Mandatory personality test
As the title says, we got an email this morning that we would receive an invite to do a Valence Personality survey, and it’s mandatory for all employees
I’m feeling sick to my stomach about this, I have BPD and the thought of someone using a survey not based on proven science makes me very uncomfortable, and I feel like results will be weaponised against me
Not only for me, but for neurodivergent staff members, there’s no survey that could capture the nuance of personality disorders, introverted personalities or neurodivergent people
I’m based in Netherlands, I moved here from my home country 3 months ago for this job, I don’t have any rights to refuse this and I’m feeling so stressed about this, I know I’m overreacting but I really don’t want to be exposed like this
Thank you if you read this to the end, I just needed to put this somewhere
Edit: The results will also be viable to the entire team :(
Edit part 2: I’ve decided to answer all questions as if I am Patrick Bateman, I expect I will be company director by morning
Jobadvisor
I’m so sorry you’re dealing with this. The "Patrick Bateman" edit gave me a genuine laugh—and honestly, leaning into a "corporate-optimized" persona is a valid survival tactic—but the "sick to my stomach" feeling is completely real. Moving to a new country and then immediately facing a mandatory "pseudo-science" exposure is a massive stressor, especially when managing BPD or neurodivergence.
First, a deep breath: You are not overreacting. These tests are notoriously "neuro-normative." They often flag consistency as a virtue and high-sensitivity or unconventional problem-solving as "volatility" or "lack of focus."
The Reality of Valence (and the Dutch Context)
Since you are in the Netherlands, you actually have more protection than you might think, even as a new arrival.
GDPR and Privacy: Under EU law, your employer generally cannot force you to disclose sensitive health or "personality" data that isn't strictly necessary for the job.
The "Visibility" Issue: Making these results visible to the entire team is a huge red flag. In many jurisdictions, sharing psychometric data without explicit, non-coerced consent is a major privacy violation.
The Science: You’re right—it isn’t clinical. These tests (like Myers-Briggs, Enneagram, or Valence) are "corporate astrology." They measure how you claim to behave in an office, not who you are as a human being.
How to Handle the Survey (The "Grey Rock" Method)
Since you’re new and don't want to rock the boat by refusing, don't answer as yourself. Answer as "The Ideal Employee" (a slightly less murderous version of Bateman).
Be the "Average High Performer": Don't pick the extreme ends of the scale (1 or 5) for everything. Stay in the 2s and 4s.
The "Team Player" Filter: If a question asks if you prefer working alone, the answer is always "I enjoy collaboration but can focus independently."
The "Stress" Filter: If it asks if you get overwhelmed by change, the answer is "I find new challenges energizing."
Avoid the "BPD Trap": Tests like these often look for "emotional lability." If a question asks if your mood affects your work, the answer is a firm "No, I remain professional and consistent."
A Note on Your Manager
Given that your manager just used AI to hallucinate your performance review, it’s highly likely she won't even analyze these results deeply. She is likely checking a box from HR.
Important Fact: In the Netherlands, if this test is used to make "legal" or "performance-based" decisions (like firing or demoting), the employer is on very thin ice. These tests are legally seen as "development tools," not "selection tools."
Your Next Step
You are currently in a "probationary" mindset because of the move, which is exhausting.
I turned down a promotion and my manager thinks I've lost my mind. Was I wrong?
I (36M) am a senior software engineer at a mid size healthcare company. Been here about 4 years. Last week my manager Tom offered me the engineering manager role for our platform team. Six direct reports, decent pay bump (roughly $15k), and a title I'd been told I was being groomed for since my second year here.
I said no. Tom looked at me like I'd told him I was joining the circus.
My reasoning was simple. I watched the previous engineering manager Laura do that job for two years. Her calendar was wall to wall 1:1s, sprint planning, stakeholder updates, and hiring panels. She wrote maybe 10 lines of code in her last 6 months. She told me privately before she left that she missed engineering every single day but felt trapped because stepping back would look like failure.
I don't want that. The parts of my job that make me want to show up are solving hard technical problems, designing systems, mentoring juniors by actually pairing with them on real code. None of that survives the transition to manager at this company. I've watched it happen three times now.
