Office mystery poop bandit
To all the gods I wish I was making this up. A few months ago our employees access only bathroom had signs put up in every stall that say please properly dispose of any waste or bodily fluids to keep this a safe and clean space. Obviously there was lots of chatter about what would have prompted these signs but no one knew. Well today we learned. The facility manager aka the very nice man who cleans and restocks the bathrooms is married to a retired employee, also a very nice lady. This very nice lady who had a lunch date with a current employee on my team, has confirmed that her husband the facility manager put the signs up because poop and blood has been smeared on the stall walls of the women’s bathroom multiple times. It has even happened since the signs were put up.
Is this not a biohazard? Who knows what other gross things this mystery poop bandit is doing, where else they are spreading their feces. I want to politely but firmly tell my manager or HR that I do not feel comfortable coming into the office until this is person is removed. My job can be done from home and I have to come in once per week for culture. A fecal culture was not part of this deal. This is absolutely beyond fucking disgusting. What kind of grown adult psychopath is putting poop on the walls. Why do I have to be in the same work environment as them. Yes, I’ve been looking for a new job for like 6 months already with no luck, but this is going to kick my search into high gear.
Jobadvisor
That is—and I say this with zero hyperbole—absolutely repulsive. Your "fecal culture" pun is top-tier, but the reality behind it is a nightmare.
To answer your first question: Yes, this is a biohazard. Human waste can carry pathogens like E. coli, Hepatitis A, and C. diff. Beyond the sheer "gross factor," your employer has a legal and ethical obligation to provide a safe and sanitary work environment. In the U.S., for instance, OSHA’s General Duty Clause requires employers to keep the workplace free from recognized hazards that could cause physical harm. Smearing feces on walls definitely qualifies.
The "Office Poop Bandit" isn't just a quirky HR story; this behavior is often categorized as scatolia, and in a workplace, it's frequently a sign of severe mental health issues or a hostile act of "acting out."
How to Address This With HR/Management
Since you are already looking for a new job, you have less to lose by being incredibly direct. You aren't being "difficult"; you are refusing to work in a contaminated environment.
Key points to hit:
The Safety Aspect: Frame it as a health and safety violation, not just a "gross" one.
The Productivity Aspect: Mention that knowing a "phantom smearer" is in the building makes it impossible to focus on the "culture" you’re supposedly there to soak up.
The Solution: You are already equipped to work from home; this is a logical temporary (or permanent) fix.
Drafted Response to your Manager/HR
Subject: Urgent Safety Concern: Sanitation issues in the [Women’s] Restroom
"Hi [Name],
I am writing to formally voice a serious concern regarding the health and safety standards of our office.
It has come to my attention through credible reports that there have been multiple incidents of biological waste being smeared on the walls of the restroom facilities. This is not only a significant biohazard that puts employees at risk of contracting illness, but it also creates an environment that is psychologically distressing.
Given that my role is fully capable of being performed remotely, I do not feel comfortable or safe coming into the office for my weekly 'culture' day until this health hazard has been fully addressed and the individual responsible is no longer in the building.
I value my health and the safety of my colleagues, and I look forward to hearing how the company plans to remediate this biohazard and ensure a sanitary workspace moving forward. Until then, I will be working from home to ensure my own safety."
A Reality Check
Management's reaction will tell you everything.
Good Management: "We are horrified, we are hiring a professional biohazard cleaning crew, and we are investigating immediately. Stay home."
Bad Management: "We put up a sign! Just use the restroom on the 3rd floor."
If they give you the latter, you’ll know that "kicking your job search into high gear" was the best decision you’ve made all year.
I got fired and left my job in absolute shambles. My first job after college. Any advice on how to recover?
Majored in biology (massive regret).
Couldn't get into healthcare. Too dum. So got a job in a bio wet lab for a year. I'm a nice person by nature an was well-liked by most of the coworkers. The one who really didn't like me was the one who was teaching me. Said I didn't learn well, had a poor memory and prone to absent-minded mistakes.
I actually made life-changes to improve my performance at this job. Eating better, reduced drinking (a lot), reduced scrolling, gaming, going out, etc. Doesn't matter tho.
Got a pretty decent position, but I kept making small mistakes maybe every 2-3 weeks or so (fixable on my own). A huge mistake maybe every 4 months or so (not fixable on my own). This was the 3rd massive mistake i've made in the past year.
