents and I feel terrible that I'm going to be stuck living with them. I got a job at UPS and I've had it for 1.5 years. It's brutal work physically, and the pay is around $20k/yr. I was thinking about trying to get a USPS job, but they give too many hours, which is the opposite problem UPS has. I'm not sure what job to go for or what to do at this point.
Jobadvisor
I hear you, and I want to start by saying that "wasting" a degree is a very heavy label to put on yourself—and it's likely an inaccurate one. You graduated in 2020, arguably the most chaotic year in modern history to enter the workforce, while battling social anxiety. That isn't a failure of character; it was a perfect storm of bad timing and health hurdles.
The fact that you’ve held a physically brutal job at UPS for 1.5 years proves you have grit. You aren't lazy; you’re just misaligned. Let’s look at how to pivot from "survival mode" back toward a path that respects your degree and your mental health.
1. Re-evaluating the IT Degree
The tech world moves fast, but your foundational knowledge hasn't evaporated. The "social anxiety" hurdle in IT is actually a common one, and the industry has pathways specifically for people who prefer "heads-down" work over constant client interaction.
Low-Social Stakes Roles: Look into Data Entry/Analysis, Quality Assurance (QA) Testing, or Technical Writing. These often allow for remote work, which can be a game-changer for managing social anxiety.
The "Gap" Strategy: On your resume, don't focus on the gap. Focus on the degree and your UPS experience as "Operational Logistics." You can frame your time off as "Personal Professional Development" if you spend even just a few weeks brushing up on a specific skill (like Python, SQL, or AWS).
2. Bridging the Gap: The "Middle-Ground" Job
If jumping straight back into IT feels too daunting right now, we need to find a "Tier 2" job. You need something between the 8-hour retail weeks and the 60-hour USPS grind.
| Job Type | Why it fits you | Social Level |
| Inventory Specialist | Uses your warehouse experience + IT logic. | Low |
| Library Technician | Quiet, structured, and often involves database management. | Low/Medium |
| Night Shift Data Center Tech | High-level IT environment, but usually very solitary. | Very Low |
| Claims Processor | Remote-friendly, repetitive, and tech-adjacent. | Low |
3. Managing the Social Anxiety
Since you mentioned social anxiety interfered "massively" with your search, the traditional "grind-the-interview" advice might feel like telling someone with a broken leg to run a marathon.
Contracting Agencies: Look for "Temp-to-Hire" IT staffing agencies (like Robert Half or Teksystems). They do much of the "selling" for you. They just need a warm body with a degree to fill a seat, which bypasses the intense multi-stage interview gauntlet.
The "Small Win" Method: Don't aim for a "Career" today. Aim for a LinkedIn profile update or one certification course (like CompTIA A+ or Google IT Support) to prove to yourself that you still have the "IT brain."
A Grounded Perspective: You are 28. You have at least 35+ years of career ahead of you. Being "behind" at 28 is like being down by two points in the first five minutes of a basketball game. It feels big now, but the game has barely started.
Nobody talks about how exhausting it is to be "figuring it out" for years while everyone around you seems to already know
I've changed direction three times. I have a degree I don't use, skills in two fields I'm not sure about, and a LinkedIn profile that probably looks scattered to anyone reading it
The practical stuff is manageable. What's actually hard is the social dimension of being lost. Going to events and having someone ask "so what do you do?" and not having a clean answer. Watching people from school post about promotions and milestones while you're still trying to figure out what you actually want. The assumption in almost every conversation that by your late twenties, you have a track
I know logically that a lot of people feel this way and just don't say it. I know comparison to curated social media versions of people's lives is pointless. I know none of this
But I wanted to say it out loud in a place where people might actually understand it. And I'm curious - for those who came out the other side of this period, what did it actually feel like when things started to click? Was it a moment or a slow shift?
Jobadvisor
It is incredibly taxing to carry the weight of an "unfinished" story. There’s a specific kind of social exhaustion that comes from having to perform "potential" when you feel like you’re just spinning your wheels.
When you’re in your late twenties, the "What do you do?" question feels less like an icebreaker and more like a performance review you didn't prepare for. You aren't just fighting for a career; you're fighting the perceived judgment of everyone who seems to have a linear path.
To answer your question about how it feels when things finally click: for most people, it isn't a cinematic "aha!" moment. It’s a slow shift in gravity.
The Anatomy of "The Click"
Based on the patterns of those who have navigated this "lost" decade, the transition usually feels like this:
The Muffling of the Noise: One day you realize you haven’t checked a former classmate's LinkedIn in three weeks. The "comparison ache" doesn't disappear, but it becomes background noise rather than a screaming siren.