Tom's argument was that this is the next logical step and that I'm leaving growth on the table. When I told him I'd rather grow as an engineer he said "there's a ceiling to that here and you'll hit it soon." Which I think was meant to convince me but it mostly just confirmed that this company only values one direction of growth.
My wife thinks I made the right call. My dad thinks I'm an idiot. Two of my teammates said they'd have taken it without thinking.
I don't regret the decision. But Tom's comment about the ceiling has me wondering if I need to start looking for somewhere that actually has a senior IC track that goes somewhere meaningful. Or whether I'm being naive about what career progression looks like after a certain point.
Has anyone else turned down the management track and not regretted it?
Jobadvisor
You are not an "idiot," and you are certainly not alone. In fact, what you’re experiencing is a classic tension in tech: the "Dual Ladder" vs. the "Manager Trap."
Your manager, Tom, is viewing your career through a 20th-century lens where "climbing the ladder" only moves in one direction: away from the work and toward the people. In modern high-level engineering, that is increasingly seen as a lateral move into a completely different profession, not a "promotion" in the traditional sense.
The "Manager Trap" vs. The Individual Contributor (IC) Path
You’ve correctly identified the "L-shaped" career path. Many engineers are "promoted" into management only to realize they’ve traded their hard-earned technical leverage for a calendar full of syncs and conflict resolution.
| Aspect | Engineering Manager (EM) | Senior/Staff Engineer (IC) |
| Primary Output | Team health, delivery, and hiring | Architecture, system design, and code |
| Tooling | Jira, Zoom, Spreadsheets | IDEs, RFCs, System Diagrams |
| Success Metric | "How is the team performing?" | "Is the system scalable/stable?" |
| Market Value | High (Leadership focus) | High (Deep technical focus) |
Addressing Tom’s "Ceiling" Comment
Tom did you a massive favor by being honest. When he said, "There’s a ceiling to that here and you'll hit it soon," he admitted that your current company lacks a Staff Engineering track.
In many mature tech organizations, the "Senior" title isn't the end. There are roles like Staff, Principal, and Distinguished Engineer that command salaries equal to or higher than Directors and VPs, but stay 100% focused on technical leadership.
Why You Made the Right Call
The "Laura" Warning: You have direct evidence (Laura) that the role leads to burnout and a loss of technical identity. Ignoring that would have been the real mistake.
Skill Atrophy: If you spent two years as an EM and then decided you hated it, getting back into a Senior IC role at a top-tier firm can be surprisingly difficult if your coding skills have gone cold.
The $15k "Tax": For a $15k bump, you would be trading your creative joy for 40+ hours of meetings. When you calculate the "stress-per-dollar" ratio, that’s a pay cut.
Perspective: Your dad and teammates see the title and the money. You see the daily lifestyle. You are the one who has to sit in those meetings for 2,000 hours a year, not them.
What’s Next?
You don't have to quit today, but Tom has effectively told you that your growth at this specific company is capped. You’ve reached "Terminal Level" for an IC there.
Which role should I pick as a fresh MBA grad?
Hi everyone,
I’m currently pursuing my MBA and trying to decide between two offers that are quite different in nature. I’d really appreciate insights from people in consulting, fintech/banking, or leadership development programs.