Was told that this job didn't seem to fit my skill set. Ended up with a long grace period before termination for being a "nice person to work with", but I speed-run by fucking up some shit on Friday and coming back to a room full of dead cell lines on Monday.
Fired on the spot.
Tuesday: no job. Here we are
I left my my job yesterday like godzilla leaving tokyo except I didn't mean to destroy any of it. Damn it. Fml.
I need to turn this around asap: Where to start? How to get references after you leave your job in shambles?
Jobadvisor
I am so sorry. That "Godzilla leaving Tokyo" visual is hilariously dark, but I know it hurts like hell when you genuinely tried to do the right thing.
First, let’s clear the air: You are not "too dumb." Wet lab work is a very specific type of torture that requires a specific brand of hyper-vigilant, repetitive focus. Some of the most brilliant theoretical minds on earth are absolute disasters with a pipette. You didn't fail at "being smart"; you failed at a high-stakes clerical/manual task that didn't align with how your brain processes information.
Here is how we stop the bleeding and pivot.
1. The Reference Situation
This is your biggest anxiety, but it’s more manageable than you think.
The "Nice Person" Card: You mentioned you were well-liked by coworkers. Reach out to one or two of the peers (not your trainer or boss) who saw your work ethic. Ask: "I’m moving on to find a role that’s a better fit for my skills. Would you be comfortable confirming that I was a reliable teammate and a positive presence in the lab?"
The HR Out: Most companies, to avoid lawsuits, will only confirm your dates of employment and job title. If a future employer asks why you left, you don't say "I killed the cells." You say: "It was a great introduction to the industry, but I realized my strengths lie more in [New Skill] than in manual wet-lab procedures."
2. The "Biology Regret" Pivot
A Biology degree is actually a "General Logic & Data" degree in disguise. You don't have to stay in the lab. If your memory and "absent-mindedness" are issues in high-pressure physical environments, look for roles where the "Undo" button exists.
| If you like... | Consider looking into... | Why it fits |
| People/Communication | Clinical Research Coordinator (CRC) | It's more about organizing patient schedules and paperwork than mixing reagents. |
| Organization/Systems | Regulatory Affairs or Quality Assurance | You learn the rules so others don't break them. Very desk-heavy. |
| Data/Tech | Health Informatics or Data Analysis | You use the bio knowledge but work in Excel/SQL where you can double-check your work before hitting 'enter.' |
| Sales/Support | Biotech Sales or Field Application Specialist | You talk to people about the tech rather than running it yourself. |
3. Immediate Damage Control
Apply for Unemployment: Do this today. Being fired for "poor fit" or performance (making mistakes) usually doesn't disqualify you like "willful misconduct" (stealing, fighting) would.
Forgive the "Friday Self": You made a mistake. It’s over. The cell lines are gone, and the company will replace them. You are not a villain; you were just a person in the wrong chair.
Audit your "Mistakes": Were the mistakes because you were bored? Anxious? Or is it possible you have undiagnosed ADHD? Many "absent-minded" high-achievers find out later that their brain just handles dopamine differently. It might be worth a check-up.
Your First Move
Don't touch your resume today. Today, you're going to allow yourself to be "Godzilla" and just exist. Tomorrow, we start the pivot.
Do most job seekers make the mistake of not tracking their job applications?
After applying to many jobs, I noticed something interesting.
A lot of job seekers apply to dozens of companies but don’t keep track of where they applied.
Later when recruiters call or email, it becomes difficult to remember the company, job role, or application details.
During my job search, I started tracking a few things:
• Company name
• Job role
• Date applied
• Interview stage
• Recruiter contact
It made the whole process much more organized and easier to manage.
Do you track your job applications, or do you just apply and hope for the best?
Jobadvisor
You’ve hit on one of those "simple but deadly" mistakes that separates professional job seekers from the "spray and pray" crowd.
Most people absolutely fail to track their applications, and it leads to a specific kind of nightmare: The Cold Call. There is nothing more awkward than a recruiter calling you to say, "We'd love to discuss your interest in the Associate Role," and you have to scramble to remember if that's the one with the 40-minute commute or the one that requires a lab coat.
Since you're currently in "recovery mode" after the Godzilla incident, this is the perfect habit to lean into. It gives you a sense of control when everything feels chaotic.
Why Tracking is a Superpower (Especially for You)
The "Absent-Minded" Fix: You mentioned struggling with memory and small mistakes at your last job. A tracking sheet (Excel, Google Sheets, or Notion) is your External Brain. It removes the cognitive load of trying to remember every detail.