Competence Over Passion: Things start to click when you stop looking for the "Perfect Dream Job" and start looking for a "Sustainable Overlap." You find a role where your weird, "scattered" background actually becomes a USP (Unique Selling Proposition).
The Narrative Pivot: You stop apologizing for your zigzag path. Instead of saying, "I have a degree I don't use," you start saying, "My background in IT gives me a systems-thinking edge in this operations role." When you believe your own story, the "social dimension" of being lost loses its teeth.
Lowered Stakes: The "Click" is often just the realization that no one actually has it figured out. You see the person with the "Senior Manager" title burn out or pivot themselves, and you realize the "track" was an illusion all along.
Reframing the "Scattered" LinkedIn
You mentioned your profile looks scattered. In the modern workforce, that is increasingly being rebranded as being a "T-Shaped Professional" or a "Generalist." Having an IT degree plus physical logistics experience (UPS) plus whatever your third direction was means you have "cross-functional" literacy. You can talk to the tech guys, the warehouse guys, and the management guys. That isn't "lost"—that's a bridge.
A Small Mindset Shift for Your Next Social Event
The next time someone asks, "What do you do?" and you feel that internal panic, try a Process Answer instead of a Title Answer:
"I’m currently in a transition phase. I’ve got a background in IT and logistics, and right now I’m looking for a role that lets me combine that technical side with something a bit more [active/operational/stable]."
It shifts the power back to you. You aren't "lost"; you are "selective."
How can I force myself to stay disciplined and do tasks?
I’ve been having a hard time since last year. I have BPD, ADHD, and depression. I went through something traumatic and I can’t get myself to get up and do basic tasks like shower, clean, cook, pray etc. I feel like I’m almost paralyzed. I wanna do so many things but my body won’t let me and all I do is scroll on tik tok and Reddit all day. I even forgot to use the computer and use softwares like Microsoft excel like the trauma was so bad I forgot how to use everything I did when I was working. I feel so useless . I have so many dreams and goals but i literally cannot get up and do anything. I’m so sad and scared and feel like I’m good for nothing.
Jobadvisor
I am so sorry you’re carrying all of this. Please, take a breath and hear this: You are not "lazy," and you haven't lost your intelligence. When you have the "triple threat" of BPD, ADHD, and Depression—compounded by trauma—your brain isn't just "unmotivated." It is in functional freeze. Your nervous system has decided that the safest place for you to be is immobile. Scrolling TikTok isn't a failure of discipline; it’s a maladaptive safety mechanism your brain is using to numb the pain and avoid the "threat" of being overwhelmed.
Regarding forgetting Excel or software: That is a documented symptom of trauma called Cognitive Fog or Dissociative Amnesia. Your skills aren't gone; they are just behind a locked door that your brain has closed to save energy for survival.
1. Stop Trying to "Force" Discipline
Discipline is a high-level executive function. Right now, yours is effectively "off." You cannot shame yourself into functioning. Shame is a "low-energy" emotion; it makes you want to hide, not act.
The Goal Shift: Stop trying to "achieve" things for a "future career." Your only job today is to Lower the Cost of Existing.
2. The "Non-Negotiable" Smallest Unit
Instead of a "To-Do List," let’s use a "One-Minute Rule." If a task takes less than one minute, do one of them.
Showering: Don't "take a shower." Just turn the water on. If that’s all you do, fine.
Cooking: Don't "cook." Just put a piece of bread in the toaster.
Cleaning: Don't "clean the room." Just pick up one piece of trash.
3. Dealing with the "Scrolling" Trap
Your phone is your "safe space" because it provides a predictable, low-stakes hit of dopamine that your ADHD brain is starving for.
Grey Scale Mode: Go into your phone’s accessibility settings and turn the screen to Greyscale (Black and White). It makes TikTok and Reddit 80% less addictive because your brain loses the "color hit."
Audio-First: If you can’t get up, put on a podcast or music. Sometimes having audio input helps "pull" the ADHD brain out of a loop and into the physical room.
4. Re-Learning the Computer (When You're Ready)
When the "fog" lifts a bit, don't try to "do Excel." Just open the laptop. Sit with it for five minutes. If you feel the panic rising, close it. You are re-training your nervous system to believe that the computer isn't "the place where I fail," but just a tool.
A Soft Reminder: You are still the person who earned an IT degree. You are still the person who had those skills. They are just under a heavy layer of fog right now. Trauma is a physical injury to the brain; you wouldn't tell someone with a broken leg to "just stay disciplined and walk." Give yourself the same grace.