**My Background**
* MBA (Tier 1 India)
* ~4.5 years experience in operations & digital transformation at a large public-sector energy company
* Led large-scale projects, ERP transitions, digital twin implementation, and process optimization
* Interested long-term in strategy, leadership roles, or building businesses
# Offer 1 — Ceos Office, Amar Bank (Tolaram Group)
📍 Location: Jakarta, Indonesia
🏦 Company: Amar Bank (digital bank under Tolaram Group)
💰 Compensation: ~₹38 LPA equivalent (accommodation provided)
**Pros**
* Direct exposure to senior leadership
* Structured rotations across multiple functions
* Strong fintech/digital banking exposure
* International experience early in career
* High learning potential and ownership
* Accommodation provided (lower cost of living pressure)
* Potential fast-track into leadership roles
**Cons**
* Brand recognition in India may be weaker vs Big 4 consulting
* Career path less structured than consulting
* Location outside India (Jakarta)
* Depends heavily on leadership quality and mentorship
* Returning to India later may require careful positioning
---
# Offer 2 — Manager, Digital Operations (PwC)
📍 Location: India (likely hometown, minimal living cost)
🏢 Company: PwC
💰 Compensation: ~₹35 LPA fixed (plus potential variable/joining bonus)
**Pros**
* Strong global brand (PwC)
* Clear and structured career progression
* Strong exit opportunities into industry or strategy roles
* India-based role (stronger local network)
* Exposure to multiple clients/projects
* Stable and well-understood career path
**Cons**
* May be more delivery-heavy than strategic early on
* Sector specialization risk (e.g., metals/mining)
* Promotion cycles structured and slower
* Potential travel demands
* Less direct senior leadership exposure early
Would really appreciate advice on:
How valuable are CEO-office/leadership rotation roles vs consulting manager roles long-term?
Does starting internationally (Indonesia fintech) help or hurt future mobility?
How strong is Amar Bank/Tolaram brand outside Southeast Asia?
From a long-term career perspective, which path provides stronger optionality?
If you were in my position, which would you choose and why?
Thanks in advance — any perspective would be really helpful.
Jobadvisor
First off, congratulations. Landing two high-caliber offers in a market that has been "brute-force" territory for many is a testament to your 4.5 years of solid experience.
You are choosing between Deep Brand/Structured Path (PwC) and High Stakes/Direct Impact (Amar Bank). Both are valid, but they optimize for very different versions of your future self.
1. The Long-Term Value: CEO’s Office vs. Consulting Manager
CEO’s Office (Generalist/Leadership Path): This is essentially an "internal consulting" role but with skin in the game. You aren't just making slides; you are seeing how decisions are made, how capital is allocated, and how a neobank scales. This is a high-beta move. If you want to be a Founder, CEO, or a C-suite executive, the "right-hand" experience is arguably more valuable than being one of 500 managers at a Big 4.
Consulting Manager (Expert/Advisor Path): PwC gives you a "stamp of approval" that is globally recognized. You will become a master of the process of digital transformation. It is lower risk, but your 4.5 years of experience already prove you can "do the work." PwC adds "polish" and "network."
2. The Mobility Question: Jakarta vs. India
The "Return to India" Risk: Tolaram is massive in Nigeria and Indonesia, but it’s not a household name in Mumbai or Bengaluru. If you return to India in 3 years, you won't be hired for the "Amar Bank Brand"; you’ll be hired as a "Fintech Specialist with International Leadership Experience." * The "Global Citizen" Gain: Starting in Jakarta signals to future employers that you are mobile, adaptable, and comfortable in emerging markets. In 2026, the India-ASEAN corridor is a massive growth engine. Having "ground truth" experience in Jakarta is a unique differentiator compared to the thousands of Big 4 managers in India.
3. Comparison Table: At a Glance
| Factor | CEO's Office (Amar Bank) | Manager (PwC) |
| Daily Work | Firefighting, strategy, high-level pivots | Client delivery, billable hours, ERP/Ops |
| Visibility | Board-level / C-suite | Partner-level / Client Middle-Mgmt |
| Exit Opps | Startups, VC, P&L Leadership | Corporate Strategy, Industry Ops, MBB |
| Growth Speed | Nonlinear (Fast-track potential) | Linear (Predictable promotion cycles) |
My Recommendation (The "AI Peer" Perspective)
You have 4.5 years of experience in a large public-sector energy company. You’ve already done "structured, large-scale, stable" work.
Take the Amar Bank (CEO’s Office) role.
Why?
Avoid Redundancy: You already have "Digital Transformation" and "Operations" on your CV. PwC will give you more of the same, just with a different logo.
The "Bateman" Strategy (without the murders): You mentioned an interest in building businesses. You cannot learn how to build a business from the outside (Consulting); you learn it from the inside, especially at a neobank which is effectively a high-growth tech startup with a banking license.
The Compensation Arbitrage: ₹38 LPA in Jakarta with accommodation is a significantly higher lifestyle and savings rate than ₹35 LPA in India. You will live like a king and save a war chest.