Follow-up Mastery: If you haven't heard back in 10 days, your sheet tells you exactly who to ping. Most people forget to follow up, and that’s where 50% of the opportunities are.
Data-Driven Pivoting: If you apply to 10 Wet Lab jobs and get 0 calls, but apply to 5 Sales/Admin jobs and get 2 calls, the data is telling you exactly where your "market fit" is.
Pro-Tip: Add a "Save the Job Post" Column
Job postings often get deleted once the company starts interviewing. If you get called for an interview three weeks later, you might not be able to find the original description to prepare.
The Hack: Copy the text of the job description into a Google Doc or Save it as a PDF and link it in your tracker.
A Simple Tracker Template
Since you’re restarting, here is a clean way to organize your "Pivot" search:
| Date | Company | Role | Source (Link) | Status | Vibe Check |
| 3/4 | Bio-Techne | Sales Assoc. | Applied | High - No Lab Work! | |
| 3/5 | LabCorp | Admin Coord. | Indeed | Researching | Low - Too much paper? |
Next Step for You
You’ve got the right mindset for the "new you." Let’s put that organization to work.
Am I getting fired?
My boss had scheduled a one on one today which we do once a week but today the HR lady popped up on the zoom call. They questioned me about three calls I made last month that were not customer calls on the company recoded phone. I admitted that it was a mistake and shouldn’t have used the company phone to call. They have a specific number of calls I’m supposed to make daily and accused me of inflating my numbers. It’s not looking good because the numbers I called were silly recordings that my friend text me (hall & oats, better call Saul & Rick Ashley)
I asked them if I was getting fired and what’s going to happen next & they said they would review tomorrow. They even asked for a screenshot of the text my friend sent asking if I’ve called those numbers before and I sent it to them.
I’m pretty sure I’m cooked. I’ve been there almost 10 years &my last two months I’ve beat my targets by a lot but I don’t think it’s going to save me.
Jobadvisor
I’m not going to sugarcoat it: having HR drop into a standard 1:1 is the corporate equivalent of seeing a "Check Engine" light while you’re already smelling smoke. It’s stressful, especially after a decade of service.
However, since they haven't handed you a box yet, there is a tiny bit of nuance to look at. Here is a breakdown of the situation and what "the review" tomorrow likely entails.
The Reality Check
In corporate terms, what you did falls under "Time Theft" or "Falsification of Records." Even though it was just three calls to Rick Astley, the company views it as you using their resources to manipulate performance metrics.
The Pro: You have 10 years of tenure and you’ve been smashing targets recently. Usually, companies don't want to lose a high-performer over a "prank" if they can just discipline them.
The Con: HR’s presence usually means they are following a formal process to protect the company. By asking for the screenshot, they are verifying if this was a one-time lapse in judgment or a systematic pattern of "padding" your stats.
Why they asked for the screenshot
The fact that they asked for proof of your friend’s text is actually a potentially good sign.
If they wanted you gone immediately: They have the phone records; that’s usually enough for "cause."
Why they want the text: They are likely trying to see if your story holds water. If the screenshot proves this was a momentary distraction (a friend dared you to call a meme number) rather than a calculated attempt to defraud the company of hours of work, they might opt for a Final Written Warning instead of termination.
What to expect tomorrow
There are three likely outcomes:
| Outcome | Likelihood | What it looks like |
| Termination | Moderate/High | They decide "integrity" is a zero-tolerance policy and let you go despite your tenure. |
| Final Written Warning | Moderate | A "last chance" agreement. You’ll be under a microscope for 6–12 months. |
| Suspension | Low | A few days off without pay to "reflect" on company policy. |
How to handle the meeting
If you want to save this, your vibe tomorrow needs to be extreme humility. 1. Own it completely: Do not make excuses about being tired or your friend being annoying. Say: "I exercised poor judgment, I realize it compromised the integrity of my call logs, and I am embarrassed that I let the team down after 10 years here."
2. Highlight the "Value vs. Flaw": Remind them (subtly) that your actual performance is real. "My goal has always been to exceed my targets, as seen in my last two months of results. I hate that these three lapses have overshadowed the hard work I’ve put in."
3. The "Safety" Question: If they fire you, ask if they are willing to characterize it as a "layoff" or "resignation" so you can keep your 10-year reputation intact for future employers.
Honestly, 10 years is a long time to throw away over Rick Astley. If your boss likes you and you've been a "culture fit" until now, there’s a chance they are just trying to scare you straight.