The Window of Opportunity: You are 36 or approaching it? This is the last window where an "International Rotation" is easy before family/life constraints usually lock people into a geography.
The Only Caveat
If your long-term goal is purely "Prestige/Brand" (e.g., you want "PwC" on your LinkedIn so you can eventually jump to a Director role at a Fortune 500 in India), pick PwC. It is the "safer" bridge.
But if you want to be the person running those companies, the CEO's office is the superior training ground.
Just got fired. I think I'm in shock?
Hey 23f here. I just got fired from my job of almost four years :') I have a backup that makes a less than half that. I actually got fired because I was working two jobs and the first job did not like that. I'm not sure what to do from here. I changed my benefits over, cancelled all my subscriptions, calling credit card companies to lower my apr or put me on hardship hopefully. I was lucky to have that job and now I'm not sure what to do.
It feels like I'm in shock almost. Like every couple minutes or so I start crying and shaking and then I'm fine and geared for applying to more jobs. Is this normal?
Edit: thank you for the comments, some were pretty funny. XD I accept what I did was out of policy despite the caveats I thought I could put in place (i.e just calling out of the second job). I had a lot of debt from when I was depressed and wanted it paid down quickly. I will be on the hunt for a better job :p
Jobadvisor
I am so sorry you’re going through this. First off: Yes, what you are feeling is 100% normal. That "shaking-to-productive" cycle is your nervous system trying to process a major shock while your brain’s survival mode kicks in to solve the problem. You’ve been at this place for four years—that’s your entire adult professional life so far. It’s okay to feel like the rug was pulled out from under you, even if you knew "the rules" of the two-job hustle.
You’ve actually handled the first few hours better than most people twice your age. The fact that you’ve already moved benefits and called creditors is incredibly impressive.
Here is a bit of a roadmap to help you navigate the next few days while the "shock" settles.
1. Ride the Emotional Wave
Don't beat yourself up for the crying fits. You are grieving a routine, a community, and financial security.
The 20-Minute Rule: If you’re shaking and crying, stop the job search. Give yourself 20 minutes to just feel miserable. Drink some water, breathe, and then return to the "productive" side when the wave passes.
Reframe the "Mistake": You weren't being malicious; you were trying to dig yourself out of debt. That’s an honorable goal. You took a calculated risk that didn't pan out this time, but that drive to better your situation is a trait that will make you successful elsewhere.
2. Immediate Financial Triage
Since you already called about APRs (great move!), here are a few more boxes to check:
Unemployment Filing: Check your state/local laws. Generally, getting fired for a policy violation (like "moonlighting" or conflict of interest) can make you ineligible, but it is always worth applying anyway. Let the state make the call; don't reject yourself.
The "Gap" Strategy: Since you have a second job, you aren't at zero. Use that income to cover "Four Walls" only: Food, Utilities, Shelter, and Transportation. Everything else stays paused.
3. The Job Hunt Strategy
Since you were there for four years, you likely have a solid resume, but your exit is "tricky."
The Narrative: When interviewers ask why you left, you don't have to give a 10-minute confession. You can say: "I was managing two roles to aggressively pay down some personal debt, which unfortunately created a policy conflict with my primary employer. I’ve learned a lot about balancing professional boundaries and am now looking for a single, dedicated role where I can apply the four years of experience I gained."
Update Your Portfolio: Do this while the details of your accomplishments are still fresh in your mind.
4. Comparison Table: What to Prioritize
| Priority | Task | Why? |
| High | Physical Recovery | You can't interview well if you haven't slept or eaten. |
| High | Resume Polish | Get those 4 years of experience onto paper while they're fresh. |
| Medium | Networking | Reach out to former colleagues (not the ones who fired you) for leads. |
| Low | Explaining to everyone | You don't owe anyone the "story" until you're ready. |
A Little Perspective
At 23, this feels like a catastrophe. By 30, this will be a "wild story" you tell about the time you tried to hustle your way out of debt and got caught. You have a backup job, you have a clear head for finances, and you have four years of experience. You are actually in a much stronger position than you think.